Elder's Desk

by BrokenChosenofEva

The Children were not the only ones touched and changed by Instrumentality. Gendo and Ritsuko were forced to see how they hurt and cared for each other, and Misato and Ryoji saw all they could have been.

Neon Genesis Evangelion
Elder's Desk
By B.C.E.

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Title: Journey to Nagoya
Prompt: n/a
Word Count: 2k+
Rating: T
Summary: "Awakening" AU. Ritsuko and Gendo, despite the eye opening experience of Third Impact, still have issues between and around themselves.

Disclaimer: I do not own Neon Genesis Evangelion

Notes: Decided I wanted, and maybe needed, to explore the adults that are touched by the Pilots just as much as I'd needed, and wanted, to explore the Children. Please, check out my other works to see how the Children are doing in this AU.

Part 1 of the "Akagi Gendo" story. Occurs between the end of the "Awakening" arc and the beginning of the "I Knew You Then" arc. Part 1 of "Elder's Desk"

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The pace was easy and a touch meandering, making their way as best they could in the direction of Nagoya and the home of Ritsuko's cousin.

Gendo had decided to walk at the back of the group, Ritsuko falling back to remain beside him, letting the Children lead after Misato and her military training had pointed them in the general direction of the city. They'd found a map, and Misato had refreshed her memory of the possible routes quickly before they set off. He'd felt contemplative, and uncharacteristically aimless, so he let the others make the choices.

Ritsuko, through some sixth sense, had felt his turmoil and remained close. Though honestly, after his confession and breakdown on The Beach, as she thought of it, she'd wanted to stay nearby anyways at least partly for her own comfort as much as to offer him some as well. She'd wanted to talk about what he'd said, about what happened in Terminal Dogma, but now didn't seem like the time. Not while he seemed lost in his own thoughts, at least, so she stayed silent and waited for him.

Waiting for him. It seemed like she'd done that for years, and she had, but this time it was different, this time it was ok. This time he wasn't pushing her away for his goals, but because he was unsure. And while seeing the ever-in-control Commander so out of his element was jarring, it also served to sooth her, because it meant he was as human as her.

She felt a touch giddy, really, and it made her recall the few times she had a crush while going through high school and college. It almost made her laugh at herself, the feeling both new and nostalgic, and she smiled when she glanced at him out of the corner of her eye while they walked. It's silly of me, I'm almost thirty-five, she thought with her analytical mind, and he's nearly fifty, but I can't stop myself from feeling like a schoolgirl either.

Little did she know that his thoughts ran along similar lines, in addition to his habitual planning. What little he could plan, that is, given his now limited resources. His mind had been chasing its own tail over what he should do, what he had available, what he could do, and what he needed. Far more comforting, and at the same time nerve-wracking, was the subtle and world shaking change in his relationship with one Ritsuko Akagi. He had not been in a comparable position since university, when he'd met Yui and his world was altered irrevocably.

He had not been so wrapped in his thoughts, however, as to miss Ritsuko's glances, and was glad for his ever-present beard which concealed his rising blush at her attention.

Both adults, unknowingly, also thought of Rei and how their changed relationship might affect her as well. Both knew, from glimpses inside Instrumentality, that she considered them on some level to be her parents. This both warmed them and cut them to their core. At their most kind, they had treated her as a favored pet. At the worst, she was a tool, something used once and tossed aside. Their saving grace, if you could call it that, was that they truly regretted how they'd behaved. And they realized they needed to show Rei they had changed through their actions towards her. They knew the young woman would no longer treat Gendo's word as gospel.

But first, they had to settle themselves.

0o0o0o0

The group stopped near the highway, Misato and Kaji were off somewhere attempting to find a vehicle large enough to transport them the distance to Nagoya. The Children had circled up, chatting quietly while munching on what snacks they collected from Hikari's home as they'd passed through the edge of Tokyo-3.

"Gendo," Ritsuko began, the two of them having agreed without speaking that titles no longer mattered, at least between them, "You know we won't all be able to stay at my cousin's."

He hummed an acknowledgement, knowing that it wasn't what she really wanted to talk about but accepting the statement anyways.

"We will have to acquire alternate lodging as soon as we arrive." he finally spoke a few minutes later, voice low to avoid having it carry to the others not far off, it's new gravely quality comforting, "The JSSDF should still be largely distracted with SEELE's manipulations and reorganizing themselves around this crisis, I doubt we will be bothered for some time."

Kaji stepped out of the nearby convenience store, dropping off some supplies before hurrying passed the group in the direction Misato had gone. It was the third time one of the two had suddenly gone looking for the other, and both previous times they'd unerringly found the other with no trouble no matter where they'd "hidden", returning with a tale of a slip or other minor avoided injury.

Ritsuko was beginning to suspect some sort of connection between them, perhaps stronger than the "feeling" she had concering Gendo's mood. She'd originally chalked it up to simply knowing him so well, especially after the memories had settled, but her logical mind was beginning to doubt such a simple answer.

