Escapades of the Heart

by Don

Relationships flip-flop in this off the wall romp through the romantic facets of our beloved heroines. Even when you fight for love, the heart can be a very fickle thing. (Read at your own risk! Insanity, innuendo and inappropriate scenes/comments/idea

**************
Author's Notes
**************

This is a collaborative story between Bethany (my editor)
and myself. Originally, it was suppose to be a Christmas story, but stupid
me (who wrote this chapter of the fic) made it so unChristmas-like and
lengthy that it was dropped. However, it was also interesting, and now,
after a month or so, I have decided to revive it.
For now, it'll remain a solo venture.

email: doniswong@hotmail.com

Rated: R (questionable scenes and cussing)

"Escapades of the Heart"
Chapter 1

A fanfic
by

Don

Reporters readied their cameras and stood at rigid attention. Crazed
fans were stoic, completely docile since their idols hadn't arrived. Chefs
and servers worked quietly behind the scenes preparing for the upcoming
blitz. Exclusive friends and family were lead inside the party hall by
policemen, shielded and protected like foreign ambassadors.
Everything and everyone was quiet like the calm before the storm, the
second before a battle.
Then, the awaited couple arrived and the crowd exploded.
The black limo pulled up in front of the red rug that lead to the party
hall. Security was pushed to the limits as roving bands of reporters tried
to penetrate their ranks and steal a coveted photo. Rabid fans - formerly
quiet and reserved - screamed at the top of their lungs and charged into
the unlucky reporters. It was war...
... but to Haruka and Michiru, it was perfect.
Stepping out from the stretched limousine, they waved to their admirers
and posed for the papers. They could just see the headlines slapped on
every paper tomorrow: Racer Marries Musician - Match Made In Heaven. And
indeed, perhaps a little part of heaven came down and blessed this very
occasion; never was there a more perfect romance, a more perfect union...
After an eternity of lingering on the makeshift catwalk, Haruka and
Michiru strode inside to their exquisite wedding reception.
"Kaioh-san!" one of the reporters yelled, "How does it feel to be
married?"
Michiru gazed deeply into her love's eyes, joy brimming from her soul.
"Wonderful," she passionately whispered as the two kissed once more.

Meanwhile, inside...

