DISCLAIMER: I don't own these characters. I borrow them from Shoot the Moon and WB. Thanks.
TIME LINE: Amanda and Lee have been married for four months. No one knows.
WARNING: Possible tissue alert.
TITLE: The Loss of Amanda
SUMMARY: Lee must deal with the untimely 'death' of Amanda.
CHAPTER ONE
By all accounts it should have been an easy pick up. Amanda was supposed to do it alone but she and Lee
were planning on eating lunch at Emilio's after, so he tagged along for the ride. Amanda was told to pick
up an audio tape that was taped to the bottom of a pay phone by one of their sources. She decided to park
around the corner and walk to the phone booth. Lee thought he'd stay in the Jeep so they wouldn't have to
waste a quarter in the meter.
"This should only take a second," Amanda said as she opened her door.
Lee smiled and winked at his wife as she stepped onto the curb. He watched her walk around the corner
and then turned his attention to the radio. He had been wanting to change the station ever since they left
the agency. It was a little game they played with each other. Whenever Amanda left the car, Lee would
immediately move the dial to the classic rock station. When Lee left, Amanda would switch it right back to
easy listening.
Lee was tapping his fingers on the dash board to the beat of Mick Jagger when he hear the first shots. He
wasn't sure where they had come from exactly but couldn't help but worry that the pick up had gone bad.
He reached for his gun and swung his long legs out of the Jeep in one motion. POP POP POP He heard
them again, this time sure they had come from Amanda's direction. He ran full throttle down the sidewalk,
stopping briefly to peek around the corner building, just in time to see a man dragging Amanda's bloodied
and lifeless body into his car.
"Amanda!" Lee shouted, shooting at the car, hoping to prevent it's escape. To Lee's further horror the car
tires squealed and sped out of sight. Lee ran back to the Jeep to call Billy.
"Billy," Lee panted, "Amanda's been shot. A man took her in a blue Chevy, license number KJL452". Lee
was already in pursuit. "I can't see them but I think he was heading to the interstate. I'll try to catch up but
I need back up."
Billy sent a team out to help Lee while Lee willed the Jeep to pick up speed. Once on the interstate, Lee
had trouble finding the Chevy. The lunch rush was well under way. `Where are you?' Lee thought,
scanning the mass of cars ahead of him. Lee swerved in and out of traffic for a good ten minutes before
slamming his hands on the steering wheel in defeat. "Damn!" he said to no one.
Getting back on the phone, he called Billy. "I lost them. Amanda's been shot and I lost them!" he yelled.
"Lee," Billy said, trying to calm the agent down, "we're running a trace on those plates. We'll find her,
just get back here so we can figure out what to do next."
Back at the agency, Lee rushed into the bullpen. Spotting Francine first he decided to vent some of his
frustrations out on her. "What have you got for me, Francine?" he growled.
"We ran those plates and came up with the name Robert Hamel. Does that name ring any bells?" she
asked.
Lee leaned on Francine's desk. He thought the name sounded familiar but couldn't quite place it. "Hamel,
Hamel," he repeated, "Hamel! Yes, isn't he the guy we busted in that forgery ring about six years ago?" he
asked. "But I thought he was a Barny, not a Robert. And didn't I kill that guy during the sting?"
Francine watched as the momentary excitement left Lee's eyes and the worry returned.
"Francine," Lee continued, "Robert could be Barny's brother or something. Maybe he's getting revenge for
Barny's death. But why would he take Amanda?"
"Let's see what Billy has," Francine suggested, as they both headed for Billy's office.
Billy was just hanging up the phone when the two agents came through his door. "There hasn't been
anyone matching Amanda's description admitted to any of the local hospitals," he said.
"Billy," Lee said placing both hands on Billy's desk and looking him in the eye, "Amanda was shot. I saw
the blood. She needs medical treatment and we need to find her!"
Billy felt sympathy for Lee. He knew that Amanda meant a lot to him. He was even pretty sure their
relationship was more than that of just partners. "Francine," Billy ordered, "go look up that Hamel file and
see if it could be connected to Robert Hamel."
Francine nodded and quickly left to accomplish her task.
"Lee," Billy continued, "we've got men out there looking for Hamel's car. We've still got a few hours
before Amanda's family will miss her."
Lee was pacing like a caged tiger now. "Billy, Amanda may not have a few hours. It's already been over
an hour since she was shot and I can't just sit here while she bleeds to death in the back seat of this guy's
car!" he pleaded. "I need to do something. Give me something, anything."
Just then Billy's phone rang. "Melrose here," he answered. "Yes.... Okay.....He'll be right there." Billy
hung up the phone and looked at Lee. "That was Mrs. Marston. She said an envelope was just delivered to
you and she thought you should look at it right away. It's probably not related to Amanda but why don't we
go up and check it out." Billy had hoped this distraction would calm Lee down.
Lee nodded his approval and they both headed for the Q Bureau.
Sliding the clothes over, Lee and Billy stepped off the elevator that doubled as a coat closet and went
straight to Mrs. Marston's desk.
Mrs. Marston handed Lee the envelope and said, "I would have just put it on your desk but it seemed
unusual. You don't normally get envelopes hand delivered like this. It was just shoved under the door
here, but I saw the man on the security camera."
Lee grabbed the unassuming package and looked at the front. All it read was "To Lee Stetson - Urgent".
Lee tore it open and pulled out a single 8x10 picture and a note. The picture was of his Amanda lying on a
concrete floor. Her blouse was blood soaked and her eyes were closed. Billy noticed Lee flinch. Lee tore
his eyes from the photo and read the note out loud. "My brother's death has been avenged. Now his
tortured soul can rest in peace. You took my only family when you took my brother. Now I have taken
yours."
Billy watched helplessly as this strong, macho man crumbled before his eyes. Lee dropped to his knees
and looked as if he had been punched in the stomach. "No," he mumbled. Then with more force, "No!".
Lee jumped up and ran up to his office. Billy followed but stopped just short of the door when he heard
Lee toppling furniture and throwing whatever he could get his hands on against the wall, all the while
screaming Amanda's name. Billy stood outside Lee's office door for a good ten minutes waiting for Lee to
take out his anguish on the objects and walls. Billy heard the crashing slow down and finally stop.
Knowing that Lee could use a friend, he silently entered through the `Film Library' door. The office was in
shambles, all except for Amanda's desk, which was as orderly as she had left it just hours before. That was
where Billy found him, sitting on the floor with his head in his hands, leaning into Amanda's chair. Billy
kneeled down next to him and touched his arm.
"Lee," he spoke. No response. "Lee," he said again, gently squeezing his arm. Lee slowly looked up. His
eyes were red and his cheeks were drenched from his tears. "I'm sorry, Lee," Billy said, consoling his
friend. "I know she meant a lot to you."
Lee stared into Billy's eyes as new tears began to fall. "You don't understand, Billy," Lee said, shaking his
head.
"Lee," Billy continued, "I'm not blind. I know you were falling in love with her. I've seen it in your eyes
when you look at her. I'm just so damned sorry."
Lee got up from the floor and sat in Amanda's chair. "She brought fresh flowers in here every morning.
Did you know that, Billy?" he asked.
Billy shook his head but didn't speak, knowing Lee just needed to talk about Amanda.
"She picked them from her own garden. She used to tell me that if I didn't quit climbing her trellis and
stepping in her garden that there weren't going to be any flowers left to pick. Do you know how many
times I climbed that trellis after her mother and boys went to bed? Or how many times I tapped on her
kitchen window so I could steal a few minutes with her in the secrecy of her back yard? Do you know how
many times I looked back on that day at the train station and wondered how I could have been so lucky to
pick Amanda out of a crowd of strangers? Do you know how much I loved her, Billy?" Lee said, his voice
growing quieter with every word. "Did you know she was my wife?" Lee looked at Billy now. His
shoulders were slumped and his eyes were beginning to swell.
Billy placed his hand on Lee's shoulder. He wasn't sure what to say to this agent who was like a son to
him. "No, I didn't know. Why didn't you tell me?" he asked.
Lee just shook his head. "I need to go home," he said. "I need to talk to Amanda's mother and the boys.
They need to know that Amanda's not coming home this time." Lee slowly got up, took the flowers from
Amanda's desk and left Billy and the Q Bureau behind.
He took the long way to Arlington, postponing the terrible task at hand. He was no good at this sort of
thing. How was he going to explain to Dotty that her daughter had been killed by a madman out for
revenge? He knew he would have to tell her about the agency as well. It was not going to be easy.
Lee finally arrived at the house he knew so well. He had only recently begun using the front door. Dotty
knew Lee as Amanda's boyfriend, nothing more. And now she will probably never know the real truth.
Lee rang the doorbell. He stood stiffly waiting for Dotty to answer the door. He rang it again. `Maybe
she's not home' he thought as he turned to leave. Just then the door swung open and Dotty warmly greeted
her unexpected guest.
"Why Lee, what a surprise! Amanda's still at work but she should be home in an hour or so. But you must
already know that since you two do work together. Come on in, Lee. How long have you been ringing the
doorbell? I was just finishing up the vacuuming so I'm sorry if I made you wait." Dotty rambled, leading
Lee into the kitchen. "Would you like some coffee?" she asked, finally looking at Lee's face. "Lee?
What's wrong? You look terrible."
Lee wasn't sure what to say. "Um, Mrs. West," he began.
"Dotty, call me Dotty," she interrupted.
"O.K. Dotty" Lee began again, "Uh, where are the boys?" he asked, suddenly realizing they might not be
home.
