"I'm going to tell you something and I want you to listen. They won't teach you this in training, it's not in the ancient texts or the archives on Venus, and you'll never find it in a Vex data core. It's something every sentient race out there knows but doesn't bother to write down, there's no need."
He's silent for a few seconds. He takes in a slow breath before focusing his eyes on me. There's a fire in them I only saw when he talked about the fight and his experiences both in Old Russia and off world. I just nod knowing that whatever it is is meant to help me out there.
"You know what this war is about. At least as much as anyone has ever known what this war is about. Anyone that was around when the first wave hit us is long gone by now, and even if they were resurrected their Ghost couldn't bring back their memories. All we have is what we're told. As far as we know it's always been us versus them, Light versus Dark. You see..."
He closes his eyes as he lowers his head, pinching the bridge of his nose. He must sense my worry before I can react.
"I'm fine, I'm fine."
A sigh escapes him and he stares at the floor in concentration, trying to correctly word his thoughts.
"Have you ever wondered where the darkness goes when there's light? You press a button and suddenly you can see. The dark is gone, right? I wish it was that simple. It might be really easy to think that the solution to the war is that simple too. You flood the darkness, them, with light, us, and eventually they're gone. The war is over like flipping a switch. Don't get me wrong, light is very powerful. It lets us see all the incredible things the universe around us has to offer. But it's limited. You turn on that light switch, you can see. But what do you see? Shadows. Patches of darkness in the light that, try as you might, are just going to be there. There will always be places the light can't go, places it can't touch. So while the light might a wonderful thing, it isn't really eliminating the darkness. It's holding it back, containing it. And the darkness, well, it's just waiting. Biding it's time because it knows something that we all know. Something that we just don't talk about it because it's 'bad for morale' or negative propaganda. Really though it comes down thing and that's fear. Light, in any and all forms you find it, takes energy. There has to be some kind of power to generate that light and it can only reach so far before it doesn't effect the darkness anymore. No power source lasts forever. Eventually, whatever is causing that light is going to burn out. We know it, the darkness knows it. It's simple science, it just doesn't need to be explained.
"Darkness though exists without power. Nothing has to create it, it never runs out. It's all there was in the beginning, and when there is no more light, when the generators and the stars and we are gone, it will still be here. I know how that sounds to you. Well, I don't, but I have a few ideas. You either think it's the mindless rambling of a tired old man, or you think I've taken an analogy a little too far. Or maybe you're afraid I'm right. But I'm not saying the fight is hopeless, son. I don't think we should give up and let it take us over. That's not why I fought for over thirty years against it. That's not why everyone who either is, was, or will be fighting gets up, trains and goes out there. It's why we fight so hard in the first place. While the light exists it will always hold the darkness back. That's what it does, it's what we do and we need to keep doing. We're the power generating the light out of fear. We fear the dark, and fear can be one hell of a motivator. I can see you're a little confused, maybe unsure. Just think about what I said. Don't go having this same conversation with other people because they might not be ready for that kind of truth. I have feeling you could handle it, that's why I told you."
He leans his head back, exhaling as he rubs the side of his nose. He looks at me with his mouth in a tight lipped smile and nods lightly. I stand, smile back and start moving for the door.
"Oh, one more thing before you go. I know, you have to go. Just humor me. When the time comes, and it will, that you find yourself covered in the Darkness and no matter where you look you just can't find the Light, you have two options. You can close your eyes and give up, which would defeat the purpose of having ever fought in the first place. Or you can look inside yourself, find your friends, find the men and women you're fighting with. Find me. Use that as your light, and fight back harder."
I nod a few times in response, my mind still reeling from the conversation. Was it advice? A life lesson? Could this be years of stress from the fighting finally decompressing? But like everything else he's told me I hold onto it. Even if it isn't clear now, I hope it will make sense when the time comes. I tighten my grip on my bag and shoulder it, looking back just long enough before going on my way.
"Thanks, dad."