A/N: So, after reading The Order of the Phoenix, I decided that instead of getting myself into a long-winded multi-chapter story that I would most likely finish, I would just do a vignette, on a subject I have been wondering about. This takes place at the end of that book. So…don't read this if you haven't read The Order of the Phoenix, and it's slashy only if you want it to be. *grin*.
Disclaimer: Severus Snape, Remus Lupin, Sirius Black, Mad-Eye Moody, Tonks, and any other characters and places I mention all belong to J.K. Rowling. Also the quote at the beginning is from the end of The Goblet of Fire, also belonging to J.K. Rowling.
"I say to you all, once again - in the light of Lord Voldemort's return, we are only as strong as we are united, as weak as we are divided. Lord Voldemort's gift for spreading discord and enmity is very great. We can fight it only by showing as equally strong bond of friendship and trust. Differences of habit and language are nothing at all if our aims are identical and our hearts are open."
Severus Snape recalled with perfectly clear memory Dumbledore words spoken nearly a year ago, a warning to the world that something massive was starting. Snape wondered if Dumbledore knew just how true those words would ring, when in the course of a few short months, several losses had already been suffered. And Snape worked in close enough quarters with the origin of these losses that he knew the suffering was far from over. But Snape had long ago learned to close his heart and mind from emotion, and so he maintained the cold, careless expression that the rest of the world was so used to seeing on him.
Snape stood silently with the rest of the Order of the Phoenix which had almost instantly been called by Dumbledore to the Department of Mysteries. Dumbledore had left minutes ago with Potter, closely followed by Cornelius Fudge. But he had left orders for those who had been present at the time of the latest battle to make sure the others were completely filled in, and also wanted any information that may still be hidden away within the many chambers of the Department. They stood in a nervous huddle in the middle of the room that lead to each of the chambers, and the walls around them whizzed in circles in frantic confusion. The darkness of the room was deep, and the atmosphere was altogether oppressive.
No one seemed to want to talk. They were all quite aware of the results of the Death Eaters' attack upon Potter and the five others. No one wanted to be the first to mention the truth of what they would now have to face. A few were crying silently. Snape caught sight of Tonks hiding under black hair which apparently had changed to match her mood. Kingsley Shacklebolt was fidgeting nervously towards the middle of the circle, spotlighted by the only light in the room. Moody was mumbling incoherently under his breath, most likely cursing all the Death Eaters to hell. And Remus Lupin stood slightly apart from the others, staring absentmindedly at the murky wall, lost in a world of his own.
Snape felt oddly out of place. There was so much…well…feeling around him. These people were all experiencing a vast array of emotions, all of which he had long ago dispelled. And he was growing slightly annoyed that nothing was happening. The silence was so awkward, and he could not understand it. Why would no one talk?
Just as Snape was getting ready to send an irate glare around the room, Kingsley Shacklebolt spoke up, tentatively at first. "Well, I know no one wants to do much now, but Dumbledore asked us to investigate, and we're not exactly getting a great start just standing here," he muttered, trying to make his words sound apologetic.
He continued with more courage in his voice when he saw that he had the curious attention of the others. "We'll need to look in each room, find out anything we can. For anyone who is unaware, the doors in here shift position all the time, but there are enough of us to make sure that each chamber is investigated. I suggest we pair up and report back here in about an hour."
There were nods of silent agreement all around. Snape watched as each of the members of the Order paired up with each other and headed off towards different doors. As he could have predicted, he remained standing alone until most had cleared from the room. Just as he was about to head through the remaining door on his own, he heard a quiet murmur from beside him. "Wait…I'll come with you," stated Lupin shakily, coming to stand by Snape's side.
Snape, as was his custom, said nothing, merely nodding and stepping through the threshold of the door. Lupin trailed close on his heels as they strode into what looked like an amphitheatre. They stood still for a moment, observing. Snape thought that he was familiar with each room in the Department of Mysteries, but this one was completely new to him. He began to walk forward toward the stone dais in the middle of the room. But after a few quick steps, he felt an arm on his shoulder. Lupin had pulled him back. "Do you know what that is?" the werewolf questioned, sounding oddly fearful.