"They won't be home for another hour at least," she answered. "Lee, what's the matter? Is it Amanda? Has
there been another accident?" The memory of Amanda being shot in California was still very fresh in her
mind.
"Dotty," Lee said, leading her to a chair at the table, "yes, I'm afraid there has been another accident."
Dotty jumped up. "Lee," she asked in a panic, "where is she? Is she all right? Which hospital? Can you
take me to her? Lee? Lee?" Dotty brought her hand to her mouth and gasped when she saw the tears in
Lee's eyes. "Oh no. Lee, why are you crying? You're scaring me. Where is my daughter, Lee? Where is
Amanda?!" Dotty was shouting now.
Lee was having trouble finding his voice. "I'm....I'm...." he choked, "I'm so sorry...."
Dotty began beating her fists on Lee's chest. "No!" she screamed. "No!"
Lee took her hands, trying to stop the assault. "I tried to get to her in time. I heard the shots but I wasn't
close enough to protect her," he cried, almost trying to apologize.
Dotty buried her face into Lee's chest and wailed, "Not my baby girl! Oh, Amanda..."
Lee could feel Dotty's tears falling on his shirt. He held her close as her shoulders shook and her wails
echoed through the house. Many long minutes later Dotty wiped her eyes and sat back down on the kitchen
chair.
"Who could have done this?" she whispered. "Why Amanda?"
Lee knew the worst was yet to come. "Dotty, there are some things I need to tell you and they're not going
to be easy to hear. Are you sure you want to do this now?" he asked.
Dotty nodded. "I want to know what happened. The boys are going to ask questions and I need to know
how to answer them. They'll want to know who took their mother away," she answered, trying to sound
stronger than she felt.
Lee got Dotty a glass of water and sat down.
"Dotty," he began, "Amanda and I don't work for a film company. IFF is just a cover."
"A cover for what, Lee?" Dotty asked.
"A cover for a government agency," he explained. "An intelligence agency. Amanda and I don't make
documentaries, we're federal agents." Lee paused a moment, letting this new information sink in.
"Amanda was on a routine operation today. She was supposed to retrieve some information from one of
our sources. An audio cassette that had been taped under a public phone. All she had to do was walk into
the phone booth, get the tape, and leave. Only something went terribly wrong. And...and she was shot."
Dotty was silent. Lee knew that it wasn't a good sign.
"Does any of this make any sense?" Lee asked, wishing Dotty would say something.
"Lee," she finally spoke, "are you telling me that my daughter, the mother of two boys, is a spy? And that
she was shot in the line of duty? My daughter is not a spy! Why, she cried when Jamie's goldfish died!
And you expect me to believe that she's a gun-toting federal agent? It's absurd!"
Lee had figured she wouldn't easily accept his explanation. Not knowing what else to do or say, he pulled
out his wallet and laid it on the table. "I know this is hard to accept right now," he said quietly, "but if you
need some proof you can open my wallet."
Dotty stared at the billfold for a long while. Lee knew what she must be feeling. He knew that once she
believed that they were agents that she would have to also believe that Amanda was gone.
Dotty sighed, straightened her posture and, very slowly, she opened the wallet. "This only proves that you
are an agent. It has nothing to do with Amanda," she said defiantly, jumping up now to distract herself
with the dirty dishes in the sink.
Lee walked behind Dotty and placed his hands on her shoulders. "I have Amanda's purse in my car.
Would you like for me to bring it in?" he gently asked.
Dotty nodded and began running hot water in the sink.
Lee hated this. He hated having to tell all of this to Dotty, especially now. He slowly walked to the Vette
and retrieved Amanda's purse. He buried her face in it and inhaled the scent that was uniquely Amanda.
He had a bad feeling that in a few minutes he would no longer be welcomed in this house. Before going
back in, he wanted to find something, anything of Amanda's that he could keep for himself. He gingerly
searched through the many different compartments of her bag. There was her badge, her money and credit
cards, a grocery list and some coupons, some make-up and a miniature photo album. He opened the album
and found the picture of her and her sons that Dotty had taken just a short month ago. He took it out of it's
clear envelope, placed it in his breast pocket and returned his attention to the purse to see what else he
could find. He help up a small glass bottle and remembered the morning he had given it to her. It was
shortly after they had gotten engaged. He was shopping for something to stash in her desk drawer for her
to find later. He loved to do that. Sometimes it would be as simple as a pack of gum, or maybe a book.
Bit this was the perfume she had said she loved to try on at the department store but couldn't really afford to
buy. She had worn it every day since and he loved how it smelled on her. He opened the cap and let the
scent mingle with his memories. `yes' he thought, `I need to keep this.'
Lee placed the bottle in his car, zipped the purse shut and walked back into the house. Dotty was still
standing at the sink but Lee noticed that she hadn't yet washed a single dish. Hearing Lee approach, Dotty
turned around. Lee held Amanda's purse out to his mother-in-law. Dotty sighed, took the purse, and sat
down. Lee watched as she silently removed all of her belongings, one by one, pausing to touch, feel and
smell every single item. Lee realized that she was saving the badge for last. With nothing left to distract
her, Dotty knew she had to face the truth. Looking momentarily up at Lee she picked up the small leather
case and slowly opened it up. Lee could see the pain of reality creep across her face. He ran to her side as
she began to crumble. And together, in the quiet of a suburban kitchen, Lee and Dotty cried for the love
they had lost.
CHAPTER TWO
The next morning Lee awoke in his bed with swollen eyes and a splitting headache. The clock at his
bedside read 9:45 AM. Lee had been awake most of the night crying and nursing his broken heart with a
bottle of scotch. What little sleep he did get was tainted by dreams of his wife.
Lee didn't really want to go to work today. He knew he wasn't expected there for two weeks. He really
wanted to go to Amanda's but knew that by now Joe was there, and Amanda's Aunt Lillian. Philip and
Jamie needed their family right now. They didn't know that Lee was family, and Lee assumed now that
they never would. `No,' he thought, `I can't drop that bombshell on them as well.'
Lee knew that he couldn't spend another minute in his apartment. It reminded him too much of Amanda.
He decided to go to the agency after all. Maybe Billy has some new information on that Hamel creep that
killed Amanda. He quickly showered and dressed, and headed into work.
Not ready to face the Q Bureau just yet, he headed straight for Billy's office. The hustle and bustle of the
bullpen came to an abrupt halt when Lee opened the glass door. Everyone eyed him with sympathy and
pity. Billy noted the sudden silence and stepped out of his office to see what was going on. He took sight
of Lee and sighed. "All right people, back to work," he ordered and walked up to Lee. "Come in my
office," he said and the two men walked somberly through Billy's door. Billy closed the blinds to offer Lee
more privacy.
"Lee, why are you here?" he asked. "You should be home with your family."
Lee hung his head. "They don't know I'm family, Billy." Lee mumbled. "They still think of me as
Amanda's new boyfriend. No one knew we were married."
Billy shook his head. "Well then you need to tell them," he said.
Lee stood up and began to pace. "What did you want me to do, Billy? Walk in there, tell Amanda's mother
that Amanda was dead, that she's really a federal agent, and then say `oh, and by the way, she also had a
secret marriage!' I just couldn't do that to her too."
Billy Sat down in his chair. "How long were you two married?" he asked.
Lee stopped pacing and answered, "Almost five months."
Billy stood up, faced Lee, and said "Then you need Amanda's family right now. You need to grieve with
your mother-in-law and your boys, and your boys need their step-father. It's not fair for you to have to
remain on the outside looking in."
"Fair?" Lee shouted, "none of this is fair! It's not fair that she has to take a bullet for something I did six
years ago before we had even met. It's not fair that her boys lost their mother for something they knew
nothing of. This is all my fault, Billy, and eventually Amanda's mother is going to figure that out and
blame me for taking her daughter away from her. No, I need to handle this on my own. I can't turn to them
now, not when I'm the reason she's gone." Lee was spent. He sat down in his usual chair in Billy's office
feeling utterly defeated.
Billy knew this probably wasn't the best time for Lee to hear the latest development, but he thought he had
the right to know. "Lee," he said, wondering if Lee was even listening, "we found Robert Hamel."
Lee's head snapped up. "Where is he, Billy"? he asked. "Let me at him."
"I'm sorry, Lee," Billy continued, "we found him hanging from the 42nd street bridge. It was an apparent
suicide. We're still looking for Amanda's body."
Lee visibly winced at the sound of those two words, `Amanda's body'. "We need to find her," he
whispered. "She deserves a proper burial. I owe her and her family that much, at least."
Billy's phone rang and he went to answer it. "Melrose here. Yes Mrs. Marston. Yes, he's right here. Hold
on." he said, handing the receiver to Lee. "Lee, your mother-in-law is looking for you."
Lee slowly brought the phone to his ear. "Hello?" his voice cracked.
"Lee, oh, I've been so worried about you. I tried calling you at your apartment this morning and all I kept
getting was your machine. Won't you please come over? The boys have bee asking for you," Dotty said.
"Are you sure, Dotty?" he said into the receiver, "I mean, I know your family is probably there and I don't
want to get in the way."
"Oh nonsense, Lee," Dotty replied. "Now I know Amanda loved you and you belong here with us. Won't
you come, please?"
Lee felt a lump growing in his throat. "I'll be right there," he said and hung up the phone.
Standing up he said to Billy, "I have to go. My family needs me."