"Ooooooh!!! I'm so happy for them!!!" Usagi squealed with delight.
Actually, the exclamation was more like "Mmmmmmh!!! M'm zo mappie por
dem!!!" since her mouth was stuffed with exotic food.
Mamoru smiled at his little bunny's oddity. "Careful darling. I don't
want you choking on anything."
"Hmph!" snorted Rei, "I only wish! That baka odango atama has a throat
the size of a barrel!"
Of course, the two had gotten in a heated argument on the way to the
wedding reception; something about a... no, nevermind, it's not worth
mentioning.
Minako, who was also pigging out on the food, glanced around and tried
to say, "Where's Haruka's family?" Unfortunately for her, she choked on an
oversized pastry and was sent into spastic fits. While Makoto performed the
hemilich maneuver on the blonde, Ami took notice to her friend's previous
statement, got up from her seat, and checked around like a nosy... nosy...
nosy type person.
After spitting out the pastry (Which rocketed across the room and
landed on a woman's plate.), Minako - who was nearly unconscious from
oxygen deprivation - fell face first onto Mamoru's lap. This, in turn,
surprised our tuxedo clad friend and he immediately jumped up, nearly
knocking the table over. Luckily, Makoto, with her quick thinking and even
quicker reflexes, kept the near-free-falling table balanced by shifting her
weight. The see-saw effect created by Mamoru's jump and Makoto's grip sent
a piece of cream pie, which was awaiting its demise on Usagi's plate,
flying into Rei's face. As expected, this turn of events enraged the
priestess who promptly laid the blame at Usagi's feet. Amidst the shouting
match that erupted between the two, Setsuna suddenly appeared behind the
group and greeted them.
"Welcome!" she laughed uncharacteristically - don't get me wrong
though, it was one of those good, happy uncharacteristic laughs.
Everyone at the table was immediately aware of the older woman's
presence. "Setsuna-chan!" they all screamed in surprise. In a mad attempt
to preserve some sort of dignity, Rei lunged for a napkin while Usagi bit
back her lashing tongue and sat down. Because of the two movements, the
see-saw effect was re-created, this time lobbing one of the entrees in the
direction of Setsuna. Fortunately for her, her timed honed skills and
alertness kicked in and she gracefully sidestepped the projectile...
... which sailed straight into Ami, who was returning from her nosy
expedition.
Setsuna merrily giggled at the sight before turning to leave, "I'll
come back when it's safe."
And like so, the rest of the evening continued. Yes, Usagi and Rei were
arguing. Yes, strange foodfight-like events did take place. And yes, much
dancing/toe-stomping was also involved.
Ami, who had discovered the absence of Haruka's family, forgot all
about her find, a topic that'll be discussed in further detail some other
day in another fanfic.
As with all good things, they must come to an end. At two in the
morning, the jubilant crowd was pretty much partied out, and, for lack of a
better term, no longer jubilant. Everything that was planned took place and
even a few other things. All that remained of the wedding process was the
honeymoon...
.... oh, right, and the ceremonial, traditional, time-tested,
everyone-must-do, never-forget-at-the-reception ceremony - the tossing of
the bouquet.
Lucky fans (Who snuck inside.), Michiru's friends and relatives, and
the five girls - Usagi, Minako, Rei, Ami, and Makoto - ogled at the bouquet
in the newly wed's hands. They all waited like lions ready to pounce on
their prey, like soldiers about to ambush their enemies. Emotions - ok, so
maybe one emotion, greed - hang in the air, so thick that it could be cut
with a knife. Some wanted the bouquet to sell; others thought it imbued a
loving relationship. Whatever the reason, the crowd was ready to fight for
the coveted prize like a group of middle-aged women drooling outside the
mall two hours before After-Christmas sales.
Suddenly, Michiru, who had her back turned to the hungry vultures,
threw the bouquet over her head.
Time seemed to go slower. Shouts were slowed to amusing moans and
groans.
If Minako didn't know better, she'd say Setsuna was making a bid for
the bouquet.
Almost on cue, Setsuna charged out from the little samurai's room
(Madly trying keep her dress up, by the way.) and leapt over the slowed
hunters. With calculated precision, Minako stuck her hand out and by some
divine intervention, snared the older woman's ankle as she leapt. Setsuna
came crashing to the floor in an undignified heap, accompanied by a
sickening and painful **SMACK**.
Time resumed its normal flow as Setsuna lost her concentration and
consciousness.
No longer hampered by the guardian of time's tricks, each of the senshi
utilized their enhanced physical abilities to the fullest extent. With a
hop-hop here and push-push there, the five girls stood exactly 10.21 feet
under the falling bouquet. They simultaneously jumped on the heads of
people around them and reached like the dickens. Of course, the women the
girls were standing on had no intention of remaining still; upon feeling
the pressure of high heels on their heads, the women backed off and
**CRASH** fell Makoto, Ami, Minako, Rei, and Usagi.
"YEEEEEESSS!!!" screamed an overjoyed, albeit battered, Minako. When
she got up to do her dance of joy and to show off her prize, she felt
something - or rather someone - also holding onto the bouquet.
Usagi opened one eye and smiled. "Gomen nasai, Mina-chan, but it's
mine."
"No! I saw it first, it's mine!"
"NO! I grabbed it first, so it's mine!"
"NO! It's mine!"
"NO! It's mine!
"MINE!"
"Mine times infinity and one!"
"Mine times infinity and-"
Suddenly, there was another tug at the bouquet. The arguing blondes
shifted their attention to the disturbance which turned out to be Rei.
"BAKA ODANGO ATAMA!" the priestess yelled, "You just HAD to step on fingers
when you fell!!!"
"REEEEEI!!! Tell Minako the bouquet's mine!"
"No, no, no, no. It's mine! You saw it Rei, didn't you? I clearly had
the-"
"Ahem," Rei interrupted, "I don't know what you two ditzes are talking
about, but I had it wayyy before both of you."
"And I had it before any of you!" roared a disgruntled and heavily
stepped on Makoto.
Frowning, Minako placed one hand on her hip and glared daggers at her
friends. "Look here minna-chan, I say you should give this to the person
who needs it the most. There's only four of us here-"
"Five," came a shy little voice. The crowd receded and produced Ami,
whose hand was at the stems of the flowers.
"Okay, five," Minako corrected, "And since all of you have or had
boyfriends at some stage in your lives, I propose you all let go and give
it to me because I have never had a date-"
"NO!" the four other girls all screamed at once.
Now you ask, "Where is Mamoru?!" Well, where would YOU be when your
girlfriend and her friends fought for something as girlish as a bouquet?
Hiding of course.
Anyway, back to the action...
Each one wouldn't back down. Deathgrips on the bouquet and enraged
stares embodied the jealous girls. Suddenly, someone yanked the bunch of
flowers. This set off a chain reaction with the five of them pushing and
pulling in every conceivable direction.
And like all things, if pulled enough, they break.
**RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIP**
In five directions the girls split, tearing the bouquet into five
parts.
"Ara," whispered Michiru watching from afar, "Certainly the gods don't
know what to do with them..."

***********

Two days later at the arcade...

"I'm going to marry Mamo-chan! I'm going to marry Mamo-chan!"
Usagi droned on and on like a broken record, annoying her friends to
new heights. Fine, they could take her incessant singing for the duration
of the car trip home from the wedding, maybe even into the next day, but
for two consecutive, uninterrupted rotations of the earth?! No, that was
too much.
WAY too much.
Minako buried her head in her arms and wailed, "Someone please make her
stooooooooooop!!!"
"-oing to marry Ma-"
"I swear," swore Rei, "If I hear another second of that I'll-"
"-'m going to mar-"
"ARRRRGHH!!!" the priestess screamed, throwing her hands up into the
air.
About the only person not annoyed to death by Usagi's voice was Makoto.
She had better things to do... like lustfully watch Motoki's buttocks from a-
"-marry Mamo-chan! I-"

Suddenly, a huge eraser fell from the sky and landed SPLAT onto the
baka odango atama, effectively silencing her under the crushing weight. The
four girls - even the unflinching brunette - looked toward the direction of
the author and gave a heartfelt, "THANK YOU!"
Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah.

