Number 1
Everything I know how to do was thought to me. How to walk, how to speak, how to write my own name, everything except breathing. Breathing is the one thing I've known how to do since birth but still manage to forget when I see you. After, what, three years? Yeah, after three years, you'd figure that feeling would be gone already, right?
Wrong. Very much wrong.
Everytime I see you, Regina, air gets caught in my throat and my lungs collapse; my heart speeds up and my heartbeat drums in my ears while at the same time it slows down to the point where doctors would use a desfibrilator, unknowingly thinking it has stopped.
Number 2
I want your lips against mine. I want our bodies close together and our breath mixed in the inch separating us before I'm allowed to taste heaven, before I'm allowed to taste you.
You're the universe, Regina. Not my sun, not my moon, not the stars in my sky. Oh, no.
You, Regina Mills, you are my whole universe and I'm aware I am nothing to you but a dying star in a far away galaxy.
Number 3
The only thing more increbile than your smile is when you smile at me. You don't do it often but I suppose that's just the more reasons for me to soak every one in, to let your smile warm my soul and bring light to the darkest corners of my being.
It's only for a few seconds but my God, Regina, are those seconds worth waiting for.
Number 4
I've travelled through most of the United States. I've lived in more houses than I have fingers. I've been told "This is your home now." almost as many times. I did not believe them once. Every fake smile plastered on their faces as they opened the door of a house that didn't quite do it for me did not make me believe them. The closest I've been to having a home is here, in Storybrooke. It's not my home, this town. My parent's apartment or mine isn't either.
But you are, Regina.
Is it even possible for home to be a person and not a place?
I supposed it's as possible as your son showing up at your doorstep on your twenty-eight birthday and dragging you to a town bursting with fairytales, proclaiming you have to break a curse his mom cast on them.
Number 5
I love you. You don't know. You never will. This letters of sorts are the only place where I've allowed myself to pour down my feelings for you from my firgertips to paper, from my thoughts to ink.
Nowhere else will I be able to find the courage inside my broken body to say this.
Regina, I love you. You don't know.
You can never know.
I won't allow it. Henry's finally given you a second chance after Neverland. You're finally starting to be happy.
You can never know.
Number 6
The colour of your eyes. Your smile. The crinckles by your eyes. The sparkle in them when you see Henry. Your jawline. The scar you've tried to cover up with make up this morning but shouldn't. The way you scrunch up your face sometimes. How you used to lean down to talk with Henry when he was younger.
You see, Regina, I could watch you for a single minute and find a thousand things that I love about you.
Aren't I weird?
Number 7
Rule 1º - Don't get attached.
Rule 2º - Don't fall in love with a straight girl, she'll fuck you up everytime.
Rule 3º - Don't drink to forget a name. You'll fail.
Rule 4º - Don't forgive someone if it hurt badly.
Rule 5º – Don't create roots.
Rule 6º - Always fight back.
Rule 7º - You don't have time to deal with their problems, you already have enough.
Rule 8º - Don't promise to help them. You may break your promise.
I broke my rules for you, Regina.
Number 8
I stopped by after I heard about Cora. I don't know why I'm only writing this now. You were crying. If it wasn't so sad, if my heart wasn't being squeezed to dust by my ribs in pain, if your tears were of joy, I would have found it the most beautiful sight to behold.
I wrapped my arms around you and let you cry. At first you protested but you wouldn't be Regina Mills if you hadn't. I didn't let you go, I held you, I apologized for screwing up, for my mom screwing up, for everything you'd been through.
After a while you stood up, said "Apology accepted." with your practiced politician smile and asked me to leave.
You were okay then, you didn't need me anymore and the most heartbreaking thing about that is leaving and knowing I'll always need you.
Number 9
Cora couldn't take out my heart. I thought it was because I'm the product of True Love.
I was wrong.
It's because my heart may be in my chest physically but it's in your hands every day. When I pushed you out of the way and jumped through the portal for you, Regina, I gave you my heart and made it yours, even if I didn't know it.
When Neal left me to pay for his crimes, I cried but I didn't feel my heart break.
When my foster parents told me they didn't want me anymore, that they were going to have another child, that they couldn't handle me, that I wasn't good enough, that they couldn't afford keeping me, it hurt but my heart didn't break.
It didn't break, and now I realize this, because maybe my heart was always yours.
Number 10
I want to kiss very inch of you. I want my shaking lips to touch your skin and smile in happiness like a child hearing their mother's voice for the first time. I want my clumsy hands to cradle your beautiful face like you'd cradle a baby born before time, with care for something fragile but strong. I want our legs to wrap themselves around each other like a knot and I want to keep that knot untied until breath escapes my lungs forever and I return to dust.
I want you, Regina.
Number 11
Today I slipped. We fought. What did we even fight about anyway? It doesn't matter.
You said it was all my fault. I wasn't hearing what exactly you blaimed me of doing this time, your lips are far too distracting for that but the way you were looking at me made something inside me snap and I yelled in your face "Well, Regina, I'm so sorry for not planning to fall in love with you, next time I'll remember to give you a memmo."
Shocked doesn't begin to describe your expression.
I tried to leave but froze on my spot when you spoke with a voice that every language in the world couldn't properly describe.
"I'll give you one too."
That's what you said. I don't know if you wanted to say something else. I didn't give you a chance to. We kissed before you could.
That was hours ago, well, tomorrow now and I'm still trying to put out the fire in my lungs.
This is my last letter of sorts to you. There's no point of translating thoughts to ink when you can translate them to actions.