CHAPTER THREE
Lee rang the doorbell at Amanda's house. Philip opened the door and saw the tall figure with tears in his
eyes.
"Hi, Lee," he greeted, without a smile, "I was starting to think you weren't coming over today." Philip led
Lee into the house.
"Yeah, well," Lee fumbled, "I was afraid I'd be in the way. I guess I was wrong. How are you holding
up?" he asked, placing a hand on Philip's shoulder.
Philip tried to answer but his tears were beginning to flow now.
"Come here," Lee said, hugging Philip like a father hugs his son. Philip was releasing all of his pent up
sadness when Dotty poked her head out of the kitchen to see who had come. Seeing Lee holding Philip and
Philip finally showing his emotions he'd kept hidden for the past twenty hours caused Dotty to place her
hand over her heart and sigh. She wondered if Lee knew jut how fond of him the boys were.
When Philip finally raised his head and separated from Lee, Lee began to wonder where Jamie was.
"Hey, sport, where's your brother?" he asked.
Philip wiped his eyes on his sleeve and pointed upstairs. "In our room," he said. He ran up there after
Grandma told him about mom and he hasn't been out since. Not even to eat. Grandma says he'll come
down in time but I hope he comes out today because I really don't want to sleep on the couch again
tonight."
Lee smiled at how this young man could ramble like his mother. "Why don't I go up and see if I can't lure
him out," he suggested. He felt completely out of his league. What did he know about consoling a teenage
boy? If he hadn't come out of his room for his grandma or his dad, he doubted he could be of much help.
Lee climbed the stairs and knocked on Jamie's door. "Jamie?" he asked. No answer. "Jamie, it's Lee," he
said, a little louder this time.
"It's unlocked," he heard Jamie mumble.
Lee opened the door and looked around the room. He spied Jamie sitting on his bed, leaning into the
corner of the wall. "Hey chief, do you mind if I come in?" he asked.
"It's a free country," Jamie responded.
Lee took a tentative step in and closed the door behind him. He let out a long and low whistle. "Wow
Jamie, did you do this?" he asked, eyeing the empty shelves on the wall and the shelf's contents laying on
the floor. Posters were ripped and Philip's bed was leaning awkwardly against the wall. The room was an
absolute mess.
Jamie hung his head. "Yeah," he said, "pretty stupid, huh?"
Lee went to Jamie's side and sat down on the bed. He took off his jacket, loosened his tie and rolled up his
sleeves.
Do you know," Lee began, "that I did this exact same thing to my office when I learned what had
happened?"
Jamie raised his head, along with his eyebrows. "You did? Was your boss mad?" he asked.
Lee put his arm around Jamie and said, "I did, and no my boss wasn't mad. He knows how much it hurts to
lose someone you love and he understood my anger. He also was pretty sure that I would be the one to
clean it all up," Lee added with a wink.
Jamie didn't smile. "I don't really understand a lot of what Grandma told us yesterday. Lee?" Jamie asked,
"is...was mom really a spy?" Jamie looked up at his friend, hoping he could make some sense of all that he
has learned.
"Yes, your mom was a damn good agent. What else did your grandma tell you?" Lee asked.
Jamie smirked at Lee using a swear word. He felt rather grown up hearing him use it. "She told us that
mom was shot while she was on duty and that you don't know where her body is." Jamie said. "Lee? If
you haven't seen her body, then how do you know she really died?"
Lee could see the hope in Jamie's eyes and sure hated to be the one to dash it. "Jamie," he said, "I wish I
could believe that your mother is out there somewhere, alive, but it's just not true. I can't tell you any more
than your grandma wants you to know, but you have to believe us when we tell you she's gone."
Lee grew quiet and the muscles in his cheeks were twitching. It didn't go unnoticed by Jamie.
"You miss her too, huh?" Jamie commented, seeing the emotion on Lee's face.
"Jamie, I loved your mother more than anyone will ever know," Lee said, hanging his head.
Jamie felt better talking to Lee. He wasn't sure he should ask the question that was on his mind, but he did
anyway, hoping it wouldn't make Lee mad.
"Lee?" he began.
"Ya, chief?" Lee answered.
"If you loved my mom as much as you say," Jamie started, not sure if he should continue, "then how come
you never asked her to marry you?"
Lee's chin began to quiver at the question. Jamie started to apologize, assuming he had hurt Lee's feelings.
"I'm sorry Lee. I guess that's none of my business."
Lee tightened his grip around Jamie's shoulder and asked, "Jamie, can you keep a secret?"
Jamie nodded, feeling honored that Lee would trust him enough to tell him a secret. "Well, your mom and
I did get married. We just never told anyone." he said, hoping his confession wouldn't upset his step-son.
"You did?!" Jamie exclaimed. "But I don't get it. Why didn't you tell us?"
"Well, son," Lee said, liking the idea of calling him son, "being a federal agent is a very dangerous job. We
were afraid that if everyone know we were married and also knew that you and Philip were my sons," Lee
paused momentarily to get the lump out of his throat, "we were afraid that someone would use you to get to
us. We only wanted to protect you and never enjoyed lying to you."
Jamie sat quietly, processing this new information. Lee was hoping that Jamie would accept all that he had
said and not turn away from him now.
"Lee," Jamie finally spoke, "I'm sorry for giving you such a hard time. I knew mom loved you. I was just
worried that you wouldn't stick around. I mean, dad left, and Dean left, although I never really liked Dean.
But I figured you'd eventually leave too. I just hope that even though mom's not here anymore you'll still
come around to see us. I mean, if you want to."
Lee smiled a little, squeezed Jamie tight and said, "I wouldn't leave you guys for anything. And that's a
promise."
Jamie seemed content with that.
"Say, Chief?" Lee asked.
"Ya?" Jamie answered.
"What do you say I give you a hand cleaning up this mess and then you can come down with me and raid
the refrigerator?"
Jamie smiled and blushed slightly. "Deal," he said.
Thirty minutes later Lee and Jamie finished the bedroom and headed down the stairs. Halfway down Jamie
stopped and looked at Lee. "Lee?" he asked. "How long do I have to keep our secret? I mean, aren't you
going to tell grandma?"
Lee scratched his head and said, "I'll tell her in time, but she has enough to think about right now."
Jamie just nodded and walked the rest of the way into the kitchen.
Lee stayed late into the night listening to Joe, Dotty and the boys telling stories of the Amanda he never
knew. Amanda as a little girl. Amanda as a college student. And Amanda as a mother of two toddlers. It
as nearing midnight when Lee finally left for his apartment. He was driving down the almost deserted
streets, reliving the past five years in his mind and listening to the silence. Suddenly, Lee's skin was
tingling and his neck hair was standing up.
"What the...." he said, trying to figure out why he felt so strange. Then he thought he heard a whisper. His
heart began to pound in his chest. He pulled over to see if he could determine what he was hearing.
"Help me," he heard. Lee shook his head. He figured he was just really overtired.
"Help me," he heard again.
"Amanda?" he whispered, still thinking his mind was playing tricks on him.
"Help me, Lee."
"Amanda!" he shouted, jumping out of the Vette and running up and down the sidewalk, half expecting to
find her hiding in the shadows. "Where are you?" he continued to shout, but the voice was gone. Lee ran
back into his car and drove straight to Billy's, ignoring red lights and speed limits on the way.
Lee rang Billy's doorbell three times, hoping that Billy would be the first to wake and answer the door. He
knew that what he was about to say would probably not get the help he wanted, but instead, get him a
quick trip to the agency shrink. Still, he had to try.
Billy looked out his window to see who wanted to see him so badly that they thought it was okay to ring his
doorbell at midnight. He spotted Lee and sighed. Assuming he just needed a friend he unlocked the
deadbolt and opened the door. "Hello, Lee," he greeted. "Come on in."
Lee quickly walked into the foray and dove right in. "Billy, Amanda's alive." he said with excitement in
his voice. "I heard her, Billy. She was asking me to help her. I need your help to get to her. It's been
almost thirty-six hours since she was shot and she's going to be needing medical..."
Billy cut Lee off in mid sentence. "Hold on, Lee. Slow down. What do you mean you `heard' Amanda?
Did you talk to her? You're not making any sense!"
Lee grabbed Billy's shoulders and tried to explain. "I just heard her, Billy. I can't explain it logically but
do you remember when Addi Birol had kidnapped her? When he had her I went to her house and I saw her
standing in her kitchen telling me she was all right. And after we got her back she told me that she had
seen me too, asking her not to give up. We're connected somehow, Billy, and now she's reaching out to me
again. She's alive...and she needs me to find her."
Billy looked at Lee for a long moment before speaking. "Lee, I'm not sure I believe you or not. But I
suppose we could go back to the agency and see what we can find. Just let me get changed," he said. "Oh,
and don't breath a work of this to anyone. We don't need to get everyone's hope up."
Lee thanked Billy and left to wait for him in the car.
CHAPTER FOUR
Billy and Lee had been trying to find any information they could about both Robert and Barny Hamel.
Robert's house had already been searched by agents after Amanda was taken and there was no sign of her
ever being there. They had found Robert's car parked on the street when he was found hanging from the
bridge. There was blood in the backseat but no Amanda. Robert's workplace and storage locker had
already been searched as well. Now Lee and Billy were searching for some new, logical place to look for
her. They pulled their records from their banks, employers, schools, the IRS, the police, anything they
could think of.
It was 3:27 AM and Billy and Lee had been sifting through paperwork, in silence, for over two hours. Lee
was just about to head for the breakroom when Billy snapped his fingers.
