A/N: This was written in response to the Friday 2/1/08 episode. I've assumed Johnny is about 22, which would make Claudia 30 (8 years apart). So if she left when Johnny was 8, she's been gone for about 14 years.

One-Shot: Pain

Who the hell did Logan think he was, Lulu thought. Wanting her to sleep with him out of attraction was one thing. Sleeping with him to prove she wanted to be with him – that's a completely different spectrum."I am not spending the night with you."

"Why?"

"Because that invitation had all the charm of being dragged back to your cave by my hair."

"Lulu," Logan said, pleadingly, "I want to be with you."

She snorted. "No, no, you want me to prove something to you, but I'm not going to do it."

"Because you can't."

Lulu couldn't believe what she was hearing. "Because I don't have to. I'm not the one who's dragging Johnny into every single conversation that we have. You can't seem to open your mouth without putting him down or trying to prove that you're better than he is."

"Just better for you," he scoffed.

"Well, you know what? If you really mean that, then show me. Be the best Logan that you can be, because that is all that I would want to be with."

"I'm sorry, Lulu, I'm pushing it."

She sighed. She knew this day was coming for a long time. Since Maxie… and since Johnny. "Maybe there is no winning for us, for any of us."

"What does that mean?"

"It means maybe I should just – I should be on my own."

"All right – till Johnny comes along, right? Hmm?"

And there was the out Lulu was waiting for. She was sick and tired of Logan assuming things and badmouthing Johnny left and right. "Thank you, thank you. That just made up my mind – I'm done." She turned and walked away without looking back.

"Lulu," Logan called after her, "I'm sorry. Come – come back!"

"I'm supposed to get a new nurse," Anthony said to his son with a small smile. "I don't trust any of them anymore."

"Why?"

"Because they're old and ugly and heavy-handed." He turned his head when he heard footsteps come toward the bed. "Except this one. Hello, nursie."

"Hi, Daddy," the woman replied.

Shock was the only thing that showed on his face when Claudia entered like she had never been gone. All he could do was stare. They stayed in the room with his father for about fifteen more minutes, and the entire time, Johnny held everything else in. He kept cold and distant, never letting emotion cross his features. When their little reunion was over, he was the first one out the door with Claudia hot on his heels.

"Johnny… Johnny wait a minute. Slow down," she said, grabbing his arm.

"No," he replied, tugging free of her grip. "I can't do this right now."

"Please," she said softly. "We need to talk."

"What? Right here? In the middle of a hallway in the psychiatric ward of the jail where our paralyzed father is currently residing riding out a murder sentence?"

"You're right. Later," she questioned, hopefully.

"Fine. Later." With those two words, he turned on his heel and left.

Claudia sighed as she watched Johnny storm down the hallway. She just hoped he gave her the chance to explain that her disappearance wasn't her fault or her choice.

Lulu wasn't ready to go home after the breakup with Logan. Or whatever place she was going to call home until the crap with the Quatermaines blew over. So she did what she did best: walked. She walked around Port Charles for a good hour, just thinking. About where she and Logan went wrong. It wasn't that hard to figure out – she was still raw over the thing with Maxie. That's the precise moment that it all went downhill. She never really forgave him for that; how could she? He mad a bet to sleep with her! How is that actually forgivable? Which is why Lulu didn't fell one iota of shame or guilt for lying to him about Johnny. She laughed bitterly to herself. Which lie would that be, exactly, she thought. That me and Johnny were just 'friends' or that nothing happened between us? Or the fact that I really don't want to be alone…

No, Lulu didn't want to be alone. She wanted Johnny. She pretty much wanted Johnny since she met him. But between Scott's offer to drop the charges against Luke and giving Nicholas custody of Laura back, and Logan's genuine pleas to forgive him – Lulu felt that maybe they could work things out. She had real feelings for Logan – but the lack of trust she had in him dissolved that. And lately, he had a tendency to push her buttons just the right way. There was no way they were going to work out. Now, Lulu finally understood what was going on between Lucky, Elizabeth and Jason. She was going to have to make a point of having a long talk with Elizabeth later.

When Lulu finally stopped walking, she found herself at the Overlook. She sighed and leaned against one of the large stone pillars. This was her and Johnny's place. The place where he first kissed her, the place where he saved her father. The place where he tried to scare me away, she thought, her lips curling into a smile at the memory. It pissed her off at the time, but she was a Spencer and she didn't give up that easily.

Pushing off the pillar, she made her way over to the railing – and paused when she saw a figure sitting on the ground leaning up against it. His knees were drawn up to his chest with his arms folded across them and his head down. He seemed oblivious to the cold and the dirt around him – he just sat there.

"Johnny?"

Johnny couldn't believe she was back. When he saw her enter that room, it was like a punch to the stomach. He couldn't breathe. When he left the hospital, he ran. He just kept going until he couldn't move anymore. His legs finally gave out when he reached the Overlook. He collapsed against the railing and just gave in to all the emotions he was feeling. He cried. How Claudia could come waltzing back in like nothing ever happened was beyond him. The shock alone was debilitating. But now it was like reliving his childhood all over again.

Johnny didn't know what happened to her when she disappeared. Was she kidnapped? Did she run away? Was she dead? After the first two years she was gone, he came to accept that she probably was dead and he would never see her again.

