Thoughts On The Matter...
I find myself sitting alone at the bar after Hannah and Booth left struggling with my thoughts, thoughts that scream to me and me alone. They drown everything out, thoughts of Booth, me and of Hannah. I look at the empty glass in my hand and slowly roll it around watching as the last bit of liquid slowly spins in a circle at the bottom of my glass. I order another drink, it was the end of the day after all and a drink may ease my racing mind.
Why did she have to be so nice? I sigh bringing the new glass to my lips swallowing the cool liquid. I never really had a chance to say a proper goodbye to anyone in my life. Booth and I had parted on good terms seven months ago, but we had said 'see you later' not goodbye. Though, we were never a couple as Angela insisted we use to be. It was Daisy and Sweets that hadn't parted on the best of terms, relationship wise.
So, why did I find myself with a racing mind contemplating Booth and my relationship? I knew why, I did now anyway, time had taught me to find my feelings. I had reevaluated where I felt I stood with Booth. I chuckle at the irony, now look where I stood or I should say sat. Time held no prisoners, I understood what that meant now.
I stare of into nowhere, suddenly finding myself in a very familiar place. I was alone again, I had never said goodbye to my parents, to Russ, and while Booth was literally here in D.C he was still half a world away. He wasn't going to be here anymore like he use to be, like we use to be. Booth had Hannah now and Angela had Hodgins and soon a family.
Yes, I was very much alone again I had wasted so much time. Funny, it was time that brought me to the realization that I loved him, only to late. Time, damn you time. People you love leave-it happens. I learned that with time too. Only this time it was my fault, and wanting to know exactly what was going on between us, wanting to know exactly what Booth claimed to feel for Hannah was real, was very frustrating-nothing was clear everything was a haze. Then, there was the part of me that didn't want to figure any of it out.
I brought the glass to my lips again drinking more noticing my drink was almost finished. Sid noticed too. "Shitty day?" I look at him surprised, wanting to keep my thoughts to myself, but knowing some words had to leave my lips. Sid had seen Booth and Hannah leave, then there was me here by myself.
"It is what it is."
He nods, tending to another customer.
Though, I don't want it to be what it is, I want it to be what it should be.
Sid returns. "Hey." I look up at Sid, his tone is soft."Not everything is what it seems." I look at him wondering for a moment what he is talking about. Then it registers and I share a small smile with Sid. He was right, and for a moment he had made me smile allowed my thoughts to quiet for a millisecond.
As I sat at the bar finishing my drink I looked around…memories flooded my mind. Dining and dashing, I smile to myself shaking the thought, but others soon come. Many conversations after cases and get togethers with the everyone enter my hippo-campus, the storage unit of your brain which holds short and long term memories. Suddenly, my short term memory is triggered and I see Booth and Hannah leaving the Founding Fathers not long ago.
I sigh reminded of why I'm here alone, knowing my memories are all that remains. I will be fine, I will be just fine. Booth and Hannah are happy, Angela and Hodgins are happy, Hannah is a nice person, and besides I've been here before. I pick up my glass and slowly move it methodically in a circular motion watching as the last bit of remaining liquid swirls round the bottom of the glass rotating around in a circle…so much for a full revolution around the sun.
I look at the empty bar stool next to me and irrationally expect Booth to walk in any moment and fill it. Though, I know he won't he is at dinner with Hannah. We won't be having drinks at my place or his place anymore. No more Thai food in the middle of the night at the Jeffersonian to make sure I was eating, and no more small gifts like Jasper or Brainy Smurf. No more moments that should be 'just between us'. No that was over, he had moved on.
Obviously, I wasn't Hannah, but I shouldn't have to be like her. I was me. What it, what we should be...not just what it was. Booth had kissed me before, he had saved my life and I had saved his, he had called me baby before. That's when I realized Angela was right, we had been a couple. I stare at the empty bar stool next to me inhaling and exhaling a shaky breath.
Reviews are appreciated :)The end scene would not have been what it was without Toby Lightman's song "Everyday" Geez...here I go writing again on yet, another sleepless night. Reviews let me know if it's crap or if you like it. Please pray for our troops! Thanks ;)