"Lee," he said, "I just might have a new location."
Lee leaned over to read the paper in Billy's hand.
"It seems that Barny had a cabin about two hours south east of here. I have a record here of him buying it
in 1972 and then it appears it was willed to his brother when he died. For some reason, Robert never had
the deed transferred to his name. That must be how we missed it." Billy was talking excitedly now.
"Come on then. What are we waiting for?" Lee said, throwing his coat on and grabbing his keys.
"Whoa there. We can't use up the rest of the night on something that could very well be a dead end," said
Billy. "I'll call the police over there and have them check it out. We'll find out faster that way."
Billy got on the phone to the Norfolk police to explain the situation while Lee went to refill his coffee cup.
"Hang on, Amanda," Lee said, hoping she could hear him.
Twenty minutes later Billy's phone rang. Lee was practically diving for it when Billy raised his hand to
stop him. "Just don't expect a miracle," he warned, and then answered the phone. "Melrose here," he
answered. "Uh huh...uh huh...I see...okay...thanks." Billy turned to Lee just a huge smile grew across his
face. "I don't believe it!" he shouted, "She's alive! They've found her and she's alive!"
Lee was already running out of Billy's office.
"Lee, where are you going?" Billy asked.
"To Amanda," Lee stated simply.
"Well," Billy continued, "did you really want to drive all that way? Or should we take the agency plane?"
"Definitely the plane," Lee answered, running for the elevator.
One hour later Billy and Lee were running into the Portsmouth Naval Hospital. Lee ran to the first nurse he
spotted. "Nurse," he asked, "where can I find a patient named Amanda King?"
The nurse pointed to her left and said "Take this hallway all the way down. You'll find a nurses station
there. They can help you."
Lee said a quick thanks as he ran down the hall. Billy was having a hard time keeping up with Lee's long
strides. Sliding to a halt in front of an enormous desk, Lee knocked on the desk top and asked his question
again. "Where can I find a patient named Amanda King?"
"Are you family?" the nurse asked.
"Yes, I'm her husband," Lee answered
The nurse pointed to a row of chairs nearby and said, "Wait here, I'll see if I can find her doctor."
Lee hated waiting. He sat down but didn't relax. Billy observed him sitting on the edge of his seat, peering
down the hallway for any sign of his wife or the doctor.
Five tense minutes later Lee spotted a man in a long white coat walking towards him from the end of the
hall. Lee couldn't want for him to get there so he got up and decided to meet him half way.
"Are you Amanda's doctor?" he asked.
"Yes. Are you her husband?" he replied, shaking Lee's hand now.
"Yes. How is she? Is she going to be okay?" Lee asked, with desperation evident in his voice.
"Your wife was shot in the shoulder. She lost a lot of blood and is very weak but luckily the bullet missed
the artery. She's got a fever because the would wasn't cleaned and became infected. We've cleaned it out,
removed the bullet, and started a tough course of antibiotics. We're also treating her for dehydration." the
doctor explained. "The infection is our biggest concern at this point. But I think after a week of hospital
treatment your wife should make a full recovery."
"Can I see her?" Lee asked with pleading eyes.
"Of course," the doctor said, turning on his heal, "follow me."
The walk to Amanda's room was short but to Lee it had felt like a lifetime. The need to see her, to touch
her, was overpowering. Lee paused momentarily outside Amanda's room, took a deep breath, and slowly
opened the door.
Lee stood staring at his wife laying motionless in the hospital bed. There were wires and tubes. Beeps and
lights. He shook off the unwanted flashback to their honeymoon. He had so many things he wanted to say
to her, now that he had this second chance. He thought he had lost her and yet here she was. Alive. With a
million thoughts swimming in his head, he quietly walked to Amanda's bedside and touched her hand.
Amanda opened her eyes to see who the visitor was. A weak smile formed on her lips when she saw who
was holding her hand. "Hi," she whispered.
"Hi," Lee choked through his newly formed tears.
Amanda had trouble keeping her eyes open. "I'm so tired," she said. "Are you all right?" she asked, seeing
Lee's tears.
Lee let out a chuckle and said, "You bet I'm all right. You're alive."
Amanda frowned. "Did you think I wasn't?" she asked.
"Oh Amanda. We all thought you were gone. Me, your family, the agency, everyone. Even Robert
Hamel. He's the one who shot you. He sent me a picture of you and you were covered in blood and your
eyes were closed and he said that because I had killed his brother he had killed you," Lee explained. He
wasn't just holding Amanda's hand now, he was kneading it, messaging it. He was petting her face and
smoothing her hair. He just couldn't believe she was here, real, alive.
"Oh Sweetheart, I'm so sorry," she said, rubbing her thumb over Lee's hand. "it must have been terrible for
you." Suddenly a look of terror spread across her face. "Oh, Lee," she gasped, "mother and the boys think
I'm dead. We have to tell them!" Amanda tried to reach for the phone but was too weak to raise her arms.
"Amanda, you rest. If your mother hears your voice on the phone with no warning as to what's going on
she'll faint on the spot" Lee said. "Why don't I call Arlington myself and wish your family a good
morning."
"Yes. That's probably a better idea." Amanda said, closing her eyes. "But first, will you please kiss me
already so I know you're real?"
Lee leaned towards his wife and whispered, "with pleasure, Mrs. Stetson," and kissed her gingerly on the
lips.
CHAPTER FIVE
Lee left Amanda's room just as the sun was rising in the east. He headed straight to Billy, who had been
sitting in the waiting room since their arrival over an hour earlier.
"How is Amanda?" Billy asked.
"She's very much alive, and she's going to be fine," Lee answered, with a renewed spirit. "The doctor said
she can be transferred to Galilee General in D.C. in a day or so, to be closer to her family. I was just about
to call Dotty. I thought maybe you could sit with Amanda while I'm on the phone."
Billy smiled, placing his hand on Lee's shoulder and said, "I'll take care of her until you get back," and
turned to go.
Lee found a pay phone and deposited what seemed like a pocketful of dimes. He dialed the number he
could recite in his sleep. Listening to the phone ringing he smiled inwardly at the news he was about to
deliver.
"Hello?" Dotty answered.
"Dotty, this is Lee," he said, "I hope I didn't wake you."
"No, Lee, I was just going to start a pot of coffee. Would you like to come over for breakfast?" Dotty
asked, "I can't thank you enough for what you did for the boys yesterday. They're both so fond of you. I
don't know what you said to Jamie to get him to come down from his room but it must have been
something pretty special because none of us could convince him to come out, not even Joe." Dotty
chattered.
Lee was beginning to wonder if he was going to be able to speak before the operator would ask for more
dimes. "Dotty," he finally just interrupted, "I'm afraid I won't be able to join you for breakfast this
morning. I'm calling from the Portsmouth Naval Hospital in Norfolk."
"Oh, Lee," Dotty said, sounding alarmed, "what happened now? You're not hurt, are you?"
"No, Dotty, "Lee reassured, "It's nothing like that. Dotty, after I left your house last night I went back to
the agency and did some digging with Billy Melrose. You remember Mr. Melrose don't you? Anyway, we
came up with a new lead on where Amanda might be and we followed it here."
Dotty grew quiet. "So, you found her body," she said softly.
"Not exactly," he said, "we did find Amanda but she wasn't dead. She's alive." Lee heard the phone hit the
floor and listened while Dotty ran up the stairs and pounded on the boy's door, yelling for them to come
down stairs.
Dotty ran back to the phone, picked it up off the floor and said "Oh Lee! I didn't mean to drop you. I was
just so excited. Now, tell me what happened, I want to be sure this isn't a dream."
"I assure you, this isn't a dream," Lee spoke, "We found Amanda in an old cabin. She had been shot and
left for dead, only she didn't die, and now she right here at the hospital. And she's going to be fine." Lee
was beginning to hear two rather grumpy boys asking their grandmother why she had woken them up so
early.
"Boys," she said, "Lee is on the phone and he has some wonderful news. Now listen quietly to what he has
to say." Philip and Jamie held the phone between their heads. Philip spoke first. "Hi Lee, what's up?" he
asked.
Lee cleared his throat and asked, "Boys, are you both there?"
"Ya, I'm here too," Jamie announced himself.
"Philip, Jamie," Lee continued, "your mother is alive."
Lee listened to the endless excited questions that were pouring into his ear.
"Boys," he said, "boys listen to me now." The phone grew silent. "Your mother wants to see you so why
don't you get ready and your grandma will bring you. She can explain on the way. Oh, and Jamie?"
"Yeah, Lee?" he replied.
"You can tell them our secret now." He said. "See you soon." And Lee hung up the phone.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
Eight days later Amanda was released from the hospital. Her welcome home party was so huge it spilled
over into the neighbor's yard. Lee drove up to the house and parked as close to the door as he could
manage. Amanda smiled at the balloons hanging from her front door and said, "It's so good to be out of the
hospital. Ya know, maybe me being shot and presumed dead wasn't such a bad thing."
Lee smiled and asked, "Are you about to point out some silver lining in all of this?"
"Well think about it," she continued, reaching for Lee's hand. "Now everyone knows we're married. I don't
think we would have told if all of this hadn't happened."
Lee giggled slightly, shook his head and said, "I would have rather told our secret under a little better
circumstances."
"Well, either way," Amanda said softly, looking into Lee's eyes, "it's going to be a wonderful life."
Lee kissed his wife on the forehead and whispered, "Welcome home, Amanda"
Amanda just smiled and whispered, "Yes, welcome home, Lee."
