The breeze blew softly from the midnight sky, tinged with warmth of the coming summer, the hope of a new beginning. The moon glowed brightly in its crescent form, stealing beauty from the stars surrounding it. Leaves swayed effortlessly in the trees, green and bright as envy, providing a certain special soundtrack for the hour, both soothing and lovely. These were all the elements needed for this specific moment, as Rafe parked his car under one of the many trees and made his way across the graveyard to where his still heart lay: with Danny.
The grass was slightly dewy from the rising humidity, but he paid it no attention as he bent down in front of Danny's headstone. He leaned forward to graze the words etched upon the stone: CAPTAIN DANIEL WALKER. Nearly half a year later and he still felt the words were wrong; he still believed in his heart that they ought to read CAPTAIN RAFE McCAWLEY. But, clearly, the name was as such, as he knelt there in the dampness, breathing the air, feeling the breeze, hearing the melodies of the night. Clearly he was still alive…and still, against all the prayers and dreams and hopes and wishes, his friend—his best friend—his soul mate, was not.
"Oh, Danny…" Rafe began, so softly his voice barely reached his own ears, sighing his words more so than speaking. He sat back, bringing his knees to his chest, wrapping his arms around them. "I'm sorry I haven't come to visit you in so long… Things have been hectic and… Well, there's no sense in excusing myself; I'm sorry." He shook his head to himself, looking around as if someone else were watching. "I can't believe I'm sitting here. After all this time, and somehow it doesn't seem real. It can't be real… It just can't be real," he went on, his eyes closed, "there's no way it can possibly be real… Whenever I sleep, when I dream at night, you're there. You're right there in front of me and I can see you and watch you smile, listen to you speak. Hell, some nights I can even reach out and feel you, Danny," he choked up. "Those are my favorite nights. The nights I can pull you into a hug. It's so rare that I get that chance. It's so rare… But yet I can still hold you that last time and feel it so perfectly I can't tell if it's real or a dream. I see it over and over again, you slowly fading away. And I can hear your last words, right before you died on me. You're always there in my dreams, somehow… You're always there." He opened his eyes, sighing silently. "But when I open my eyes…you're still gone. So, you see, I just can't win. Whatever I do I'm in pain for you. And I miss you so much…so badly, that I think my heart will break. And sometimes I wish it would, into a million pieces so I could be with you again. But then I remember why I'm still here…"
Rafe blinked, allowing his tears to spill from his eyes, rolling down his face, feeling oddly hot and cold at the same time. He sniffled but didn't wipe his face; he rather liked the feeling of the wind brushing against the tears. The tears were his only physical proof of his internal pain, and he refused to remove the evidence as if it didn't exist.
"I wish I knew if you hated me," he spoke, in nearly a whimper. His right hand toyed with the band of gold wrapped around the 4th finger of his left. "It was just a small wedding. Beautiful, but small. And she was so beautiful… She's always so beautiful," he said, adrift in his own mind with visions of Evelyn. "She misses you. I know she does. And I wonder who she loved more. You knew her in a way I only dreamed of knowing her. And I'm happy you did because now I get to keep a piece of you with me always."
He sat silent in his thoughts for several minutes, giving his voice a rest as to keep from full-on sobbing. Emotional as he was, he couldn't help but hear his father's voice telling him that men didn't cry. Believed it, he did never, but that didn't stop the memory from reappearing. But, if at any time it was forgivable to commit such an act, he figured sitting at the grave of his lifelong friend was it.
"You wanted me to be a Daddy, Danny," he said finally, almost feeling a boom in the air from the sudden sound. "And I felt it was only right to do it the right way. The baby's due in less than 2 months and it deserves a family. And regardless of who Evelyn loves, I've always loved her. And I always will. If it's a boy, I'm naming him after his real Daddy. The real soldier. The real fighter," he smiled with new tears in his eyes. "Little Daniel Walker McCawley. That's his name. And if it's a girl…I think Danielle's a pretty name. Hey, I can always call her Danny, too. Just as long as it's healthy and knows it's loved." Rafe stared up to the sky for a moment, gazing at the beauty of the moon that had been providing him a spotlight of sorts. "But…to be honest, I really hope it's a boy. I'll love it regardless, of course, but I want a son. I want to name him after you and teach him to fly the way we used to. I want to make him strong and brave, but also let him know that it's Ok to feel, and to never be afraid to feel love or sadness. I want to make him smarter than me and wiser for all I've seen. And I just hope I can do it all. I hope I make you proud, Danny."
"I want you to know…" he paced his breathing, once again trying to hold in tears, "that there hasn't been a day gone by that I haven't thought I'm the one who should've died. You should be here, with Evelyn as your wife, with your child on the way. You should be the one here talking to me." His efforts were unrewarded as fresh tears ran down his cheeks. "Not that I wish this pain on you, not even the smallest bit…but you didn't deserve to die. I'm the one who left her. I'm the one who gave you two the opportunity to find each other. And…maybe I really should've died in that mission and never come back to begin with. But I'm here…and I promise you I will spend the rest of my life trying to make it up to you. And if I can ever be half as brave as you were when you gave your life, your child, over to me…I'll consider myself lucky.
"I'll never meet another person like you, not even if I live to be a hundred years old. No one will ever take your place, and nothing can ever take away your memory. If I could have just one last moment with you, I'd take it in a heartbeat. Because I miss you so much and I could say it over and over until world ended and I'd never mean it less than the time before. I'd mean it more, if that's even possible. It's not fair that you get to see me and I can't see you. But you're always in my heart. And know that whenever I hold this child in my arms, it'll be like you're here once again. And as I watch him grow up you'll be here in spirit. And you're the one I'll be thinking of when I'm on my deathbed, praying you're the very first face I see when I get to Heaven." He smiled through his tears. "I love you, Danny." He sat up on his knees again, leaning forward to touch the top of the stone. He lowered his head, kissing the marble gently, sincerely. "I love you."
As if dragging himself from an outward force, he begrudgingly walked away from Danny's final resting place. He wasn't quite sure he felt relief from the visit, but perhaps in time that would come. For the moment, his largest concern was getting home before Evelyn began to worry. He knew it was insensitive and downright irresponsible to leave her alone in her condition, but his need to talk to his best friend was urgent. As he started the car's engine, he all at once didn't feel so alone. In fact, for a split second, he wondered if Danny were in the seat next to him, and everything that'd preceded was merely a dream. But when he looked to his right, he saw nothing. But in his heart, he believed somehow that Danny had been there, if only for a moment. And as he drove away, he felt serenity in the air, a weight lifted off his shoulders. Just maybe Danny had truly been listening, and this was his way of letting Rafe know that all was right and just how he'd planned: Rafe and Evelyn together, and a small piece of him left behind to keep them that way. Still, he longed for the days before Pearl Harbor, the days before the secret mission, the days before Danny died, but this would have to do for now. He was lucky to have come through it all, and at least he knew he had someone watching over him. In life, it'd been his job to watch out for Danny and keep him from harm the best he could; now it was Danny's turn to be an angel.