Newlywed Hoban Washburne knew he should have been with his wonderful new wife. But he couldn't ever remember being so mad at someone he loved. Or someone who could destroy him physically past the point of annihilation. Hell, she could smash him into itty bitty pieces if she—
"Is it safe yet?"
Wash looked up from the placemat he'd been staring at, right into the oddly fearful face of the new mercenary. Normally, Wash would have come up with some kind of witty response, but now his only answer was, "Yeah."
"Good." The mercenary said gruffly, finally entering the room as if it were booby trapped. "Capt'n promised me free run of the kitchen.," Jayne continued, still looking like somebody was going to jump out and attack him.
"Sorry." Wash muttered half-heartedly, looking back down at the placemat. Honestly, he couldn't care less about how the newfound, scary mercenary felt. So he couldn't get to the liquor for five minutes, big deal.
"You alright?"
Wash tore his eyes from the placemat to look at the man. An idiot could see he was alright. Well, Jayne was a special brand of idiot. "Wife and I had a fight." Wash really didn't want to have this conversation with Jayne Cobb. Thought it was preferable to having it with Mal and having to sit through his smirk and his 'I told you so' manner. And Zoë was probably with Kaylee… Jayne was all he had.
"No," The mercenary said sarcastically, looking up from digging through the cabinets. "Was that what all the yellin' was about?"
Wash was tempted to glare, but resisted. The new mercenary might have been at his wedding, but he still didn't trust the man that could kill him even more completely than Zoë could. Why did he sign on to a ship where he was the lowest on the food chain?
Wash gave a little jump when a glass was practically flung down onto the table in front of him. Wash looked up, startled at the mercenary. Jayne ignored him, depositing himself into a chair. Without a word, Jayne poured some green liquid into the glass, keeping the bottle for himself. "Drink that," He ordered.
Wash blinked, first at Jayne, then at the vile smelling liquid. He couldn't have possibly heard him right. "What?" He managed, sounding, looking and feeling positively dumbfounded.
"Drink it." Jayne repeated, blinking right back at Wash. "I didn't It or nothin'." At any other time, Wash would have found the look he was giving him funny. It was the same look Mal often gave the mercenary in his… not too bright moment.
"Why?" Wash asked, blinking at the vile liquid he had no intention of drinking without making sure it couldn't move of its own free will first.
"Liquid courage. Jayne said simply, his soft expression hardening somewhat.
:I don't-"
"Gorramit, just drink it!"
Without another word, wash quickly grabbed the glass, deciding he had defied the will of the killer for hire for long enough. He carefully clinked his glass with Jayne's outstretched bottle, and took a swig at the same time Jayne did.
The liquid was as vile as its smell promised. As soon as it came in contact with his throat, the pilot gagged, coughing violently. Oh this was just prefect. Like he didn't feel bad enough already…
Much to his growing dismay, Jayne laughed. "Good stuff, huh?" Jayne chuckled, unhelpfully pounding on the pilots back. Wash merely glared at the unhelpful mercenary, wishing he would disappeared. What possessed him when he thought Jayne might be able to help him with marriage problems?
"Now, git on up."
Wash wasn't given a choice in the matter this time. Roughly, Jayne pulled him to his feet by his Hawaiian shirt. "Now,:" Jayne said, unhelpfully straightening and dusting off his shirt, which consisted of slapping the very ungrateful and confused pilots shoulders a few times. "Go to yer wife. She's on the bridge with yer gorram dinosaurs."
Wash blinked, completely dumbfounded. Was Jayne actually… helping? "Jayne-" Wash started, taken aback, but Jayne cut him off.
"The thing you gotta remember, little man, is it's always your fault in woman's eyes. Always. Go apologize. Whatever it is, it ain't worth sittin' here feelin' sorry for yerself and borin' holes in the placemat when you could be getting' sexed by yer wife. Now go." Jayne ordered, roughly spinning Wash around and giving him a shove towards the bridge. "Make up."
Wash stumbled, then caught himself before he fell, moving mechanically in the direction he was shoved, both to get away from the possibly crazy mercenary and to make up with the woman he loved.
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Jayne let out a grunt as he finished off his bottle of liquor, feeling content. That was his good day for the day. He was glad to help the little man. At least two people on the ship should be happy. Now, to only hope that Zoë wouldn't brutally murder Wash…
"It worked!"
Jayne jumped, looking up at the now smiling pilot. "You were right, Jayne! And I can't believe those words are coming out of my mouth ever now. And best of all, she's lettin' me keep em'! Imagine that! Thanks Jayne, you do have your moments."
Jayne merely blinked. He was… Right? Jayne opened his mouth, then shut it, convinced that the grown man before him was really a hyper five year old. ":But I gotta go." Wash continued, as if nothing had happened. "Me and the wife gotta go finish makin' up. I can't believe she let me keep 'em!"
With that, Wash shoved something small and plastic into Jayne's hands, and nearly skipped back to his bunk. There was no way Jayne had imagined that, right?
Shaking his head, he looked down at the item of the first fight between the married couple. What he saw made him blink in utter disbelief. A small dinosaur peered back up at him. Jayne swore it was smirking at him. What in the hell….He just helped Wash and Zoë through… Their first fight was…. Jayne blinked again, feeling a headache coming on.
"This was what you two were fightin' about?!"
Another Firefly oneshot I have no idea where it came from. I like the image of Jayne taking on the role of Wash's 'big brother' and giving him advice about women... xD
Reviews are love.