THE END
TIME LINE: Amanda and Lee have been married for four months. No one knows.
WARNING: Possible tissue alert.
TITLE: The Loss of Amanda
SUMMARY: Lee must deal with the untimely 'death' of Amanda.
CHAPTER ONE
By all accounts it should have been an easy pick up. Amanda was supposed to do it alone but she and Lee
were planning on eating lunch at Emilio's after, so he tagged along for the ride. Amanda was told to pick
up an audio tape that was taped to the bottom of a pay phone by one of their sources. She decided to park
around the corner and walk to the phone booth. Lee thought he'd stay in the Jeep so they wouldn't have to
waste a quarter in the meter.
"This should only take a second," Amanda said as she opened her door.
Lee smiled and winked at his wife as she stepped onto the curb. He watched her walk around the corner
and then turned his attention to the radio. He had been wanting to change the station ever since they left
the agency. It was a little game they played with each other. Whenever Amanda left the car, Lee would
immediately move the dial to the classic rock station. When Lee left, Amanda would switch it right back to
easy listening.
Lee was tapping his fingers on the dash board to the beat of Mick Jagger when he hear the first shots. He
wasn't sure where they had come from exactly but couldn't help but worry that the pick up had gone bad.
He reached for his gun and swung his long legs out of the Jeep in one motion. POP POP POP He heard
them again, this time sure they had come from Amanda's direction. He ran full throttle down the sidewalk,
stopping briefly to peek around the corner building, just in time to see a man dragging Amanda's bloodied
and lifeless body into his car.
"Amanda!" Lee shouted, shooting at the car, hoping to prevent it's escape. To Lee's further horror the car
tires squealed and sped out of sight. Lee ran back to the Jeep to call Billy.
"Billy," Lee panted, "Amanda's been shot. A man took her in a blue Chevy, license number KJL452". Lee
was already in pursuit. "I can't see them but I think he was heading to the interstate. I'll try to catch up but
I need back up."
Billy sent a team out to help Lee while Lee willed the Jeep to pick up speed. Once on the interstate, Lee
had trouble finding the Chevy. The lunch rush was well under way. `Where are you?' Lee thought,
scanning the mass of cars ahead of him. Lee swerved in and out of traffic for a good ten minutes before
slamming his hands on the steering wheel in defeat. "Damn!" he said to no one.
Getting back on the phone, he called Billy. "I lost them. Amanda's been shot and I lost them!" he yelled.
"Lee," Billy said, trying to calm the agent down, "we're running a trace on those plates. We'll find her,
just get back here so we can figure out what to do next."
Back at the agency, Lee rushed into the bullpen. Spotting Francine first he decided to vent some of his
frustrations out on her. "What have you got for me, Francine?" he growled.
"We ran those plates and came up with the name Robert Hamel. Does that name ring any bells?" she
asked.
Lee leaned on Francine's desk. He thought the name sounded familiar but couldn't quite place it. "Hamel,
Hamel," he repeated, "Hamel! Yes, isn't he the guy we busted in that forgery ring about six years ago?" he
asked. "But I thought he was a Barny, not a Robert. And didn't I kill that guy during the sting?"
Francine watched as the momentary excitement left Lee's eyes and the worry returned.
"Francine," Lee continued, "Robert could be Barny's brother or something. Maybe he's getting revenge for
Barny's death. But why would he take Amanda?"
"Let's see what Billy has," Francine suggested, as they both headed for Billy's office.
Billy was just hanging up the phone when the two agents came through his door. "There hasn't been
anyone matching Amanda's description admitted to any of the local hospitals," he said.
"Billy," Lee said placing both hands on Billy's desk and looking him in the eye, "Amanda was shot. I saw
the blood. She needs medical treatment and we need to find her!"
Billy felt sympathy for Lee. He knew that Amanda meant a lot to him. He was even pretty sure their
relationship was more than that of just partners. "Francine," Billy ordered, "go look up that Hamel file and
see if it could be connected to Robert Hamel."
Francine nodded and quickly left to accomplish her task.
"Lee," Billy continued, "we've got men out there looking for Hamel's car. We've still got a few hours
before Amanda's family will miss her."
Lee was pacing like a caged tiger now. "Billy, Amanda may not have a few hours. It's already been over
an hour since she was shot and I can't just sit here while she bleeds to death in the back seat of this guy's
car!" he pleaded. "I need to do something. Give me something, anything."
Just then Billy's phone rang. "Melrose here," he answered. "Yes.... Okay.....He'll be right there." Billy
hung up the phone and looked at Lee. "That was Mrs. Marston. She said an envelope was just delivered to
you and she thought you should look at it right away. It's probably not related to Amanda but why don't we
go up and check it out." Billy had hoped this distraction would calm Lee down.
Lee nodded his approval and they both headed for the Q Bureau.
Sliding the clothes over, Lee and Billy stepped off the elevator that doubled as a coat closet and went
straight to Mrs. Marston's desk.
Mrs. Marston handed Lee the envelope and said, "I would have just put it on your desk but it seemed
unusual. You don't normally get envelopes hand delivered like this. It was just shoved under the door
here, but I saw the man on the security camera."
Lee grabbed the unassuming package and looked at the front. All it read was "To Lee Stetson - Urgent".
Lee tore it open and pulled out a single 8x10 picture and a note. The picture was of his Amanda lying on a
concrete floor. Her blouse was blood soaked and her eyes were closed. Billy noticed Lee flinch. Lee tore
his eyes from the photo and read the note out loud. "My brother's death has been avenged. Now his
tortured soul can rest in peace. You took my only family when you took my brother. Now I have taken
yours."
Billy watched helplessly as this strong, macho man crumbled before his eyes. Lee dropped to his knees
and looked as if he had been punched in the stomach. "No," he mumbled. Then with more force, "No!".
Lee jumped up and ran up to his office. Billy followed but stopped just short of the door when he heard
Lee toppling furniture and throwing whatever he could get his hands on against the wall, all the while
screaming Amanda's name. Billy stood outside Lee's office door for a good ten minutes waiting for Lee to
take out his anguish on the objects and walls. Billy heard the crashing slow down and finally stop.
Knowing that Lee could use a friend, he silently entered through the `Film Library' door. The office was in
shambles, all except for Amanda's desk, which was as orderly as she had left it just hours before. That was
where Billy found him, sitting on the floor with his head in his hands, leaning into Amanda's chair. Billy
kneeled down next to him and touched his arm.
"Lee," he spoke. No response. "Lee," he said again, gently squeezing his arm. Lee slowly looked up. His
eyes were red and his cheeks were drenched from his tears. "I'm sorry, Lee," Billy said, consoling his
friend. "I know she meant a lot to you."
Lee stared into Billy's eyes as new tears began to fall. "You don't understand, Billy," Lee said, shaking his
head.
"Lee," Billy continued, "I'm not blind. I know you were falling in love with her. I've seen it in your eyes
when you look at her. I'm just so damned sorry."
Lee got up from the floor and sat in Amanda's chair. "She brought fresh flowers in here every morning.
Did you know that, Billy?" he asked.
Billy shook his head but didn't speak, knowing Lee just needed to talk about Amanda.
"She picked them from her own garden. She used to tell me that if I didn't quit climbing her trellis and
stepping in her garden that there weren't going to be any flowers left to pick. Do you know how many
times I climbed that trellis after her mother and boys went to bed? Or how many times I tapped on her
kitchen window so I could steal a few minutes with her in the secrecy of her back yard? Do you know how
many times I looked back on that day at the train station and wondered how I could have been so lucky to
pick Amanda out of a crowd of strangers? Do you know how much I loved her, Billy?" Lee said, his voice
growing quieter with every word. "Did you know she was my wife?" Lee looked at Billy now. His
shoulders were slumped and his eyes were beginning to swell.
Billy placed his hand on Lee's shoulder. He wasn't sure what to say to this agent who was like a son to
him. "No, I didn't know. Why didn't you tell me?" he asked.
Lee just shook his head. "I need to go home," he said. "I need to talk to Amanda's mother and the boys.
They need to know that Amanda's not coming home this time." Lee slowly got up, took the flowers from
Amanda's desk and left Billy and the Q Bureau behind.
He took the long way to Arlington, postponing the terrible task at hand. He was no good at this sort of
thing. How was he going to explain to Dotty that her daughter had been killed by a madman out for
revenge? He knew he would have to tell her about the agency as well. It was not going to be easy.
Lee finally arrived at the house he knew so well. He had only recently begun using the front door. Dotty
knew Lee as Amanda's boyfriend, nothing more. And now she will probably never know the real truth.
Lee rang the doorbell. He stood stiffly waiting for Dotty to answer the door. He rang it again. `Maybe
she's not home' he thought as he turned to leave. Just then the door swung open and Dotty warmly greeted
her unexpected guest.
"Why Lee, what a surprise! Amanda's still at work but she should be home in an hour or so. But you must
already know that since you two do work together. Come on in, Lee. How long have you been ringing the
doorbell? I was just finishing up the vacuuming so I'm sorry if I made you wait." Dotty rambled, leading
Lee into the kitchen. "Would you like some coffee?" she asked, finally looking at Lee's face. "Lee?
What's wrong? You look terrible."
Lee wasn't sure what to say. "Um, Mrs. West," he began.
"Dotty, call me Dotty," she interrupted.
"O.K. Dotty" Lee began again, "Uh, where are the boys?" he asked, suddenly realizing they might not be
home.
