This was previously published under the pseud Aiyuko Berry. Originally titled as "World's Number One Housewife" but I decided to change it since I like the new title better. "The Domestic Gangster" is in reference to Nigella Lawson's "The Domestic Goddess". Jajajajaja chapter 2 will be posted soon since I've been receiving great response :) Thank you so much and I love every single one of you who read this!
Let's make a bet. If you can find a man who's luckier than me, then I, Fushimi Saruhiko will become a vegetarian for the rest of my life.
Not every man gets to wake up to the most beautiful face in the world every morning. They don't get to stroke the wonderful, soft auburn hair that my fingers brush through while he's still asleep. If you're wondering what it feels like, dream on. To anyone who even dares to think of touching MY Misaki without my permission, prepare to have my saber as your entrée before getting your ass kicked as the main course.
Right, sorry for sidetracking. Sometimes you just love someone so much that you want to keep them all to yourself so that you can protect them from harm and make sure that they'll always be happy.
There's no doubt that Misaki enjoys it when I gently comb through his hair. His eyelids twitch and a faint smile appears on his slumbering face. Occasionally I murmur his name just to see if he'll react or reply. The only reactions I have received so far are snoring and a little drooling, but that won't stop me from hoping that one day my name will escape from his mouth while he sleeps. Rome wasn't built in a day; likewise it took more than a day for Misaki to finally confess that he loved me and I'm damn glad that I never gave up on him.
The smell of breakfast wafts through my apartment by the time I'm done with my shower. You'd be surprised if you thought that my boyfriend can't cook anything but cup ramen. I beg to differ, his menu ranges from Chinese chicken fried rice to his specialty: Pineapple fried rice. I'm not the least bit bothered that the only dish he can conjure is his Chahan because have you ever had the chance to taste Misaki's delicious cooking? No? Why thank you for reminding me that I am the luckiest man in the world. Anyway, I learned the hard way that's it's better to just shut up and eat the fried rice with chunks of pineapple (I'd choose pineapple over peas or carrots or any other chlorophyll-filled specimen from Hell) than to get hit on the head with a frying pan for complaining about the many, many meal options offered by Yata Misaki. I'll admit that I felt sorry when I found him curled up on the couch watching The Iron Chef with tears in his hazel eyes. I apologized and told him that in order to lighten the heavy burden of his various wifely duties, I would cook dinner every evening after work no matter how tired I was. I also assured him that his Chahan was the best thing I had ever tasted and it would definitely be my electric chair meal.
A wife shouldn't have to quit her job just to please her husband. I made it bloody obvious that I despised the stupid Red Clan and their silly Homra, but never once did I asked Misaki to quit because I knew how attached he was to his Clan. I was surprised when he turned up outside my apartment one night with a duffel bag, his indispensable skateboard and metal bat, telling me that he had left Homra (because apparently it just "wasn't the same anymore" without that stupid Suoh Mikoto) and wanted to stay. Not long after, Misaki had decided that he wanted to play the role of "housewife" - cooking, sometimes cleaning or vacuuming and even ironing my work shirts without me even asking. Maybe he was just bored and wanted something to fill his time with, but this soon became his routine. Coming home to the lonely apartment felt like stepping foot into paradise after Misaki had arrived. Heck, anywhere would feel like heaven as long as my precious Misaki was with me. On the other hand, if you're worried about the other Red Clansmen, don't be. The perfect housewife calls them over for dinner every once in a while. I don't protest of course; they're still his family. Guess what Mr Soon-To-Be-Househubby prepares for his "dinner parties"? Well it would've been pineapple fried rice, but Kusanagi-san always brings wine and fancy food like steak or lobster so all my housewife has to do is enjoy himself.
Yata Misaki does a wonderful job of keeping the apartment clean; I look like a slob in comparison. Once, he fell down while trying to wipe the dust off the top of the fridge. Good thing I happened to be there to catch him before he fell from the high stool and broke his nose. As expected, his face turned cherry red the moment he landed in my arms, but not as red as the time I teased him about how cute and housewifely he looked when he wore a frilly apron. "W-What?! I'm not just gonna let all the stupid sauces spill on my clothes, you idiot m-monkey!" he stutter-yelled out of embarrassment. Normally, one would be able to shut a tsundere up (Honestly, don't tell me that Misaki has never seemed like a tsundere to you?) with just a kiss. However, kissing sweet Misaki in situations like this would only succeed in increasing his embarrassment level in which he would start yapping gibberish. The only way to turn flustered Misaki back to the normal feisty Misaki is for me (and only me) to sling him over my shoulder, throw him on the bed and wrestle with him for a bit till he stops protesting before making insanely amazing melt-his-body-like-white-chocolate love to him until he passes out from bliss. Step two is to hold him gently while he naps and once he wakes up he'll be back to normal.
I was lying. Obviously that's not how you do it. Do I look like some barbaric sex maniac to you? Tch.
Green tea ice cream usually does the trick because he is currently obsessed with that stuff. If all else fails, just leave him alone for a bit and he'll be fine. No one has actually died from embarrassment, you know.
Housework: Check; Cooking: Check. I think I've covered all the aspects of why Misaki is the world's number one housewife or as I prefer to call him: my one and only Domestic God(dess)- *ahem* , I mean Domestic GANGSTER (because that's what Misaki still insists to be his occupation. I will never understand why that boy is embarrassed to be called a "househusband") . I'd like to stay and give you more reasons to prove my point but I'm off to enjoy supper with my sweetheart. If you'd excuse me, I have to go and decide on what to get him for our very special "anniversary" next month. Tch. Yes, I know that skateboards are terrible anniversary gifts that's why I'm racking my brain just so he'll like what I get him.
Do you think he'll like roses? Or a box of Godiva chocolates? I just hope that bastard Munakata doesn't fuck up my special day by suddenly giving me a shitload of paperwork..