Edward Loses His Composure
Jacob's Point of View
"Hey, Bella, wanna see a magic trick?" asked Mike Newton goofily. He was beaming like an idiot and nodding his head like a spastic chicken, which was how he "got" Bella's attention.
"Er, sure Mike," Bella said, shrugging her beautiful little shoulders. We were at the beach on La Push one Saturday when her precious little bloodsucker was supposedly "gone". I knew the truth though: Edward was hiding in Mike Newton's closet. Why? Oh, no reason…JUST THAT MIKE HAD BEEN GETTING A LIIIIITTLE TOO FRIENDLY LATELY!!!!! Edward had told him to simply back off, but it just wasn't working.
Bella and Mike had been meeting down in La Push a lot on the days when Edward went hunting. Being the overprotective leech he is, he decided to get Mike out of the way for good. He even asked me to do the stupidest thing I ever did. Here I was lounging on the beach in my wolf form, giving Edward play-by-play coverage of what Mike was doing. Silly idiot.
"Anyway," said Mike in his nerdy voice. He had a cup in his hand. "Watch me pour water into this cup." He poured a pitcher of water into the little orange, unclear cup. Grinning, he said, "Now watch!" Mike dumped the cup out and onto the ground fell an ice cube. "TADAH!"
"Bravo!" Bella clapped enthusiastically. Apparently, she had never seen this trick before.
Okay, I thought, knowing Edward could read my thoughts, He's doing a magic trick. He made her bikini fall off. Just kidding, he poured water into a cup with a sponge and an ice cube on the bottom.
Now, Mike was surfing when Bella finally noticed I was there. "Jake!" she screamed and rushed to pet me. I wagged my tail and grinned. "Guess what, Jacob?" I panted, paused, cocked my head, then panted again. Bella stroked my head lovingly, "Mike just proposed to me! And Jasper wants me out of the house so bad that he manipulated me into thinking I was in love with stupid Mike Newton, isn't that the greatest thing ever?"
What the crap?!?!?! I instantly told Edward mentally what had happened. Hopefully, he could knock some sense into Bella while I was knocking the socks of Jasper.
"Holy fudge!" shouted Mike who had wiped out on the shore.
Bella and I turned to see Edward charging on to the beach with a homemade prison shank in his left hand shouting, "WEEBOOWEBOOWEBOOWEEBOO!"
He just stormed on over to Mike and started stabbing him multiple times with the sharpened spoon. Gory guts slipped from his chest and stomach as the vampire continued to maim the idiot with his prison shank. Screaming, Mike rolled over to get away from Edward, dripping blood and intestines on the sand as he did so.
As Edward left a blow on the middle of his back, Mike stuttered his last words, "Caul-iiii-fl-flower." His eyes rolled to the back of his head, but Edward still stabbed and murdered him, with Mike's heart stuck to the shank. When the body was destroyed so horribly that not even dental records could identify him, Edward grabbed Bella with grimy, bloody hands and stormed off the beach. I was about to shout, "Bring Bella back!" But then I realized that Charlie would arrest them when they found the body. If they didn't find the body, the pack now had an excuse to murder the Cullens.
After all, the hunted on our land.