Hallelujah, a big time rush fanfic

Hey! I just had this idea a while ago, so I felt like writing it! It's kinda long, I think…possibly…but who knows? Haven't written it yet. xD I love all who read and review! I love all who love this!

But I love a lot of people.

What are you gonna do?

Um…the forest is an idea that I got from this story my friend read and told me. Yeah. If anyone has heard that story (with the forest, fairy, and flower), then I LURVES YOU! If not, you're cool, too. And I don't mean to offend anyone with the slightly religious wording, I was just trying to make it sound like the Bible. xD Which isn't the best idea, coming from me…(I'm not the most religious person.) Anyway, I just hope it doesn't insult anyone. And if it does, I don't mean to. This is an honest message from me, Distopian Heart, to you, my dear readers.

Oh! By the way! This is a oneshot! I know I said it in the memo, but whatever. Some people don't read those.

Also! I am now taking suggestions for oneshots and such! Only guy on guy, though. I'm not very good at doing het. Whatever. BUT MESSAGE ME!

One more thing! The quotes at the end are by me! And it's my first attempt at a lemon, sorry if it's rushed and suckish. :\

Disclaimer: I don't own.

Warnings: Cargan, slash, smex, attempted suicide, angst up the yin yang, foul language and other such matters

Logan sighed, looking at the sunset. He knew his friends were getting worried; it was their nature. And he hated making them worry. But, for that same reason, he had to do this.

He stood up, hearing the rustle of clothing and cement. He looked out at the city. The orange, red, and pink of the sky were dying the world with a combination of the lovely trio. The fiery colors were getting closed in by the darkness of night, the soft velvety expanse that Logan deeply wished he could delve into and never come back out.

He almost smiled. It was a beautiful last sight.

And with that, he stepped up to the edge of the roof, the stage of Death. Feeling a breeze cut through the air, he spread his arms.

He jumped.

Logan sat up, spluttering for breath, in a cold sweat, eyes almost popping out of his head. He breathed heavily, waiting for his heartbeat to return to normal. He looked around, seeing that he had awoken his boyfriend.

Said boyfriend, whose name was Carlos, stretched his arms, he eyes squeezed tight. "Baby?" He asked, sitting up. "You okay?" The Latino inquired, wrapping his arms around Logan.

Logan forced a smile. "Just a nightmare." He lied. He pecked Carlos on the lips. The latter looked satisfied with the answer and smiled.

"M'kay. Just make sure you get back to sleep soon. Tomorrow's a big day for you." He said, hugging Logan and then lying back down to sleep fall asleep once again.

Oh right. Birthday. Logan thought. That'll be fun…yeah. Just go out drinking with the guys, it'll be fine.

Logan and his friends were all around twenty two, and Logan would be that age that next day. It wasn't that big of a milestone; no, that was the year prior. Drinking had helped with the depression, but it was still in his face almost every second of the day. The man only felt happy when he was alone with his boyfriend, and that was barely ever. Any other time, he grit his teeth and put on a show for his friends.

They thought he had gotten over it when they were nineteen. It had started when Gustavo had despised and took out his frustration on Logan for almost an entire year, only because the other guys were "too talented to hate". Logan had been sent spiraling into a self-loathing, a beast that foamed at the mouth whenever the mere thought of it came up. It had been worse when Logan was a teenager, maybe because of all the swirling hormones. But he was a grown man now. It was just something that kept reoccurring in his dreams and made him stare at guns longingly.

Euphoria.

That's all he wanted.

He wanted to be able to smile for real, and not just after sex, again.

However, it was a simple wish. A desperate prayer that wouldn't be answered.

"I would like to make this toast to Logie, who, for god knows how many years, has been one of my best friend. Logan, you've helped me with so much, and you've made me less of a pussy. Bro, I owe you five million." Kendall grinned at Logan, holding up his glass of scotch. All four downed their drinks. Kendall sat back down, hitting Logan's fist with his own.