... like lustfully watch Motoki from a distance. Her body yearned for
his touch, her mind mulled over his sensuous voice. It actually reminded
her of someone... someone like her old boyfriend.
Unbeknownst to the love-struck (or love-driven/love-deprived/
love-desperate, which ever you prefer) Makoto, Minako was giving the man a
good deal of naughty looks too. "Motoki-san," thought the blonde, secretly
clutching her fifth of the bouquet hidden under four layers of clothes,
"You're the one for me! I can just feel it!"
Her flittering mind danced back and forth between reality and crappily
imagined SD images of Motoki and herself running around in an open field.
Desperation overtook her heart, as did blind desires; she needed someone
and needed him bad. At last, Minako couldn't take anymore and stood up.
"Minna," she said, her eyes two watery bulbs of passion, "What would you
think if I-"
"WHEW!!!" Finally, after much worming and tunneling, Usagi reappeared
from below the gigantic eraser. "Guess what, minna-chan?! I'm going to ask
Mamo-chan to marry me right now!" With that, she happily skipped out the
door, hell bent on making Mamoru follow through on the engagement.
When she left, Makoto shook herself from her revelry and realized
something. "Where's Ami-chan?"
Minako and Rei looked around and noticed their resident genius wasn't
present. They assumed she was studying in some God forsaken hole, but she
wasn't ironically. Maybe she was studying in some God forsaken pit for a
change.
"Maybe she's in the bathroom?" Minako offered.
"Awwww, get real Mina-chan," exclaimed Rei, "Since when have you seen
any of us use the can?"
"Actually, that's a very good point..."
The revelation removed the blonde from her boy-crazed thoughts and
placed her in the realm of philosophical hygiene, a place where she was
utterly lost.
As she pondered the mysteries of cartoon etiquette, Rei grabbed her
jacket and made for the door. "I'll look for her. Besides, I got nothing to
do this afternoon; might as well kill some time."
"Yyyeeaahhhh," droned Minako, facial expression deeply withdrawn, "I'll
go and... kill some afternoon..."
With their departures, Makoto was left to her own undisturbed, erotic
devices... only Motoki had finished his shift and was heading home. Instead
of her crush's face, Makoto unwillingly eyeballed the fat and hairy beer
belly of the night shift guy.
Today's lunch went careening onto the floor.

*************

As Usagi skipped and hummed, her mind was up in cloud nine, perhaps
even ten, eleven, or four hundred and thirty seven. Wherever she was, she
was happy.
Stupid, but happy.
In her hand, she desperately clutched her fifth of Michiru's bouquet.
Legend said that anyone who caught such a bouquet would be the next one
married; obviously, Usagi herself was meant to prove this myth right. Come
on, she had all the requirements for an early marriage: a loving
relationship, kinda supportive parents, blonde hair (along with the
intelligence that came with the hair), and a nonexistent high school
education. The time and place were right; this was a no-miss situation! The
gods were giving her the go-ahead, and to not follow through would be plain
dumb...
... Or so Usagi tried to convince herself. A small part of her refused
to accept this faulty logic, namely, her brain. But, all thinking was
shoved aside as she took a deep breath and rang the doorbell to Mamoru's
apartment.
After roughly five buzzes, the door opened, revealing a confused and
half dressed Mamoru with shaving cream all over his face. "Usako!" he
delightfully greeted, "What a surprise! Come on in, I was just- GAAA!!!"
What did the sudden "GAAA!!!" result from? It resulted from Usagi
jumping into Mamoru's lather covered arms.
The blonde beamed happily and planted a huge kiss on her beloved.
"Mamo-chan, let's get married!"
The blank look on Mamoru's face was priceless. "Okay..."
"So?" Usagi asked impatiently.
"So what?"
"So when are we going to the church? When's the reception?! I don't
have a whole day to waste! I still need to be over at Minako's to do a art
project by three o'clock!"
"Are you feeling well, Usako?" He felt her forehead for a temperature
change. "No, you don't have a fever-"
"Yes I do! It's called love fever and you're my doctor!"
"Maybe we should take this inside," he said as their conversation was
attracting attention from the nosy neighbors.
Mamoru carried Usagi to the couch and gently laid her down; a glob of
shaving cream landed on her skirt. "Ahhh, gomen ne, Usako. I'll be a
second." With a few deadly swipes of his hurried razor, Mamoru reappeared
in the living room, greeted by a seductively seated Usagi.
"Are you ready?" she asked, fluttering her eyelashes.
He swallowed hard and stuttered a little. "R... ready for?"
"Your promise, Mamo-chan, your promise."
A scene from a movie entered her mind: Basic Instinct to be exact.
Usagi recalled how the woman crossed her legs, showed off her more than
ample thighs and made the interrogators fog up their glasses. Carefully,
she mimicked the woman's movements and gracefully brought her leg up and
over, revealing her-
*KERSPALT!*
Unfortunately, Usagi's clumsy tendency swept over her and she fell off
the couch, landing in an undignified heap. Mamoru quickly helped her back
to her feet.
"Usako, don't you think it's a bit early?"
"NO! I risked life and limb to get Michiru's bouquet and I'm determined
to be the next one married and not to mention that you gave me this
engagement ring as a sign of your promise to-"
A slight chuckle graced Mamoru's voice. "Not now, Usagi! You haven't
finished high school yet and I'm still considering whether or not to
continue my studies."
The blonde's eyes grew wide. "You're not going back, are you?" she
pouted, tears starting to flow.
"Well, I mean, sorta, kinda, something in the way," Mamoru backpedaled,
"It's a once in a lifetime chance and I'm sure it will make our lives
better because I'll get a great job and you can-"
"What'll happen?! Aren't you afraid of Galaxian?! Remember what
happened last time?! Oh my God!!! What if another horribly deranged, super
cosmic, really powerful villain ambushes your next flight and takes you
away from me forever?! What if the plane crashes and you die in a fiery
blaze and I won't even be able to give you a proper burial?! What if you
burn to a crisp and people won't even be able to identify you through
dental records?!"
"Sshhhh," hushed Mamoru, embracing Usagi, "Now you're just being
hysterical. I want everything to be perfect, Usako, just perfect. When I
marry you, I want us to not worry about a thing."
"I'm NOT worried about anything right now! What's the hold up? I mean,
if this bouquet isn't a sign-"
"It isn't a sign," he patiently explained, "It's only another wedding
tradition. I'd marry you if I could, but the last thing I want is to have
you subjected to any hardships. We are not financially ready. Your family
is not emotionally ready. A year, I promise, one year at the latest."
The aforementioned tears swelling up in Usagi's eyes subsided... and
gave way to anger. "There's somebody else, isn't there?!"
"HUH?!" That completely took Mamoru off his feet.
"Why would you want to postpone our marriage?! When you left for
America, you said you'd marry me the very first thing when you came back!
Now you're back and you're stalling! You have somebody else, don't you?!"
"No, no, no, no! It's not like that at all! Listen Usagi-"
"Oh!" she screamed, "Now it's not 'Usako' anymore, it's 'Usagi!' Is it
because I've seen through your lies?! Who is it?! Actually, forget that!
I'm leaving! I hope you love that two timing woman more than you love me!"
And like that, she stormed out of Mamoru's apartment, leaving her love
extremely dumbfounded from the strange encounter.
You know what they say, "Sometimes, true love turns around and kicks
you in the crotch."
Kicked in the crotch - that's exactly how Mamoru felt before shrugging
off the pain, gathering his wits, and running out the door after Usagi.

