However Far Away
Fading to Black
Andromeda Black lay on her bed, staring up at the ceiling. It was painted with a very thin sheen of green. It wasn't Slytherin green, or even close to it. It looked more like watered down grass, or how one might see green if you looked at a window's reflection of it. Idly, she flicked her wand in a couple directions. The ceiling tuned a dull, deep shade of blue. The words rang in her head like an old tune, though they had been said only a short while ago. I love you, Andy. However far away you are from me, I will always love you.
It was a mark of rebellion. A small one, perhaps. She didn't have her cousin Sirius's come-what-may attitude, his confidence, or his flamboyance. Put together, her cousin was pretty idiotic. The entire family was on his back, and he'd find his end at the business end (whichever end that may be) of one of the family's wands someday. But her cousin wasn't completely wrong. Just stupid.
It was actually Sirius that had made her decide that in the first place. Then it had been what her own eyes and ears and hands could sense. It had brought a small smile to her face to hear that Sirius had gone to the Potters' home instead of staying at Grimmauld Place for the entire summer. Rumor had it that they had practically adopted him as a second son. Good for Sirius, the thought had been when he was blasted from the family tapestry. You've finally gotten what you wanted.
She reflected on when she had followed him sneaking out of the house, during the eight weeks that she and her sisters had stayed at Grimmauld two years previous. She had thought he was sneaking out to a prank store or some such nonsense place. The Marauders were notorious, after all. She remembered being at the business end of their pranks on Slytherin House as a whole several times in the past. So she had followed him. She was curious about him, and it would be nice to know what kind of pranks to expect so that she could be prepared.
She had expected that he would go into Diagon Alley when he left. She had expected that it was just a bit of an escape from the stifling house. She expected that he would uphold at least the rudiments of pureblood technique when he left, no matter how obviously he disdained it. It was how he was raised, after all. What she had seen wasn't what she had expected at all. She idly flicked her wand around again. Her ceiling was now a twist of bright Gryffindor red and gleaming Gryffindor gold, in Sirius's honor. But she wasn't courageous at all. Not enough to leave it. Another charm turned her ceiling all gold and lightened the tone a great deal so it looked like sunlight was glittering over her head. On that day, Sirius had disappeared into Muggle London.
She remembered how surprised she'd been. She remembered freezing in place, being too much in shock to move until Sirius had been well out of sight, gone on one of the many streets. She couldn't tell which one. Abruptly, she turned on her heel and went back to Diagon, buying an ice cream and sitting down on one of the rickety benches outside a shop that sold perfumes and lotions. As the vanilla pooled at the bottom of the cheap cup, her mind whirred. Why in the world would Sirius want to go to Muggle London? What was there that wasn't in its Wizarding counterpart?
That day, she had thrown away a melted vanilla ice cream cup, barely eaten, and trudged back to Grimmauld Place in a confused stupor. Sirius was already back. A couple days later, Sirius was missing again.
The third time it happened, Andromeda decided to follow him again. Again, Sirius led her into Muggle London, and walked off like he knew where he was going. With a shiver, she realized that he probably did. That her cousin had friends in the world of the muggles. She shook her head to clear it. She did respect her cousin. Admire him, even. And she wasn't convinced that the pureblood supremacy her family spouted either. So she had decided to give his idea, Muggle London, a shot.
Following Sirius further than the entrance didn't do much good; she quickly lost track of him in the crowds. She was glad that earlier in the week she had gone to Gringotts and exchanged a handful of sickles into muggle pounds. There was a cafe on the other side of the street that looked like it had room, so she went into it and sat down. A quick lunch later, in which she was certain she would have made a spectacle of herself if there weren't other patrons, muggles, nearby so that she could copy their mannerisms and so not look too out of place. The food was actually pretty good, especially after what she had heard of muggle fare. But that probably couldn't be trusted anyway, having come from her Black relatives.
Even more curious than before, she saw a place full of books across the street. She couldn't tell whether it was a library or a bookstore, but that didn't matter. She was finding herself suddenly curious about muggles and how they lived. Live without magic? She couldn't imagine it.
It was a library. The pair of chattering women at the desk didn't look up as the bell on the door clattered and admitted her. They were gossiping about someone named Lauren, who had apparently skived off work to go on a date with her boyfriend, who they very much did not approve of. The idea made her feel odd. This Lauren character was fifteen, younger than her by about two years, and she had had not only this boyfriend but at least two others before him. She was seventeen and hadn't really ever considered love or boyfriends. Idly, she wondered if that's why Sirius was sneaking out. Did he have a girlfriend, and was she muggleborn? Muggle? Could she ever have a boyfriend?
