Hey guys!

Well this is it... a story that started appearing in my mind since we heard about Cote's leaving. I'm still sad to know that but I love her and if she's happy than we should be happy too.

Here's the first chapter... I hope you like it!

I don't believe it anymore

Tony POV

Work. The same everyday. Yes, they are my family but without Ziva here it's not the same anymore. It's nothing. It's like reading blank book, blank pages. I'm nothing without her. She's gone. Forever. She's not coming back. I'm left alone. Alone in this world full of strangers who took away everything I had. Everything that ever really mattered to me. Everything that kept me alive. My strength, my power, my Ziva.

I'm sitting at my desk in bullpen without a work to do. Everyone has been a wreck since Ziva di… left. I can't say that word. I still can't believe it. I can't accept it. Staring at her desk, her empty desk. I still wait for that moment when elevator doors open and ziva comes in, smiling at me and commenting my appearance, my hairstyle, my shirt, clothes, anything. I just wanna see her, hear her, feel her once more. It wasn't supposed to end like this! She was too young. Too young and too beautiful, too good to leave so soon!

"Tony." Gibbs says with low voice. Oh, even he's desperate since Ziva's gone. We've got no work, nothing that would keep us busy, to draw our attention away, away from Ziva. Away from everything that we still had to tell her, to show her. Our family is broken, our hearts are broken. One cannot imagine what emptiness we all feel. Pieces of our hearts are missing. Ziva's missing in our hearts.

"Yes. Yes boss." I try to sound okay but I'm not. My voice is cracking with every word I say, with every breath I take.

"Go, see Abby. Hug her. I… I need to go home." Leaving the bullpen, he literally runs toward elevator and leaves. Oh god. That shouldn't be happening to us. She should've been here. To see Gibbs breaking isn't easy. Letting him go home probably wasn't the best idea. He is going to get drunk and then pass out under his boat. I should've told him that he isn't alone. No one is alone now. We have each other's arms, we are family.

"Oh Gibbs." I speak to myself, leaving the bullpen headed to Abby's lab. McGee is down there probably as well. Hell, even Jimmy would be down there, and Ducky. They really were family. They all walked in that together but not all of them got out of it. Apparently Ziva didn't get out of it. My Ziva, my love, my everything. I wish I had told her before. Told her I loved her, I needed her. But now… I wouldn't have a chance to say it again. She's gone. Forever.

Walking in Abby's lab I see McGee holding Abby standing. Abby's taking it so bad. Everyone's taking it bad. Everyone knows how hard it is. McGee tries to give me a smile, just a little smile but he can't. He just stands there holding Abby and looking at me. Jimmy and Ducky are both sitting on the ground looking nowhere. I look around, hoping to see Ziva somewhere, hoping it was all just a sick joke but my hopes are down again. I rest my body on a wall behind me, staring at the ceiling. Listening to Abby's sobs and crying, McGee comforting her, Ducky's sighs, tears start forming in my eyes. I don't even intend on trying to stop them. I cared about her too much. One of the last things she taught me was that everyone's allowed to cry over someone's loss. She cried when she lost her father, why wouldn't I cry now when we lost her.

I feel tears starting to fall down my cheeks and I let them fall. I let my emotions out until I can't hold my body up anymore. I just… I just collapse on the ground, slowly. I bury my face in my hands and let out a sigh. Sigh of desperation. "Why?" I say, not realizing saying it out loud.

"Tony…" I hear someone say my name, trying to answer my question but stopping because no one knows the answer, if there would ever be an answer. I feel an arm resting on my shoulder. I look up, hopes in my eyes again. I'm dying for her look, for her eyes, for just a second with her. But it's not her. It's McGee. McGee is the strongest today, I appreciate that. He keeps us standing, keeps comforting us. I would never expect that from him but people change, I guess. "Tony, calm down. We're here for you. We're here for each other. Together, we'll make it through. We'll make it."

"Thanks, Tim. Just… thanks." I say in almost a whisper, looking in his eyes. I see sympathy, friendship and care in his eyes. Yes, we are here for each other. "We'll be always together, right?"

"Of course we will. Speaking of together… Where is boss?"

"Left… home, he said."

"He shouldn't be alone tonight. This is about family."

This sentence sends tears down my cheeks again. Tim didn't mean to hurt me, I know he didn't but he quoted her. I look up searching for Abby, I need her hug. I find her on the floor, hugging her legs and tears streaming down her cheeks. She's rocking and whispering to herself something. She's trying to comfort herself. I try to stand up but I can't gather that much strength. I can't stand up. Abby is not far away from me so I just drag myself and sit next to her. I put my arm around her shoulders and bring her closer to me. "I needed a hug." I whisper in her ear. As I kiss her forehead she suddenly turns to face me.

"We need to go to Gibbs house. He can't be alone." Tears still forming in her eyes as she asked me for agreement.

"Let's go. Together." I say to her, looking around to see everyone nodding in agreement.

So this was the first chapter!

How you liked it? Let me know in reviews! I will personally respond to every review

I will post another chapter tomorrow if you like this one so... LET ME KNOW! :))

LOVE YOU ALL!

~~K~~