Disclaimer: I don't own Supernatural, but oh, if I did.. ;)
Author's Notes: This is just a short episode tag to All Hell Breaks Loose, Part 1. I'm sure it's been done before, probably numerous times. But anyway, this is my first SPN fic, so...enjoy! And please review. :D
NOTHING LEFT TO LOSE
He's fading. "SAM!" The tears that have been threatening to spill over finally do. Shutting my eyes tightly, I bury my face in my little brother's neck. After a few seconds I pull away. Thunder crashes loudly in my ears, and the rain pours down so furiously that I can't tell the difference between tears and rain on my face. "C'mon, Sammy. It's gonna be okay, you're gonna be all right…I'm right here. You're gonna be okay." His limp body is responseless. I bring a hand to my face, wiping away the dripping water. Sam's head rolls onto his chest. "No," I whispered. I put my hand under his chin, lifting it up. "Please." No response. "COME ON!" I shout. But there's nothing. And I know—I already knew—deep down, that he's gone.
Bobby comes running up. "I lost him," he pants.
"Me too," I whisper, although both of us know that we are referring to separate people. Bobby puts an awkward hand on my shoulder, and I flinch.
"I'm sorry, Dean," he says. I nod, trying to shrug him off. My arms are wrapped tightly around my brother again, and I bite my lip, trying to force back more tears. When they do begin to fall again, I bring my hand to my face and attempt to wipe them away, leaving a trail of grit and blood across my cheeks in the process.
I shouldn't be doing this. Breaking down, losing control. But what else am I supposed to do? My brother's gone. I need him. I…I need him. I made a promise, that I would always be there. What if I had gotten there sooner? Why couldn't I—I mentally kick myself, cursing those guilt-ridden what-ifs.
Bobby's standing behind me. His hand is no longer on my shoulder, but I can feel his gaze boring holes in my back, asking all sorts of unspoken questions. He wants to know when I'm going to get up. Whenever the hell I feel like it. Am I ever going to be okay? Yeah. Sure fucking hell I'll be okay. Am I going to be able to let go of my brother? Honestly? I have no idea.
I take a deep breath, slowly pulling away from Sam. I hear Bobby breathe a sigh of relief. "Okay, Sammy," I whisper to my brother's lifeless body. "C'mon, buddy." I pick him up, draping him across my arms, and stand up. Bobby says nothing, but leads the way back to the Impala.
Sam's head hangs limply off of my arms, but I pay no attention. His body is heavy and lifeless, but I don't care. I know I'm gonna make this okay, no matter what it takes. Because, you see, I have absolutely nothing left to lose.