Do Over
(subtitle)Otherwise Known As: The Funtime Misadventures of Sasuke and Itachi
(subsubtitle)Learning to make the world a better place through the ineptness of one brooding stupid-head Uchiha
[Sasuke thinks he's mentally insane. Itachi says this is a very near thing with all shinobi and completely normal. Sasuke isn't sure it's a good idea to be listening to the dead brother who inexplicably decided to come back.]
A/N: So. I don't know at all what this is, but the idea of Itachi coming back to bother Sasuke is just too good to pass up. That… and I'm running on less than three hours of sleep.
Disclaimer: If I owned Naruto I would make some choice decisions about how women and their awesomness are treated in the series. And I think I would like to see Sakura wielding that axe.
Warning: Sasuke may, in fact, have a heart! I know, that discovery had to be firmly contested by a leading team of experts for five years before I could even admit it here with any sort of confidence!
It wasn't like Itachi just showed up one morning and told him to make the bed and fold his clothes. Itachi didn't just appear out of nowhere and demand that Sasuke hand over the ironing because, silly Sasuke, he was doing it all wrong, and if he was going to do something foolish like iron his boxers, the least he could do was get the folds right.
No, it was more like Itachi had just always been there, and time and the presence of something that may or may not have been Itachi's ghost just gave the apparition more substance. Because, truthfully, Itachi had always been there. Back during the Avenger days, all Sasuke thought of was: dead family, get stronger, kill motherfucking crazy elder brother. Youth to adolescence Itachi was the little haunting, terrible face that spun around and around in his memories, Sharingan commas whirling and melodic voice echoing within the confines of Sasuke's head, foolish little brother, you are still so weak.
Then Itachi was dead, and his merry-go-round face should have vanished, only it didn't. Instead, the crazy Itachi of his memories was only the tip of the general Itachi iceberg. Faceted in the frozen, super-compacted ice were endless memories and images that flashed Itachi, Itachi, Itachi like the screens of a dozen movie theaters each with a thirty-second clip on endless repeat.
And the worst part was that the water metaphors didn't end there. The iceberg had to go and melt, slowly but surely, and let the miniscule bits of Itachi trickle into his consciousness until his brain was saturated and all the muddled, muddied Itachi was sloshing around the inside of his skull.
Pretty soon, his mind was drunk on it and fabricating tiny snapshots of memory to fill in empty pieces. Next he was remembering the cadence of Itachi's voice and getting sound bites as his brain steadily painted-by-number the colors for a man who, for so many years, had been nothing but crisp black outline on clean white paper stained so, so very red.
Of course, when he thought about it later, he supposed that at some point the flood gates would have had to be broken. For so many years he'd focused on power and let his brain carefully package away anything that was too much trouble to deal with, until he was cozily tucked up within his own mind so deep he'd never need to get out again.
Thank goodness for people who said they cared about you. Along came the older brother he'd hated, smiling and poking him in the forehead and poking a hole straight through Sasuke's little sanctuary. Then it was like everyone was following Itachi's example, and suddenly Sasuke found air holes where none had been before.
Finally, there was just too much light coming in, and why did he even bother pretending to sleep when the light thrust cruelly into his eyes? So Sasuke got up, making a big pissing deal about it because that was what he did, and it turned out he'd been living underneath a big cardboard box all along, like a bum.
And that was really it. Okay, so Sasuke was lying. A bunch of shit happened with the Akatsuki and Madara and the rest of the other powerful, freaking insane people Sasuke's life was peppered with. Except he didn't want to get into it now. Itachi was bitching at him to cook something decent, really, why don't you?
That was the whole problem. Along the way, at some point, the quiet voice in the back of his head that most normal people called a conscience and most shinobi ignored had started sounding more and more like his brother until poof there was Itachi, and, Sasuke, really, you should be more polite to your friends, I know you weren't raised to be this rude.
"Oh, shut up," Sasuke muttered, dragging a hand across his forehead and floundering in his bed as if he was moving to get up, when really he wanted another two hours in the dark under his sheets.
You have training in half an hour, Itachi chided, and if you skip breakfast and get hungry, you'll whine and gripe and generally make an ass of yourself. Don't pout at me, Sasuke, I know you.
So Sasuke dragged his feet and artlessly flung his covers about in some semblance of order before padding into his kitchen and finding he'd only wasted about a minute and a half. All was quiet as he wasted another seven scrambling some eggs and toasting some bread, adding butter and jam and drinking straight from the milk carton, because it didn't matter if Itachi said it was unhygienic and gross, damn it, he was the only one drinking from it and if his brother-turned-conscience had a problem with it, he could shove it.