Snape squinted back at him. "No, Lupin, but I intend to find out, so if you will kindly take your hand off me - "
"That," began Lupin, struggling to maintain his hold on Snape who was simultaneously attempting to shrug him off, "is the Veil. Through that archway there. You can't just go up to the Veil. It has never been fully explained but I think you should know the facts before you just go striding up to it."
Snape stopped struggling and finally gave his reluctant attention to Lupin, who sighed, looking more withered and tired than ever. "Then be done with it, Lupin. We don't have time to waste."
Lupin ignored this comment as he began to explain what he knew of the Veil. "All that is known is that the opposite side of that black cloth holds a world separate from our own. Not the ghost world, and not whatever world is beyond that, but a kind of fragment of this one, existing separately. I've been here once before. There are…sounds…lurking through that veil. Almost like signatures."
Snape stared in confusion at the werewolf. Either Lupin was delusional or this truly was the oddest room he had ever been in. "Care to elaborate? What do you mean by sounds that are signatures?" he asked, snarling a little more than he meant to.
"I mean that whatever lies through that veil is a piece of what once existed in this world. A piece that has broken off and that can never be whole again, but existing nonetheless," Lupin paused for a moment, closing his eyes briefly before continuing.
"The sounds on the other side are voices of those who have died. Parts of themselves that have been left behind, and that never quite made it into the spirit world."
Snape thought for a moment, comprehension dawning upon his face. He stared solemnly at Lupin, his expression unreadable. "Then perhaps you should go alone," he said finally, with a hint of resentment.
Lupin shook his head vigorously, sending his wild mane of hair flying in several directions. "No, no, Severus, he'd have wanted you to come. You're the only other one that would understand."
Snape sighed, receding backwards a few steps. "Lupin, you know that I have had this conversation a hundred times. With you, with Dumbledore, even with him. And the answer is always the same. There are some wounds that can never be healed. The matter is closed."
Lupin raised an eyebrow, a fleeting expression of begging crossing his worn features. "Do you seriously think that he'd have wanted this to continue? This pointless arguing? You owe him at least a chance."
Snape growled angrily. He did not want to have this discussion again, it always ended the same. No one ever understood his reasons and he eventually gave up on attempting to convince them. "I owe him? I OWE HIM? May I remind you, Lupin, that it was he who seized every chance to humiliate me, not to mention tried to get me killed through you…an event which I sincerely hope you have not forgotten."
Lupin stared back defiantly, determined to make some sort of connection here. "How could I have forgotten? I wanted to be a murderer about as much as you wanted to be dead."
The two stood to their full height, staring icily at each other. Snape still towered about a head over Lupin, but neither was giving way. As the silence continued to sink in, Lupin's features began to calm, returning to the sad state they had previously been in. Eventually, he started to speak again, his voice shaking. Snape was shocked to discover that Lupin was almost on the verge of tears.
"Look, I know he hurt you, but you can't deny you didn't return the same to him sometimes. Less, I know, but it wasn't completely one-sided. And…could age not alter people? We have managed to at least respect each other, well, most of the time, and I believe you could do the same for him. All I ask is that you try. He is gone now, after all," finished Lupin with a note of grief.
Snape faltered a moment, almost giving in to his usual introverted and disconnected self. But something in him triggered a different response. He had seen so much death in his lifetime, beginning even in his early childhood when his mother passed away, leaving him to fend for himself against his psychotic father. If there was away around such an absolute and final departure, Snape wanted to know. He nodded grimly to Lupin, who smiled hesitantly back at him.
Lupin lead the way to stand in front of the Veil. At first there was nothing, as the black, tattered cloth swayed mysteriously in the dim light. But the silence seemed to build to faint whispers, which gradually grew louder, until they were just barely audible. Snape inhaled sharply, as he found that he recognized some of the distant voices. They were voices from the past, some of whom he had known.
Snape looked questioningly to his left. Lupin was grinning at someone unseen; evidently only he could hear this voice. But as Snape stood silently watching this private reunion, he could have sworn that he actually felt a presence in front of him. A familiar presence. And after a moment of doubt, he knew that it was his mother, whispering words he couldn't hear. But he knew she was smiling, and could almost feel her reaching out to him. Snape felt something in his stomach churn. Perhaps he had missed her more than he had ever allowed himself to think.
