EXT. HOUSING AREA, MORNING
JOE
So sir, do you believe that the Blur Witch exists?
MAN
Exists?? Of course she EXISTS!... she STOLE MY DAMN CHICKENS!
LADY
But honey, we don't have any chickens.
MAN
That's because that bastard witch stole them!
EXT. HOUSING AREA, MORNING
Vince and Joe then approaches an old man who has his glasses resting on his head.
VINCE
Excuse me sir... I was wondering if you believe in the Blur Witch?
OLD MAN
Of course I do!
VINCE
How come, sir?
OLD MAN
She stole my glasses!
VINCE
Erm...
OLD MAN
MY SPECIAL glasses too... the ones I use to remember where I put things. Some one should STOP that damned witch.
Vince scratches his head.
EXT. HOUSING AREA, MORNING
JOE
Excuse me madam, but have you heard of the Blur Witch?
OLD LADY
WATCH WHO YOU CALL AN OLD BITCH you little punk! I might be a little deaf but I can read lips!
The old lady then takes out a gun from her shopping cart.
JOE
Run Vince... RUN! SHE'S GOT A GUN!!
Old lady starts firing as Vince and Joe runs as fast as their feet can carry them
EXT. FOREST, AFTERNOON
Vince and Joe run up the hill and stop to catch a breath. Joe then straightens up and takes a deep breath.
JOE
We must therefore conclude
VINCE
(Interupts)
Therefore conclude we must
JOE
That the Blur Witch DOES EXIST!
VINCE
EXIST DOES the Blur Witch
JOE
If you don't stop with the yoda bullshit, I'll cut off your pride and joy Vince...
VINCE
Huh? My hair?
JOE
THINK SOUTH STUPID!
VINCE
Oh… OHHH!!
INT. FOREST, AFTERNOON
Joe and Vince walk into the dark forest.
VINCE
Are you sure you want to find the Blur Witch, Joe?
JOE
Yes... We must help those poor people.
VINCE
But what if we get eaten?
JOE
Don't worry, you have a natural charm against that.
VINCE
Charm?
JOE
Yes.. you smell bad and probably taste worse.
INT. FOREST DEEPER, AFTERNOON
VINCE
We're LOST! I told you we should have brought supplies. No water... No food... We're goners for sure!
JOE
Shut up, we've only been in here for five minutes.
VINCE
I was just practicing. No need to get touchy.
JOE
I swear if the witch doesn't kill you... I WILL!
weird noise echoing
VINCE
LOOK!
JOE
See something??
VINCE
Behind you! It's moving!
JOE
Oh my GOD! It's jumping!
VINCE
It's no bird!
JOE
Its no plane!
VINCE
It's the damn witch!
JOE
Faster than a speeding bullet! RUN!!!!!!!
Joe and Vince run away with the creature in pursuit.
EXT. FOREST, AFTERNOON
Joe is running but suddenly trips and falls. The creature approaches Joe and looks into the camera Joe dropped. Vince stops running to help Joe.
JOE
Please don't eat me like those harmless chickens. I swear I'll never tell the old man about his glasses either.
The creature combs his hair back with his hands and looks like any other 'normal' human... except very messy.
U-JINN
Sank you vely much arr... I lost in heah for neahly a year ah.
Vince and Joe looks at each other with astonishment.
VINCE
The witch speaks English!
JOE
And she... err... he? Is not blur!
U-JINN
Haiya... I is not the blur weech la. I is U Jinn. Many days ago...
VINCE
(Interrupts)
Is this story going to take long? I need to pee.
U-JINN
Shut up and listen la! Many months ago, I is come here with two good friends to find the blur weech.
VINCE
(Interrupts)
Days or months ah?
U-JINN
Shuttup!! I'm telling story la wei... ahem We reach a part of the forest, then POOF! My two friend disappear la! The forest surroundings also suddenly change wan. Then leh, I was lost since that time lor. And then ah, you two monkeys making so much noise I manage to find you lor.
JOE
Vince is the only monkey here.
U-JINN
Yea... True... You too big be monkey la... More like ape.
