This story was written for RosaClearwater for her Facetious Fusions (Misquotation Mischief) challenge where I had to take her quote prompt from one fandom and insert it into another...

Prompt quote: "If you must have a moustache, let it be a real moustache - a thing of beauty such as mine." - Hercule Poirot

I Moustache You a Question

Ever since Dean Thomas had taught Ron the muggle game back in the dormitories while they were students, poker had become a way of life with the Gryffindor men. This was especially true of the Weasleys, who had long been known as strategists – even though some could argue that poker was a game of chance. Nevertheless, after the war, one or the other of the redheaded brothers hosted a monthly poker game...as a way to reconnect with all of their former male school friends. Even though they all loved their women dearly, they also felt that they needed some "guy time," as well. Hence the monthly game. Percy would never deign to attend, but all of the other Weasley men made it a point to show up (including Charlie, who came whenever he could portkey over from Romania – often with a few friends in tow). Their patriarch, Arthur, was always eager to partake in muggle activities and therefore was a constant player, as well. Lee, Harry, Dean, and Seamus were also regular attendees. Even Neville was often at the card table whenever the students or Minerva did not need him at Hogwarts. Therefore, when Bill and Charlie's old school chums were also added into the mix, the game always turned into a lively event.

This was especially true whenever George hosted the game at his flat above Weasleys Wizarding Wheezes because he would often use the opportunity to try out new products on the players. Since the Firewhiskey always flowed, and they often become increasingly inebriated as the night wore on, the various men would usually cheerfully agree to whatever George asked of them. Therefore, poker night at WWW was often accompanied by small explosions, transformations, and a variety of other mostly harmless, but still quite strange, happenings. On this particular night, after the cheerful group had emptied a couple of bottles (as well as a few wallets), Bill paused the activities after a particularly intense hand. While he pocketed his winnings, he actually brought up the guinea pig subject himself.

"Alright, George…what do you have for us tonight?"

The majority of the men around the table groaned as they remembered all of the previous experiments, but George jumped up to fetch a small box, anyway. He grinned around at all of them as he placed it on the table. "Don't worry, boys, this is an easy one. First, I moustache you a question, however. Have any of ever noticed that we are all clean shaven?" The men all exchanged glances at each other around the table as they noticed that it was true. George continued. "I'm guessing that is because your fair ladies, like my own beloved Angelina, prefer it that way. Now what the ladies want is quite important. After all, we all want to continue to enjoy their affection and special favors." He paused to suggestively waggle his eyebrows in typical George fashion. "However, occasionally we might want to look like the manly men that we are and to sport a little facial hair…just to see what it looks like. However, we don't want to spend a lot of time cultivating the perfect look only to have to shave it off the minute our better half suggests that it might be a good idea to do so, now do we?" His audience was hooked by this time and they all shook their heads. George, the consummate showman and salesman, grinned again and opened his box to reveal a bunch of tiny potion vials. "I call it Instant 'stache!" he exclaimed. "One vial, just one sip, allows you to sprout a temporary moustache of great beauty that will be gone by the time you get home tonight. That way you can celebrate your masculinity…but will still be welcome in the little woman's bed…" here he trailed off as a bunch of eager hands reached into the box and each of them grabbed a vial.

One by one the men tipped the little bottles back and each one proceeded to instantly grow a luxurious moustache in a variety of shapes, sizes, and colors. After looking around the room, each man started to laugh at the sight that presented itself. Seamus was the first to speak after he saw his best friend.

"Dean, man, you look just like that bloke we saw on those Star Wars films that you made me watch."

"Lando Calrissian? Awesome!" Dean answered back happily. "Billy Dee Williams is cool! However, mate, I'm afraid that it looks like you have a fuzzy caterpillar growing on your lip!" The rest of the group roared with laughter when they all checked and it did indeed look like Seamus's chevron might wiggle off of his face at any moment.

"Awww! Look, Ickle Ronniekins has finally grown a big boy 'stache," Charlie then snickered while stroking his own long fu manchu.

"Just sod off!" Ron retorted to his older brother. "She denies it, but I swear Hermione has put a Infantem Faciem* charm on me." He then touched the large and ginger painter's brush growth over his lip with amazement before snickering at Harry's split pencil. "Oh, yeah! My sister would just love that," he crowed sarcastically. Harry just made a rude gesture in his direction before they both turned and laughed at Lee's walrus and Neville's horseshoe.

However, even though Bill had won most of the poker galleons that evening, his petite lampshade couldn't come close to competing with his father's impressive whiskers. Of all of the facial hair in the room, Arthur was the clear winner of the night. He stood in the doorway, twirling the ends of his huge, bushy, and full handlebar. "Boys," he said triumphantly. "If you must have a moustache, let it be a real moustache - a thing of beauty such as mine."

Another round of laughter followed this statement and, all in all, George's new invention was lauded as a huge success. Therefore, he promised to have another batch of the potion ready for next month's poker game. He would even try to go a step further and add a beard component for that night! Then, after his declaration, George twirled his own upward skinny dali as he suggested that they all play a couple more hands of the game. They could not go home until the potion wore off, anyway. After all, he didn't want to receive a bunch of howlers from all the angry wives tonight!

* Infantem Faciem - Latin for "Baby Face"