I do not own Deadpool.
I do own three children. They are not named after Disney characters.
The Baby Name Game
"George."
"Oh, George is goo-"
"You know, like George Michael?"
"No."
"Hmmm . . ."
It was quiet in their tiny apartment.
Rain dripping down the window sill in that relaxing romantic way only . . .
". . . something in your eyes . . ."
. . . Wham! would understand.
"Eleanor's pretty."
"Yeah. Ooo, Minnie!"
"As in Mouse?"
"Yes!"
"No."
Wade Wilson, bald head comfortably snuggled in his pregnant girlfriend's lap, pouted for a brief second, then conceded defeat.
"Far enough. She always seemed like too much of a tease to Mickey anyway. Oooo-"
"No."
Vanessa's warm hand was firm on his disfigured forehead as she stilled his excitement.
"No, no, no. We are not naming our child after any Disney characters, Wade."
Wade pouted.
"So no Mulan?"
"No."
"Jasmine?"
"No."
"Ariel?"
"No."
"What about Moana?"
Vanessa looked at amusedly perplexed.
"When did you watch Moana?"
"It was on HBO right after Esme and Roy."
"Okkkayyy . . ."
"So, Moana?"
"Wade, we're not even Pacific Islanders."
"No, but The Rock is."
"I am not having The Rock's baby."
"Well, that's good to know. I mean, the way he was looking at you the other day while we were watching The Mummy Returns was pretty suggestive."
"Wade-"
"Daisy?"
"As in Duck?"
Wade feigned innocence.
"Noooo . . ."
"No duck names, Wade. No Disney! I don't want my daughter named after a talking woodland creature."
Quiet for a moment.
Then-
"What if it's a boy?"
"Well, Sebastian is a nice name-"
"Like The Little Mermaid crab or the actor?"
"Never mind."
"Oooh, like, the kid in the Neverending Story!"
"Wade-"
"Oh, you know what," Wade Wilson suddenly dropped the silliness altogether. "It doesn't matter what this little munchkin's name is gonna be . . ."
His whimsically light tone turning completely baby talk.
". . . 'cause it's gonna be the most woved baby in the entire world, yes, it is . . ."
Nuzzling Vanessa's still flat belly, planting sweet little kisses . . .
"Wade!"
. . . all over it . . .
"Stop!"
. . . that were completely unsexual . . .
"Mmmm . . ."
. . . in nature.
"Mmmm . . ."
Mostly.
Then he stopped wrapping his arms comfortably around the hips of the most amazing woman in the entire world ever.
"I love you, Vanessa. I love this baby. I can't believe this is really happening-"
And professing his undying love for her.
"This is so much more than I ever could have imagined-"
Without the slightest bit of self-consciousness.
"- I just love you so much."
He felt her chuckle, felt her body warm and cling to his.
"I love you too, Wade."
And he was grateful.
"You know, I was thinking about . . . maybe . . . Marie?"
Hey, that's the name of the girl kitty in The Aristocats. She was adorable and a little badass too.
"That's perfect."
That's right Vanessa's alive.
'Cause I said.
Or Wade's devolved into full out grief-driven hallucinations.
In which case my heart is broken.
You decide.
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