A/N: Meh I need to start doing these earlier but here it is and it really isn't that bad but I wanted to be safe for the swearing and Sirius' whore-ness. But I did get it in before the end of June so I'm not late for OotP of the Month really.
Twenty-two Questions
Sixth year Sirius Black swaggered into the common room, "I am proud to announce that I have officially slept with every Hufflepuff Girl in our year, and almost all of the seventh years!"
"Bloody hell Sirius!" said James.
"Right, I am proud to announce that I am going to throw up now." Remus said sarcastically.
"Oh, you're just jealous because you've never even seen a boob before and I've got all the birds!" Sirius said smugly.
"That would be James actually, him and his Lily problem." Remus joked.
"How do you do it Sirius?" James asked.
"I don't know, by not being you I guess mate."
"Speaking of Lily!" James called out as he got up to chase a certain red headed girl.
Remus sat down on the couch next to Sirius, "Not that I'm jealous of your rock star love life, but how do you manage to get so many birds."
"Well, this is my theory, I don't get nervous, because they don't matter to me. I don't do it for love, I do it for the pure pleasure, and to keep up my reputation."
"Your reputation as a man whore?"
"My reputation as a sex god."
"Right...sex god...sure."
"Either way, I do all those girls for fun. With someone I actually care about I'm lost I'm lost."
"Sirius, there's someone you actually care about?"
"Yes...shit."
"WHO IS IT?" now Remus was really excited.
"Not telling you!"
"Fine, is she in our year?"
"Yes."
"So, she must not be a Hufflepuff?"
"Nope." Sirius was enjoying this, there was no way he'd ever figure it out.
"Ravenclaw?"
"Nope."
"You'd better not be madly in love with some Slytherin bird are you?"
"Hell no Remus, I'm not crazy!"
"So she's a Gryffindor, dear god it's not Lily is it?"
"That's crazier than a Slytherin; everyone knows Lily is James' property."
"Everyone except Lily. But wait, she's the only Gryffindor in our year you haven't screwed...it is a she right?"
"Um..."
"Sirius your...?"
"Uh...Maybe." Now he knew he was doomed.
"He's a Gryffindor? In our Year?"
"So it's one of us?"
Sirius' face blended in with the red curtains.
"Well I guess I can never come to you for romantic advice, you aren't very romantic."
"Ooh! Moony needs romantic advice!"
"So do you!"
"I'll tell you mine if you tell me yours!"
"No Sirius, I think you'll have to guess like I did!" now it was Remus' turn to have some fun.
"Ugh, fine, is it a bloke or a bird?"
"Damn it Sirius!"
"Ha! Moony's a big fluffy gay werewolf!"
"And Padfoot is a big furry gay dog!" The boys began to wrestle until, both of them flushed and out of breath, Sirius had Remus pinned to the floor.
"Okay Moony, is he some nerdy Ravenclaw? Another bookworm like you?"
"No, he's not a Ravenclaw."
"Ooh, is it one of those dip-shit Hufflepuffs you tutor?"
"God Sirius, that is such a stereotype, not all Hufflepuffs are idiots. And no, he's not a Hufflepuff."
"Gasp! Is yours a Slytherin?"
"No."
"Oh, so he's a Gryffindor?"
"No...he's in the other house." Remus answered sarcastically.
"So, you like one of us too?"
"So it would seem."
"I would guess you're not going to tell me which one?"
"No sir."
"Fine, well I'll tell you that mine isn't Peter."
"Mine either, no offense to Pete, but he's certainly not the most attractive of the Marauders."
"So it's me or James." Both canines said at the same time.
"You know," Remus said "there is a 25% chance that we like each other."
"What?"
"Well, there's a 50% chance that I like you and a 50% chance that you li..."
Remus never finished that sentence because Sirius had pressed his lips to Remus' in a deep and passionate kiss.
"Does that solve the problem Remus?" Sirius said when they finally came up for air.
"I think it does." Remus replied as he leaned in for another kiss.
A/N: See that wasn't too bad it's just the first part seems kinda T rated to me anyway hope you enjoyed this I'll post the next OotP of the month soon.