**********

Minako muddled along, still quite perplexed at the fleeting observation
Rei had offered.
"I use the bathroom," she thought, "I mean, the last time was...
was..."
Her thoughts trailed off - as usual - when she spotted Motoki in front
of her... WAY in the front.
"Look at that body! That walk, that charisma! He's the one! He's the
one!!!"
Hearts jumped out from her eyes as her tongue hung out in a cute pant.
Minako swooned like she never swooned before, attracting odd stares from
the other pedestrians.
They steered clear of her.
Suddenly, while rounding a corner, Motoki nearly fell, apparently hit
by something or someone. Minako dashed, hoping to be the one to reclaim his
balance, but, she was stopped short by a metal lamppost. Luckily, Motoki
didn't fall. Unluckily, Minako went careening into the pole and blacked
out.
Meanwhile, Usagi found herself in the arms of her friend's crush and
found her own previously-thought-deceased infatuation revived. "Motoki,"
she said, blushing, "I... I..."
The blonde's support pillar chuckled. "No problem, always glad to help.
To think, Mamoru..." For the first time, he noticed tears running down
Usagi's cheek. "Nani? Something wrong?"
It was Usagi's turn to swoon... but not before a convincing sympathy
act. "Mamo-chan doesn't love me anymore!!! He's got another girl!!! He
won't marry me!!! He won't..." And she continued her never-ending list of
"He won't"s, bawling all the way like a salesman crying out his wares or a
rapper screaming his "music."
Soon after, even Motoki's impeccable patience wore thin.
"-and it's like I'm-"
"Usagi," he finally interrupted, "Why don't we go somewhere private?"
It was at that time that she realized she was drawing a public
gathering the size of Woodstock. "Hehe," she shyly laughed.
With a hurried spring in their step, the duo hustled across the street
and happened to walk straight into the park. As of the moment, it was
twelve days into December and barely a speckle of snow had fallen. Barely.
When Usagi set foot onto the lush grass, a light sprinkle of white
powder descended from the sky, covering the area with an angelic glow.
"Over there," pointed Motoki, "We'll sit under that gazebo and talk."
Street lamps hovered off in the distance, their light converging onto
the gazebo. It was painted white, adjourned with only one bench. Its roof
was slanted, spilling the snow onto the grass in advanced heaps. Anywhere
else, it was the twelfth of December; here, it was already Christmas.
Romantic place that gazebo, probably the most romantic place in the
park. Funny Motoki and Usagi happened to arbitrarily go there. Coincidence?
I think so.
"What's going on?" Motoki worriedly asked after they settled down.
"*sniff* I think Mamo-chan... he... he... has another girl!"
"ANOTHER WHAT?!" thought Motoki; however, he mistakenly blurted the
statement out.
"Girl," Usagi croaked, "He got so cold all of a sudden..."
"Poor Usagi," he said, putting a comforting arm around her shoulder.
"Are you sure? Couldn't it be a misunderstanding?"
She thought it over. "No," she answered, refusing to look at any logic,
"He definitely has another girl."
"How long has he been like this?"
There was no harm in telling the truth, but then again, it wouldn't be
interesting without a little bit of hyperbole. "A while," said Usagi
vaguely.
"A while?"
"Mmm hmm," she nodded, bobbing her odangos up and down.
Motoki's reaction was to hug her tighter.
Off in the distance- No, wait, make that across the street - Minako
aroused from her slumber in time to see two bobbing odangos sitting in the
arms of HER man. Not only that, but the odango atama was also lounging in
the most romantic spot in the area: the gazebo. That was HER gazebo, HER
boy-trap, HER mysterious-Minako surprise! It was HER SPOT!!! The nerve of
Usagi! To not only steal Motoki but also the patented Sailor V dating area!
What a travesty! What a crime! What-
"- the hell?!"
Minako slipped on the slippery snow and fell face first into someone's
chest. How embarrassing. In the middle of a fuming rant, only to be cut off
by her own clumsiness.
Embarrassing.
But in this case, also lucky.
"Nani?" came the familiar voice of Mamoru, "For a second there, Minako,
I thought you were Usagi."
Usagi! That forsaken name again! Minako, flustered and furious,
regained her footing and prepared to spew venomous insults about her
opponent. However, Mamoru cut her off before she could speak.
"Speaking about Usagi, do you know what happened to her?"
Blood boiling in her veins, the blonde shouted, "That whore-"
Right at that second, two cars nearly collided due to the slick road
conditions. Screeching and honking muted the word "whore."
Undaunted, she continued. "- ran off-"
Two words in and she was interrupted by Mamoru. "Yes! How do you know
she ran off?"
"NO NO NO NO!!! She's over there cheating on you and me!!!"
The shouting match that erupted between the aforementioned enraged
motorists obscured Mamoru's hearing. He interpreted the line as, "She's
over at Ami's eating food for free!!!"
"She's eating?!"
Again, the shouted match between fellow road-ragers obstructed hearing.
Minako thought Mamoru said, "She's cheating?!"
"Yes she's cheating!" Now was the perfect time to input some
extremities. "I saw her! She said she doesn't love you anymore!"
While the part about "cheating" was heard as "eating," the rest of the
blonde's statement was received with crystal clarity. Mamoru's eyes popped
out of his head and bounced to the floor.
"She said what?"
And all the while, neither Minako nor Mamoru saw Motoki and Usagi
making out/snuggling in the gazebo. Minako had her back turned and Mamoru's
view was blocked by Minako. After the initial surprise of the lie, Minako
lead a crestfallen Mamoru back to his apartment and proceeded to "doctor"
some information.

