A/N: I decided to have some fun with the Eowyn/Aragorn pairing by having them die painfully, leaving behind three orphaned children who have a rather large fortune. (Does Gondor qualify as a fortune?) This is what happens in this depressing story. The narrator of this tragedy is a certain steward who has problems leaving the past behind. For anyone who's ever wanted a Lemony Snicket style pastiche set in fourth age Gondor.
Okay, here goes nothing.
To Eowyn: Darling, dearest, dead.
This story is very upsetting. You should read something else instead. It is distressing, a word which here means "brings a tear to your eye as it does to mine." I sincerely hope it will not make you feel as I did when I found out that the only one I have ever loved was engaged to someone else. The tales of the misfortunes of the children, who are all as charming and beautiful as their mother, are horrible to read. The misfortunes began one day when the children were on a briny beach in Dol Amroth. The oldest, Aulie, who was fourteen, was an inventor. The contents of her head were enough to make an Ent weep for hours. It was perpetually spinning with cogs and gears and wheels of metal. She was not hard to look at, having her mother's pale gold hair and sea gray eyes. The next oldest, Coronion, was twelve. He had read more books than what was natural for a boy his age. Coronion was dark haired with a pair of spectacles. They gave him an intelligent look, which was not misleading, because he was intelligent. The youngest, Carhil, was an infant, a word which here means a person who is very small and speaks unintelligibly. Her teeth were unusually sharp. It was fortunate, since Carhil enjoyed chewing on things. It was not so fortunate for those things that got chewed on.
"Gack!" said Carhil. By "Gack!" she meant, "Look at that figure walking towards us through the mist." "What figure?" said Aulie, who, being the oldest and the future queen of Gondor, was very bossy. "Just bring me that rock, Corrie." "Please stop calling me that." said Coronion. "Here, what about this one?" "No, that one."
Coronion brought his sister the rock. She handed it to Carhil, who wore it down with her teeth. Aulie threw the rock out over the the sea. It skipped and skipped and continued skipping until it was out of sight. Aulie wondered if it would ever stop skipping.
The figure stopped.
"Oh, Valar." said Aulie. "That's Beren."
Beren was their parent's servant. "I'm here to tell you that your parents have perished. Perished means died. Since I'm their executioner, um, I meant EXECUTOR, I will send you to live with your nearest relative, as your father told me to."