Sasuke knew he was starting to sound insane, talking back to himself in a way that was definitely reminiscent of crazed loner behavior. It did not help matters that it hadn't bothered him until Itachi had said something, and now it did. Sasuke missed the days when his conscience was so ineffective and weak and didn't sound like the voice of his impossible, alluring, and always-right-even-before -he-went-and-started-chiding-Sasuke-for-leaving-the-toilet-seat-up-because-what-if-he-had-guests big brother.
Sasuke, Itachi reminded him, I'm very flattered you're thinking about me, but it's not going to work. I know you're stalling, and if you don't go now you're going to be late.
Obediently, Sasuke rose, rolling his eyes and cleaning up after himself. He was out the door, sandals on his feet and ignoring Itachi's voice that was calmly telling him he really should have been on his way five minutes ago.
Once again Sasuke was going off to participate in a Team 7 sparring match, a regular occurrence that he dreaded some days and relished on others. Usually whoever was in the village would just show up for the scheduled meeting. Unusually, Sasuke arrived to find a training field devoid of former teammates.
Scowling, he cast his eyes about, felt for chakra, and came up blank: No teammates. Then he noticed something on the far side of the training field and a confused look crawled onto his face. Sasuke could see something bright green running around Team 7's preferred training area and moving blurs of green in Konoha could mean only one thing.
"Sasuke-san!" Rock Lee greeted with his normal cheery exuberance. "It is a pleasure to see you this fine, sunny morning!"
"Lee," Sasuke bit out, clenching his teeth harder as Itachi reminded him to be civil. "Where are my teammates?"
"Ah, I regret to inform you, Sasuke-san, but none of them are here today to meet with you!"
"None of them?" Sasuke asked skeptically, as if Rock Lee might in fact have cut them up into small pieces and put them in his training bands in lieu of his usual weights.
"No. Sakura-san is busy with the hospital and sends her deepest regrets. As for Naruto, well, when he learned of his mission and Sakura-san's inability to attend, he requested that I keep you company!"
Sasuke groaned mentally, but straightened before Itachi could say anything and walked to where Rock Lee stood. "Taijutsu training then?"
"Oh? Do you want to?" Rock Lee blinked, large round orbs conveying complete innocence.
Sasuke, Itachi started, forewarning him to be careful with how he phrased what he was about to say. You don't want to be a snobby clan prodigy bigot, do you?
"You're… better at taijutsu," Sasuke said, in what he felt was a very diplomatic way.
"It's good to train at everything!" Rock Lee declared. "Don't worry about anything on my account, Sasuke-san. We're just here to fill in for Naruto and Sakura-san."
"'We'—" Sasuke started to question at the same time a flare of chakra appeared and Rock Lee looked up with enthusiasm.
"Neji!" he cried, and Sasuke took the opportunity to roll his eyes while no one was watching, knowing Itachi wouldn't let him get away with it later. Slowly, he turned to face the Hyuuga clan's prodigy, face as blank as he could make it.
Neji strode up, oozing confidence and nonchalance. Git, Sasuke thought, only to have Itachi burst in with: You should be grateful for this opportunity to train with another ocular clan member. Use this match to your advantage, Sasuke. A good Uchiha doesn't just rely on the Sharingan to learn the moves of the opponent.
Sasuke's face fell into a frown. Noticing this, Neji stopped short of the other two, giving Sasuke a considering look before inclining his head slightly.
"Uchiha."
"Hyuuga," Sasuke muttered in reply. Itachi made an observation, noting the tensing of Neji's shoulders at what Itachi termed a "perceived threat from your indiscrete use of address, Sasuke," but Sasuke ignored him.
Neji, with nothing else to say, turned to Lee, obviously more at ease with his teammate than with Sasuke. "What are we going to do?"
"Sasuke-san and I were just discussing it before you arrived."
"Oh?" Neji regarded Sasuke again, ever the cool cucumber. "And what were you thinking of, Uchiha-san?"
Now he was paying for his assumption from earlier. Either he could voice his first suggestion trying to look as serious as possible in the hopes that the Hyuuga wouldn't think he was trying to disrespect Lee, or he could suggest something else and hope that Lee kept his big mouth shut. Decisions, decisions. Sasuke tried channeling 'don't-embarrass-me' mental brain waves at Lee, in the hopes that he wouldn't get knocked on his ass for this later.
"I was working on chakra control with Sakura previously…" He dangled the Sakura bait before Lee. Shamelessly, his brother had to add.
"Of course! Konoha's cherry blossom has the most impeccable chakra control. How wonderful to be on her team and able to receive one-on-one training from her!"
