Honors and Accolades
It was a big honor, she knew. The whole thing. That she was allowed to be there. That she was the only one. That she was allowed to use his shower and kitchen at will. That she got to cart him off to any function she had.
Calling him her boyfriend was probably the biggest pleasure he bestowed upon her. Or at least it was supposed to be.
And there were other things. He liked to drop a lot of jewels on her, something that she didn't think he did much for others.
Oh, and there were no others. Not anymore. She was the only. That was a nice thing too.
Then there was the fact that though she'd never felt like she needed it (she was quite strong herself), his protection was always overwhelmingly there.
He had even let her tie him up once which, apparently, was a pretty big deal. She could tell the loss of control was a definite turnoff for him, but she'd made it worth his while. And considering she was the one that usually got stuck on the restrained end of things, it was only fair.
There was one thing though that had always bothered her. Always brought on hesitance.
He wouldn't…cuddle.
Which was stupid! Why was she even concerned with it? That was just fluff to add onto the other things and, besides, a lot of guys didn't do that.
And it wasn't like she'd ever expected Laxus Dreyar to be big on that kind of thing.
But…the way he was so completely against it…
He gave her everything else. Like she got her own section of his closet, her own drawers in his dresser. She even had her own half of the sink. Of the bed. Own designated chair at the kitchen table.
Yet if she even so much as tried to cuddle up to him at night, lay a hand on his chest, rest against his side, she would be immediately shoved off.
"Go to fucking sleep, demon," he'd grumbled before shifting further away. "I'm tired."
Every single time. And she tried slyly, sometimes, when he was already asleep, to snuggle up. But he'd eventually wake up and, if he wasn't in too good a move, would literally push her off, rather roughly.
"Laxus," she would complain sometimes. "Wh-"
"You got your own damn side. Stick to it."
She'd never had that happen before. Sure, she'd been with some disagreeable guys, but she only have to smile or tell them how much she admires them. Something silly.
Laxus didn't fall for that stuff.
"Mira," he complained one night when he got home from a job to find her over at his place. "Thought I smelled you."
"Smelled me?"
"Your scent." He was undressing, right then and there. "And what the fuck you doin' in my spot, demon?"
"I missed you," she said, cuddling closer to his pillow. "You've been gone for three weeks, Lax. I get lonely. Would you have rather I found someone else's bed to snuggle up in?"
Grunt. "I did give you a key, I guess."
"You gonna go shower?"
"Yeah." He headed then to the adjoining bathroom. "Feel fuckin' disgusting."
"You want me to join? I-"
"No."
It was that flat too. The way he said it. With a frown, she rested back against the bed. Fine. He wanted to play Mr. Void, she could play it right back.
She was practically drifted back off when she felt a rough shove to her shoulder.
"Wh-"
"Get up." It was Laxus there, at the side of the bed. "You're in my spot."
She blinked up, glancing at him. "We can share it."
Harder shove. Then, "Either move over or get up. I'm hungry anyhow. Make me somethin' to eat, huh? Somethin' hot."
Needless to say, Mirajane got no cuddles that night.
It was aggravating to her. And not fair. All those women wanted Laxus and, what? She finally gets him to find out that he was a dud?
Only he wasn't.
He bought her everything she wanted. Everything. She had more jewelry than she ever had before. He'd even paid to fix her fence at the house when it blew down. Then when her sink started to leak, he got down there and fixed it.
And he put up with her siblings, which was a big thing. Elfman continuously attempted to cement his way in with the Thunder God, thinking that it would bring him closer to Ever if he was friends with her idol, and Laxus just let him. He let Elfman sit with him at the guild and a few times had allowed him to go out with him, Freed, and Bickslow occasionally.
The way he was with Lisanna wasn't bad either. He hung out with her at the guildhall when Mira was working and Natsu was off with Lucy. He let her go out to dinner with them too, sometimes, when she had nothing to do or was depressed about something.
"She's fun," Laxus had grumbled once. "And your brother is…your brother. So there's that."
Laxus really was great. They went away on trips together, on his jewels, at least once every few months. She'd never taken so much time off from work before.
But…it didn't matter where they went. Or how great their time together had been. He never put his arm around her when they were out. And back in their room, he'd never cuddle up with her. Snuggle when they went to bed.
He was…detached to the her in that way.
And it bothered her.
"Laxus," she whispered one day as they sat on the couch next to one another. He was lacing up his boots, getting ready to go out and train, while she was having a lazy morning, as Lisanna and Kinana were working for her that morning, and was just watching him get ready.
Grunt. He didn't even glance up at her.