James stood up next. "Logan, this next toast is for you, too. You're the smartest person I've ever met, 'cause you're a fucking genius. And I really don't know what I'd do without you. If it weren't for you, we wouldn't have been able to go to those auditions with Gustavo, Kendall wouldn't have asked me out, and I wouldn't have been pushed to make my own solo album. May the force be with you, bro." Once again, they all down their drinks, feeling it start to go to their heads.

Carlos was the next to go. He stood up, a mischievous look on his face. "Logan, this next toast goes out to our love. I don't think I'd be able to live without you, now that I've lived so long, seeing you almost every day. You're the greatest lover I've ever had, and I love you so much. Logan, happy birthday. May this one be better than last year's, and next year's be better than this one." The Latino bent down at pecked Logan on the top of the head.

Logan blushed. Carlos was obviously drunk, even though he usually could hold his liquor. Maybe it was the enormous amount of scotch. Nonetheless, the brunette downed yet another glass of the golden liquid. Then, with a false grin on his face, he stood himself.

"This toast goes to you three." He started sincerely. "There are no better friends in the world than you. If it weren't for you guys, not only would I still be stuck in Minnesota, but I'd be boring, single, and a virgin. That would just suck." All four laughed. "Anyway, I would like to thank you guys seriously. You helped me through a lot, and if you hadn't, I may not be here right now. I love all three of you. But mostly Carlitos."

"I'll drink to that!" Carlos cried. Once more, they all tipped alcohol down their glasses down to their throats.

Of course, the next thing Logan remembered was suddenly being in a room of a (five star?) hotel. He was thrown on the bed, which made him bounce once or twice before seemingly devouring him. He looked at the door, seeing Carlos stalking closer to him and dimming the lights to a romantic half-light.

Once Carlos was within an arm's length, Logan's hand shot out, grabbed the Latino, and brought him closer into a sloppy, drunken kiss. Carlos' tongue grazed Logan's lip, and the brunette granted entrance. Logan didn't even fight for dominance, as Carlos took it right away. Carlos' arms wrapped around Logan's waist, and Logan gripped Carlos' shoulders, digging his nails into the fabric of the Latino's shirt.

The awkward angle seemed to annoy Carlos too much, since he slid one leg over to the other side of Logan's hips. The kiss became harsh, demanding, yet still staying romantic, loving. Logan's hands trailed down Carlos' side and up under his shirt, making him shiver slightly. The brunette eventually managed to get the offending garment of his boyfriend and started tracing those tanned muscles with his tongue.

"Logie, I swear to god, you get better every time we do this." Carlos said in a choked voice. Logan smirked, kissing Carlos' abdomen.

"It's a gift." He whispered against the taut skin.

Carlos took control once again, attacking Logan's soft spot. Logan moaned, arching his back into Carlos. The latter's hands slammed Logan's hips down. Carlos started to grind down on the birthday boy. Logan whined in pleasure, arching his back at much as possible, which wasn't as much as he would've liked.

Carlos ripped off Logan's pants and boxers, and slid his own garments down his legs. Carlos grabbed some lube from out of a drawer in the nightstand. He handed it to Logan, smirking. "Lube me up, babe?" He asked seductively in his lover's ear.

Logan squirted some out into his palm and spread it over Carlos' cock, making sure to get every fucking inch. All the while, his gaze remained locked with Carlos' dark brown eyes, which had darkened even more in the heat of the moment.

When Logan was finished, he leaned back into his previous position with a perfectly innocent expression on his face. Carlos got even harder, if that was possible, at that look. Call him odd, but he found Logan being innocent the most fuckable thing in the universe. He prepared Logan hastily, sticking in one finger, then another and scissoring the two digits, and finishing by using three fingers.

Logan braced himself. No matter how many times he and Carlos made love, it always hurt. But he knew it would soon feel good.

Carlos kissed Logan slowly, hoping to distract him somewhat. "Love you, Logan." He whispered softly against the brunette's lips before pushing in slowly. Logan winced. "Sorry…sorry…" Carlos muttered.

