They had been sat like this for hours. She was sat on the couch, demure as ever, tapping away at the laptop on the coffee table. He was supposed to be working on the latest upgrade to the suit down in the shop but he couldn't bring himself to get down there and make a start. HE knew it wasn't like him, knew that he should get off his arse and do something but there was so much going on that right now, he needed to let the dust settle and just be.
He also knew he should talk to Pepper. Everything had just gotten so much lately that he'd hardly seen her; the senate, the accords, the falling out, the fighting… and that was only one slice of his life. The other, the part where she had been a major player, had seemed to fallen by the wayside, taken on a much less important part. He shouldn't have been surprised when she said she needed a bit of space of her own, yet he was.
When he sat and thought about it, she had tried a couple of times previously to distance herself from him; the first time was after his revelation that he was Iron Man, the second after the explosions at the Expo, right after he had saved her from being in it… It had been rough, he'd not deny that but just when he needed her there the most, she had called quits on their partnership, something that had lasted more than ten years. Now she was sat in the house, working on a presentation they were both supposed to be giving the next day. He had given her everything she could need for it. She'd accepted it with a cool 'thanks' and turned her attention away from him to the screen in front of her.
It was as though nothing had happened between them, like the relationship they'd had over the last year had not existed. Tony did not like the cool professional demeanour she now wore, especially when it was aimed at him. He should talk to her, knew that deep down, this could all be solved if he just explained it. Yes, he had been distant himself. SHIELD has asked him to return and he had all but jumped at the chance, wanting more excitement than could be found in a simple board meeting. For all the love in the world, there was nothing that beat flying through the air into the face of danger. She had to understand that?
Recalling her crying face sent a pang through him, a deep tightening of the muscles in the pit of his stomach that was anything but pleasant. She had begged him not to go back, pleaded and cried but he's just shook his head. It was what he wanted after all; he'd never wanted to give that up. He'd lied to her, lied to himself and it had cost him everything.
Then there was the fall out with Steve.
She'd not been there for that; he'd pushed her away. She had no idea about how his parent's had died, no idea what it had cost both sides in that idiotic fight. All he had to do was open his mouth, tell her what had happened. Surely that wasn't so hard? Right? He drew in another shallow breath and felt his heart thunder all over again, The crushing sensation on his chest returned and he blinked a couple of times, fighting the rising panic that threatened to overwhelm him. The need to pull her into a tight hug and hear her say it would be fine was almost too much, he also knew she'd just get mad at him for it, which was far worse. Maybe, if he told her about the state the team was in, why he had been so distant, she'd understand… Perhaps if he explained his reasons she would see it from his side. It was too much to ask. Or was it?
Another deep breath and his heart began to calm. Wiping his sweaty palms on the couch, he sat up a little and pushed the panic down a little further. He could do this, he could tell her what was on his mind and get them back on track, where they should be not where they were! Steeling himself, he finally opened his mouth, prepared to tell her everything he should have done a month before, "What is it?" she snapped, not looking up from the screen that held his attention.
He sighed and shook his head, "Coffee?" he asked, getting up. She waved a dismissive hand and he got up from the couch. Another time perhaps…