Plan: Success. Lee was in full Sakura-swoon mode, and even Neji looked a bit annoyed at the gushy green pile of mush his teammate had turned into.
"But Sakura-san isn't here," Neji pointed out mildly, quickly smoothing his annoyance back out of sight. "Even if I can see your chakra points, I don't have any advice to offer on how to use chakra efficiently."
"Unfortunately—" what was really unfortunate, Sasuke thought, was how quickly Lee had snapped back to the present; obviously his teammate didn't hold as tight a grasp over Lee as he'd previously thought—"Neji is right. But, Sasuke-san, you did suggest taijutsu, didn't you? Always a staple of training, and Neji and I will be more than happy to assist you!"
And now Neji knew something was up. Damn. From his eyebrow tilt, Sasuke knew that he knew that Sasuke had just been trying to avoid mentioning Lee's lack of chakra. Sasuke waited for the punishing remark from the Hyuuga, but Neji merely gave a small shrug of his shoulders and turned to further face Lee.
"Taijutsu training is fine with me. I just practiced my Hakkesho Kaiten with Tenten yesterday. We're only on loan for today and Lee is the best at taijutsu in our generation."
There, Sasuke thought, eyes narrowing as he spotted the slight in Neji's words. By implying that Lee was the best at taijutsu in their generation, Neji was also insulting Sasuke's own taijutsu skill, stating it to be below the level of Lee's skill.
Except, Itachi cut in, your skill is surely lower than that of Rock Lee's. As a user of Kekkei Genkai, you rely heavily upon the Sharingan and the extended use of ninjutsu it grants you. Don't be arrogant, Sasuke. Count yourself lucky to have access to chakra when this boy bases his entire career as a shinobi upon taijutsu alone.
For a second Sasuke scowled, prepared to argue with his brother. Then he caught sight of Neji's curious stare and realized he couldn't very well back-talk his brother in this situation. Of course not, Itachi replied smugly. Sasuke, when will you learn to listen to me? And for a second Sasuke was quite willing to let Lee and the Hyuuga believe he was insane if he could snap at Itachi.
But Neji had added a hiked eyebrow to his curious stare and Sasuke felt something he didn't want to admit was embarrassment stir within him. Trying to keep his features carefully blank, he looked away and winced when Itachi said quite sternly, Sasuke, that was rude.
"Alright."
His lips clamped up. He was appalled at the easy acquiescence that had just fallen from his mouth, by the response he'd allowed himself to be goaded into, but apparently his shock was considerably less than Neji's.
The Hyuuga blinked slowly, a puzzled frown settling easily on his face. "Ah. Yes. Are we… pairing up?" It didn't seem to occur to the Hyuuga clan's prodigy that there were three of them and pairing up would leave the unoccupied person to fight one already tired from a previous match.
Fortunately, Lee was still paying attention. "I suggest a battle royale! Taijutsu only! And I will not side with Neji simply because he is my teammate!"
Wincing automatically at Lee's exuberant and exceedingly loud voice, Neji snapped out of his surprise. The implications of Lee's shouted words got through to him and he paused from examining Sasuke to examining the situation. For his part, Sasuke was glad to no longer have Neji staring at him as though trying to dissect his brain.
It was bad enough to have a disembodied Itachi currently occupying the space inside his skull. Sasuke wasn't quite sure what he'd do it if Itachi's presence became widely known. He really didn't relish the thought of being locked up and subjected to various psychological tests over the older brother who was supposed to be dead and gone.
Pay attention, Itachi chided, and Sasuke looked up and straight into Neji's eyes, an action that startled the already slightly surprised Hyuuga.
"That sounds fine to me. Uchiha-san?"
"Hn." Sasuke said, trying to hurriedly backpedal and regain some of his former aloofness. His response seemed to reestablish Neji's opinion of him, for some of the tension drained out of his shoulders. Sasuke, despite his lingering mortification, found some sort of dark amusement within his mind.
See, Itachi murmured silkily, in that insufferable tone of his, it is beneficial to change habits, if it means revealing weakness in others. If you weren't so caught up in yourself, I'm sure you could experiment on those around you in a more satisfactory manner.
His brother really was a spoilsport. Sasuke didn't need to be told that. But he ignored Itachi and gave Neji and Lee an appropriately nonchalant mutter of agreement before the three of them scattered across the training field to prepare for the impending match.
Sasuke, ducking down beneath a bush and slowly drawing a kunai went over the interaction in his head, analyzing his reactions and what he'd observed from the body language of his companions. Overall, he didn't think his inopportune outburst had reflected too badly upon him. Lee wasn't the type to dwell on the actions of others, so Sasuke had little to fear from him. As for the Hyuuga, Sasuke correctly surmised Neji would be too busy reflecting on his own composure-shattering reaction to think of Sasuke's out of character agreement.