"They won't be home for another hour at least," she answered. "Lee, what's the matter? Is it Amanda? Has
there been another accident?" The memory of Amanda being shot in California was still very fresh in her
mind.
"Dotty," Lee said, leading her to a chair at the table, "yes, I'm afraid there has been another accident."
Dotty jumped up. "Lee," she asked in a panic, "where is she? Is she all right? Which hospital? Can you
take me to her? Lee? Lee?" Dotty brought her hand to her mouth and gasped when she saw the tears in
Lee's eyes. "Oh no. Lee, why are you crying? You're scaring me. Where is my daughter, Lee? Where is
Amanda?!" Dotty was shouting now.
Lee was having trouble finding his voice. "I'm....I'm...." he choked, "I'm so sorry...."
Dotty began beating her fists on Lee's chest. "No!" she screamed. "No!"
Lee took her hands, trying to stop the assault. "I tried to get to her in time. I heard the shots but I wasn't
close enough to protect her," he cried, almost trying to apologize.
Dotty buried her face into Lee's chest and wailed, "Not my baby girl! Oh, Amanda..."
Lee could feel Dotty's tears falling on his shirt. He held her close as her shoulders shook and her wails
echoed through the house. Many long minutes later Dotty wiped her eyes and sat back down on the kitchen
chair.
"Who could have done this?" she whispered. "Why Amanda?"
Lee knew the worst was yet to come. "Dotty, there are some things I need to tell you and they're not going
to be easy to hear. Are you sure you want to do this now?" he asked.
Dotty nodded. "I want to know what happened. The boys are going to ask questions and I need to know
how to answer them. They'll want to know who took their mother away," she answered, trying to sound
stronger than she felt.
Lee got Dotty a glass of water and sat down.
"Dotty," he began, "Amanda and I don't work for a film company. IFF is just a cover."
"A cover for what, Lee?" Dotty asked.
"A cover for a government agency," he explained. "An intelligence agency. Amanda and I don't make
documentaries, we're federal agents." Lee paused a moment, letting this new information sink in.
"Amanda was on a routine operation today. She was supposed to retrieve some information from one of
our sources. An audio cassette that had been taped under a public phone. All she had to do was walk into
the phone booth, get the tape, and leave. Only something went terribly wrong. And...and she was shot."
Dotty was silent. Lee knew that it wasn't a good sign.
"Does any of this make any sense?" Lee asked, wishing Dotty would say something.
"Lee," she finally spoke, "are you telling me that my daughter, the mother of two boys, is a spy? And that
she was shot in the line of duty? My daughter is not a spy! Why, she cried when Jamie's goldfish died!
And you expect me to believe that she's a gun-toting federal agent? It's absurd!"
Lee had figured she wouldn't easily accept his explanation. Not knowing what else to do or say, he pulled
out his wallet and laid it on the table. "I know this is hard to accept right now," he said quietly, "but if you
need some proof you can open my wallet."
Dotty stared at the billfold for a long while. Lee knew what she must be feeling. He knew that once she
believed that they were agents that she would have to also believe that Amanda was gone.
Dotty sighed, straightened her posture and, very slowly, she opened the wallet. "This only proves that you
are an agent. It has nothing to do with Amanda," she said defiantly, jumping up now to distract herself
with the dirty dishes in the sink.
Lee walked behind Dotty and placed his hands on her shoulders. "I have Amanda's purse in my car.
Would you like for me to bring it in?" he gently asked.
Dotty nodded and began running hot water in the sink.
Lee hated this. He hated having to tell all of this to Dotty, especially now. He slowly walked to the Vette
and retrieved Amanda's purse. He buried her face in it and inhaled the scent that was uniquely Amanda.
He had a bad feeling that in a few minutes he would no longer be welcomed in this house. Before going
back in, he wanted to find something, anything of Amanda's that he could keep for himself. He gingerly
searched through the many different compartments of her bag. There was her badge, her money and credit
cards, a grocery list and some coupons, some make-up and a miniature photo album. He opened the album
and found the picture of her and her sons that Dotty had taken just a short month ago. He took it out of it's
clear envelope, placed it in his breast pocket and returned his attention to the purse to see what else he
could find. He help up a small glass bottle and remembered the morning he had given it to her. It was
shortly after they had gotten engaged. He was shopping for something to stash in her desk drawer for her
to find later. He loved to do that. Sometimes it would be as simple as a pack of gum, or maybe a book.
Bit this was the perfume she had said she loved to try on at the department store but couldn't really afford to
buy. She had worn it every day since and he loved how it smelled on her. He opened the cap and let the
scent mingle with his memories. `yes' he thought, `I need to keep this.'
Lee placed the bottle in his car, zipped the purse shut and walked back into the house. Dotty was still
standing at the sink but Lee noticed that she hadn't yet washed a single dish. Hearing Lee approach, Dotty
turned around. Lee held Amanda's purse out to his mother-in-law. Dotty sighed, took the purse, and sat
down. Lee watched as she silently removed all of her belongings, one by one, pausing to touch, feel and
smell every single item. Lee realized that she was saving the badge for last. With nothing left to distract
her, Dotty knew she had to face the truth. Looking momentarily up at Lee she picked up the small leather
case and slowly opened it up. Lee could see the pain of reality creep across her face. He ran to her side as
she began to crumble. And together, in the quiet of a suburban kitchen, Lee and Dotty cried for the love
they had lost.
CHAPTER TWO
The next morning Lee awoke in his bed with swollen eyes and a splitting headache. The clock at his
bedside read 9:45 AM. Lee had been awake most of the night crying and nursing his broken heart with a
bottle of scotch. What little sleep he did get was tainted by dreams of his wife.
Lee didn't really want to go to work today. He knew he wasn't expected there for two weeks. He really
wanted to go to Amanda's but knew that by now Joe was there, and Amanda's Aunt Lillian. Philip and
Jamie needed their family right now. They didn't know that Lee was family, and Lee assumed now that
they never would. `No,' he thought, `I can't drop that bombshell on them as well.'
Lee knew that he couldn't spend another minute in his apartment. It reminded him too much of Amanda.
He decided to go to the agency after all. Maybe Billy has some new information on that Hamel creep that
killed Amanda. He quickly showered and dressed, and headed into work.
Not ready to face the Q Bureau just yet, he headed straight for Billy's office. The hustle and bustle of the
bullpen came to an abrupt halt when Lee opened the glass door. Everyone eyed him with sympathy and
pity. Billy noted the sudden silence and stepped out of his office to see what was going on. He took sight
of Lee and sighed. "All right people, back to work," he ordered and walked up to Lee. "Come in my
office," he said and the two men walked somberly through Billy's door. Billy closed the blinds to offer Lee
more privacy.
"Lee, why are you here?" he asked. "You should be home with your family."
Lee hung his head. "They don't know I'm family, Billy." Lee mumbled. "They still think of me as
Amanda's new boyfriend. No one knew we were married."
Billy shook his head. "Well then you need to tell them," he said.
Lee stood up and began to pace. "What did you want me to do, Billy? Walk in there, tell Amanda's mother
that Amanda was dead, that she's really a federal agent, and then say `oh, and by the way, she also had a
secret marriage!' I just couldn't do that to her too."
Billy Sat down in his chair. "How long were you two married?" he asked.
Lee stopped pacing and answered, "Almost five months."
Billy stood up, faced Lee, and said "Then you need Amanda's family right now. You need to grieve with
your mother-in-law and your boys, and your boys need their step-father. It's not fair for you to have to
remain on the outside looking in."
"Fair?" Lee shouted, "none of this is fair! It's not fair that she has to take a bullet for something I did six
years ago before we had even met. It's not fair that her boys lost their mother for something they knew
nothing of. This is all my fault, Billy, and eventually Amanda's mother is going to figure that out and
blame me for taking her daughter away from her. No, I need to handle this on my own. I can't turn to them
now, not when I'm the reason she's gone." Lee was spent. He sat down in his usual chair in Billy's office
feeling utterly defeated.
Billy knew this probably wasn't the best time for Lee to hear the latest development, but he thought he had
the right to know. "Lee," he said, wondering if Lee was even listening, "we found Robert Hamel."
Lee's head snapped up. "Where is he, Billy"? he asked. "Let me at him."
"I'm sorry, Lee," Billy continued, "we found him hanging from the 42nd street bridge. It was an apparent
suicide. We're still looking for Amanda's body."
Lee visibly winced at the sound of those two words, `Amanda's body'. "We need to find her," he
whispered. "She deserves a proper burial. I owe her and her family that much, at least."
Billy's phone rang and he went to answer it. "Melrose here. Yes Mrs. Marston. Yes, he's right here. Hold
on." he said, handing the receiver to Lee. "Lee, your mother-in-law is looking for you."
Lee slowly brought the phone to his ear. "Hello?" his voice cracked.
"Lee, oh, I've been so worried about you. I tried calling you at your apartment this morning and all I kept
getting was your machine. Won't you please come over? The boys have bee asking for you," Dotty said.
"Are you sure, Dotty?" he said into the receiver, "I mean, I know your family is probably there and I don't
want to get in the way."
"Oh nonsense, Lee," Dotty replied. "Now I know Amanda loved you and you belong here with us. Won't
you come, please?"
Lee felt a lump growing in his throat. "I'll be right there," he said and hung up the phone.
Standing up he said to Billy, "I have to go. My family needs me."
CHAPTER THREE
Lee rang the doorbell at Amanda's house. Philip opened the door and saw the tall figure with tears in his
eyes.