By the time she had left the books behind, it was dark. She had had to come up with some creative and absolutely horrible excuses for being missing. It was mostly true: she'd gone out to do something and lost track of time. That didn't matter. She was a spectacularly horrible liar, and stuttered even when she told the truth. She might look almost as if she were Bella's twin, but she didn't have anything resembling her skills at lying, even after years and years of Slytherin and Black. But, at least, Sirirus hadn't even looked at her during her messy explanation. Maybe he hadn't realized that he was being followed, she remembered having mused. A series of flicks. The ceiling was now a bright neon pink. She winced. Flicked. Rosy, an old looking pink that reminded her of Victorian color arrangements and that would look absolutely antique next to burnished gold or silver.
She loved that library. She'd taken to spending long hours in it when she could manage to, after taking some precautions to make sure her dear family wouldn't know that she was following Sirius into the middle of Muggle England, or that she went to Muggle England to spend time in a muggle library, curled up on a faded chair. Some things were meant to be secrets, and secrets were meant to be kept. Perhaps that was why she still hadn't gone after Sirius, beyond figuring out the first street he turned off on. Maybe it was why she had fed a false name to the librarians. Not really a false name, since Andy was a nickname for her that her sisters had come up with. They all had them. Narcissa was Cissy (or Sissy when she upturned her nose at something), Bellatrix was Bella, and she, Andromeda, was Andy.
There were Lisa and Jaime, who she had met the first time she was there. There were also Kiersten, who was pregnant with her first child, Maryse, and Hannah for the weekdays because the others were busy with school. She'd met the boyfriend-having Lauren, a girl who came in when one of them was sick named Penelope. She was even known to Izzy and Peter, Maryse's two children. Maryse was thirty-five and a single mom, oldest of the lot. Hannah was twenty-eight. Kiersten was an even thirty, and had married two years before to a man called Patrick. Lisa and Jaime were both sixteen. They were all very nice girls.
And muggles. They were all so very muggle that it would have made her mother wrinkle her nose, and her aunt to give her a talking to like she only gave Sirius. She found that she liked the idea of it. She wasn't courageous enough to tell her family that the new friends she was spending time with were muggles who worked at a bookstore, but she was cunning enough to carve out the time to see them under their pretty little noses.
Then came the day when Lisa announced that she had gotten a boyfriend, some muggle guy named Trevor. Trevor was supposed to be picking her up from the library for a date later that day. Along with the librarians, Andromeda congratulated her, wondering idly what her family would say. Some insult involving 'mudblood', she supposed. She had never gotten into the habit of that particular word, having thought that it was petty and moronic to insult these people so crudely. Besides, people couldn't help with to whom they were born. If they could, she was sure that Sirius would be in the hands of blood-traitor purebloods or muggleborns. And she...well, she wasn't sure where she would be, to be completely honest with herself.
Trevor had come on time, looking nervous and kind of geeky with his glasses and messy hair. He had come in chatting with a couple friends. She didn't study them too closely until Lisa had called her over. She was to be introduced to him because all of the others had, and she was one of 'the girls'. Just as she was analyzing how she felt by that when her breath caught in her throat. The boy across from her made a choking sound. No one else noticed either reaction. Her suspicion was confirmed when Trevor introduced his friends to her. "Well, this Bruce, and that is Ted." Trevor's tone was harried. She supposed he just wanted to go on his date.
Ted. Lisa's boyfriend, Trevor's friend who went to boarding school but was home for the summer. Also known as Ted Tonks, a muggleborn who was in her year. He was in Hufflepuff. She remembered only because the Hat had considered her somewhat suited for Hufflepuff, before deciding that Slytherin was best for her less than a heartbeat later. She had wondered what life would have been like if she had been a Badger. Who her friends would be, and all that. That was a delightful fantasy. There were no friends in Slytherin, only allies and loners.
After Trevor and Lisa had gone, holding hands, Bruce made his excuses and left. Ted, however, had stayed. She supposed it must have looked odd to him. A pureblood, a Black, a slimy Slytherin snake in a muggle library. And obviously having spent enough time in said library to be called by a nickname and be one of 'the girls' with a troupe of muggle girls. Who was holding a very obviously muggle classic book in one hand. Andy laughed loudly , in the comfort of her room (thank goodness for silencing charms), at the remembrance of his face. She turned the ceiling into a Hufflepuff's dark yellow. He must have been curious.
But he wasn't. He walked right past her to the bookcase that housed classic mysteries, pulled one off the shelf, and started to read. Ignoring her. She decided that she might as well do the same. It wouldn't do to bring attention to herself. If she didn't make a scene or a big deal of it, he might not tell other people about having seen her here.
And so, it became tradition. She would tail an ever-oblivious Sirius into Muggle London, though she could definitely find the way on her own, go to the library, and spend a couple hours reading. She kept his secret, and if he knew she was tailing him, then he kept hers. Ted would come in after the first hour or so, and the both of them would read, at the same table, neither ever saying a word. It was a sort of camaraderie that Andromeda had never thought she would ever have with a muggleborn. Her comings and goings were somewhat accepted at the Black house as normal.