Out of the corner of his eye Snape could see Lupin watching him, and the werewolf appeared to be very moved. But before they could say anything to each other, another voice entered their minds, this time quite clear. The sound came through as a haunting echo, a shadow of what had once been. "I'm sorry," was all that Sirius Black said to Snape, but the message was quite clear.
Snape backed away, unsure what to think or feel. And he was making no attempt to stop the onrush of emotions that were flowing through him. He had just communicated with the dead. That in itself was extraordinary. Furthermore, a dead former-rival had just apologized to him. The experience would move anyone, even someone who had long since closed himself off from the harsh ways of the world.
A moment later, Lupin joined Snape in backing away from the Veil. It seemed to repel people once it was done with them. Apparently excess content with those who had passed was prohibited. Lupin gave Snape a questioning glance. "Well?" he asked.
Snape sighed. He didn't know how to say what he wanted to. He wasn't even entirely sure what he wanted to say. Could he still be angry at Black? Was it even logical to be angry at a dead person? And what of Lupin? The two had always been so close and yet so different. While Snape was fairly sure that Lupin had often enjoyed watching Black and Potter curse and insult him, the werewolf himself had never joined them. He remained an observer, and outsider. It was a feeling Snape was quite accustomed to. But then…Snape knew he had never gone out of his way to apologize to Black. In fact, he had never gone out of his way to apologize to anyone. He kept any regrets to himself, and turned his back on his problems. But this new regret was one he could not ignore. "He…I should have been the one to apologize."
Lupin looked at him with immense understanding, and again Snape felt a hand on his arm, but this time he did not struggle against it. "I am sure he knows," Lupin said, eyes glistening with held-back tears.
Snape let his dark eyes bore into Lupin's, with the same look of understanding. For a moment, neither moved. Then, maintaining the silence, they both headed for the door through which they had entered.
Once through, they found that they were the first pair back. However, Kingsley was awaiting them in the center of the large room. "Find anything interesting?" he asked apprehensively.
Snape held back. He found that he couldn't move very well, and for once let Lupin support him. "Yes," the werewolf answered. "We found what has been lost for a long time."
Disclaimer: Severus Snape, Remus Lupin, Sirius Black, Mad-Eye Moody, Tonks, and any other characters and places I mention all belong to J.K. Rowling. Also the quote at the beginning is from the end of The Goblet of Fire, also belonging to J.K. Rowling.
"I say to you all, once again - in the light of Lord Voldemort's return, we are only as strong as we are united, as weak as we are divided. Lord Voldemort's gift for spreading discord and enmity is very great. We can fight it only by showing as equally strong bond of friendship and trust. Differences of habit and language are nothing at all if our aims are identical and our hearts are open."
Severus Snape recalled with perfectly clear memory Dumbledore words spoken nearly a year ago, a warning to the world that something massive was starting. Snape wondered if Dumbledore knew just how true those words would ring, when in the course of a few short months, several losses had already been suffered. And Snape worked in close enough quarters with the origin of these losses that he knew the suffering was far from over. But Snape had long ago learned to close his heart and mind from emotion, and so he maintained the cold, careless expression that the rest of the world was so used to seeing on him.
Snape stood silently with the rest of the Order of the Phoenix which had almost instantly been called by Dumbledore to the Department of Mysteries. Dumbledore had left minutes ago with Potter, closely followed by Cornelius Fudge. But he had left orders for those who had been present at the time of the latest battle to make sure the others were completely filled in, and also wanted any information that may still be hidden away within the many chambers of the Department. They stood in a nervous huddle in the middle of the room that lead to each of the chambers, and the walls around them whizzed in circles in frantic confusion. The darkness of the room was deep, and the atmosphere was altogether oppressive.
No one seemed to want to talk. They were all quite aware of the results of the Death Eaters' attack upon Potter and the five others. No one wanted to be the first to mention the truth of what they would now have to face. A few were crying silently. Snape caught sight of Tonks hiding under black hair which apparently had changed to match her mood. Kingsley Shacklebolt was fidgeting nervously towards the middle of the circle, spotlighted by the only light in the room. Moody was mumbling incoherently under his breath, most likely cursing all the Death Eaters to hell. And Remus Lupin stood slightly apart from the others, staring absentmindedly at the murky wall, lost in a world of his own.