JOE
What the hell...
VINCE
HAHA... You're funny for a witch.
U-JINN
FIND THE WITCH WE MUST!
Joe kicks U Jinn in the groin.
U-JINN
OUCH! Why you kick my...
JOE
Damn Yoda fan boys...
EXT. FOREST deeper, AFTERNOON
U-JINN
Is near here lah. This where I lost.
VINCE
I wish you would just GET LOST again. This place is creepy.
U-JINN
Shattap la. If ah, I get lost again ah, you also will get lost here also la. Stooopit.
VINCE
I'm not stupid! Tell him Joe!
JOE
Yea. He's just super dumb. Calling him stupid is insulting to stupid people.
VINCE
See! I told you so! Hey... Did... did you see something flash by?
U-JINN
It was probably your tiny brain...
The three look at each other with worried looks on their faces. The face each other back to back and form somewhat a triangle and look around.
Suddenly, a man in a black trench coat jumps out of a bush.
MORPHOEUS
Much noise have you made. The price you will pay!
JOE
Argghh! Yoda again! I feel a blood vessel bursting!
VINCE
Oh my God… who the hell is that?
U-JINN
He must be with the Blur Witch lar! Be careful!
MORPHEOUS
I am Morpheous. And your quest for the Blur Witch STOPS there!
VINCE
Erm... Isn't Morpheous the big black dude with some bad ass weapons?
Morpheous poses with his hand gun and katana. A gust of wind blows which makes the coat rustle. Morpheous then sighs.
MORPHEOUS
Casting problem la...Low budget… Where to find a black guy?
VINCE, U-JINN & JOE
Cehhhhhhh.
MORPHEOUS
Now.. to settle matters once and for all.
Morpheous gently places his weapons and the floor, does a little tai chi thing. The three fall to the ground from Morpheous' martial arts move.
MORPHEOUS
There is no spoon...
VINCE
There's no fork either. What's your point?
MORPHEOUS
Aiya you didn't watch matrix ah? No spoon means no limit to the power we have la. Stupid!
VINCE
I'm not stupid damn it!
U-JINN & JOE
Yea... He's super dumb.
VINCE
Yeah!... looks a little bit to the left and squints Look over there! It's a can!
The three gasps.
BLUR WITCH
I'm not a CAN! I'm the BLUR WITCH! Now... ALL YOUR BASE ARE BELONG TO US!
The Can dances to music.
VINCE
How come Blur Witch got man's voice ah?
BLUR WITCH
I'm a macho witch! So shuttup. Anyway... you will all DIE HERE!
Vince rushes forwards and tears a piece of Morpheous's trench coat.
VINCE
Here Joe! Catch! Use the weapon!
Joe then spreads it open and displays the recycling logo on it. Joe leaps towards the Blur Witch and captures it with the recycling bag.
JOE
Make sure to recycle. Put the right items into the right bins. Save our environment! This is a community message from Kitar semula
BLUR WITCH
Nooooo!
As soon as Vince hears the voice, he turns around and sees someone.
VINCE
Eh! Who's that guy there with the remote control?!
BLUR WITCH
(slowly hiding behind tree while saying)
Nothing… nothing. Nothing here to see... No no.. Nothing.
JOE
That must be the REAL Blur Witch! Whack him!
As Vince is about to launch an attack. U-Jinn intervenes.
U-JINN
No! No no! Don't whack Ah Pia.
MORPHEOUS
We give up! Don't hurt us.
VINCE
My head hurts. What's going on?
U JINN
Actually... There is no Blur Witch.
VINCE & JOE
What??!!
MORPHEOUS
And my name is Ah Beng not Morpheous.
AH PIA
You're the next chosen ones.
JOE
Chosen for what?
MORPHEOUS
To continue the tradition.
U-JINN
Yes yes. Continue with this tradition. Pretend to be the Blur Witch.
As U Jinn says this, without anyone's knowledge, someone wicked and of evil powers were watching them. She slowly disappears from the scene leaving a trail of her laughter within the forest which frightened the five.
To be continued?
ENDS