Cas appeared in the motel room to find Dean face down on one of the beds, loud sobs racking his body. "Dean, are you alright?"
Dean turned his head to glare at the angel. "Does it fucking look like I'm alright, Cas?" He contemplated throwing the pillow but decided to scream into it instead. He felt a slight dip in the mattress and he knew the angel was sitting next to him, but he refused to look up again.
"At least tell me why you're crying," the angel's voice was soothing and closer than expected.
"Because I'm a fuck-up. I ruin everything good that comes into my life. I don't deserve any of it in the first place."
"You think you're unworthy of happiness?" Cas asked, concern and something bordering on doubt coloring his words.
"Why should I get to be happy, Cas?" Dean finally looked at the angel. "I hunt things. That's all I do. I survived Hell and purgatory, but on Earth I'm just a nobody with bad habits and a worse temper, and every hunt I go on I wonder why I couldn't save everyone."
"Because it's not possible," Cas's voice was flat and Dean could tell that Cas didn't really understand. No one ever did.
"But I could always save more. Don't you see, Cas? The world is a mess and I can't fix it. Sometimes I wonder why I even try."
"You try because you care," Cas's voice was soft now and it made Dean feel warm as he looked into the deep blue eyes.
"Well then I care too damn much," most of the fight was gone from Dean's voice and a hint of resignation snuck in. He laid his face against Cas's chest and cried silently for a while as the angel held him.
After a few minutes, Dean calmed down enough to clear his head and it occurred to him that he should not feel so okay with being held by another guy. It felt more than okay, It felt…good. Amazing even. He knew Cas was attractive and he liked the guy, but it suddenly hit him how much he cared about Cas, how much he didn't want to let him go.
So he claimed the angel in the only way he knew how; he picked up his head and gently leaned in to capture Cas's lips.
Cas returned the kiss. It was soft and slow at first, slowly building until Dean dared to tease Cas's lips with his tongue.
He pulled away and looked into Cas's deep blue eyes. "Is this okay?" He asked, knowing Cas would accept just about anything Dean did just to cheer him up. Dean really wanted this but he didn't want to take advantage.
"Dean," Cas said, his voice barely a breath, "we share a profound bond; bonding physically is inevitable. I wish it would have occurred at a happier time, but I can tell how much you need this; how much you need to feel loved and wanted. And I do want you, Dean."
And that was all it took for Dean to attack Cas; hands clinging to the dirty trench coat, lips battling for dominance against Cas's impassioned kisses. He kissed his way along Cas's jaw and liked the sharp angles and way the stubble felt against his lips. The soft pants and occasional sighs that came from Cas's lips let the hunter know the feeling was mutual.
He sucked and nipped at Cas's neck, gaining moans he would never have expected from Cas. Cas's hands were tangled in his hair and he liked the slight tug he felt as Cas failed to anticipate where Dean was heading next. Dean tried to remove the trench coat but Cas was so caught up he barely noticed so Dean managed what he hoped was a coherent command. "clothes…off" he sighed against the angel's skin.
They broke apart, each removing their own clothes and Dean desperately missed Cas's body against his. He saw Cas's hands shake as he worked the buttons on his shirt and almost went to help him, but instead he turned his attention back to his own clothes. When they were removed, he finally allowed himself to look at Cas, who was standing still, waiting for Dean in all his naked glory. Dean stared at him, shocked at how absolutely beautiful he was. He also noticed with bit of surprise that Cas was already hard. He felt Cas's eyes on his own erection and closed the distance between them before the angel could stare too long.
They kissed and grasped at each other until the need was too much and Dean led them to the bed. Dean was hovering over Cas, planting light kisses on his face and down his neck.
"Dean," Cas panted as Dean captured a nipple in his mouth, "How are we going to do this?"
"Cas, it's sex." he sucked lightly, "I know it's boring human sex," he switched to the other nipple "but really, it's not that complicated." He moved down Cas's abdomen leaving a trail of wet kisses.
"Yes, but are you or I going to be the one who…" He trailed off, a blush spreading across his cheeks.
Dean smiled and looked up at Cas's face. For all his angel mojo, he was just an awkward virgin who wasn't used to talking about these things. His heart swelled with affection and he cupped his hand around Cas's cheek. "What are you more comfortable with?"