Snape felt oddly out of place. There was so much…well…feeling around him. These people were all experiencing a vast array of emotions, all of which he had long ago dispelled. And he was growing slightly annoyed that nothing was happening. The silence was so awkward, and he could not understand it. Why would no one talk?
Just as Snape was getting ready to send an irate glare around the room, Kingsley Shacklebolt spoke up, tentatively at first. "Well, I know no one wants to do much now, but Dumbledore asked us to investigate, and we're not exactly getting a great start just standing here," he muttered, trying to make his words sound apologetic.
He continued with more courage in his voice when he saw that he had the curious attention of the others. "We'll need to look in each room, find out anything we can. For anyone who is unaware, the doors in here shift position all the time, but there are enough of us to make sure that each chamber is investigated. I suggest we pair up and report back here in about an hour."
There were nods of silent agreement all around. Snape watched as each of the members of the Order paired up with each other and headed off towards different doors. As he could have predicted, he remained standing alone until most had cleared from the room. Just as he was about to head through the remaining door on his own, he heard a quiet murmur from beside him. "Wait…I'll come with you," stated Lupin shakily, coming to stand by Snape's side.
Snape, as was his custom, said nothing, merely nodding and stepping through the threshold of the door. Lupin trailed close on his heels as they strode into what looked like an amphitheatre. They stood still for a moment, observing. Snape thought that he was familiar with each room in the Department of Mysteries, but this one was completely new to him. He began to walk forward toward the stone dais in the middle of the room. But after a few quick steps, he felt an arm on his shoulder. Lupin had pulled him back. "Do you know what that is?" the werewolf questioned, sounding oddly fearful.
Snape squinted back at him. "No, Lupin, but I intend to find out, so if you will kindly take your hand off me - "
"That," began Lupin, struggling to maintain his hold on Snape who was simultaneously attempting to shrug him off, "is the Veil. Through that archway there. You can't just go up to the Veil. It has never been fully explained but I think you should know the facts before you just go striding up to it."
Snape stopped struggling and finally gave his reluctant attention to Lupin, who sighed, looking more withered and tired than ever. "Then be done with it, Lupin. We don't have time to waste."
Lupin ignored this comment as he began to explain what he knew of the Veil. "All that is known is that the opposite side of that black cloth holds a world separate from our own. Not the ghost world, and not whatever world is beyond that, but a kind of fragment of this one, existing separately. I've been here once before. There are…sounds…lurking through that veil. Almost like signatures."
Snape stared in confusion at the werewolf. Either Lupin was delusional or this truly was the oddest room he had ever been in. "Care to elaborate? What do you mean by sounds that are signatures?" he asked, snarling a little more than he meant to.
"I mean that whatever lies through that veil is a piece of what once existed in this world. A piece that has broken off and that can never be whole again, but existing nonetheless," Lupin paused for a moment, closing his eyes briefly before continuing.
"The sounds on the other side are voices of those who have died. Parts of themselves that have been left behind, and that never quite made it into the spirit world."
Snape thought for a moment, comprehension dawning upon his face. He stared solemnly at Lupin, his expression unreadable. "Then perhaps you should go alone," he said finally, with a hint of resentment.
Lupin shook his head vigorously, sending his wild mane of hair flying in several directions. "No, no, Severus, he'd have wanted you to come. You're the only other one that would understand."
Snape sighed, receding backwards a few steps. "Lupin, you know that I have had this conversation a hundred times. With you, with Dumbledore, even with him. And the answer is always the same. There are some wounds that can never be healed. The matter is closed."
Lupin raised an eyebrow, a fleeting expression of begging crossing his worn features. "Do you seriously think that he'd have wanted this to continue? This pointless arguing? You owe him at least a chance."
Snape growled angrily. He did not want to have this discussion again, it always ended the same. No one ever understood his reasons and he eventually gave up on attempting to convince them. "I owe him? I OWE HIM? May I remind you, Lupin, that it was he who seized every chance to humiliate me, not to mention tried to get me killed through you…an event which I sincerely hope you have not forgotten."
