Hi! I'd just like to start off by saying that this is not a romance fic. Also, in the two fics where Rosalina was among the main characters, I portrayed her in a bad light, so in this one she's portrayed in a neutral-good light. Finally it may seem like an Odyssey fanfic, but as you read on you'll see it's not. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: All characters are owned by Nintendo.

Mario and Rosalina strolled through Toad Town, speaking about life in general. The blonde was on a visit, because the man in red was hosting yet another party, and she was invited. Mario had suggested that they catch up on things; they hadn't spoken to each other in ages, and he was interested in hearing about what the Lumas had gotten up to since last time.

"So Mario, I heard about your latest adventure," smiled Rosalina after all of the small talk. "Tell me all about it."

"Ah yes, it was fantastic! This time I went all over the world to collect Power Moons, and all of the places looked so nice!"

"Hmm, sounds interesting..."

"Yes, it was!"

"Yes... I've seen a lot of kingdoms too... but only through my telescope."

"Hmm."

"Anyway, I heard you got to capture Bowser."

"Ah yes," he shivered. "It was cool, of course, but it was a bit strange too, I mean, I was controlling my enemy, you get what I'm saying?"

"Yes, yes."

"At least I could get out of him at the end... ah, I was planning to marry Peach, but she, she rejected me," he said, looking down sadly.

"She rejected you? I didn't know that... I'm so sorry."

He smiled slightly. "Eh, it's fine, there's always next time!"

"If there's a next time..."

Mario's head jerked upwards. She'd said it so quietly, he wasn't sure if he'd heard right.

"Huh?"

"You know... there mightn't be a next time."

"What do you mean? Are you saying I don't have the courage?"

"No no no, not that! Mario... don't you know?"

He shook his head slowly.

"You don't know, do you?"

"Rosalina? Are you alright? Is it... is it about Peach? Does... does she love someone else? Is that what you're saying?"

She sighed. "No, it's nothing to do with Peach."

"Ah, thank goodness, I thought..."

"No, I'm talking about something else. Mario..."

"Yes?"

"Don't you know... don't you know that our lives are planned for us?"

"Huh?"

"There's a team of men and women Mario. A team who lives in a different universe from us. They control who we are, what we do, what we say. Everything I'm saying now is planned - this is what I'm programmed to say. Because you and I Mario, you and I and everyone we know are fictional characters."

"W-what are you saying?"

"I'm saying that we're not real."

"But we are!"

"We're not. And I can prove it. Tell me Mario, any one thing about your childhood."

"Ah yes, Yoshi saved me when I was a baby..."

"No, not that. Tell me something that happened, say when you were ten."

Mario searched for a memory in his mind, anything to prove that Rosalina's unsettling theory was incorrect. He must remember something, he had obviously been a child at some stage...

Nothing.

Rosalina would never speak the words aloud, but the look on her face said "I told you so".

"You want to know why you can't think of anything?"

"Uhh..."

"Because that stage of your life was never determined, never planned. There is very little known about your childhood, only a few events that happened to you when you were really young."

"But what about you?"

"Me, I know everything about my childhood. But that's because this same team wanted me to have a backstory. As for the others, and you... not much can be said about yourselves as kids.

"The only way for you to have more memories of your past is for the team to make more memories. So now I'll get back to what I was saying. You'll only ask Peach for her hand in marriage if they want you to. Which means you might never ask her again, or you might, but it all depends on what they want. They mightn't even want you to be married at all, who knows? Only time will tell."

"But... that's so cruel... they're amusing themselves from my pain? They wanted Peach to reject me and make me go through all that heartbreak?"

"I suppose."

"So... if they decided they wanted Peach to marry Bowser, they could do that?"

"Quicker than you can say mamma mia. Come to think of it, they've done that already, haven't they?"

"... So they could make me fight with Luigi? Make me evil? Make me fall in love with Birdo and have hybrid kids?"

"As absurd as it may be... yes."

"So my life is pre-determined?"

"I wouldn't say pre-determined exactly... they kind of, make it up as they go along... actually, maybe it's a mix of both... But you're on the right track, either way."

"So I can't plan my own future?"

"No... unless they plan for you to plan your own future."

Mario felt a little dizzy. "Mamma mia... this raises so many questions..."

"Quite right. But what can we do? We're fictional, not real. We're forever in the hands of real people, people who are more powerful than we'll ever be."

"Mamma mia... But I've one more question: so it's not Bowser's fault if he's evil and kidnaps the Princess?"

"No, it's not."

"I kind of feel bad now..."

"I suppose. But you won't feel bad for long. You're still going to try to defeat him. Chances are, they're planning a new adventure for you as we speak."

"A-are they planning another kidnapping?"

"More than likely."

Tears formed in the plumber's eyes. "The poor Princess... how can they do this to her? Is there... is there any way I can stop Bowser for good?"

"Hmmm... but if they did that, they'd be in a spot of trouble. You see, they're using us for money, nothing more. They're not overly concerned about our well-being, as you can see." Her voice turned bitter. "They're okay with the Princess being taken away from her home, screaming for help. They're okay with you running around different worlds or kingdoms for days trying to find her. They're okay with Luigi always being afraid, always coming second, always in your shadow. They're okay with Bowser being repeatedly thrown in a boiling pool of lava. They're okay with Jr being motherless. They're okay with Daisy never being in her own adventure. They're okay with Wario and Waluigi being ugly and misunderstood..."

Here she paused, swallowing a lump in her throat.

"... And they're okay with killing off my Mama. Because they're using us for money, and that, I think, is all that matters to them."

She choked out that last sentence, a tear running down her pale cheek. Mario was quite alarmed. Rosalina, who was always so calm and composed, was crying?

"Don't cry," he said in a soothing tone, awkwardly patting her arm.

She sniffed. "You know Mario... sometimes, I hate knowing it all. I hate knowing the truth, the truth that hurts. I hate knowing that I'm just a bunch of pixels put together to look like a blonde girl in a blue dress. But you know what's worse? Not knowing anything at all. Not knowing what's going to happen to me in the future. Not knowing whether I'm even going to be around in ten years time. Because fictional characters can disappear, just like that. And there's nothing we can do to stop it.

"We're all fooled into thinking we have our own lives, but we don't. Our lives are a part of their lives, their thoughts and creations. We are their imaginations. We are a part of their minds. We are not our own people, Mario. And we never will be."

"Whoa..."

Mario was silent for a while as they headed for a bench and sat down. So he wasn't real. That explained why he inexplicably invited Bowser to go kart with himself and his friends. That explained why Bowser was goofy or friendly one day and evil the next. That explained why nobody remembered Luigi's name no matter what he did for the Mushroom Kingdom and the Princess.

That explained why a fat Italian plumber had become a hero with superhuman powers.

"Rosalina..." he asked softly. "Does anyone else know about this?"

"... No."

"So... why did you think I would know?"

"You're the main character in their minds, Mario. I suppose I just assumed you might..."

"Hmm."

This entire topic was giving him a headache, so he decided to change the subject. "Anyway... I can't wait for the party! Can you?"

She wiped away her tears. "Me too. What are you doing this time?"

"Well I'm planning on going old-school with this one, maybe go back to older party games..."

But, as Rosalina had made clear, Mario wasn't planning this party.

Nintendo was.

I thought Rosalina would be the most likely to know that she's not real. I imagined this is how they would react to this information. And I'm sure you can guess which Mario Party he was talking about! Maybe this story is a bit bizzarre, I dunno. Let me know what you think in the reviews!