"Just…move already!" Logan hissed.

Carlos rolled his hips gently. Logan's face crumpled in pain.

Logan grasped Carlos' shoulders, digging his nails in so hard, blood was drawn. Carlos hissed in the twinge of pain, even though the pleasure of the tight heat that was Logan was making him go nearly insane. Logan just wished he would-

"Ah! Carlos! Mmf!"

Logan bit his lower lip, trying to keep from screaming. Carlos had hit his prostate straight on, making Logan see stars in a split second. He panted, feeling his mind unravel, the only facts remaining were that Carlos was the one making him feel so good, and that he needed air to breathe.

But he didn't need that last one.

"Logan…mm…say my name…again – ah!" Carlos grunted, slamming in harder and faster, knowing that Logan wasn't feeling anymore pain.

"Carlos! Ah! Right there! Oh, Carlos!" Logan's voice raised higher in volume and pitch. His eyes fluttered closed as Carlos used one hand to pump his dick. "Ahn! Mm – Carlos! I-I'm…I'm gonna…"

"Yeah, baby, me too." Carlos managed to say. He crashed his lips on Logan's forcing his tongue down his boyfriend's throat. Logan just moaned louder, meeting Carlos' thrusts with his hips even faster.

"Carlos!"

"Logan!"

And with that, the two spent men flopped down. They'd clean each other in the morning, no matter how much Logan hated being unclean.

The two shared a lazy kiss, during which Logan only just realized that Carlos tasted like scotch. He was probably no different. They smiled at each other. "I love you." The birthday boy muttered.

"Love you too, Logie." Carlos whispered, kissing him chastely on the lips.

And with that, they fell asleep.

Logan paced the apartment, only a slight limp as a reminder of the previous night, a mournful expression on his face.

It was happening again.

When it was all piling up on top of him, making it hard for him to breathe. He didn't know what made his feelings all snap backwards, but they did sometimes. It always happened at the worst possible moments, and made him sob for days on end. He'd tell his friends that he was busy with school (he took online medical classes), and couldn't talk or go out. But what he was really doing all day was weeping in his room, curled up in a ball, longing for comforting touch.

But no one knew.

He was alone.

The entirety of Hell was swirling around him, laughing hideously at him, letting him fall down a perpetual abyss, and he had nothing to hold onto.

Nothing to make it better.

He had told too many lies, and now he was paying for it.

"Where is it…where the fuck is it?" He shouted in blind fury, his hands shaking as he tore his bedroom apart. "Where'd I put it?"

He had only started doing drugs a few months ago, after a reunion with a friend from back at the Palm Woods. Thomas Williams, no longer known as Guitar Dude. He had changed his name, legally. Logan had found him at a coffee shop, had a great time talking to him after a few years of not seeing him. After Big Time Rush had gone famous, they had left the Palm Woods, and left all their friends behind. Then, once the boys had turned twenty, they were shut down for being "too old". After that, the boys turned to Hollywood parties and such to get "odd jobs in the music biz", as Kendall had once put it.

So, yeah, Logan was happy to see an old friend.

"There we go."

But when Thomas had passed him the plastic bag, then slipped out of the establishment, Logan felt fear, adrenaline, and anxiety run through him simultaneously.

It makes it better, he told himself. You have a legit reason.

But he knew it wasn't good enough.

If his friends knew, he'd be screwed. They'd want to know everything.

And Logan wasn't ready to say anything yet.

Logan sulked, stoned, all that afternoon, the drugs just making his anger worse, as they did sometimes. At one point, he punched a mirror, not minding the searing pain of feeling glass in his hand. He plucked out the bloody shards, wrapped his hand up, and continued his enraged crying.

"You're an idiot!" He screamed at another mirror. "You had everything! You have everything!"

The heart-wrenching cries echoed throughout the large apartment.

"Why are you crying?"

"You should be killed!"

"Let your blood sink into the floor, you creep!"

"Carlos only pities you! He'd never actually love you! Nobody will!"