Two hours later at Mamoru's apartment...

"Wow... I can't believe she says it's over."
"Yeah," said Minako (who was sitting abnormally close to Mamoru), "Her
words took me by surprise too."
They had been talking for two hours - on the couch to be specific. The
blonde had slyly concocted a clever story that wasn't far from the truth
had she known it. For now, let's leave it as this: Mamoru and Usagi are, by
mutual consent, over. Why? I don't know. How? I don't know either. You want
an explanation? Read Don's new release about the much anticipated... (Oh
right, excuse the advertisement. My ego made me do it, I swear.)
Anyway...
"So what are you going to do now?"
Mamoru buried his head in his arms. "I don't know. Wait maybe; besides,
we're suppose to be together. Maybe I could get her a nice Christmas
present and see if she reconsiders-"
"EERRRR!!!" buzzed Minako, "You should move on! If she says it's over,
it's her loss! Why should you suffer here and continuously eat your heart
out? There's tons of great girls out there! Destiny alone doesn't determine
love ya know."
Something in statement stirred Mamoru's emotions. "You're right," he
said, lifting his head up high, "Destiny alone doesn't determine love. I'll
take it as it comes. The rest of my life has already been written, so why
don't I stop worrying?! Everything will turn out right! I don't need Usagi!
She'll just come back to me!!!"
Even Minako's face contorted at the obvious schizophrenia dripping from
the previous sentences. "Good enough," she mused before moving in for the
kill.
"That's all nice and good Mamoru, but what about now? Do you have any
girls in mind?"
His ebullience died immediately. "Actually... no."
The blonde rolled her eyes and thought about the stupidity of anime
characters, always missing the obvious yet somehow always managing to save
the day. She was glad she wasn't from an anime. "How about me?" she meekly
asked.
"What about you?"
"W... Well- I mean, what!... No, no- Could you be ever so- so-
ARRRGHHH!!!"
Stupid anime characters. Can't live with 'em. Can't kill 'em.
"Come on, Minako. Spit it out, I'm here." Mamoru squished closer to
Minako and put an arm around her shoulder.
A flood of redness permeated the blonde's face; she took back all the
insults about anime characters. "Would you ever consider dating me?"
A passionate, stolen kiss from under low lamp lighting was her answer.

**************

Across town at the doorstep of Urawa's house...

Ami nervously shifted her feet around the "Welcome" mat. She hadn't
seen Urawa for God knows how long, and here she was, unannounced, at his
door. Would he remember her? Did he still love her? Did he ever love her to
begin with?
"Here goes nothing."
The door suddenly clicked and opened. "Ami," distantly greeted a
disheveled Urawa.
"Uhhhh, how are you doing Urawa?"
"So and so. Please, come in... Oh! And excuse the mess I'm in; I've
been trying to catch up on some sleep."
They walked through the house, welcomed - more like ignored - by
Urawa's parents with two brief grunts. The evening paper seemed more
important to these two individuals than the mysterious girl following their
son.
90's parenting - gotta love it.
"Did you know I was going to be here?" asked Ami when she entered
Urawa's room.
"No, actually. I was going to get the mail."
A silence descended upon the two. It was obvious they wanted to say
something to each other, but they were too shy.
"Ami, I-"
"Urawa, can-"
"Go ahead."
"No, I interrupted you."
"You talk, I insist."
"But I wasn't being considerate."
"Don't worry. No offense taken."
"Still, you go ahead."
"Really?"
"Really."
"You're sure?"
"Of course."
"You're very kind."
"Thank you."
"No, thank you."
"You're welcome."
........??? Who's talking?!
Oh well, I'll assume Urawa is.
"Ami, I got another vision recently, and it's really been... disturbing
to say the least," he paused to clear his mind. "I know we never got to
know each other too well. You've been busy saving the world while I, I've
been laying around studying. I want to make us work, but every precognitive
nerve in my body is saying otherwise. You know me; I've never been wrong on
these things. Because of that, I think we should just be friends and not
let this progress to a point where both of us could get emotionally hurt."
Ahem, can we say, "Shot down"?
Not five minutes into her visit, Ami found herself walking back to the
train station to go home.