Pride assuaged, Sasuke crept forwards on his knees, the better to observe the still empty training field. He didn't notice that Itachi had been strangely silent for his monologue. To Sasuke, the empty training field was a bad sign. Lee and Neji trained together frequently, meaning they knew each other's techniques and thought processes far better than his own. They would be overcompensating, being extra cautious to make up for the other's foreknowledge.
Sasuke didn't have that luxury. At this rate, he was going to be drawn into battle first. He didn't like the thought of wasting valuable time and energy when a few extra seconds of concealment would allow him to choose when and under what circumstances he entered the fight.
Swiftly, he slunk from his hiding place, dashing quickly to press himself into the bark of a tree. He heard the faintest rustling from above his head, planted a quick exploding tag to the trunk of the tree and ducked, racing in a crouch and alighting nimbly in the branches of a tree right before the loud explosion boomed across the cleared field.
Instantly, Rock Lee appeared from wherever he'd been concealed and fell on the unfortunate victim of Sasuke's trap with a flurry of kicks and punches, drawing the Hyuuga into the middle of the field through the progression of their traded blows. Sasuke smiled in grim satisfaction and waited for the perfect moment to enter the fray and take them both by surprise.
Sasuke, duck.
Without questioning his brother's calm command, Sasuke ducked and launched himself forward even as Neji crashed into the underbrush somewhere behind him. Already waiting for him after launching his teammate at Sasuke's hiding place, Lee blocked Sasuke's first punch, flipping backwards to avoid the leg Sasuke extended in order to sweep his feet out from under him.
Already half-crouched, Sasuke dodged to the side and backwards, using his position to trip Neji and send him sprawling into Lee's fist. But as he tried to move away from their tussle, Neji latched onto Lee's upper arms and spun, letting go of Lee and sending him—and his kick—straight into Sasuke's side.
He landed with only a slight wince for his side, already tucked into a defensive position as Neji and Lee completed the triangle formation, each standing guardedly equidistant from those on their right and lefts. By some unspoken rule during this lull in the battle, they all watched each other warily, ready to move the instant someone broke rank.
Sasuke weighed his options. Neji looked slightly mussed, the time he spent fighting Lee before Sasuke was outed obviously having some effect on him. The Hyuuga looked the worse for wear of the two, but Sasuke's sharp eyes noted the favoring Lee placed on his left leg. Apparently, when Neji tossed him at Sasuke earlier, his leg had connected badly. Concerning himself, Sasuke felt a slight pain in his left side, but nothing was broken and he didn't think it would affect his performance too negatively.
He saw Neji twitch out of the corner of his eye and jumped, unsurprised when the other two followed him. Maneuvering mid-air, he tried to fend off Neji's blows while trying to either find an opening in Lee's movements or somehow pass his hits off onto the Hyuuga. In the end, his observation paid off in a series of clever blocks, all directing the bulk of Lee's force away from his person and into Neji's path.
Sasuke was surprised to land and find his right leg nearly crumpled beneath him at the impact. Somehow, one or other of the blows he thought he avoided seemed to have made their mark. So he was particularly careful to watch the moves of his opponents, trying to get rid of one or the other of them and lessen the strain on himself.
And then all of a sudden he saw something when blocking a particularly fierce blow from Neji. Did the Hyuuga just—yes, Itachi cut in, he overcompensates on his turns, likely due to a subconscious knowledge of the Byakugan's weak point. He'll show it again, and you must attack at the very last moment of forward momentum before he recovers and brings his guard back up, because otherwise his footing and balance is nigh flawless.
Sasuke felt his eyebrows shoot up. High praise from his brother indeed. Knowing that it was only a matter of time before Neji revealed his weak point again, Sasuke waited and at the exact moment it became possible for him to land a blow, he sacrificed himself to one of Lee's debilitating hits, twisting immediately to land a kick that shot up and under Neji's guard and sent him flying back into the trees.
Then it was just Sasuke and Lee.
Rock Lee was watching him with single-minded attention. Sasuke was suddenly aware of the ache in his chest, not to mention the soreness that seemed to have extended the length of his right leg. Though he looked tired, true to his youthful vigor Lee didn't seem as seriously hurt.