Gendo's thoughts must have mirrored her own, as he watched Kaji move off before commenting, "It would seem more happened with us than simply having the memories of a hundred lives surface in our minds."

"So it would seem." she agreed, turning to look at him as he removed his glasses and looked her in the eye, "Gendo... about on the beach, I-"

"I wasn't lying." Ritsuko blinked at his interruption.

"I know you weren't, I just-"

"No, you misunderstand." Gendo smirked, but it was a shadow of itself, sadness and regret turning it into an expression silently asking her to forgive, "In Terminal Dogma, right before the end, I realized I truly did love you. I was not lying when I spoke then, just as I was not lying on the beach, lost as I was in my sorrow. Nor am I lying now, saying those words again. I love you."

It sent a thrill through her to hear those words again, and settled something inside her to hear him say he hadn't been lying as she'd accused him there at the end. It calmed her to hear that even lost in emotion after leaving Instrumentality, he had been honest.

"I love you too, Gendo." she smiled, then glanced at Rei as the young woman sat beside Tabris and the four others, asking the next question on her mind, "What can we do for Rei?"

"Never thought I'd hear such a motherly question coming from you, Rits, especially after your snipe at my family."

Misato's flat comment caused Ritsuko to jump, though she saw that Gendo's only reaction was a widening of his eyes. Turning, she saw Misato and Kaji only a few feet behind them, Gendo's shades forgotten in his gloved hand.

"Instrumentality worked in unusual ways on each of us." Gendo commented, "Ryoji, if you'd follow me for a moment? I believe the ladies have something they need to discuss."

At Kaji's chuckle Ritsuko shot Gendo an annoyed look before the two men moved off out of earshot. Turning back to her friend as she sat beside her, Ritsuko waited for Misato to speak first. After several moments without any comment from the raven-haired woman, Ritsuko could take the silence no longer.

"I'm sorry," she started, and seeing Misato's raised eyebrow she explained, "About making that tasteless joke about the Children. No matter how stressed and broken I might have been at the time, that's no excuse for trying to hurt you."

Misato eyed her levelly for several seconds. Finally, her expression softened, "Forgiven. Friends again?"

"Friends." Ritsuko smiled, eyes watery with emotion. She'd truly missed her friendship with the raven-haired woman, and regretted what she'd done to break them apart. It was frustrating to not be in control of her emotions like before, but liberating as well.

"Hey now, no tears, Rits" Misato teased, "Just cause you got the Ice-Bast_d to thaw doesn't mean you can fall apart."

"You can't be the only one allowed to cry, Misa." she laughed wetly, leaning over and giving her friend a hug, feeling the other woman return it, "We'll be alright."

"Of course," Misato breathed, relaxing.

0o0o0o0

"Thoughts, Commander?"

"Nothing of import as yet, Ryoji-san."

A hum.

"San, huh? Oddly respectful of you."

"We aren't who we were before."

"True."

"We will be in need of lodging after reaching Nagoya. Perhaps you're familiar with the area?"

A faint chuckle.

"Considering there's a NERV sub-branch there like in Mastushiro? What kind of triple agent do you take me for?"

"Your attitude hasn't left you I see."

Laughter from the younger man, accompanied by a chuckle from the older.

"Plenty of coastal housing was left abandoned and unclaimed. Simply moving in and placing a claim would make nearly any house or apartment we choose legally ours."

A hum.

"I believe we can head back. No need to summon your lady. Or worry mine."

0o0o0o0

"Did you and Katsuragi clear the air?" Gendo said by way of greeting once Ryoji Kaji and Misato Katsuragi walked off upon the men's return.

"Yes," she smiled, then shot him an annoyed look, "And thank you for simply jumping ship at the first sign of emotional conversation."

"You didn't need me to listen while the two of you settled." he sighed, "Besides, Kaji said his last investigation of Nagoya showed plentiful housing for us to choose from upon our arrival."

"Well, two issues settled then." she sighed and leaned against him, feeling him tense at the unexpected contact before he relaxed, "My cousin will have enough to say as it is."

"I was under the impression she would welcome us."

"Visiting? Oh yes, she loves being social. Far more than either of us, and she'll adore Misato." the new brunette muttered, amused, and Gendo found himself blinking as he realized for the first time that Ritsuko's hair was its original brown. He mental berated himself, having prided himself on being aware of everything around him, "But housing all of us more than a few days will try her patience, I'm sure."

"We will cross that bridge when we come to it, then," he paused, then decided to try being more open, "Brown hair looks better on you than blonde."

Laughing at her surprised stare before she pulled a few strands in front of her eyes to see for herself, he enjoyed the freedom of this recent change in himself and brushed off the stares of the others as everyone prepared to continue and their journey.

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A/N: Inspiration hit me at work, so I typed up the first four paragraphs on my phone's notepad app.

Decent enough, yeah?

And please, forgive my fudging of ages and forgetting back in "Awakening", "I Knew You Then" and "All Is Right" that I had not once mentioned Ritsuko's hair was back to being brown.