**************

Back across town at the Hikawa shrine...

"Where is it?!" Rei hollered at the top of her lungs.
Poor Yuuichiro did the only thing he could: cower in fear. "Rei, I
swear I didn't even touch it!"
"You little, sniveling, conniving, lying, eccentric, freeloading,
mop-haired, ostentatious, audacious loser!" Fifty bucks says our happy
priestess doesn't know what ostentatious means. "I leave the shrine for an
hour and you lose it?! Yuuichiro, the only thing stopping my fist from
making contact with your head is your hair!!!"
"But... but... bu-"
"Don't 'but' me you mendacious freak show!"
Mendacious? Hmmm, lemme look that up... loading... loading... download
complete.
Mendacious: dishonest.
Hmmm, I guess that fits the situation. Anyways.
"Rei, how many times do I have to say-"
"Oh, you don't have to say it anymore you... you.... woods colt!!!"
*GASP!* *Insert ominous villain music*
The apprentice looked up from his hiding place, formerly reserved eyes
burning bright with unfounded fury. His visage rose from that of a little,
sniveling, conniving, lying, eccentric, freeloading, mop-haired,
ostentatious, audacious loser to a BIG, sniveling, conniving, lying,
eccentric, freeloading, mop-haired, ostentatious, audacious ANGRY GOD.
Lightning seemed to streak jaggedly behind his back as his face grew colder
than a Siberian nuclear winter.
He stood tall, taller than an unnamed 7'1" basketball player from the
Lakers who plays center and creates terrible movies and music. "Take. That.
Back," rumbled the big, sniveling, conniving, lying, eccentric,
freeloading, mop-haired, ostentatious, audacious angry god.
Rei curled her lip and frowned. "Take what back?!" she fired, unfazed
and unimpressed by the display of rage. Makoto did it all the time.
"I don't like being called a woods colt. I'm asking you nicely: take
that back."
"What does that mean anyways?" Rei thought to herself.
Woods colt... loading... loading... download complete.
Woods colt: a bastard, illegitimate child.
Oh boy! Isn't this fic educational?
"No," said Rei after looking at the definition, "I won't take that
back!"
Suddenly, the big, sniveling, conniving- Oh, to hell with writing that
continuously. Suddenly, Yuuichiro unloaded on the unsuspecting girl. "Look
you overbearing, simonizing, ungrateful, under-developed, wanna-be hotshit!
I have had it up here," Yuuichiro waved his hand above his head, "with your
tomboy antics! I've done more than my fair share around this place and
demand more respect than what you're giving me! Hell, I probably do more
than your lazy ass! You're always running away, doing this and doing that!
When have you started caring and pulled your weight?! I've put up with you
long enough! Just because you're the almighty granddaughter doesn't exempt
you from acknowledging humane respect! For once, get your jailbait ass into
high gear and start solving problems, not creating them!"
"Jailbait?!"
Jailbait: underage person who gets "picked up" by an adult. Bait for
jail, hence the name, "jailbait."
"I am not jailbait!"
"Really?!" shot Yuuichiro. "I've seen you trying to get older guys to
fulfill your desperate desires! Since when did a sensible fifteen or
sixteen year old wear the tight shit you wear?! You think you're the
greatest with those tits, but let me tell you honey, from where I come
from, your jugs are teacups! So pull that finger out of your skirt, realize
that you are NOT God, and come back down to the realm of mortals before
your parentless butt gets impacted in trouble that you can't handle! I'm
surprised Grandpa even puts up with such a worthless pile of dung as you!
I'm surprised ANYONE puts up with your pissy, childish, and oppressive
attitude! Probably the only reason anybody hangs around you is that they
feel sorry for you!!!"
Ouch. Hook, line, and sinker. May day, Captain! May day! She's goin'
down, sir!
Of course, Rei was pissed off. Now, if only those damned tears got out
the way, she would have decked Yuuichiro good. Lucky for him, she stormed
out, crying her heart out.

**************

At the most heartbreaking place in the park...

Did Ami know why she was there? No. But you know what? The only place
that'll fit this scene better is a 50's jazz/blues cafe with a four piece
band playing their bluesy renditions of Neal Hefti songs. And do you know
what? She's not there because... because... Oh rightttt... I'm the author
for once.
Screw it. Take two!

**************

At a 50's jazz/blues cafe where the coffee is cold, just like your feet...

