A/N: This is a very strange story. I'm not sorry.
-Note: I also have waaaay too much fun with the cliches in this fandom.
Disclaimer: I do not own Hikaru no Go.
Warnings: Defiantly AU, not a whole lot of focus on Go (gasp!), Boys Love (yaoi, slash, whatever you want to call it)...
Also, THIS WILL BE DARK. This will go into some terrible things and I don't want to hear complaints about it. Dark themes, dark material, dark characters - and I don't want to give anything away so just think of the most terrible things and assume it may be in here.
POS·SES·SION (puh-zesh-uhn)
-the state of being possessed.
His first memory is of Go.
Hikaru is four years old. He is tired but he cannot remember why; the day is unfocused in his mind, the hours before lost in a haze of light and dark that he is unable to recall. It feels as if he is losing those memories like sugar dissolving on his tongue, left with only a vague recollection of warmth and the ache in his feet. There is a hand holding his, cold and tight. It feels like the grip of a corpse but Hikaru is too young to care, seeking comfort from the hold for reasons he cannot remember.
Lightning streaks across the sky and Hikaru remembers what fear is. He clings to the thin arm for security, his hold returned as he's enveloped into a hug. "Don't be scared, Hikaru," a warm voice murmurs into his ear. "There's nothing to be afraid of here."
A curtain of dark hair slides like ink in front of him and obscures his vision, if he had been inclined to seeing. He looks down at the hand holding his own and wonders how a person can be so pale and still claim to have blood running through his veins, wonders if he doesn't have enough and that's why the hands are like ice encasing his own appendages. But the voice- the voice is warm and soothing, a lick of summer in a body of winter.
The arms tighten around him and Hikaru dares to peer out. The room looks like a gaping cavern to a child's eyes, full of monsters and secrets that threaten to pull him in. The light flicks on and it is suddenly a room; spacious and barely-furnished but undoubtedly lived in. The embrace on his body drops and he enters the light, feet unsteady but keeping up as he is led across the room by a boy seven years older. They come to a stop in front of a board filled with lines, topped by two closed wooden bowls that are familiar in a way Hikaru does not understand.
"I will show you the stars," Sai says softly, reverently. His dark eyes are on the board, his cold white hands reaching for the goke to reveal the stones inside. The child is tired and sore and on the verge of tears when he takes the seat across from the older boy, another flash of lightning illuminating the night as thunder echoes against the windows.
Hikaru's first memory is actually of Sai, but Sai is synonymous with Go anyway.
They live in a 3LDK. Hikaru's room is directly across from Sai's but both leave their doors open. There is only a simple goban in the living room, a table for two in the area just before the kitchen. The only room with tatami flooring is dedicated to their mother, whose picture stands on the lone altar and the flowers refreshed every three days.
Sai is graceful at seventeen. He walks with a quiet sort of confidence and smiles with just the right amount of kindness. His classmates fawn over him in his absences as Go matches take precedent, but this does not stop Sai from graduating among the top in his class. He is commended for his abilities, his willingness to assume responsibility, and his professional courtesy that everyone who meets him admires.
Hikaru is rough and uncouth. He gets along with most of his classmates but his temper is quick to rise. His grades are passable but not exemplary, his sense of style an assault to the senses and as loud as his voice when he argues. He is energetic and a liar, a socialite too honest for polite society but entertaining to those he meets in passing. Hikaru is Sai's antithesis and the mothers in their apartment complex wonder how Sai handles such a rambunctious child.
The brothers are inseperable. Hikaru attends all of Sai's matches unless they take place during school hours, they eat dinner together every night, and chores are split evenly between the two. Their fights last no longer than a few hours but even then their doors remain open to each other in a silent promise. Sai is kind and doting, Hikaru is cheerful and receptive; they live together in a harmony few ever experience.
On Hikaru's tenth birthday, Sai comes home with a birthday cake just for Hikaru - as always - and they celebrate with a specially-made dinner and the opening of presents. Hikaru does not think anything of it until later that week he clasps on the watch Sai had bought for him and his classmate Akari asks if that's what he got from his parents. When Hikaru returns home that day, he does his homework. When Sai steps through the door, Hikaru is already in tears and for several minutes there is nothing but Sai's bemused attempts at comforting him.
"Where's Dad?" Hikaru finally manages out. There is snot in his nose and tears in his eyes. Sai does not think him any less cute. "How come he never comes home?"
Sai's hands are soothing as they card through the younger boy's hair. "Father is busy with work, Hikaru. You know that."
Hikaru sniffles into his brother's chest. "He doesn't even call on my birthday," comes the whimper.
Sai wraps his brother in a hug, attempts to replace paternal affection with his own and curses his father in his head. "He's just so busy, that's all. I'm sure he would call if he could."
Hikaru does not believe him but fears the truth more, and so remains silent.
Touya Akira is passion and elegance and fury. He is Hikaru's age and unwilling to cower, his hands in Go that bleed both talent and experience. He engages Hikaru in a way that no one has before, not even Sai, and suddenly it is Touya Akira that dominates Hikaru's dreams of Go. When Hikaru shouts, Akira shouts louder; when one game is not enough, Hikaru sweeps the stones off the board and Akira hurries to sort them so that they can start anew; Akira pulls and Hikaru pushes, together with enough force that it's a wonder neither is bruised.