By the time it was midnight, Logan was howling into a pillow on the couch, wishing that the fires of Hell would consume him already, just as long as the burning agony stopped.

"Go die, you whore!"

Day Two of: Severe Depression

The patient appears to be handling this bout better than earlier rounds of depression. He has not directly put himself in danger, but has harmed himself unintentionally via punching a mirror. He screams and weeps often, possibly causing strain on his vocal chords. The patient's diet has consisted of strictly ice cream and Pringles.

Logan sighed, thinking over his mental medical report. He wasn't sure if it was healthy or not to be thinking about his own mental health, but maybe it would count as personal practice for when he had to write medical reports later in his career…

Vaguely, he heard the phone ringing. He didn't have the will or the energy to stand up and answer, so he figured if it was important, they'd leave a message.

How right he was.

"Hey, Logie! You're finally a multiple of eleven again! Haha, I hope you like the math. Took me a while to get it when you told me that a few months ago…How did I get past high school, really? But anyway, call me when you get a chance, and I hope you're not too busy. I have a present for you that I really wanna give you! And it's not just sex like last night! So, call me when you're not busy, okay, babe? Love you!"

Oh, that Carlos. Always so sweet, always so kind.

Logan really was lucky to have him.

A fresh wave of tears washed over him. He curled into a ball, trying to keep his sobs quiet.

Two days later, Logan's episode was over. He felt ashamed of himself that he could get so crazy for no reason, but then again, he always felt that way after his days.

He cleaned up his apartment, took a shower, put on a decent outfit, and picked up the phone.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Carlos! It's me!"

"Logie! Good to hear from you! Where were you?"

"I had this really important school thing to work on. I'm sorry…" He pouted cutely, even though he knew Carlos couldn't see him.

Carlos laughed. "It's fine. Can I come over with your present?"

"Baby, if I ever say 'no' to that question, I want you to slap me across the face."

The two laughed. "Alright! I'll be right over!" Carlos cried. "Love you!"

"Love you too." Logan said before hanging up.

He sat down on the couch, inspecting his surroundings. He had a lot of paintings hung up everywhere, donated by Kendall, who had started painting in his boredom, and ended up very talented at it. Other than that, the only occupants the wall had were small pictures of Logan and his friends.

If Logan had had any family he cared about, maybe he would've cared to remember them by putting up pictures of them, but Logan couldn't care less about his relatives. His own parents had ignored him most of the time, despite his best efforts to be the perfect little angel he knew kids were supposed to be. However, they passed by him as if he were just a decoration placed in there absentmindedly. This had made him angry once he saw how kind parents were supposed to be. And, at the age of fourteen, had gotten so furious at his parents that he had found them together at one point and screamed his head off at them. And what did they do?

Nothing.

Told him that he was imagining it, that it was in his head, that they were theoretically the perfect parents, that they fed him, that they cleaned him when he was a kid, that they bought his school supplies, that they kept the roof above his head stable.

But not once did they mention love.

Maybe that's why he snapped when he was seventeen. He was so sick and tired of being unloved, that he wanted everything to end. He figured that, in heaven, love was abundant. Maybe if he died, he'd be loved by just one person.

But then Carlos burst in. Said he loved him. Said that he always had, always will. Logan had delved into the love, basked in it, loved him back. Thanked the Lord, thanked Carlos. That's all he could do.

Logan's remembering was cut short by Carlos bursting in. He looked over and saw his lover carrying a large box. "That looks fun." The brunette commented.

"You bet your sweet white ass it's fun." Carlos grinned.

"Thanks for mentioning my lack of a tan, fag." Logan sighed, sitting up.

"Anytime!" Carlos strutted over so he was sitting next to Logan. "Now, close your eyes."

Logan closed his eyes. "What's this about, Carlos? I thought you said this wasn't sex."

"It's not!"

"Then what's with the box and the secrecy?"

"You'll see!"

Logan sighed and waited for the signal to open his eyes. When Carlos gave the word, he obliged. What he saw made him smile. "Really? Disney movies?" He hugged Carlos, nuzzling his neck. "You're so sappy sometimes, you know that?"