The day they had had their first conversation that consisted of anything more than "Excuse me.", "God bless you" (though that had only happened once, when she sneezed in a dusty corner, trying to find one particular book), "Sorry." and "Thanks." about two days before she and her family were going to leave. It all happened because she was reading a book that he was looking for. A pretty poor way to start a conversation, she privately thought, but every love story can't begin like Muggle fairy tales were so fond of beginning. She, after all, wasn't a princess and if Ted was a prince she certainly hadn't heard a peep about it.
All he had said at first was "Hey, Andy, can I have that book when you're done?". She managed a chuckle, remembering how nervous he sounded. And how he had stumbled over himself to apologize for being forward enough and presumptuous enough to use a nickname for her. It appeared that the reputation of Black had more than reached the muggleborns. She knew that it was intimidating, but unlike her sisters, she had never gloried in having other people adoring her or fearing her. So she had gone and given him permission to call her Andy whenever he wanted. "As long as you call me Ted. Everyone seems to think it's short for something, but if it was I think my parents would have told me," he had said.
They had had a good discussion after that about muggle literature, and they had gone to a muggle shop and bought strawberry smoothies. Andromeda really didn't see what her parents said was so inferior about the muggle world. The smoothie had been better than any other she'd had, and Ted's easygoing, wonderful company was great. He was just smart, and funny, and a good conversationalist...that she was falling for. God, she remembered how that first thought that she might like a muggleborn romantically had shocked her. A couple flicks of her wand later, and the ceiling was a bright red. Much like her cheeks had been.
They had agreed to meet again the next day, at the library like always. She didn't always follow Sirius now, easily picking her own way to Muggle London, where her little library and Ted Tonks were waiting for her. They had had another wonderful little day, but she could tell he was disappointed when she told him that she didn't actually live here, and was going to go home the next day.
In school that year, they had kept in contact as well as they could. Ted knew that her family didn't know of her trips into Muggle London, and how little they would approve of them if they had known. But, despite being in opposite corners of the school and not having any classes together except for Ancient Runes (she was taking Arithmancy, he was in Care of Magical Creatures) they had managed to find time to talk together. Still, it was a relief when the summer had come and she ended up, once again, spending two months in Grimmauld Place.
That summer, they had confessed to each other. It was an acutely embarrassing and amazing experience. They had been sitting at their little table, in their well-worn chairs staring down at the books in their laps but not reading and looking surreptitiously at the other's face at the time. A few flicks had her ceiling turn a bright red color, resembling their cheeks at the time.
They had kissed for the first time three days later, in the smoothie bar. She had discovered she favored mango-peach smoothies, and he was trying a orange-pineapple variety. It had been awkward, her first kiss, but it had been so sweet that it made her smile. Ted had been really sweet, too. He was forgetting that she was a Black and seeing her as 'Andy', a pretty girl who liked books and smoothies and to whom he would willing give up his spare time.
A month later, blushing furiously yet again, she introduced him to the girls at the library as her boyfriend. She wasn't sure whose cheeks were hotter, hers or his. They cooed over him, and he cooed over Izzy and Peter and David, Kiersten's new little boy. He congratulated Kiersten, who was pregnant again. "Jasper if it's a boy, and Ella if it's a girl," she had told him, smiling merrily. It made her wonder what she would name her child, should she ever have one. And she promptly shoved the thought out of her head. She was horrible at picking names.
School that year had been even harder. She had managed to keep Ted a secret from her family, but she knew that she wouldn't much longer. She didn't want to. She was starting to bristle inwardly at the thought of her going home for the holidays and having to disparage muggles so that her family didn't see anything was wrong. It was easier to talk to Ted, though. Bella had graduated, and Cissy didn't take Charms anymore, unlike her and Ted. Cissy also prefered to take Divination over Ancient Runes, because she thought the curriculum in Runes was both lacking and uninteresting.
More free time due to dropped classes afforded more time in which they could steal away from their peers and spend with each other. She, like Sirius, had chosen to stay at school that Christmas. Ted was too, and they spent it together. Keeping it all a secret was stifling sometimes, and with everyone who would make a big deal out of it home, they could relax a bit.
That was also when she had had her possibly only serious conversation with Sirius. She really hadn't been worried about him. She was the only Slytherin to stay, and none of the others (besides Sirius and Potter) were purebloods, and both of them were in Gryffindor. And neither of them particularly seemed to care about Black pureblood tradition. Perhaps Sirius could sense her slipping away from it as well, and that was why he had warned her.
"Andy," He had said, having led her into an alcove not far from the Great Hall after lunch. "Do you know what you're doing? You know, going around with Tonks?"
She had replied that yes, she knew what she was doing, thank you very much. But then he had said. "Do you know all of the implications?"