Akira forces himself into Hikaru's life with the devotion and obsession of someone unrelenting. Hikaru accepts him with barbed acquiescence, and their games at the Touya parlor dominate the better part of Hikaru's free time. Those that watch over them cringe away at every screaming match but always rush to see the games themselves, because there is awe-inspiring talent there and no one is sure whether to revel in it or fear it.
Sai is quietly supportive, a ghostly hand that echoes with every move Hikaru plays. He is present in the game whether he is physically there or not, and sometimes it makes Akira's eyes flash when he sees the quickly-rising fourth-dan's style incorporated into Hikaru's own wild one.
"Do you admire Shuusaku or your brother?" Akira asks one night, in the aftermath of a game he only won by four moku.
Hikaru's eyes were on the board but they quickly rise to peer into his rival's face, confused by the question. "Both?" he ventures, because even he is not sure. Sai is inspired by Japan's greatest Go player and it is an admiration he passed to his little brother. Hikaru has learned everything about Go from Sai; every move, every play, every match watched with a prodigy now known as the Modern Shuusaku. Sai's evolution in Go is terrifying and he's swept the Go world into a maelstrom they had yet to recover from.
"All I see is Fujiwara-sensei in your games," Akira motions to the board. He sounds both awed and revolted, which twist his pretty features into an expression unidentifiable. "Learning from a stronger opponent is fine but you shouldn't let him dominate your games. He's practically drowning you."
Hikaru is offended and tells Akira to shut up. Akira shouts something offensive back but Hikaru does not hear it through the pounding in his ears. He flees back to his apartment and curls up before their lone goban. It is made of mahogany and history, the stones polished so they gleamed. Laid out on the goban is Sai and Hikaru's latest game, and the longer Hikaru stares at it, the more of Sai he sees.
He sweeps all the stones to the floor with a small scream.
It is after his Shin Shodan game that Hikaru curls up in his bed, head pillowed on his wrist so that he can listen to the beat of his pulse and the blood flowing through his veins. The phone is disconnected and lying on the floor, the angry sound of the dial tone the only one to break the silence as another person breaches the doorway of his bedroom. A smooth, pale hand picks up the phone and clicks it off into standby, the room now a soft breath of silence in a day of chaos.
"You did very well today-" Sai starts.
Hikaru does not let him finish, "Who am I?"
Sai's mouth clicks shut, violet eyes wide. The older male has frozen at the unexpected interjection, his grip on the phone almost strong enough to dent plastic. Hikaru does not notice past the melancholy pooled in his gut, his emotions disconnected. He wishes he had enough energy to be furious but there was a small gleam of sad expectancy when the truth he'd expected all along was validated.
"You're Hikaru. My beloved little brother," Sai answers softly.
Hikaru smiles sadly, a contrast within a contrast. "Whose blood is in my veins?"
The silence stretches longer. Sai drops the phone to the floor in a moment and crosses the room. In the darkness, his long limbs appear like spider legs and Hikaru feels like he's four again and seeing monsters in every corner. Sai reaches out and draws the teen into a hug; the illusion breaks.
"Who told you?" Sai whispers into his ear.
Hikaru smells a midnight rainstorm as he replies, "Dad called and told me. He said I was old enough to know the truth."
But Hikaru has never felt so young before. The feet that carry him are unsteady, the hands that are his profession like shadows of what they were. In Sai's embrace he yearns for fire, because his older brother - for all his gentleness - is not able to warm even the tips of his fingers. His world is shaken but the same, and Hikaru knows that tomorrow will be the same song and dance he's followed before.
"First call in two years," Hikaru mutters into Sai's collarbone. "Just to tell me I'm adopted. I hate him."
Sai's hold tightens. Hikaru wonders if he will be abe to draw his next breath but isn't sure if he cares enough to do so. Instead he buries his head into Sai's chest and closes his eyes, praying to deities he'd long given up on that at least one thing in his world changes.
"I will never leave you," Sai vows quietly, sincerely. He speaks as if attesting before God and the conviction in his tone is how Hikaru knows Sai will keep this promise. "You are still the most important person in the world to me, Hikaru."
Hikaru is fifteen, and talented, with many friends and one very enthusiastic rival. He is adored and feared by the Go world, a young pro regarded as part of the New Wave. He is comfortable with who he is, understands himself in a way few of his age do and it gives off the impression of power and charisma that draws in those he plays. He has played internationally, has butted heads with the brightest in both China and Korea, has advanced and improved his Go by leaps and bounds.
He still goes home every night (when in Japan) to eat dinner with his brother. Sai is still doting, even as he plays in the Meijin league and draws ever closer to the likes of Touya Kouyo and Ogata Seiji. In their 3LDK apartment, they still play Go and their bedroom doors remain open.
The fifth of May dawns idyllic.
Hikaru's grip on the knife as he plunges it repeatedly into Sai's body becomes slippery, and he wonders at the warmth of the blood as it splatters across his face and pools around his knees.
POSSESSION I - END
A/N: I'm laughing on the inside.
-This is only a two-shot. Next chapter explains everything. For this story, I wanted to break (stylistically) from elaborate sequencing and heavy descriptions. I actually rather like how it turned out.
-3LDK: 3-bedrooms, Living room-Dining room-Kitchen. It's a fairly good apartment.
-Did the end shock you? Just curious.
Anyway, kindly leave a review.