Carlos coiled his arms around Logan. "Yeah. But you know you love it."

Logan kissed Carlos on the cheek. "I love everything about you."

Carlos grinned. "And I, you."

Logan Mitchell, genius of Big Time Rush, current medical student.

Logan Mitchell, the boy who was a prude at thirteen because he wanted to make his family proud.

Logan Mitchell, the boy who used to be anonymous.

Logan Mitchell, the man who hates himself because he felt depressed at the peak of his fame.

Logan Mitchell.

The man haunted the rooms of his apartment. His hands were stuffed in his pockets and his head was hung low. He was trying to think himself out of this depression, as he usually did in his free time.

Sometimes he wondered how it didn't work. Maybe because emotions couldn't be thought through.

Or something like that…

Eventually, he just wandered into his bedroom and collapsed onto his bed. He groaned. "Ugh! My bones hurt…"

He wanted to call Carlos, but he didn't have the energy. So, instead, he just decided to take a nice, long nap. And with that, he tumbled down the abyss commonly known as sleep.

"Aw, look. He's sleeping."

"It's fucking adorable! Just like a little kid!"

"Guys, shut up. He's my property."

"Damn, you're protective."

"It turns him on."

Logan chucked a pillow in the direction of the last voice. "Don't tell them about my turn-ons, fucker." He grumbled.

He heard Kendall laugh. "I guess he hasn't changed so much since the days at the Palm Woods! Still grumpy as hell in the morning!"

"Reminds me of someone." James muttered pointedly. Logan cracked open an eye just in time to see Kendall hugging his boyfriend and whispering something in his ear.

"A bit early to be saying dirty things, don't you think, Kendall?" Logan asked. He knew his friend well, and knew that the blonde was a big horndog, no matter how old he got.

Kendall grinned. "Since when did you have super hearing?"

"I don't. I just know you too well." The smart one grumbled, sitting up. Suddenly, he was on his back once again, with Carlos lying on top of him horizontally. Logan sighed. "Good morning, Carlos." He droned.

"That's what I thought!" The Latino cried, sitting up.

"Can you get off of me now?" Logan whined. Carlos, instead, looked at Kendall and James, who then left, giggling. Logan sighed. He really didn't want to deal with this. Sometimes he just didn't have the energy to do anything, and this was one of those moments. "Carlos."

Carlos looked at him innocently while straddling the brunette. "Logan." While his expression was innocent, his tone wasn't.

"Get off."

"I plan to."

"Carlos."

"C'mon, Logie!"

"Get your head outta your ass and get off of me!"

Carlos pouted. "Fine." He sighed, flopping down next to his boyfriend. He ran his fingers in Logan's hair. "Is something wrong?" He asked.

Logan sighed. "I'm just tired." He replied, hugging Carlos.

"Tired? You just woke up!" Carlos replied, hugging back and getting closer to his lover.

Logan shrugged. "I know." He said. "But…I don't know, actually. By the way, why did you guys wake me up?"

"I don't know. But James and Kendall woke me up and then dragged me here." Carlos said.

"We should probably go out and talk to them, huh? If they're being this persistent." Logan sighed. He got up and, just as he was about to change, saw that Carlos was openly waiting and just staring at him. "You're a perv."

"I never get sick of seeing your body, baby." Carlos breathed, winking at Logan. "And besides, it's nothing I haven't seen before."

"Mmm…fine. But only because you're too hot to deny right now." Logan turned and pecked Carlos on the lips. Carlos kissed back, but Logan pulled away and changed quickly. The couple left the room hand in hand.

"There you are!" Kendall cried, pulling them down onto Logan's couch. "James, you tell them."

"Right." James stood next to Kendall. "Well, you all know how I've been getting more popular with my music, right?" Logan and Carlos nodded. James grinned. "A popular music producer heard one of my songs and contacted me. He wants to get me on the air."

Logan's mouth dropped open. Carlos grinned. "Congratulations!"