It would be fast, Sasuke knew, and he was right. Staring at the sky on his back, he reflected on the match. His brother was right… as usual, Sasuke thought with a scowl as he felt up his chest and grimaced. Without the Sharingan, he really couldn't match Lee in taijutsu. While it was a humbling thought, Sasuke supposed that it was just as well. Now he'd be forced to try and remember what he'd seen Lee perform in practice later. That, and some of the Hyuuga's "nigh flawless" footing and balance would be very useful in combination with some of his katas…
"Sasuke-san?" Lee was bending over him, one hand extended. Sasuke didn't even think about rejecting the offered help, allowing Lee to drag him to his feet.
Neji was standing some feet away, his left arm dangling uselessly at his side as he used his right to hold his left shoulder steady. At Sasuke's questioning look, he frowned.
"Lee must have dislocated my shoulder earlier. Getting knocked into the forest again certainly didn't help."
Sasuke shrugged wordlessly, not sorry to have knocked the Hyuuga flying and unsure if he was supposed to find something meaningless to say instead. Rather than puzzle through the conundrum that proper social manners were, Sasuke lifted up his shirt and blinked in surprise at the giant mottled bruise that was his previously undamaged left side.
"I think one of the two of you broke my ribs," he said dryly.
"Yosh! That must have been me," Lee volunteered easily. He was favoring his left leg even more, and Sasuke guessed that he'd only exacerbated whatever sprain he'd originally suffered when he continued fighting.
"Uchiha-san, how is your leg?"
Sasuke barely gave Neji a second look. "It's fine," he started to say, but at the same moment he took a step and his leg twitched once under him before giving out and toppling him forward.
Itachi made a disapproving noise in his head, and Sasuke sighed. "Thanks," he told Lee, and Lee blinked once before letting go of the shoulder he'd grabbed to stop Sasuke's fall, a massive smile spreading across his face.
"Of course it is no problem! In fact, as I appear to be the least injured of our group I will be happy to help both of you to the hospital. No doubt, we all have injuries that require looking after and I believe I know a medic of our mutual acquaintance who will be happy to see us."
Sasuke suppressed a groan, not sure how he felt about seeing Sakura today when he'd escaped training with her. In the process, he caught sight of Neji's eye roll and was surprised when the Hyuuga gave him the briefest look of amusement, mostly because he felt himself smirk in response.
Then, because a scolding from Itachi about manners was sure to be delivered if he didn't—Sasuke could already hear his brother's words on the subject ringing in his ears—Sasuke bit his tongue so hard he felt blood fill his mouth and let another tiny bit of his pride die.
"Neji-san," he called, the part of himself that had been amused earlier just as entertained by Neji's answering vapid look of shock at the unfamiliar form of address passing Sasuke's lips.
"You overcompensate when you turn, probably in order to cover the Byakugan's weak point. Due to this, it makes you slow to react and causes you to drop your guard at the crucial point right before you move into your next action. If you were using the Hakkesho Kaiten it wouldn't be a problem, but in normal movement it's a critical weakness."
Neji's brows snapped down in thought as he considered Sasuke's words. "That was how you landed your blow on me." It wasn't a question and Sasuke didn't treat it as such, merely waiting for the Hyuuga to consider the fight to his own satisfaction.
"I will work on that. Thank you… Sasuke-san."
Nodding, Sasuke didn't need to hear Itachi's voice to know that his brother approved. Idly, he decided the new respect between himself and Neji didn't bear thinking about. He hardly saw the Hyuuga in the village due to his ANBU duties. They wouldn't see each other enough for it to truly matter.
"If we are trading constructive criticisms in order to increase our success in battle, then I also have words of encouragement for Sasuke-san!" Unsure of what this meant, Sasuke only turned to regard Lee, curious expression prompting him to continue. "Sasuke-san, you rely too heavily upon your Sharingan. Without it you are slow to take openings available to you, instead choosing to block or dodge blows. Do not lack confidence in your taijutsu! I am sure you are highly proficient even without the added weapons of katana or ninjutsu!"
I had noticed this, Itachi remarked. Being the Last Uchiha does not give you an excuse to use Sharingan alone. Though I am aware this has occurred to you already, Itachi said before Sasuke could reply with something sarcastic. Now, it gets easier each time you say it, I assure you. Say 'Thank you,' Sasuke.
"I see," Sasuke said from somewhere underneath his bangs. Then, much softer, "Thank you."
The wide grin he was famous for split across Rock Lee's face. He made no comment, approaching Sasuke and slipping an arm around his neck so he could put his weight on Lee instead of his injured leg. Neji fell into place beside them, carefully holding his arm in place to keep it from jostling, and together they made their way to the hospital.
It will be better next time, I promise. Lee and Neji star in this chapter, meaning boys will be boys. And by "boys will be boys" I obviously mean "boys will try to kick each other's asses" which obliges me to write 3ish pages of boring (and made-up) fight descriptions.
Next: Sakura