"I Kissed Her Once"
A/N- A SLA fanfic, by me, from the lovely Mather's POV. This scene takes place during the time that Meira was on her mission (the one Mather faked a injury before so that she could go).
I force myself to stand up, to move, to do anything but sit here. I don't even get through the doorway of my tent before Sir bursts in. He sizes my up in one glance.
"Looks like that leg is feeling better, huh?" He's not surprised.
"What? Oh, yeah. It is," I stammer, shifting my weight onto the opposite leg.
"We—"
"She should be back by now!" I interrupt.
"She should. But she isn't. We just have to hope that she still is able to come back and isn't lying half-dead in a field, torn apart by one of Angra's men."
"How can you say that?!"
"I'm not saying that's what happened, I'm just preparing you for the worst."
"Well, don't! That's an order," I growl trying to sound stronger than I feel. The sting of Sir's backhand shows me what my orders are really worth.
"You will not order me to do anything."
I want to cry, not because it hurt, but because I am embarrassed; embarrassed that he hit me; embarrassed that I tried to be a king; embarrassed that I miss her this much. I drop my head in defeat, "Yes, Sir."
Sitting back down, all I can think about is Meira.
I kissed her once. I doubt she remembers…
We were ten. She was sick.
Sir had told everyone that she needed to be isolated and that nobody was allowed to see her, except Alysson.
"We can't risk you or anyone else getting sick," he repeated when I tried to slip in to see her.
I was going to listen to him. I really was. He even allowed me to move to one of the tents next to Meira's so that I could be close to her. But when night came, I could hear her coughing and I couldn't handle it. Every night until she got better I would sneak in and hold her hand until she fell asleep. I remember how afraid I was that Sir would catch me as I tiptoed out and into her tent. But it was worth it.
Looking back now, I'm sure Sir knew that I did this. I've never been good at keeping secrets; especially from him.
On the third night, a few hours before day break, Meira had just fallen asleep and I tried to leave. I didn't want to, it had taken her so long to stop coughing, but I couldn't imagine what Sir would do if he caught me. But as I started slipping my hand away from hers, she twisted her fingers back into mine and murmured, "Stay."
She was still mostly asleep and probably wouldn't have notice if I had still left, but I sat back down on the ground next to her and whispered, "As you wish." She sighed in response and settled back into a complete sleep.
I spent the rest of the night there and ended up falling asleep with my head next to her arm. Sir's shouts are what woke me up; my name echoed angrily through camp as he searched for me.
"I have to go," I say leaning over her to kiss her forehead. Her eyes flickered open before I could and she smiled. I hesitated, hovering above her, before finally deciding to just do it. I pressed my mouth to her smiling lips for a single moment and then repeated that I had to leave.
That shouldn't have been the only time I kissed her. I should have told her every day after that, that I loved her. But I didn't. There should have been a thousand more kisses. But there weren't. And now I might never get that chance again.
~theeShadyLady~