"Hi, Lee," he greeted, without a smile, "I was starting to think you weren't coming over today." Philip led
Lee into the house.
"Yeah, well," Lee fumbled, "I was afraid I'd be in the way. I guess I was wrong. How are you holding
up?" he asked, placing a hand on Philip's shoulder.
Philip tried to answer but his tears were beginning to flow now.
"Come here," Lee said, hugging Philip like a father hugs his son. Philip was releasing all of his pent up
sadness when Dotty poked her head out of the kitchen to see who had come. Seeing Lee holding Philip and
Philip finally showing his emotions he'd kept hidden for the past twenty hours caused Dotty to place her
hand over her heart and sigh. She wondered if Lee knew jut how fond of him the boys were.
When Philip finally raised his head and separated from Lee, Lee began to wonder where Jamie was.
"Hey, sport, where's your brother?" he asked.
Philip wiped his eyes on his sleeve and pointed upstairs. "In our room," he said. He ran up there after
Grandma told him about mom and he hasn't been out since. Not even to eat. Grandma says he'll come
down in time but I hope he comes out today because I really don't want to sleep on the couch again
tonight."
Lee smiled at how this young man could ramble like his mother. "Why don't I go up and see if I can't lure
him out," he suggested. He felt completely out of his league. What did he know about consoling a teenage
boy? If he hadn't come out of his room for his grandma or his dad, he doubted he could be of much help.
Lee climbed the stairs and knocked on Jamie's door. "Jamie?" he asked. No answer. "Jamie, it's Lee," he
said, a little louder this time.
"It's unlocked," he heard Jamie mumble.
Lee opened the door and looked around the room. He spied Jamie sitting on his bed, leaning into the
corner of the wall. "Hey chief, do you mind if I come in?" he asked.
"It's a free country," Jamie responded.
Lee took a tentative step in and closed the door behind him. He let out a long and low whistle. "Wow
Jamie, did you do this?" he asked, eyeing the empty shelves on the wall and the shelf's contents laying on
the floor. Posters were ripped and Philip's bed was leaning awkwardly against the wall. The room was an
absolute mess.
Jamie hung his head. "Yeah," he said, "pretty stupid, huh?"
Lee went to Jamie's side and sat down on the bed. He took off his jacket, loosened his tie and rolled up his
sleeves.
Do you know," Lee began, "that I did this exact same thing to my office when I learned what had
happened?"
Jamie raised his head, along with his eyebrows. "You did? Was your boss mad?" he asked.
Lee put his arm around Jamie and said, "I did, and no my boss wasn't mad. He knows how much it hurts to
lose someone you love and he understood my anger. He also was pretty sure that I would be the one to
clean it all up," Lee added with a wink.
Jamie didn't smile. "I don't really understand a lot of what Grandma told us yesterday. Lee?" Jamie asked,
"is...was mom really a spy?" Jamie looked up at his friend, hoping he could make some sense of all that he
has learned.
"Yes, your mom was a damn good agent. What else did your grandma tell you?" Lee asked.
Jamie smirked at Lee using a swear word. He felt rather grown up hearing him use it. "She told us that
mom was shot while she was on duty and that you don't know where her body is." Jamie said. "Lee? If
you haven't seen her body, then how do you know she really died?"
Lee could see the hope in Jamie's eyes and sure hated to be the one to dash it. "Jamie," he said, "I wish I
could believe that your mother is out there somewhere, alive, but it's just not true. I can't tell you any more
than your grandma wants you to know, but you have to believe us when we tell you she's gone."
Lee grew quiet and the muscles in his cheeks were twitching. It didn't go unnoticed by Jamie.
"You miss her too, huh?" Jamie commented, seeing the emotion on Lee's face.
"Jamie, I loved your mother more than anyone will ever know," Lee said, hanging his head.
Jamie felt better talking to Lee. He wasn't sure he should ask the question that was on his mind, but he did
anyway, hoping it wouldn't make Lee mad.
"Lee?" he began.
"Ya, chief?" Lee answered.
"If you loved my mom as much as you say," Jamie started, not sure if he should continue, "then how come
you never asked her to marry you?"
Lee's chin began to quiver at the question. Jamie started to apologize, assuming he had hurt Lee's feelings.
"I'm sorry Lee. I guess that's none of my business."
Lee tightened his grip around Jamie's shoulder and asked, "Jamie, can you keep a secret?"
Jamie nodded, feeling honored that Lee would trust him enough to tell him a secret. "Well, your mom and
I did get married. We just never told anyone." he said, hoping his confession wouldn't upset his step-son.
"You did?!" Jamie exclaimed. "But I don't get it. Why didn't you tell us?"
"Well, son," Lee said, liking the idea of calling him son, "being a federal agent is a very dangerous job. We
were afraid that if everyone know we were married and also knew that you and Philip were my sons," Lee
paused momentarily to get the lump out of his throat, "we were afraid that someone would use you to get to
us. We only wanted to protect you and never enjoyed lying to you."
Jamie sat quietly, processing this new information. Lee was hoping that Jamie would accept all that he had
said and not turn away from him now.
"Lee," Jamie finally spoke, "I'm sorry for giving you such a hard time. I knew mom loved you. I was just
worried that you wouldn't stick around. I mean, dad left, and Dean left, although I never really liked Dean.
But I figured you'd eventually leave too. I just hope that even though mom's not here anymore you'll still
come around to see us. I mean, if you want to."
Lee smiled a little, squeezed Jamie tight and said, "I wouldn't leave you guys for anything. And that's a
promise."
Jamie seemed content with that.
"Say, Chief?" Lee asked.
"Ya?" Jamie answered.
"What do you say I give you a hand cleaning up this mess and then you can come down with me and raid
the refrigerator?"
Jamie smiled and blushed slightly. "Deal," he said.
Thirty minutes later Lee and Jamie finished the bedroom and headed down the stairs. Halfway down Jamie
stopped and looked at Lee. "Lee?" he asked. "How long do I have to keep our secret? I mean, aren't you
going to tell grandma?"
Lee scratched his head and said, "I'll tell her in time, but she has enough to think about right now."
Jamie just nodded and walked the rest of the way into the kitchen.
Lee stayed late into the night listening to Joe, Dotty and the boys telling stories of the Amanda he never
knew. Amanda as a little girl. Amanda as a college student. And Amanda as a mother of two toddlers. It
as nearing midnight when Lee finally left for his apartment. He was driving down the almost deserted
streets, reliving the past five years in his mind and listening to the silence. Suddenly, Lee's skin was
tingling and his neck hair was standing up.
"What the...." he said, trying to figure out why he felt so strange. Then he thought he heard a whisper. His
heart began to pound in his chest. He pulled over to see if he could determine what he was hearing.
"Help me," he heard. Lee shook his head. He figured he was just really overtired.
"Help me," he heard again.
"Amanda?" he whispered, still thinking his mind was playing tricks on him.
"Help me, Lee."
"Amanda!" he shouted, jumping out of the Vette and running up and down the sidewalk, half expecting to
find her hiding in the shadows. "Where are you?" he continued to shout, but the voice was gone. Lee ran
back into his car and drove straight to Billy's, ignoring red lights and speed limits on the way.
Lee rang Billy's doorbell three times, hoping that Billy would be the first to wake and answer the door. He
knew that what he was about to say would probably not get the help he wanted, but instead, get him a
quick trip to the agency shrink. Still, he had to try.
Billy looked out his window to see who wanted to see him so badly that they thought it was okay to ring his
doorbell at midnight. He spotted Lee and sighed. Assuming he just needed a friend he unlocked the
deadbolt and opened the door. "Hello, Lee," he greeted. "Come on in."
Lee quickly walked into the foray and dove right in. "Billy, Amanda's alive." he said with excitement in
his voice. "I heard her, Billy. She was asking me to help her. I need your help to get to her. It's been
almost thirty-six hours since she was shot and she's going to be needing medical..."
Billy cut Lee off in mid sentence. "Hold on, Lee. Slow down. What do you mean you `heard' Amanda?
Did you talk to her? You're not making any sense!"
Lee grabbed Billy's shoulders and tried to explain. "I just heard her, Billy. I can't explain it logically but
do you remember when Addi Birol had kidnapped her? When he had her I went to her house and I saw her
standing in her kitchen telling me she was all right. And after we got her back she told me that she had
seen me too, asking her not to give up. We're connected somehow, Billy, and now she's reaching out to me
again. She's alive...and she needs me to find her."
Billy looked at Lee for a long moment before speaking. "Lee, I'm not sure I believe you or not. But I
suppose we could go back to the agency and see what we can find. Just let me get changed," he said. "Oh,
and don't breath a work of this to anyone. We don't need to get everyone's hope up."
Lee thanked Billy and left to wait for him in the car.
CHAPTER FOUR
Billy and Lee had been trying to find any information they could about both Robert and Barny Hamel.
Robert's house had already been searched by agents after Amanda was taken and there was no sign of her
ever being there. They had found Robert's car parked on the street when he was found hanging from the
bridge. There was blood in the backseat but no Amanda. Robert's workplace and storage locker had
already been searched as well. Now Lee and Billy were searching for some new, logical place to look for
her. They pulled their records from their banks, employers, schools, the IRS, the police, anything they
could think of.
It was 3:27 AM and Billy and Lee had been sifting through paperwork, in silence, for over two hours. Lee
was just about to head for the breakroom when Billy snapped his fingers.
"Lee," he said, "I just might have a new location."