"He loves me."
*pluck*
"He loves me not."
*pluck*
The "love me not" petal dripped to the tile floor. Ami's face was
wracked with tears; afterall, it was the last petal on the flower. She let
the built up tears flow, nearly flooding the table. Fellow ex's, dumped
boyfriends, and lifeless college students gave her pats on the back as they
passed: they had never seen a girl cry so hard.
Why was she upset anyway? She hadn't seen Urawa in ages. Besides that,
they hadn't even stayed in contact. There was no way that he would simply
jump into her arms and welcome her back. Come to think about it, he
probably had another girl. Another smarter, brighter, funnier girl, one
that didn't blush at the drop of a hat.
Maybe Ami was upset because she had her hopes up so high - you know,
with Michiru's bouquet and all. She saw how Usagi and Mamoru acted around
each other and she needed it. Sure, books are great friends when there's
nothing to do, but there is nothing as great as human companionship. She
hoped against hope, wished against wish, that she could knock on a door and
have true love, have happiness.
Damned hope. What a troublemaker.
"Maybe I was never meant to find love," she thought, "Maybe I was meant
to be alone for the rest of my life, for the rest of my long... long...
life..."
The very thought of going a thousand years with no one to hold, no one
to cuddle, no one to say "Where's my dinner, woman?!" - alright, fine,
maybe not so much the last one - brought further sorrows to the genius'
heart.
She fought and died for love, but would she ever find it?
At this rate?
No.
"Ami?"
The girl tilted her head up, met by the mop-hair of Yuuichiro. "He..
hello," she shyly croaked, blushing again.
Sitting down, the apprentice took one concerned look at Ami and sighed.
"Boy troubles?"
"No- I mean, yes..." Her voice died to a whisper.
"Do you want to talk about it? It feels better if you let your emotions
run." Can we say "personal experience" to that one?
Ami blocked the sobs to the best of her ability and tried to sound
strong. "It's o... ok Yuuichiro. I- I... I don't want to *sob* to
bur-*sob*-den you with my... my... troubles."
Moment of silence.
Then, "WWAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!"
I guess she fucked up on trying to be brave.
"Don't worry about it," comforted Yuuichiro, "I've got some things I
want to talk about too, so when you're done, I can burden you and we'll be
even."
"Even?" Ami said amidst her bawling, "That's good, I like even."
Her mop-haired companion smiled when she stopped crying. "Now are you
ready to tell me?"
"Will you promise not to laugh?"
"Never crossed my mind."
Taking a deep breath, Ami retold her expedition to Urawa's home, minus
the details about visions of course.
"Nooo," gasped Yuuichiro, "You mean you went all the way across town
only to be dumped in thirty seconds?!"
"Hai..."
"Let me tell you, it's that guy's loss!" The encouraging words peeked
Ami's attention. "Who wouldn't want to go for you? You're smart,
understanding, and sure as hell loyal! He's just like... like... REI!"
"Nani?!"
Yuuichiro chuckled uneasily. "Yeah... well, she's sort of why I'm here
tonight..."
"Did she dump you?"
"No. It was more like a stupid argument that was blown way out of
proportion on her part."
Sitting up in her chair, Ami began her probe on the apprentice. "What
happened?"
Clearing his throat, Yuuichiro wove his tale about the unreasonable
blaming and the heated exchange of words. By the time he was done, Ami had
a frown on her face.
"I can't believe Rei said that," she muttered, "And to blame you for
losing it without a good reason... Gee, that's one side of Rei I don't
see..."
"Yup. She acts all nice in front of her friends, but I get that stuff
all the time. At first, I thought it was flirting, but now, now it's just
getting way out of hand. I've become some sort of verbal punching bag for
her, and believe you me, she fights dirty!"
Ami reached across the table and gently clasped Yuuichiro's trembling
hands. "I think what you said about letting your emotions out was right,"
she smiled, "I feel a lot better. I wished I could've done the same thing
for you."
"Don't sweat it. You've done a whole lot for me already. I think I'm
just about past the anger phase."
A nosy thought reentered Ami's mind. "Why are you here, anyways?"
Yuuichiro perked up, like he just remembered something. "Some of my
friends are playing here tonight, and I needed to talk with somebody. I...
I guess I was pretty desperate for a patient ear."
Then he added, "But you did a much better job than those guys would
have done. They'd probably laugh at me for letting a teen push me around."
Yuuichiro tightened his lax grip on Ami's hand. For a couple minutes, they
shared each other's sorrow, they shared each other's pain. Two mournful
souls, coming together in a mournful place. Misery loves company and they
were each other's company. There was a newly forged mutual bond between
them, one neither of them could identify. The bond tugged at the heart and
clouded the mind; both were too shy to say anything about it. Quietly, the
two accepted it as love.
Suddenly, Yuuichiro asked, "Do you know how to play any instruments?"
"Somewhat... I played the piano for a few years."
Standing up - and thereby dragging Ami with him since they were still
holding hands - Yuuichiro bounded to the stage and waved at his fellow
musicians. They welcomed him and his "little lady" up to the playing area
and introduced them. While Yuuichiro was ready to grab a guitar and play
for the audience, Ami hesitated and refused to arm the keyboard.
"Awww, come on," prodded her companion, "Just one song. It'll be fun."
"Yeah!" agreed the band.
Then, someone from the crowd bellowed in a high pieced, Latino voice,
"You can do it!!!"
It was quiet at first, but it swelled, building up to a deafening
chant. "You can do it!!! You can do it!!! You can do it!!!"
EVERYONE was getting into the chant until finally, Ami caved and sat
behind the keyboard.
Under the spotlight in a sultry cafe playing "Wonderful Tonight" by
Eric Clapton, a new love was born - born of music and misery.

**************

Meanwhile, across town (again) close to the ocean...