Lupin stared back defiantly, determined to make some sort of connection here. "How could I have forgotten? I wanted to be a murderer about as much as you wanted to be dead."
The two stood to their full height, staring icily at each other. Snape still towered about a head over Lupin, but neither was giving way. As the silence continued to sink in, Lupin's features began to calm, returning to the sad state they had previously been in. Eventually, he started to speak again, his voice shaking. Snape was shocked to discover that Lupin was almost on the verge of tears.
"Look, I know he hurt you, but you can't deny you didn't return the same to him sometimes. Less, I know, but it wasn't completely one-sided. And…could age not alter people? We have managed to at least respect each other, well, most of the time, and I believe you could do the same for him. All I ask is that you try. He is gone now, after all," finished Lupin with a note of grief.
Snape faltered a moment, almost giving in to his usual introverted and disconnected self. But something in him triggered a different response. He had seen so much death in his lifetime, beginning even in his early childhood when his mother passed away, leaving him to fend for himself against his psychotic father. If there was away around such an absolute and final departure, Snape wanted to know. He nodded grimly to Lupin, who smiled hesitantly back at him.
Lupin lead the way to stand in front of the Veil. At first there was nothing, as the black, tattered cloth swayed mysteriously in the dim light. But the silence seemed to build to faint whispers, which gradually grew louder, until they were just barely audible. Snape inhaled sharply, as he found that he recognized some of the distant voices. They were voices from the past, some of whom he had known.
Snape looked questioningly to his left. Lupin was grinning at someone unseen; evidently only he could hear this voice. But as Snape stood silently watching this private reunion, he could have sworn that he actually felt a presence in front of him. A familiar presence. And after a moment of doubt, he knew that it was his mother, whispering words he couldn't hear. But he knew she was smiling, and could almost feel her reaching out to him. Snape felt something in his stomach churn. Perhaps he had missed her more than he had ever allowed himself to think.
Out of the corner of his eye Snape could see Lupin watching him, and the werewolf appeared to be very moved. But before they could say anything to each other, another voice entered their minds, this time quite clear. The sound came through as a haunting echo, a shadow of what had once been. "I'm sorry," was all that Sirius Black said to Snape, but the message was quite clear.
Snape backed away, unsure what to think or feel. And he was making no attempt to stop the onrush of emotions that were flowing through him. He had just communicated with the dead. That in itself was extraordinary. Furthermore, a dead former-rival had just apologized to him. The experience would move anyone, even someone who had long since closed himself off from the harsh ways of the world.
A moment later, Lupin joined Snape in backing away from the Veil. It seemed to repel people once it was done with them. Apparently excess content with those who had passed was prohibited. Lupin gave Snape a questioning glance. "Well?" he asked.
Snape sighed. He didn't know how to say what he wanted to. He wasn't even entirely sure what he wanted to say. Could he still be angry at Black? Was it even logical to be angry at a dead person? And what of Lupin? The two had always been so close and yet so different. While Snape was fairly sure that Lupin had often enjoyed watching Black and Potter curse and insult him, the werewolf himself had never joined them. He remained an observer, and outsider. It was a feeling Snape was quite accustomed to. But then…Snape knew he had never gone out of his way to apologize to Black. In fact, he had never gone out of his way to apologize to anyone. He kept any regrets to himself, and turned his back on his problems. But this new regret was one he could not ignore. "He…I should have been the one to apologize."
Lupin looked at him with immense understanding, and again Snape felt a hand on his arm, but this time he did not struggle against it. "I am sure he knows," Lupin said, eyes glistening with held-back tears.
Snape let his dark eyes bore into Lupin's, with the same look of understanding. For a moment, neither moved. Then, maintaining the silence, they both headed for the door through which they had entered.
Once through, they found that they were the first pair back. However, Kingsley was awaiting them in the center of the large room. "Find anything interesting?" he asked apprehensively.
Snape held back. He found that he couldn't move very well, and for once let Lupin support him. "Yes," the werewolf answered. "We found what has been lost for a long time."
