One More Tiny Loophole
A 4.20 Episode Coda - Dean has to know why everything has changed, Castiel finds one more tiny loophole
It is a few days until he sees Castiel again. A few slow agonizing days filled with Sam's moans and groans reverberating around the room and Bobby's concerned but silent looks. Looks which Dean does not acknowledge because he has no idea what to do right now; almost all his allies stripped away.
But eventually the angel appears before him, just as he has been hoping and dreading. The familiar whoosh of air announcing his presence. And for a moment Dean hopes their last meeting was just some bad dream and that Cas is still Cas and not the twisted tired version that Dean does not recognize. But when he looks up and sees the broken stance and the emotionless face, his heart sinks all over again.
Without any sort of greeting or acknowledgement he begins. "Dean, your presence will be required in a meeting with my superiors and I... they will be here tomorrow. To discuss what is to come" The low voice fills the room, and the spark of life that used to color the words is now swallowed up completely. And Castiel looks as though he is about to disappear again having delivered his message. but before he can, Dean reaches out and grabs his arm. Slowly empty blue eyes turn to look at him,
"Cas..." he says it gently, as if trying to soothe some wild creature, "
Please man, you have to tell me what they did okay, and I swear I'll find a way to fix this. But I can't take you like this okay... please... don't do this."
The angel tries to look away but the man does not relent and tugs the other in so they are chest to chest. And now there is nowhere else Castiel can look, so he stares back at Dean and its painful. The glance has softened ever so slightly and the little bit of deadness that has gone has now been replaced with agony. Agony so palpable that Dean feels as though he can almost reach out and touch it. But they simply stand in silence for a moment before Castiel wrenches out of his grasp. Despair fills him and he is about to protest or yell or beg or something but before he can, he hears a whisper flit through his mind.
Close your eyes
So he does, unquestioningly, and even through his eye lids he senses a bright white light. Much brighter than the one he had seen in the factory the day before; and the air becomes horrifically hot before everything fades to normal once more.
"Hey Dean," And the voice is not Castiel's but it is astoundingly familiar...
"Jimmy," the other breathes out, the word is not a question but the unspoken what the hell hangs in the air around them.
Castiel...no Jimmy, and man is it hard to keep it all straight, walks over to the sofa and collapses before nodding, "Wish I could say it was good to see you again, but ... " He lets the sentence trail off.
Dean follows, still trying to figure out what is going on and expectantly sits down next to the newly arrived man. "Wanna tell me what the fuck is happening here?" He asks harshly.
Jimmy glances up at him and sighs, "Yeah of course. So Cas can't talk to you... not straight out and what he's pulling right now pretty risky...Especially if he gets found out. But he likes you enough to take that gamble so I really hope it all means something to you."
Dean furrows his brow, "If he can't talk to me, how can you?"
"Cause I'm not being watched by the other assholes up there," He mentions up to the ceiling with his hand, "at least we hope. They've got Cas's every move being trailed pretty much, so he left. And if this all works out they'll ignore what I'm doing and focus on him and what he's up to. But we haven't got long because he can only stick around here without a vessel for so long. He has to contain himself so he doesn't burn everyone else's eyes out and that's difficult to do... and pretty painful apperently. So he thinks we have about half an hour and I have permission to answer any of your questions... but eh he says it would be helpful if you had one of those ... eh... hex bags? that repel angels around. Just in case. "
Dazedly, Dean nods, "Yeah, out in the car." and is on his feet and out the door before he even finishes the sentence.
When he comes back, Jimmy is eyeing some of the bread that is sitting across the way in the kitchen, so Dean grabs him some before sitting down again. Hex bag firmly planted in the correct position.
"So why the hell is he like this now... what happened to him in Heaven? What made him change so much..."
And the other man who had ravenously begun taring through the food, pauses mid bite and puts the plate down on the table. Looking away from Dean.
"Look, he says I can say but it's pretty awful. So let's leave it at, from what I have seen in his memories, Angelic torture is highly unpleasant. And by unpleasant I mean the most humiliatingly degrading ... agonizing thing in the world. You can't even imagine. Well I guess you can imagine, he says it was pretty much like that."
Dean feels the room darken, the smell of blood filling his nostrils and he can almost hear the phantom screams in the air as he thinks of hell. He realized somewhere that his is what had gone down. It's different though to hear that Cas was actually fucking tortured by the goddamned angels in the same he was by the demons. Damn it, how could they. At least the demons were his enemies and not his supposed brothers. His is furious at the thought. But Jimmy is still talking so Dean wrenches himself out of the darkness that is growing in his mind and listens because this is important,
"And the pain, it hasn't gone away. It's branded into his being; and even though I can't feel it, not like he does, I can sense it's constant presence and let me tell you if does not let up." He takes a second, and steadies his breathing which had become quickly erratic. "And they ordered him to obey, to succumb to the "Will of Heaven" and let go of any attachments and affections he has. But I don't think he would have listened if they hadn't threatened to send your brother to hell now and you as well; once you were done being useful. He has no choice but to play by their rules cause they've got him and they know it. The other angels are using what he's not supposed to be feeling against him. To make him do whatever they want."
A crushing guilt is quickly making it's way through the other as he listens and he can't help but think back to the prophet and how he had begged Castiel to help him save Sam.
Even though the other had begged him not to. "Is it... my fault," Dean asks so quietly, Jimmy has to strain to hear the question.
"He insists it is not." and then there is an akward pause and the blue eyed man debates for a moment before continuing, " But from what I gather the whole prophet thing sort of pushed it over the edge. Maybe you should be a little less selfish next time."
He watches as the other man sort of pulls into himself and he can almost hear him beating himself up over this and hastily adds, "Sorry I'm sorry Cas would kill me if he heard that one. It just slipped. You just have to know that he cares a lot for you. And that isn't a weakness. It kept him from breaking completely during the torture and actually becoming one of them again. But for now he has to play along. Cause they will hurt him again if they catch a slip up and they will hurt you. And while he thinks he can take the first one, he's barely keeping it together as it is. It would really help if you didn't push because all he really wants is to go back to where you were before all of this crap."
He thinks for a moment before continuing, " Oh right and he asks you to not take to heart anything he says to you in the future and that he is sorry for it already. There is nothing he can do but occasionally I guess we can do something like this, maybe he can find some loophole but not when they are watching him like this."
Dean nods and blinks back tears, ones that he hadn't realized were forming.
"He also can't tell you what he wanted to... because on the off chance they are listening right now - while this probably will lead to some severe soreness on his part - it won't cost him his grace. He has faith you will figure it out."
And a derisive snort comes out at that, "Faith? Yeah that has worked out great for all of us hasn't it."
"Faith in you Dean. And you owe him to have it in yourself too." And nothing but a shrug comes in response to that.
"Call him back," The hunter says thickly after a few more moments of silence, "and tell him... tell him that I understand and that I'm sorry. And that..." He trails off for a moment, but this is not the time to be worried about how macho he seems because this may be the only chance he gets to say anything honest to Cas for a while, "tell him that I'll miss him."
Jimmy gets a pained look at the last statement, "Remember that selfish thing Dean? The fact he can't be near you and can't speak with you is eating him up more than the fucking pain. Do you think hearing that is going to make it any easier on him?" and he sounds kinda mad and Dean knows that his annoyance is valid but he has to know Cas knows.
"Please?" He asks quietly as he burns the hex bag to the ground. And Jimmy shrugs before instructing Dean to close his eyes again and yelling, "Castiel."
The light and the heat come once more and when Dean opens his eyes again, the room is empty.