Rei walked along close to railing, aimlessly kicking stray pebbles. The
sound of the ocean crashing beneath her drowned out many of the disturbing
emotions in her heart. She welcome it, welcomed the forgetfulness, welcomed
the opportunity to detach herself from the world. In her mind, she was
always right, but in reality, as much as she hated to admit it, she was
sometimes wrong.
This evening, she was wrong, but she would have none of it. Escape was
her only option.
No one knew she was here, not even herself.
As the snow lightly peppered her face, she tried to think about happy
thoughts, happy thoughts of Christmas and New Years, but there were none.
Few Japanese looked upon the western holiday as a grounds for celebration,
but the toy corporations thought otherwise. With a few strokes of the pen,
Christmas became a national holiday, familial vacation, and a multi-billion
yen moneymaker. It ran right into New Years, further enhancing corporate
profits and school closures.
All that wholesome corporate goodness and none of it trickled down to
her. During the holidays, the shrine would be as busy as the dickens. *BAM*
School holiday shot down. During the holidays, Grandpa would refuse to go
anywhere, citing a shortage of (cute) employees and a shortage of funds as
the two major problems. *BOOOM* Vacation to somewhere shot down.
The only thing that remained was work. Work, work, work, work, work.
All work and no play make Rei a very bitc-
*bump*
By accident, she walked into somebody who also not watching where he
was going. The urge to scream and yell at the poor soul was quickly doused
when she saw that the offender was fairly cute.
"Oh, so sorry," apologized Rei, quickly turning her frown upside-down.
The man sheepishly grinned, "Ah, no problem. I wasn't looking where I
was... was... Rei?!"
At first, our happy priestess was taken back by the man knowing her
name. It wasn't until she got a better look at him did she realize he was,
"Urawa?!"
Both cleared their throats and gazed into the ground, unwilling to meet
the other's eyes.
Rei began the conversation. "Sooo, uhhhh, how's it going? Haven't seen
you in a while..."
"Good," he answered, "Umm, moved here a while ago. How's the Senshi
business going?"
"Good," she replied, "No crazy maniacs for a while now. I actually get
time to do... do... stuff."
"Excellent. Stuff is good."
"Yeah..."
"Say, Rei? Did you see Ami?"
"No," then she remembered, "AHHHH!!! I was suppose to look for her this
afternoon!!!! Did you see her?!"
"Yes, but I sort of... nevermind." Urawa turned and began walking away.
"You sort of what?"
"It's complex..."
"Your visions again?"
He pivoted back around and stared at Rei, tears staining his eyes. "I
don't know, Rei. Recently, I'm been getting these freakish dreams where Ami
and I hurt each other really badly. I don't want that to happen, so I
dashed her hopes of getting together with me."
"Baka," Rei mumbled, "You know she loves you."
"And I love her too much to hurt her! If we-"
"If, if, if, if, if. Do you know for sure?!"
Urawa couldn't say anything to that.
"Your visions aren't clear, are they?" the priestess asked.
"No..."
Rei snatched Urawa by the ear and began the long process of dragging
him back to the temple.

************

Again across town *sigh* at the temple...

"Concentrate. Feel my energy as well as those within this shrine..."
As the raging roar of the sacred fire warmed Urawa's frozen body, he
used the heat and comfort as a source of concentration. Sitting next to him
was Rei, verbally guiding him through this divination ritual. Despite the
immense support of spiritual energies coursing through his soul, Urawa
couldn't concentrate.
"Let the fire be one wit-"
"Rei," he interrupted, opening his eyes, "I can't do it."
She nearly exploded on him. "What do you mean you can't do it?! What
could possibly be bothering you in a place like this?!"
"I... I... don't know. It's like m- my mind can't focus on Ami enough
to force a vision of the future..."
Sighing, Rei plopped onto her back and tried to rest. "That's alright,"
she said, "Maybe talent like yours can't be forced. Just let it come to
you."
"NO! It can be done! I've done it before!"
"Then what's your gripe?!" she screamed.
"I can't do it now..."
Rei bolted back up to a sitting position... only she forgot that
Urawa's head loomed over her like the moon. Their lips briefly touched,
sending shockwaves of surprise and pleasure through both their bodies.
They immediately pulled away.
"Ummm, that was an accident, right?" Rei asked, blushing profusely.
Urawa took a few seconds to reorient himself then coolly answered, "Do
you want it to be?"
Alarms went off in Rei's head. Here was Ami's "boyfriend" asking her
for help. Here was Ami's "boyfriend" trying to pick her up. Good or bad?
Definitely bad... but in a good way. Her body tingled all over, shivering
from something other than the cold. If she knew better, she'd say she was
turned on by Urawa.
Hesitantly, the person in question stretched his hand out and stroked
Rei's rosy cheek. Remarkably, she didn't cringe or pull back. Rather, she
returned the gesture by holding his hand and leading its exploration.
"Rei..." Urawa whispered, "Isn't this wrong?"
"You're right," she said, regretfully letting go, "We should get back
to Ami..."
For the next ten minutes, they halfheartedly prayed in front of the
sacred fire and wished for each other's embrace.
"Ara, I think I know why I can't concentrate."
"What is it?"
"You."
Throwing sense, caution, and friendship to the embers, they tenderly
kissed and engaged in an activity known only as "Making out."

**************

While the fireworks were going off at Rei's...

Makoto sat in her apartment flipping through channel after channel of
shopping networks. She needed something for Motoki, something to make him
want her. She would've gone to the gift shop, but it was closed at this
hour; her only option was television.
"I wonder if Motoki would like a juicer?" was the brunette's last
thought before falling asleep on the couch to the voices of Richard Simmons
and the Juiceman.
...
...
...
...
...
...
WHAT?! You expected MORE?!

*********
End Notes
*********

Good? Bad? Weird? Tell me what you think, what each newly paired couple
should do. Many twists and turns await this series if I can get my
butt into high gear and write the stories. Hope you enjoyed this romantic
comedy: I know I did.

-Don.

12/21/99