Kind of a side-story to Evil Letters to Capcom, but not completely. This is where they PLAY the game, rather than write Capcom a Letter full of complaints.
I am currently working on Chris' Letter to Capcom (yes, I really am! almost done!), and when I got sick of it five minutes ago, I had this idea.

Summary in short? Every character owns a copy of RE5, and they love to co-op with each other. Let's see what they talk about while doing so.
Hurray for headsets. I love mine. :3

Warnings; OOC? Crack? Mild language? Sexual references? AU? These are pretty short. Chris is so… bi-sexual.

Enjoy?

Chris x ThePower.

He had just logged on to Playstation Network, when suddenly he realized someone had sent him a friend-invite. A bit curious Chris clicked on the message and read the profile of his new wannabe friend.

"ThePower…" He read out loud. "Now who would that be?"

Being the nice man he is, Chris added this person to his list and was pleased to see ThePower was online at that moment. ThePower was playing Resident Evil 5, so Chris figured adding him had been a good decision.

Just as he was typing up a message to say hello to his new friend, ThePower had invited him to play a game together. Chris was in for a nice game of Resident Evil 5, and so he joined ThePower's game, put his headset on and got ready to do some shooting, healing and talking.

"Hello," Chris heard a voice coming from his earphone, "is this Chris Redfield? The real one?"

"Yes…" Chris replied, a bit hesitant. "Who are you?"

"I'm amazing, I am hot, I am awesome and you're not. I look good, even in the shower, and you will soon Witness The Power!" ThePower practically yelled. "I'm Jack Krauser, how are you?"

Jack Krauser… Chris had heard that name before. He had heard about that man from Leon, when Leon had been in a bad mood. Chris had even seen pictures of Krauser before, pictures he had liked a lot. He remembered seeing one of those pictures and thinking 'That is what I want to look like!'

It had been Krauser that made Chris feel tiny. It had been Krauser that made Chris decide to work out more often and grow some bigger muscles. It had all been Krauser, and now Krauser was his friend…

Chris felt a smile form on his lips. "Oh my God, Krauser! I'm your biggest fan!"

Krauser chuckled lightly. "I'm not surprised."

"Tell me your secrets! Tell me all of them!" Chris said with a high-pitched voice while choosing weapons to use in the game. "How did you get so big? Because I keep trying, but I just can't seem to become any bigger than I am right now!"

"Dude, I added you only to play co-op, I don't care how big you are or want to be." Krauser picked a handgun, shotgun and a magnum to bring along. He refused to get ammo too, because Krauser didn't need ammo. Or so he thought, anyway.

"Anabolic steroids?" Chris dared to ask. "Otherwise something must be damn wrong with you… I doubt you go to the gym every day for six hours, right?" He hoped Krauser didn't, because though Chris liked working out, doing so every day would be a pain in the ass. "Right?"

Before starting the game, Krauser changed his mind and also decided to bring a rocket launcher with him. He then pressed X and the game started.

"So Krauser, listen up right… Do you still work for Wesker?" Chris asked even before they had killed their first victim. "Because if you don't, we can partner up. We would be unstoppable. The Muscles of Mayhem. The Giants of Good. The Steroids of…" Chris couldn't think of anything else that sounded catchy to him.

"Stupidity?" Krauser finished their Superhero Team name. "Not in a million years."

"Come on…" Chris pleaded.

"Aren't you partners with that Jill?" Krauser made his first kill on the screen. And his second. "Also, I still work for Wesker and I am enjoying that, so I doubt I'll ever quit or get fired."

Chris ignored the piece of information his idol had shared with him and instead focused on the cut-scene that was shown on his screen. He frowned, he wasn't very fond of how it showed Excella's boobs, and he decided it was time to write Capcom an angry letter. But not until he had finished his game with ThePower Krauser.

"Does that turn you on?" Chris asked Krauser.

Jack coughed, deafening Chris because his headset was set on the loudest possible. "Does what?"

"Excella's rack, what else?"

"No," Jack replied. "I find Wesker to be much more appealing to the eyes… And ears, for that matter. Ever since I kidnapped Ashley, I have been a bit afraid of women."

"So you're gay?"

"No, I'm just not straight either." Came Krauser's dark voice. "Now shut up, you're getting on my nerves."

Chris smiled to himself again and blushed a little. Something had become visible in his pants, and it wasn't a roll of quarters. Suddenly Chris' eyes widened. He wasn't gay, was he? Quickly he grabbed a photo album from his shelf and took a look at the picture he had taken of Jill when she was wearing a bikini. The 'roll of quarters' became even bigger, so he sighed with relief. It was probably just the excitement, and it didn't have anything to do with Krauser at all.

"Hey Redfield, you're allowed to shoot Majini too, ya know?" Krauser stated with an annoyed tone of voice. "Just because you play as Sheva doesn't mean I have to do everything."

"Ah yes." Chris quickly shot a few Majini and resumed his mission to get to know Krauser's secrets. "Come on, can't you tell me? I won't tell anyone else and I promise I won't become bigger than you are!"

Krauser just sighed.

"You added me to your friends, right? Friends share, you know? We share secrets. How about I tell you a secret, and you tell me one?" Chris thought that maybe that would be a good idea. One secret for one secret. It really was that simple.

Krauser snickered. "Okay."

Chris inhaled deeply and thought for a few seconds. He didn't have that many secrets, but the secrets he did have, he liked to keep quiet. After a few seconds of pondering whether or not to tell his gayest secret, one only Jill knew about, he just decided it didn't matter if Krauser knew. It was still his idol, after all. "Well you see…" Chris started, "I once kissed Barry Burton..."

Krauser muttered something under breath and sighed. "How is that a secret? I once kissed HUNK when I was drunk, nothing odd there."

"I wasn't finished yet." Chris replied annoyed. "I once kissed Barry Burton… his chest. And I wasn't drunk, I think. But Barry was, that's a fact."

Krauser laughed out loud and equipped his rocket launcher. "Listen Redfield, you're quite stupid telling me that, and then thinking I will tell you a secret too. I just wanted to play, but so far you're a worse partner than Nemesis, and his hands are so big, he usually presses the wrong buttons." Now Krauser had fired the rocket launcher. "I'm sorry but… This relationship isn't working out for me."

'Krauser is now offline' read the corner of Chris' TV screen. The rest of the screen read 'you are dead'.

"That fuckface killed me! He killed me! Oh, I will get him back for that…" Chris threw the controller across the room and watched it land on his potbelly pig. "Oops, I'm sorry Little Ham, I won't do it again." And then he turned off his Playstation 3 and stalked off to complain to Leon.

Only five minutes after leaving the house, Chris' phone started to bleep. He opened it and noticed three new text messages.

'Chris… Jack told me you kissed Barry. I finally understand what Barry said to me twelve years ago. He said 'I felt someone's lips on my chest… Hope they weren't Chris' lips!" Thank you for making my day a bit more amusing. - Wesker.'

'Ohai Chris, I don't know you too well, but I am glad you are pro-gay-marriage. You're invited to come to mine and Leon's! xoxox Luis.'

'Chris! My chest! That was YOU? Oh gross, I hoped it was Jill or something. Damnit, stay away from me from now on, will you?'

Chris sighed and silently shook his head. Five minutes, and word had already gotten around. And he wasn't even really gay, it was probably just a phase.

"Fucking PS3… I'm never adding people to my friends list again…"

And that was chapter one... I hope to be done with his Letter this weekend. I hope you liked this, I am probably going to write more of these.

Have a nice night!

FUNK