A/N: I know... total shock. A story from me after... several years. Guess my muse didn't totally abandon me after all. Ironically enough I had this idea for the story years ago, but never knew how to tackle it. Now I finally did... Please, as one last request... do not stone me for the story. :)

People said a lot of things about me. Most of them probably were or are right. I am a nerd, my experiences with women were limited and I sure as hell was no Casanova like some people I knew.

I might have been clueless about a thing or two… but I wasn't dumb. My cluelessness usually sneaked in with things that concerned Penelope. Sure, I might not have been the most creative or inspired person when it came to surprises, presents or dates of importance. But I tried, I really did.

A lot of people started wondering when I and Penelope began dating. Most of these people were also the ones that told me soon after that I really should not get involved, that Penelope sure was single but then again not really. I had no idea what people meant and why they were so cryptic. Until about a few weeks into our relationship.

Derek Morgan was…something else. And a constant reminder what women all over the world probably wanted and I would never be. They were so close that initially I thought they had something going on, a weird affair of some sorts. But that was ridiculous. After I made a fool out of myself a few times even I realized that. They were just very close – or that's how it at least used to be.

It didn't take me long to realize that I and Penelope were great, but me and Penelope's friends? Not so much. They were nice people, I liked JJ and Emily a lot actually. But they were not my friends. They were friendly, but it was plainly obvious who they'd rather see at Penelope's side. At times it really seemed as if it was Penelope and me against the world when it came to the "Who Penelope should date" question.

But she wouldn't have been with me if she was interested in someone else, right? Right. That was the thought that let me sleep at night. I knew she never would stray. She just wasn't that type of girl. But after a year even I had to admit that I got a clue.

It was hard to explain, but when seeing Penelope and Derek Morgan…. something was different. Different in a way that I couldn't exactly explain. They seemed

And then one way… I realized it. Whether she really loved me or not… I couldn't say. But the reason she was with me instead of him was simple. She thought she couldn't have him. She thought she didn't fit his usual pattern of women. She thought he'd never see in her what she saw in him.

The irony of all this was that she was wrong. I saw the way he looked at her, too. I saw the way he was with her. Sure, she was her best friend, but I also saw that there would have been more if there ever was the opportunity.

I'd never figured Derek Morgan to be a coward or to back away from woman, let alone never ask her out to begin with. But then again I guess we all can agree, Penelope was different when it came to a lot of things. I don't think she had him scared that she could turn him down if asked. No, I figured he sacred what he had with Penelope too much to take a risk and see what could happen.

The right thing to do was of course to let her go. Come up with a stupid excuse why this wasn't working out and let her go. Sent her more or less in the arms of her "eventually they would be"-lover. But…I couldn't. No matter what everyone else said or thought they knew…I loved her. Fully, whole-heartedly, totally. I might not have been great at showing her so every single minute of the day and she might not love me as much as I love her, but who was perfect these days?

I just… couldn't let her go. Well, not as long as she didn't make up her mind. And maybe that made me pathetic that I was so okay with accepting that I was second choice. But at least I was a choice. And she was my priority.

Damn Derek Morgan anyway. If he wasn't man enough to go after what he wanted, I sure as hell wouldn't play nice guy and push her his way.

Love after all was a battlefield.

In the background the radio was playing the chorus of a Bon Jovi song that somehow summed it all up:

If you don't love me - lie to me
'Cause baby you're the one thing I believe
Let it all fall down around us, if that's what's meant to be
Right now if you don't love me baby - lie to me

Eventually Derek Morgan would wake up and realize what he wanted and went after it. And then he better sure as hell fought for her like no one's business. Because that's what she deserved – to be fought for.

And until that would happen – I would take whatever I could get. Because that was better than nothing.