"Well, yes, but there's something that you need to know." James said, grabbing Kendall's hand. "I'm going to have to go back and forth through cities for recording and interviews and such. So, you may not see me a lot."

Logan furrowed his eyebrows. "O-oh…well…this is your biggest wish, and it's coming true, right? And that's good."

"It's great, don't get me wrong, but…" James trailed off.

"But I'm going with him." Kendall said bluntly.

Logan's world crashed.

Without two of his best friends, then he'd be without half of the wall he leaned on. Sure, he didn't use them as much as he used to, but it was always nice to know that he could go to them if he wanted to.

And now they'd be gone.

Logan sighed, looking at the sunset. Two of his best friends were leaving, and he knew that, without them, he would probably tumble over the edge of depression. Thus, he would cause worry for his friends, no matter where they were. And he hated to cause them worry. But, for that same reason, he had to do this.

He stood up, hearing the rustle of clothing and cement. He took a swig of the whiskey in the bottle he was holding. He looked out at the city. The orange, red, and pink of the sky were dying the world with a combination of the lovely trio. The fiery colors were getting closed in by the darkness of night, the soft velvety expanse that Logan deeply wish he could delve into and never come back out.

He almost smiled. It was a beautiful last sight.

And with that, he stepped up to the edge of the roof, the stage of Death. Feeling a breeze cut through the air, he spread his arms.

He jumped.

Carlos sprinted into the hospital, his mind reeling. What? Why? He thought-

He nearly crashed into the desk. "Where is he?" He cried.

"Sir, calm down." The nurse said. "I need the name."

Carlos panted, trying to calm himself down. "L-Logan Mitchell." He breathed out.

"Oh dear," the nurse sighed. "Room 402. It's on the second floor."

Carlos was off. He was thinking everything and nothing at the same time. How could he do this? Why? He thought he was okay now! Why didn't he tell us? Why didn't he tell me? I thought he could trust me! He should have!

He slid into an elevator. Luckily, he was alone. He started talking to himself. "No. He didn't. This is all just a dream. I'll wake up in a few minutes, and he'll be fine. Really. He will. I will. We will. We'll be happy. Happily forever after. Fairytale. Those happen, right? Right."

The elevator beeped. He shot out of it like a bullet out of a gun and tried to find a doctor. When he did, he asked where Room 402 was. The doctor pointed him out and he ran towards it, thanking the stranger.

He burst into the room, and immediately wished he hadn't.

On the bed, it wasn't Logan. It couldn't have been. The body was covered in blood, chunks seemed to have been ripped out at a hundred miles an hour, it was too limp to be Logan. Logan was never limp. Not even when he slept.

That couldn't have been Logan.

"Sir! Sir, we're going to need you to leave this room!" One of the doctors cried. When Carlos didn't respond, too shocked to move or speak, they tried to gently push him out of the room.

"Don't touch me!" Carlos shouted. "What happened to him? He'll be fine, right? Right?"

"We'll do all we can, sir." The doctor promised.

Carlos grabbed the man by the shoulders. "Save him, god dammit!" He let go of the doctor as they carted Logan's body away to an OR. He fell down to his knees, tears overflowing past his eyes. He sobbed hard, burying his face in his hands.

His entire world was crashing down on him.

It seemed like hours before he felt a hand on his shoulder. He looked up, sniffling, to see Kendall and James, like two guardian angels. He let everything go and continued weeping, knowing that the most likely thing that was going to happen was Logan's death. Vaguely, he heard his two friends discussing.

"How'd he make it this far?"

"The doctors said that he landed in a tree."

"Not much of a cushion."

"Works for now."

"Think he purposely missed?"

"I can only hope he did."

Logan was lost.

He had no idea where he was. Just looked like a giant, dark forest. Of course, it was completely abandoned. It seemed like he was the only living entity in it. All the plants and trees were dead, if not dying.

Really, he had no idea what had happened.

One minute, he was falling through the air, finally feeling free, the next minute, he was in a tree, everything hurting and blood oozing from seemingly everywhere.

