It had been four weeks since he had last seen her smile, heard her laugh...When Deeks had walked back into Ops to find his partner had be ripped away from him, he hadn't known whether to laugh, cry or shoot something. And Deeks was finding four weeks was an eternity without Kensi. Is this how she had felt when he had shut her and the world out all those months ago? Every day seemed a little longer without his partner...and girlfriend. The word made him smile.
A smile that wasn't missed by his fellow team member. The sound of Sam laughing interrupted Deeks from delving further in his own thoughts.
"Day dreaming about a scooby snack, Shaggy."
"You could say that." Deeks shot back with a lazy smile.
"I don't even wanna know what you mean by that." Callen said with a grimace.
Normally this is where Kensi would laugh loudly and join in on her favourite pastime, making fun of Deeks. The thought made his heart ache. He eyes lingered on her currently empty desk. Out of the corner of his eye he saw both Sam and Callen watching him. He hit the save button on his finished report and getting up, grabbed his bag.
"That's me done guys, I'm gonna call it a day."
Sam watched him carefully as if trying to decide whether to say something. He shook his head, obviously deciding against it.
"Sure thing, see you tomorrow Deeks."
He headed straight back to his apartment. He flopped on the couch, Monty jumping up beside him. As Deeks pulled out the Knife from his pocket he thought back to the conversation that had led to it ending up in his possession. "Sometimes a knife is just a knife" she had said but he knew better. Despite what he had said to Hetty this wasn't just any knife. It had been her dad's.
The silence was deafening. Deeks now avoided any reality tv show and romantic comedies, it only reminded him of nights watching them with Kensi when they had been just partners with an unspoken "thing". This meant the TV stayed off. Later, he was driven from his own bed by the now faint smell of sunshine and gunpowder, of the missing warmth on the right side of the bed 'cause yeah even after only one night he considerd it her side of the bed.
Before he had described it to Nate that it was as though his thoughts had been put in a blender. This time it felt like he was drowning in them. As he lay back on the couch his mind wouldn't shut off. The first time they met in a sweaty gym, their first undercover kiss, pulling Kensi from a room full of lasers, Kensi's face when he woke up from surgery, their first real kiss. Now the darkness was swallowing him up and the nightmares were re emerging. The sound of his gun clattering to the ground as he dove into that pool after Sam, Kensi's beautiful mismatched eyes, watching as they tortured Sam in the next room, Kensi's goofy laugh, his own breathing as he tried to keep calm even though he was anything but, Kensi's smile, the sound of the drill, Kensi's piglet snores, the taste of blood and pain, Kensi's lips, the sounds of his own screams, Kensi, Kensi, Kensi., Kensi...He jolted awake. When had he drifted off? It was still dark. The word 'indefinitely' seemed to resound in the quiet apartment...
"Button up, Mr Deeks. It's cold out there."