His head snapped up when he heard the voice. He came here to get away from everything, to be alone and he couldn't even get that. When he saw it was Lulu, though, Johnny jumped up and turned away from her, scrubbing away the tears that had been running down his face for the past hour with his hands.

"What do you want?"

"Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," he choked out. "Now leave me alone."

She ignored his order and walked up to him. "How many times do I have to tell you to stop telling me what to do?" Gently, she took his arm and turned him to face her. At this point Johnny was too emotionally and physically drained to stop her. Lulu gasped as she looked up into his tear stained face and red-rimmed eyes. "Oh my god, Johnny," she said, cupping his face in her hands, "what's wrong? What happened?"

He turned his head away from her prying eyes and said, "Nothing. I'm fine. Now please, I just want to be alone." His voice cracked on the last word.

"You are not fine, Johnny. Let me help you."

He let out a small laugh that sounded more like a sob. "So, you're what? Making yourself my very own private nurse?"

"If I have to. Johnny," she said softly, putting her hand on his arm, "what's wrong?"

He sank back down to the ground, sighing. Lulu followed suit and waited for him to start talking.

"Who the hell does she think she is? Fourteen years. Fourteen goddamn years she left me alone with him. Not a word why she left, no letters, messages, nothing. I thought she was dead! And now she waltzes back in like she was never gone. She was all I had, and she left me." Johnny couldn't stop the tears again at this point.

"Who?"

"My sister. Claudia."

Lulu was shocked. "You have a sister?'

"Half-sister," he replied wiping his eyes. "Before my father married my mother, he had a relationship with another woman. They had a child. I'm not sure what happened to the woman – maybe she died or something, I don't know. But Claudia always lived with us."

"Were you close?"

"She was perfect. She loved me and always treated me like a person, even though she was eight years older than me. Never thought of me as a nuisance or annoying. She just loved me. She took care of me and protected me when my mother couldn't."

Realization dawned upon Lulu. "She's the one you were talking about on the Haunted Star. Held you during your fever, wore the scrubby red sneakers?"

He nodded. "She was so scared of my father. Even though he loved my mother to obsession, he never trusted women. That included children. We would spend days together, telling each other stories, hiding under the bed when my father was on a rampage. Even though I was the younger one, she'd crawl into bed with me at night because she had nightmares."

"She sounds like a wonderful sister."

"Wonderful. So wonderful that six months after my mother died, she up and disappeared." Johnny's voice started to break again. "I was eight years old. She was the one who held me together after my mother was shot. Took care of me. Told me everything would be all right. That she'd always be there to make sure I was okay. But she lied. She left me." He seemed oblivious to the tears running down his face. "The only two people that cared about me were gone – I was an eight year old boy left with his unstable father. I almost died that day."

Lulu gathered him in her arms and laid his head down in her lap. She stroked his head while he cried out fourteen years of pent up feelings. She had an ache in her chest to see Johnny in this much pain. The normally stoic and strong person she knew was replaced by the sad little boy from so long ago.

When his crying finally ceased, he just lay in Lulu's lap, savoring the feeling of her hands in his hair. "I'm sorry," he said. "I didn't want anyone to see me like this, especially you."

"It's okay. Sometimes you just need to let it out."

"Not me. I'm the head of the Zacchara organization. I'm Anthony Zacchara's son. And here I am, crying like a baby in your lap." He snorted in disgust at himself. "If only Sonny and Moreau could see me now…"

"Well, they'll never know, now will they?" She smiled down into his face. With the tears still fresh on his cheeks, she could almost see that little boy still inside.

Johnny sat up when he saw the way Lulu was looking at him and wiped his face with his sleeves. "I'm okay now," he said gruffly. "Don't you have somewhere else to be?"

She rolled here eyes at his dismissal. "I'm right where I should be."

"I think Logan would have something to say about that."

"I don't."

He looked over at her quizzically. "I ended things with him for good. I don't like being told that I have to sleep with someone to prove that I want to be with them."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means that I'm right where I'm supposed to be. Come on," she said, standing up. "We're going to the Metro Court for the night."

"Lulu," he said sighing, "I can't take anymore tonight. I can't. This game with you and me and Logan – I can't do it anymore. Not on top of this."

"There is no game, Johnny. Right here is where I should have been from the beginning."

"Lulu –"

"No, listen to me. Now I understand why you continuously try to push me away. Not for my safety, for your safety. Everyone you've ever loved – your mother, you sister – left you. You just wanted to make sure it wouldn't happen again. And I – I stayed with Logan because despite everything, he did love me. I was just being cautious with his feelings. Why, considering he crushed me? I have no idea. But I'm sick of trying to prove myself to him left and right when he's the one who needs to prove things to me. But most of all, I'm sick of pretending I don't want to be with you."

"Are you sure that's what you really want?" He was too tired to argue or fight anymore.

"I could be with Logan right now if I wanted to," she said walking up to him and wrapping her arms around his waist. "But all I really want to do is hold you and tell you everything will be okay."

Johnny rubbed his cheek against her hair, savoring the softness and the comfort it gave him. "Is it really?"

She leaned up and pressed a soft kiss to his lips. "Yes. And if you haven't realized it yet, I'm not going anywhere. You tried to get rid of me and it didn't work. I'm here to stay."

He smiled, finally feeling at peace after the torturous day he just went through. "I'm tired."

"Come on," Lulu said, steering him away from the Overlook. "Let's get a room and get some rest. I'll even tuck you in," she said with a smile.