And now, where everything suddenly seemed perfectly fine.

Although, he felt a hole opening in his chest. He missed his friends. He missed Carlos. He wanted Carlos to suddenly appear and hold him in his arms, living with him here in this beautiful, though slightly frightening, forest.

He hummed an old Big Time Rush song as he sat down on a rock.

Suddenly, darkness overtook him.

…

...My name is Logan Mitchell…

…I am twenty-two years old…

…I am in love with Carlos…

…Michael Jackson is the creepiest dead person in history…

"Logan…Logan, I-I know…I know you can hear me, baby. I know you can. So…so listen to me. Please. I need you. I do. And- and I miss you. I know you're right here. But…but it's not you. It's just a body. Please come back. Please. Logan, please. Come back, okay? You're needed here."

"Hey. Listen, Carlos is really torn up about this. James is, too. And I know you. I know that you'll get through this. You can't just…leave. You have a job to do in life, and that's take care of us. 'Cause god knows that we'll probably all get thrown in federal prison without you. And…all I have to say is…get your ass back to the living world. We miss you, and I don't know what Carlos will do without you. Hell, I don't know what I'm going to do without you. I can't even imagine what he's going through."

"Logan! Logan, c'mon! You can get through this, I know you can! I won't give you a mushy speech like Kendall did, but I'll tell you this – if you don't live through this, when I die I'll find you and kick your ass. Okay? I miss you, bro. I need you. Carlos needs you. Please come back."

Logan was in the forest again. He looked around. He called out.

But no one replied.

Not even an echo.

Carlos paced back and forth. The doctor said that Logan would wake up in a few days. It had been a week.

When would the fucker wake up?

Carlos had refused to leave the room unless Kendall or James had wanted to talk to Logan privately. But right after, he always ran back in, grabbing to hold Logan's hand and beg him to wake up.

So, dear reader, you can imagine his surprise and great happiness when Logan's eyes fluttered open.

"Logan!" Carlos cried. "Logan, my god, you're awake!" Tears came to his eyes as he squeezed Logan's hand, grinning until his smile almost didn't fit his face. Kendall and James were suddenly above him, grinning as well.

Kendall smirked in triumph, as if his speech alone had brought him back. "Welcome back, Logan."

Logan smiled. "Thanks, bro." He croaked. He looked at Carlos. "Sorry I kept you waiting, honey."

Carlos laughed, clapping his free hand over his mouth while his tears spilled over. He hugged Logan gently.

Logan gingerly squeezed Carlos' hand.

"I love you, Logan." Carlos said in a choked tone.

"I love you, too, Carlos." Logan responded.

A certain time comes in one's life, where he happens upon a problem that attracts him like moth to flame…

Logan pressed his lips to Carlos'. "I missed you."

Carlos nodded, his smile uncontainable. "I missed you, too."

…And he cannot resist getting drawn into the situation indefinitely…

"What was it like?" Kendall asked gingerly.

"It was a forest." Logan replied, sitting up. He winced and held his back, wishing it wasn't so sore. "A dead forest. And I was lost. I feel like it symbolized something, but for the moment, I have no clue."

"Why didn't you tell us that you were still depressed?" Carlos asked softly, stroking Logan's cheek.

"I didn't want you to feel burdened by me and leave." Logan answered honestly.

"We could never leave you, Logan! We're your best friends!" James cried.

"He's got a point, you know." Carlos pointed out, smiling.

…And he will not realize what has happened until he is too far into it…

"Were you scared?" Carlos asked once Kendall and James had gone to get Logan some water.

"No." Logan replied honestly. "Almost everything was perfect. Except until I realized that I can't live without you." He smiled. "I'm sorry I never told you."

"It doesn't matter now." Carlos said. "Just as long as you're still here with me."

"I'll never leave you again, my love."

"Thank you, my dear."

…And he will cry, Hallelujah!, and the Lord's light shall shine on him and save him from the predicament he has placed himself in.