"Can we talk? Or are you meeting the Thunder Legion? Because-"
"Just me," he grumbled. "Training solo."
"Oh."
"So talk." He was finished with his boots and looked to her. "And if it's about getting a damn dog together, no. I've told you before that-"
"It's not that," she quickly said. "It's…something else."
"What, Mira?" He was just staring at her, there in his red vest that she thought made him so cute!
He hated when she called him cute though, so she resisted the urge.
"It… It's really silly."
"Most of your problems are."
"Laxus-"
"What? I don't-"
"You won't cuddle with me!"
He blinked. Then he got to his feet. "Have you seen my coat?"
"Laxus-"
"What, Mira? I'm not going to have stupid conversations about-"
"You won't even hug me," she complained, getting up as well. "And I… Do you know how long we've been together?"
"Oh. Is that what this is?" He found his coat then, hanging in his hall closet. "Is it an anniversary today or something? I didn't know that we were…that serious. Or… Well… Uh, tell you what? I'll take you out to wherever you want tonight. Do you work? I can get you off. Bribe Lisanna with-"
"We've been seeing one another exclusively for ten months, Laxus."
He frowned over at her. "There's such thing as a ten month anniversary?"
"This isn't about an anniversary!"
"Oh. Then I gotta go. I'll see you tonight."
"Laxus, you're not listening to me."
"Oh, no, I am. And you're saying shit that I don't want to listen to. You're throwing a fit over what, Mira? 'cause I don't…touch you enough? Is that it?"
"No, Laxus. You won't…snuggle with me." She was struggling for words too. "You're distant and-"
"Distant? I'm fucking distant?" He was pulling his coat on then, grumbling while he was at it. "As you're standing here, wearing one of my shirts, after I made you fucking pancakes this morning, I'm being distant?"
"You're not-"
"I have to go. This is bullshit. And I'm not going to have a conversation about bullshit."
She thought that that would be the end of the conversation that day, the slamming door an echoing reminder that if Laxus Dreyar didn't want to do something, he just wasn't going to.
And apparently, he didn't want to cuddle with her.
Which was okay. Honestly, it was. Mira wasn't trying to make a big deal out of it. She was more…curious as to why he was so adverse to it. Even mild forms of affection weren't his strong suit.
Maybe he just saw things differently than her. Probably. He thought that giving her things and letting her have the run of his apartment were all the affection that she needed. And yeah, they were nice gestures and did, at times, make her feel loved, but…
It was stupid, but she still wanted more.
She'd always liked when the guys she dated wanted to hold her or would randomly kiss her while they were out. And snuggling made her feel closer to them still.
But if Laxus didn't want that much intimacy, fine. They both had pretty damaged lives. Maybe he just didn't…want things to go that far.
Mira could live with that.
Maybe.
So that night after work, she almost went to her own home. Almost didn't show up at his place. Figured he was mad at her or something. He hadn't even gone to the guild all day to see her, which was odd. When he wasn't out on a job, he'd show his face at least once.
But she knew that if she went home, she'd only think about him. Only worry about if she'd offended him and, if so, how she'd manage to make it up to him.
Because even if Laxus didn't feel the same sentiment as her, she did love him. Or at least she was starting to. She felt special to him, special with him, and just wanted some confirmation that it was a two way street.
When she got to his apartment, the first thing that caught her attention was that one of them had left the light on in the kitchen. As she went in there to turn it off though, she found that placed on his tiny kitchen table was a vase housing the usual flowers that he gave her.
White roses and purple lilies.
He always said it was their colors, which she thought was hilarious.
"How am I white?"
"Your hair, demon," he'd grumbled whenever she asked.
"I'm blue, Laxus. That's what people notice. My eyes."
"No. Your hair."
"Then how are you purple? Wouldn't you be yellow?"
"It's my favorite color."
"Then I get to be blue! Because that's my favorite-"
"You don't make the rules, demon. I do."
He was so adorable sometimes that she just waned to hug him to death!
But, that went back to the whole no overly affectionate emotions, thing.
Bleh.
At the moment, Mirajane only smiled down at the bouquet, thinking of all the times he'd given them to her in the past few months. There was a little card sitting on the table too.
Demon,
Training late. Probably won't get back until five in the morning. Super intense. Expecting breakfast when I get home.
Don't wait up.
Dragon
Mirajane sighed then, setting the note down after reading it, before turning to head off to bed.
If he took the time out to come back to the apartment, he could have come up to the guild and just spoke to her in person.
Work had been exhausting anyhow. At least with him not being home she got a chance to rest.