Lee leaned over to read the paper in Billy's hand.
"It seems that Barny had a cabin about two hours south east of here. I have a record here of him buying it
in 1972 and then it appears it was willed to his brother when he died. For some reason, Robert never had
the deed transferred to his name. That must be how we missed it." Billy was talking excitedly now.
"Come on then. What are we waiting for?" Lee said, throwing his coat on and grabbing his keys.
"Whoa there. We can't use up the rest of the night on something that could very well be a dead end," said
Billy. "I'll call the police over there and have them check it out. We'll find out faster that way."
Billy got on the phone to the Norfolk police to explain the situation while Lee went to refill his coffee cup.
"Hang on, Amanda," Lee said, hoping she could hear him.
Twenty minutes later Billy's phone rang. Lee was practically diving for it when Billy raised his hand to
stop him. "Just don't expect a miracle," he warned, and then answered the phone. "Melrose here," he
answered. "Uh huh...uh huh...I see...okay...thanks." Billy turned to Lee just a huge smile grew across his
face. "I don't believe it!" he shouted, "She's alive! They've found her and she's alive!"
Lee was already running out of Billy's office.
"Lee, where are you going?" Billy asked.
"To Amanda," Lee stated simply.
"Well," Billy continued, "did you really want to drive all that way? Or should we take the agency plane?"
"Definitely the plane," Lee answered, running for the elevator.
One hour later Billy and Lee were running into the Portsmouth Naval Hospital. Lee ran to the first nurse he
spotted. "Nurse," he asked, "where can I find a patient named Amanda King?"
The nurse pointed to her left and said "Take this hallway all the way down. You'll find a nurses station
there. They can help you."
Lee said a quick thanks as he ran down the hall. Billy was having a hard time keeping up with Lee's long
strides. Sliding to a halt in front of an enormous desk, Lee knocked on the desk top and asked his question
again. "Where can I find a patient named Amanda King?"
"Are you family?" the nurse asked.
"Yes, I'm her husband," Lee answered
The nurse pointed to a row of chairs nearby and said, "Wait here, I'll see if I can find her doctor."
Lee hated waiting. He sat down but didn't relax. Billy observed him sitting on the edge of his seat, peering
down the hallway for any sign of his wife or the doctor.
Five tense minutes later Lee spotted a man in a long white coat walking towards him from the end of the
hall. Lee couldn't want for him to get there so he got up and decided to meet him half way.
"Are you Amanda's doctor?" he asked.
"Yes. Are you her husband?" he replied, shaking Lee's hand now.
"Yes. How is she? Is she going to be okay?" Lee asked, with desperation evident in his voice.
"Your wife was shot in the shoulder. She lost a lot of blood and is very weak but luckily the bullet missed
the artery. She's got a fever because the would wasn't cleaned and became infected. We've cleaned it out,
removed the bullet, and started a tough course of antibiotics. We're also treating her for dehydration." the
doctor explained. "The infection is our biggest concern at this point. But I think after a week of hospital
treatment your wife should make a full recovery."
"Can I see her?" Lee asked with pleading eyes.
"Of course," the doctor said, turning on his heal, "follow me."
The walk to Amanda's room was short but to Lee it had felt like a lifetime. The need to see her, to touch
her, was overpowering. Lee paused momentarily outside Amanda's room, took a deep breath, and slowly
opened the door.
Lee stood staring at his wife laying motionless in the hospital bed. There were wires and tubes. Beeps and
lights. He shook off the unwanted flashback to their honeymoon. He had so many things he wanted to say
to her, now that he had this second chance. He thought he had lost her and yet here she was. Alive. With a
million thoughts swimming in his head, he quietly walked to Amanda's bedside and touched her hand.
Amanda opened her eyes to see who the visitor was. A weak smile formed on her lips when she saw who
was holding her hand. "Hi," she whispered.
"Hi," Lee choked through his newly formed tears.
Amanda had trouble keeping her eyes open. "I'm so tired," she said. "Are you all right?" she asked, seeing
Lee's tears.
Lee let out a chuckle and said, "You bet I'm all right. You're alive."
Amanda frowned. "Did you think I wasn't?" she asked.
"Oh Amanda. We all thought you were gone. Me, your family, the agency, everyone. Even Robert
Hamel. He's the one who shot you. He sent me a picture of you and you were covered in blood and your
eyes were closed and he said that because I had killed his brother he had killed you," Lee explained. He
wasn't just holding Amanda's hand now, he was kneading it, messaging it. He was petting her face and
smoothing her hair. He just couldn't believe she was here, real, alive.
"Oh Sweetheart, I'm so sorry," she said, rubbing her thumb over Lee's hand. "it must have been terrible for
you." Suddenly a look of terror spread across her face. "Oh, Lee," she gasped, "mother and the boys think
I'm dead. We have to tell them!" Amanda tried to reach for the phone but was too weak to raise her arms.
"Amanda, you rest. If your mother hears your voice on the phone with no warning as to what's going on
she'll faint on the spot" Lee said. "Why don't I call Arlington myself and wish your family a good
morning."
"Yes. That's probably a better idea." Amanda said, closing her eyes. "But first, will you please kiss me
already so I know you're real?"
Lee leaned towards his wife and whispered, "with pleasure, Mrs. Stetson," and kissed her gingerly on the
lips.
CHAPTER FIVE
Lee left Amanda's room just as the sun was rising in the east. He headed straight to Billy, who had been
sitting in the waiting room since their arrival over an hour earlier.
"How is Amanda?" Billy asked.
"She's very much alive, and she's going to be fine," Lee answered, with a renewed spirit. "The doctor said
she can be transferred to Galilee General in D.C. in a day or so, to be closer to her family. I was just about
to call Dotty. I thought maybe you could sit with Amanda while I'm on the phone."
Billy smiled, placing his hand on Lee's shoulder and said, "I'll take care of her until you get back," and
turned to go.
Lee found a pay phone and deposited what seemed like a pocketful of dimes. He dialed the number he
could recite in his sleep. Listening to the phone ringing he smiled inwardly at the news he was about to
deliver.
"Hello?" Dotty answered.
"Dotty, this is Lee," he said, "I hope I didn't wake you."
"No, Lee, I was just going to start a pot of coffee. Would you like to come over for breakfast?" Dotty
asked, "I can't thank you enough for what you did for the boys yesterday. They're both so fond of you. I
don't know what you said to Jamie to get him to come down from his room but it must have been
something pretty special because none of us could convince him to come out, not even Joe." Dotty
chattered.
Lee was beginning to wonder if he was going to be able to speak before the operator would ask for more
dimes. "Dotty," he finally just interrupted, "I'm afraid I won't be able to join you for breakfast this
morning. I'm calling from the Portsmouth Naval Hospital in Norfolk."
"Oh, Lee," Dotty said, sounding alarmed, "what happened now? You're not hurt, are you?"
"No, Dotty, "Lee reassured, "It's nothing like that. Dotty, after I left your house last night I went back to
the agency and did some digging with Billy Melrose. You remember Mr. Melrose don't you? Anyway, we
came up with a new lead on where Amanda might be and we followed it here."
Dotty grew quiet. "So, you found her body," she said softly.
"Not exactly," he said, "we did find Amanda but she wasn't dead. She's alive." Lee heard the phone hit the
floor and listened while Dotty ran up the stairs and pounded on the boy's door, yelling for them to come
down stairs.
Dotty ran back to the phone, picked it up off the floor and said "Oh Lee! I didn't mean to drop you. I was
just so excited. Now, tell me what happened, I want to be sure this isn't a dream."
"I assure you, this isn't a dream," Lee spoke, "We found Amanda in an old cabin. She had been shot and
left for dead, only she didn't die, and now she right here at the hospital. And she's going to be fine." Lee
was beginning to hear two rather grumpy boys asking their grandmother why she had woken them up so
early.
"Boys," she said, "Lee is on the phone and he has some wonderful news. Now listen quietly to what he has
to say." Philip and Jamie held the phone between their heads. Philip spoke first. "Hi Lee, what's up?" he
asked.
Lee cleared his throat and asked, "Boys, are you both there?"
"Ya, I'm here too," Jamie announced himself.
"Philip, Jamie," Lee continued, "your mother is alive."
Lee listened to the endless excited questions that were pouring into his ear.
"Boys," he said, "boys listen to me now." The phone grew silent. "Your mother wants to see you so why
don't you get ready and your grandma will bring you. She can explain on the way. Oh, and Jamie?"
"Yeah, Lee?" he replied.
"You can tell them our secret now." He said. "See you soon." And Lee hung up the phone.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
Eight days later Amanda was released from the hospital. Her welcome home party was so huge it spilled
over into the neighbor's yard. Lee drove up to the house and parked as close to the door as he could
manage. Amanda smiled at the balloons hanging from her front door and said, "It's so good to be out of the
hospital. Ya know, maybe me being shot and presumed dead wasn't such a bad thing."
Lee smiled and asked, "Are you about to point out some silver lining in all of this?"
"Well think about it," she continued, reaching for Lee's hand. "Now everyone knows we're married. I don't
think we would have told if all of this hadn't happened."
Lee giggled slightly, shook his head and said, "I would have rather told our secret under a little better
circumstances."
"Well, either way," Amanda said softly, looking into Lee's eyes, "it's going to be a wonderful life."
Lee kissed his wife on the forehead and whispered, "Welcome home, Amanda"
Amanda just smiled and whispered, "Yes, welcome home, Lee."
THE END