1965

She would have been about my age, at the very most. I stood back and watched for a moment as her long auburn hair blew into her face, a bit comically, as she stood stick-straight with her sign. She was quiet, darkly silent against the breezy summer day. The poster she held was about 3 feet by 3 feet, and read in vibrant cobalt letters: Democracy does little for the dead. Peace in Vietnam now!

As much as peace seemed nice, I knew my dreams. I knew I had to live up to my father, to prove that his son was just as valiant as he was. I could fight, and when I'd helped win the war, I'd come back a hero. Castle Rock would finally believe that I was brave, not crazy. I just hoped I could see well enough to pass the exam. (My glasses were in my pocket- hopefully no one would realize I needed them.) I started for the door, strong in my convictions. Nothing could stop me from enlisting. I'd make it into the army somehow.

That was when she leapt in front of me. Stormy eyes wild, she pushed me back from the door of the enlistment building. I thought I might have seen her before, but that didn't mean much. I'd seen everyone here in this town- all the more reason for me to get out now. "You didn't look like a killer from way back there." She said it desperately, and I figured she'd probably been shoved around by some of the older guys who had come to enlist earlier. I had to ignore her, though. I couldn't afford to be distracted now.

All of a sudden, I realized why she seemed familiar. "Melanie?" I asked, slightly sarcastic. I'd met her; she'd taken classes with Gordie in high school. The two of them had gotten along- probably because they were a lot alike. They were both the kind, soft-spoken, subtly intelligent type of person you see in every classroom somewhere. The only difference I really knew between them was that Melanie was much more fiercely motivated, and truly believed in a prevailing good. That was probably why she was here now, protesting hopelessly to a town that would offer her no sincere audience.

"Yeah, Teddy, it's me. And surprise, surprise, I remember you. But does it matter who I am or who you are? Do you know what happens in Vietnam? It's not a clean, honorable battle for victory- it's a fight to the death. The North Vietnamese have almost nothing to lose but their lives, which the American soldiers so gladly take. Can you walk into a village the way these soldiers do, and take the lives of women and children because they might not follow your democracy? Like I said, you don't seem like a killer."

"I'm fighting for American lives; Melanie, does that make me a monster? I'm supposed to be a soldier, and I'm just trying to defend my county. Find someone else to recite that to. I'm not listening." I motioned for her to step aside, and she let me pass, looking all the more defeated. I felt sorry for her, but if I got swayed this early on, what kind of soldier did that make me? I had to make it to my Normandy- just like my father. I couldn't let him down.

The lobby of the building was cold, and smelled of industrial strength cleaner. It was an inhuman kind of place, and I was immediately uncomfortable. The whole interior of the building seemed out of place in its rural context. There wasn't really anyone else there, just a guy near thirty behind a desk. He'd worked in the town store for a long time, too. I could never remember his name. I couldn't convince myself it mattered, though. This place was just a stepping stone on my way to the army, to redemption.

"Teddy Duchamp," he started, the moment he saw me walk in. "I'm awfully sorry, kid, but we don't let crazies, or their sons, into the army. Not that you could see enough to find your regiment anyhow." And it was then that I lost it. My throat closed up, I was so angry I couldn't breathe. I might not have been able to see well, but I was strong. I punched him once, in the jaw, as hard as I could. I think it was his jaw, anyhow. But then I knew I'd blown my chance to get into the army, at least until this guy left. But one thing you knew for sure about Castle Rock is that no one worth staying for ever seems to stick around very long.

I stormed out of the building, past Melanie, just trying to keep calm. This was the opposite of what I'd planned. I turned toward home, noticing that the formerly beautiful sky had clouded over and was now the color of pencil lead. I walked along the train tracks, the same ones where I'd walked with Vern, Chris, and Gordie when we were looking for Ray Brower. The trains still come through here sometimes, but not nearly as often.

I walked along, just attempting to process what had happened. I'd ruined my chances of getting into the army, and had so few other options. Where else could I work? Did I care? How could he get away with insulting me that way? It started to drizzle, and I saw lightning flash behind me. I didn't get off the tracks, though. Whether I got hit or anything, it wasn't important now.

All of a sudden, I heard Melanie. I turned around to see her directly behind me. "I was calling you all the way back at the enlistment building! What, couldn't you hear me?" I became so enraged at the idea of explaining my hearing to her that I kept walking. I just looked straight ahead, hoping slightly that she'd be gone if I looked back. "Couldn't you?" She continued to pester. I spun around so fast that sparks might have flown off the tracks.

"Actually, I couldn't. I can't really hear very well."

"Oh. I didn't know."

"It was almost nice you didn't." I looked over at her- she seemed embarrassed. It wasn't her fault, really, but I couldn't bring myself to say anything else. We stood in silence for a few minutes.

"You dropped your glasses." Melanie said, a little nervously. She held them out, the same thickly framed ones I'd worn forever.

"Thanks." I felt so stupid. I hadn't noticed that I could barely see.

"You're welcome." This was so awkward. We walked together for a few more seconds, but neither of us had anything to say.

"Why did you start protesting, anyway? You seemed normal enough when we were in school."

"Does it really matter?!" Her answer was so quick and fierce I figured there was something really awful behind it. I didn't pry, but that's right around when I started thinking. I could've sworn her older brother………..

It got quiet between us again, and we walked on further.