Which she did, for at least four hours or so. Then she was woken up.
"I said I wanted breakfast. Not a half-naked woman. But…it'll do."
"Mmmm. Laxus." When she tried to push out of the bed though, he only grunted.
"I've been home for a least twenty minutes, demon. Showered, got a sandwich. You can make me breakfast later. It was just a joke."
Then the bed dipped as he got into it with her. Mirajane stayed curled on her side though, eyes closed.
"You like your flowers?"
"Beautiful," she whispered.
"That's the thing about damn flowers. They always fuckin' die. Then I gotta get you some more, huh? Vicious cycle."
"Vicious."
He shifted on the bed so that his back was to her. "You have a good day at work?"
"S'okay."
"Training was brutal."
"You do it to yourself. You push yourself."
"Pain and gain, eh?"
"I just worry."
"You do that too much."
"It's kinda my thing."
They fell quiet about that time. Mira, still on the cusp of sleep, was just about back to dreaming when, suddenly, he shifted again.
He was facing her.
"Why do we have to snuggle?"
She peeked her eyes open. "Mmmm?"
"What would it change?" He was still rather alert and only stared at her. "What would different? Huh?"
"Laxus," she groaned. "Not now. I-"
"What, Mira? What would-"
"It would make us closer," she mumbled, tongue tangled with traces of sleep. "We could snuggle up and you'd hold me and we'd talk and-"
"But we talk now."
"I know. But-"
"And I touch you plenty!"
"When we're having sex or you're trying to initiate something."
"What more could you want?"
"Laxus-"
"I just don't get it." He rolled onto his back that time, staring up at the ceiling. "I've given you everything. You can take anything else that I haven't already given. Seriously. What do you want?"
"I don't want anything, Laxus. I just… Why won't you? What's so bad about just lying close to one another? I mean, we're already so connected in everything else," she said as she moved slightly closer. "Do you not…care about me?"
"Are you serious right now, woman? I've done more for you than I ever have another woman in my life. More than I have any person. You're…you're my demon."
"Then why-"
"I've never done it before."
She blinked. "Done what?"
"You know…held someone as we drifted off or whatever." His voice was low then, as if he were embarrassed. "I hardly even sleep in bed regularly with someone. Just doing this with you…letting you stay here with me, practically live here…I never thought I would have this. It's all new."
"So you're scared?"
"No," he grumbled, shutting his eyes then. "I don't get scared, demon. Especially not of shit like this. I-"
"What do you think will happen? I mean, you already…care about me, don't you?"
"Mira-"
"Do you?"
He rolled right back around onto his stomach, burying his face in his pillow. Against it, he grumbled out, "Would we be here if I didn't?"
"Are you scared of other people knowing it? Because, I mean, Laxus, I tell practically everyone I know that you're my boyfriend. And I always show them all the things that you buy me."
"Great," he carped.
"It's okay to love me."
"I never said I loved you."
"Do you not?"
He growled that time, against the pillow. "Why does everything have to just come out? Why can't it just be shown?"
"I-"
"And not by me…snuggling with you," he added, the word coming out as if it would be a torture. "Just by me doing things for you. By getting you things that you like and-"
"Because that's shallow love, Laxus. That's-"
"Then we have a shallow relationship! Who cares? I like this shallow relationship. A lot. It's the only one that I want for the rest of my life."
"You're not- Wait." She was completely awake then and just took to staring at him with wide eyes. "You want to…be with me? Forever?"
"Mirajane, just go back to bed," he groaned. "I'm sorry I woke you."
It was too late. She was already tearing up.
"I wanna be with you forever too. I…I love you, Laxus."
"Mira-"
"And if you don't wanna snuggle with me, that's fine. We don't have to be like, you know, overly loving towards one another. We can just be…us. And I- Laxus."
He had outstretched one of his arms, wrapping it around her.
"If you want it, demon," he grumbled as he only shifted once more. "I can give it a try."
So that's how they ended up then. Laxus found his way flat on his back once more as Mirajane cuddled up to his chest, taking joy in the fact that he had been gracious enough to shower before that moment.
"How the hell are we supposed to sleep like this anyhow?"
"Just wrap your arms up around me."
"Mira-"
"If you don't wanna-"
"Fine," he grumbled. "But I'm gonna get a horrible night's rest and it'll be all your fault."
"You mean you don't feel so warm and fuzzy and loved and-"
"Your hair is in my face."
"Well…" She shifted in his grasp. No. That spot wasn't good. She tried turning some then, onto her side away from him. Laxus, mimicking, moved to cuddle against her back. Nope. Neither liked that either.