"I want you to take me. At least this time. I want to feel like I'm yours."
"You are mine, Cas," Dean said pecking his lips, "you've always been mine, I was just too stubborn to see it." He kissed Cas with all the intensity of his feelings and slid his hand down the angel's side, eventually slipping it around his cock. Cas gasped and bucked his hips into Dean's hand. Dean thought he was definitely going to have fun with Cas tonight. He whispered in Cas's ear, "you know, this is a first for me too. I'm glad it's with you."
He nibbled Cas's earlobe while he slowly ran his hand up and down Cas's length, eliciting tiny moans and sighs as Cas relaxed into Dean's hand. Cas's own hands were scrambling across Dean's skin, trying to find something to hold on to, eventually settling in his hair. "Dean," he managed to pant out in a tone that made the hunter pause, though he left his hand around Cas.
"What is it, angel," he said, resting his forehead against Cas's.
"I know this isn't going to fix all your problems. I don't want you using sex with me as a coping mechanism, okay?"
"Not a coping mechanism, got it." Dean kissed Cas's nose, "but right now, I have an angel ready and willing underneath me on my bed, and I'm damn well going to take advantage of that. I can deal with all that other shit later. I know I have to, just not right now."
Cas grabbed Dean's cock, causing him to thrust into Cas's hand. "Cas," Dean groaned, "I need you now."
"There's lube and condoms," Cas panted, "In your bag."
"How did you…?" Dean let the question go because one of the best things about Cas is his ability to predict how Dean is going to respond in certain situations. He wasn't going to start questioning that.
He reluctantly crawled off of Cas and grabbed the stuff from his bag. When he returned to the bed, Cas was already slipping a finger into himself and Dean couldn't remember the last time a sight had turned him on so much. He pulled out Cas's finger, noting the small pout he received, and put some lube on his own hand and over Cas's hole. He gently worked the lube around, Cass grinding into his hand and when he finally slid in a single digit, Cas moaned so loudly Dean thought the neighbors would hear. He decided he didn't care and went back to work stretching out his beautiful Cas while the angel writhed beneath him.
Dean heard the foil rip but didn't think much of it until Cas's hands were on him again, sheathing him in latex. He groaned at how god damn sexy it was that Cas had put the condom on him. "It's just a condom, Dean," Cas said, sounding mildly confused.
"Safe is sexy," Dean laughed and then got serious. "I just need you so much right now and then you touched me and it was so good."
"You like it when I touch you?" Cas asked, sliding a finger along Dean's length.
Dean shuddered and managed a weak "god yes." Cas guided Dean to his entrance and Dean slid in slowly, gently biting Cas's neck. When he was all the way in, he looked at Cas. "Does this feel okay?" He asked.
"I think," Cas breathed, "that it would feel even better if you moved." Dean slid out and back in, setting a slow, steady rhythm that had Cas squirming beneath him. "Need…more."
Dean lifted Cas's legs and captured his lips before giving one hard thrust that hit Cas just right. He moaned into Dean's mouth and Dean decided that he very much wanted to make Cas scream. "Did you like that?" Dean asked, holding Cas's hips and preventing him from pulling Dean any deeper.
"So much," Cas groaned, "please, do it again."
And Dean did. Over and over until he felt his orgasm coming fast. "Are you close?" he asked Cas.
"Yes," Cas panted, "So close."
Dean wrapped a hand around Cas and started stroking. "Come with me," he whispered, and Cas did.
Dean rolled off of Cas and held him in silence for a while until Cas broke it. "Are you okay now?"
"I think so. Sex always clears my head and reminds me that I'm good at something."
"You're good at a lot of things."
"You know what? I'm too happy to disagree with you right now." Dean traced lazy circles on Cas's arm and the angel sighed contentedly.
"I'm sticky." Cas said after a few minutes.
"Well, come on, let's get you cleaned off." Dean helped Cas off the bed and led him to the shower, which was really too small for two adult males, but they both managed to get clean and they each went to sleep wearing a pair of Dean's boxers. It was the most comfortable Dean had felt in a long time and he thought he might just get used to having Cas in his arms as he drifted off to sleep.