After she quizzically inclined her head, he continued. "You know, if the Family finds out that you're daring to associate with a muggleborn they'll blast you off the Tapestry. Are you really okay with that?" She opened her mouth, but he continued as if she hadn't. "I know I'l treading that line too, but I can go to the Potters', they'll have me. And I've not gotten on well with my mother in years. But you? Where will you go? What will you do? Are you serious about this?" She could tell he was, if not by the look in his eye than by his tone. Sirius was rarely serious, but when he was you knew it.
Andromeda remembered not answering Sirius for a good minute, perhaps two. Flick. Her ceiling was gray-brown. Perhaps that would be the color of the dirt she'd be buried in when they killed her. "Yes," she had said. "I'm serious about all of it." She had hesitated before deciding to tell him everything. She put up a couple advanced Silencing Charms on top of the ones Sirius had put up when he led her into the alcove. "I followed you into Muggle London a few times two summers ago. When I was there, I found a library that I really liked. After a couple times, I was able to find my own way into the library. After a couple weeks, I met Ted in the library. We've been keeping in contact since then. Last summer we kept meeting at the library. We're-close." She ventured a bit with the ending, not really meeting Sirius's eyes. "Besides, Ted's a really good person. The Family can be wrong about the serious stuff sometimes. You, of all people, know that."
Sirius caught her chin with one hand and pulled her head so that she met his eyes. Dark gray, flickering oddly in the near-dark. After a moment, he dropped her head. "If you ever get in trouble with the Family, you can come to me for help," he promised. And then Sirius Black swept away.
That was the last she had seen of him for a while. She had returned to Grimmauld for the customary two months, only to see a black scorch mark on the Tapestry where Sirius's name used to be and hear stories about how he had gone to the Potters' home two days after returning home for the summer. Apparently her other cousin, Sirius' brother Regulus, had been Marked. Sirius no longer had any reason to stay. She secretly met with Ted all summer long, ending each date with a kiss and a shared declaration of love.
They had loved the broom closets and abandoned little alcoves during their last year at school. They were discrete of course-Regulus was still there, after all-but they slipped in their fun. Andromeda exchanged letters with Sirius every so often, and learned that he and James Potter had been accepted into Auror training. She was happy for them, and she wondered what sort of career she would pursue.
She didn't plan on being a traditional Black wife, only dealing with shallow gossip, connections, and politics. She planned on marrying Ted one day, out of school. She and Ted had talked of it, and she was sure that he would propose at one point. When the Hogwarts Express came to whisk them home that summer, they had merely smiled at each other. Nervously, perhaps, but it was obvious to anyone who looked that they were in love. Except for the purebloods, of course.
She remembered his goodbye. "I love you, Andy. However far away you are from me, I will always love you."
She had returned with "Of course, I love you too, Tonks." And she had kissed him on the nose, and he had pushed her into the next compartment, laughing.
And that was how she found herself as she was now. On her bed, staring up at her gray ceiling. She flicked it back to the watery spring green it had been before and stood up. It was time to introduce Ted to the family. Now. She had heard talk of a possible arranged marriage to a neutral branch of the Greengrass family, or to a neutral but secretly dark branch of the Flints. She was going to Grimmauld in four days, and her chest ached. However far away you are, love, I will always love you. And I mean it, Tonksie.
When, five days later, she had broken the idea of telling their secret to her family to Ted in the comfort of their library, he had reluctantly agreed. And so, she found the courage to do something she never thought she would. She would do something with the recklessness and courage of a grimy golden-sparkling-shining Gryffindor.
"Mom, Dad, this is Ted. Ted Tonks, my boyfriend. Ted, here are my parents."
Their looks of horror had at least been amusing. After she had built up her resolve to tell them, she had felt strangely like a Gryffindor: reckless and courageous. She was becoming somewhat numb to her family. She had smiled sweetly at them as she watched her name be blacked off the Tapestry. She'd been expecting that for two years, for as long as she'd been quietly standing up to their ideals. That was the day two weeks before Ted had proposed to her, and a while before she was pregnant. She found out that she had been right, those years before. Nymphadora. She was truly terrible at naming babies.
But she never regretted standing up to her parents that once, despite being completely ostracized from the Family aside from Sirius. She was now Andromeda Tonks, who was more than free to do what she would and who had everything she ever needed. Andromeda Black may as well have not exist anymore, and she never would again. There was, however, one thing from the life of Andromeda Black she had never forgotten. "I love you, Andy. However far away you are from me, I will always love you."
Written for the Ministry of Magic Song Competition:Medium, the Holiday Category Competition:Martin Luther King Day, the Greenhouse Competition:white rose, the Dark Side competition:Salazar Slytherin's Locket, the Wand Wood Competition:Willow, HP Potions Competition:Muffling Draught, and Hogwarts Classes Competition:Astronomy.