"Huh. Maybe this isn't our thing," Laxus said five minutes later as they both laid on their own sides of the bed, staring at one another.
"Your chest is just so bumpy and hard!"
"Uh, it's called muscle, babe, and you sure like to rub on it when we're-"
"How could we not like to snuggle? This is horrible."
"Did you, I dunno, wanna try again? Maybe-"
"No," she huffed, blowing her down bangs up as she stared over at him. "It's hopeless. And it's all my fault."
"Demon-"
"I built it all up in my mind, you know? I thought, wow, this is going to be great. We're going to cuddle and you're going to envelope me in your arms and I'm going to feel so peaceful and…and…and all I felt was uncomfortable."
"I'm sorry."
"It's not your fault," she sighed. "It's mine. I was trying to make our relationship something it wasn't and I…I just…"
"Oh, Mira." He leaned over then and, for the first time, pressed his lips gently against her forehead, brushing against her bangs. "It's-"
"Mmmm. Do that again."
"What?" He kissed her head again. "That?"
"My dad used to do that. When he would put us to bed. He'd kiss our heads."
Laxus shifted back to his side of the bed. "My mom liked it too. To kiss my head. Before she…died."
"Laxus…"
"I just love you, Mirajane," he said then, the words sounding strange on his tongue. "And I don't want nothing to change that. So if you wanna fake it till we make it with this snuggling stuff-"
"No," she whispered, smiling slightly. "I think…I think we found our thing."
"What?"
She snuggled up with her pillow. "Nothing. Never mind."
"No, what? The head kiss thing? Is that what you like?" He moved closer again, kissing the side of her head that time. "Should have said so earlier. Would have saved a lot of trouble."
"I just don't want to be reading too much into our relationship. To be the only one to-"
"I love you." He cleared his throat then. The word felt like trying to expel a brick from his mouth or something. "Really, I do. And I might not show it like all your other boyfriends in the past have, but think of this, huh? It didn't work out with them, did it? So maybe it's better that we don't just keep making the same mistakes as before."
She let out a slow breath. "I should have never made such a big deal out of nothing anyhow."
"You wouldn't be Mirajane if you didn't."
"Ha ha."
He moved back onto his back then, staring at the ceiling once more. "You think you can go to sleep now?"
Now that he'd told her that he loved her?
"Yeah, Lax. I-"
And then it started. A loud blearing ring from the bedside alarm clock.
"No," Mirajane groaned, reaching over to turn it off. "No fair."
"Demon, you gotta stop working."
"Laxus."
"You do."
"Yeah, well, seeing as I already got two mornings off in the past four weeks, I don't think that I can squeeze another one out any time soon."
"You know how crazy that sounds?"
She just took to pushing out of bed. "You still want breakfast?"
"Can you make me an omelet? And bacon? And some coffee? And do we have any-"
"Come on," she sighed, heading to walk out of the room. "We have to hurry so I can grab a shower too."
He was quick to follow her, the thought of some real food on his mind. He was so fast though that he was able to catch her, right as they made it into the kitchen.
"Your flowers really are beautiful, aren't they?" he asked as he only reached out to grab one of her arms, pulling her to a stop. When Mirajane looked back at him, Laxus took to pressing a kiss against her forehead again. His face was blank as ever about it, as he only then went to take hi seat at the table. Mira's though showed how content she felt.
Finally.
"Yeah," she agreed slowly, going to get started on his food. "They are, aren't they?"
He leaned forwards a little from his seat, to sniff at them. "I do a pretty good job with this gift stuff, eh, demon?"
"Yeah, Lax. You really do."
So maybe she didn't get the whole package, a guy that was sensitive and tough and overly affectionate. But she did get the privilege of a guy that gave her everything she needed.
And sometimes, isn't that enough?
"Oh," Mira said suddenly as she started on his breakfast. "Hey, Lax, today is the day that you're going to go with Elfman to see that play, remember? With him and Ever and Freed?"
"Mira-"
"And then tomorrow you have to go with Bickslow and Lisanna to go buy his babies new bodies. I mean, you know how close the two of them have been getting recently, but I think they're still afraid to admit it. You're kinda, you know, a buffer. An excuse."
He growled before moving to lay his head down on the table. Against it's surface, he got out, "Anything for you, demon."
Anything for her. She liked that. She liked it a lot.
A lot more than she would have liked cuddling.
And that meant a lot.
I was gonna do a chapter for Wedding Wars today, but then this happened. Meh. Maybe I'll still get it out. I dunno.