Disclaimer- I don't own Final Fantasy X
Geth342: Well this is my first FF fic. Hope y'all enjoy. Please bear in mind that i have never gotten to the end of the game (i'm just about to fight Sin) Please read and review
What we had was real.
"There's no image coming up in mine."
"No, there's none in mine either."
"Well that's because we're all here, ya."
"Yunie, maybe you should give up."
We're all sitting by Zanarkand ruins, looking at Friend Spheres. Trying to call up an image of someone. Well, they're trying to call up images of each other so I can see why it's not working. But I'm not thinking of one of them. I'm thinking of him. And it's still not working.
I can't help it- I miss him.
Oh, I know they miss him too. I can see it when they look at me. But I don't think they miss him in the same way I do. It's the same way they miss Auron- as a good loyal friend and protector. One of my guardians. One of the ones who helped to bring the Eternal Calm upon Spira. I should be happy, not sad. I succeeded where everyone else failed. I destroyed Sin forever.
But I can't stop thinking of him.
Have you ever noticed how it's not the really big things you miss but the small things? The way he walked, the way he would throw his sword into the air at the end of a battle, the way he would cockily tell you that he knew he could do something. I miss all of those things. I miss the way he would quickly reach over and kiss me lightly when the others weren't looking (although I'm sure they guessed what was going on between us). I miss the way he would look at me, making me know that everything was going to be all right.
I'm never going to see that look again.
This is insane. I should be able to grieve for him, cry for him, do something instead of dwell on what he was. I cried when Auron finally departed for the Farplane. I just…I don't know, let it all out. The same as everyone else did. So why can't I cry for him?
Perhaps it's because he didn't die. He just…vanished. I knew something was bothering him, and when he told me, in the few minutes before we fought Sin, that he might disappear after the fight, I refused to believe him. I didn't think anything bad could happen after the battle.
I can see Uncle Cid's airship but I don't want to move. I need to remember him, that's the only way to keep his spirit alive. Moving could erase the image. No, not an image. How can you cram a whole life into an image? He was more than that.
Someone's pulling me up off the floor. I hear myself telling them to leave me alone but the tug persists.
"Yuna should go now. Kimahri not think it wise to stay here."
"I don't want to." That's my voice, sullen and sad. Kimahri just bends down and picks me up, carrying me into the airship.
"Kimahri think it better for Yuna to be on ship. Kimahri think Yuna should get some rest." I look up at his stern face and sigh. I trudge off to the sleeping quarters, my mind fixated only on one person. Him.
I pass Rikku on the way, her tearstained face anxious. She calls out some question but I barely hear her. My mind is fixed only on him.
Without really thinking about it, I find myself going into his room. I don't know what I'm expecting to find here. It's a small plain room with a bed, a table and a chair. There are some hooks on one wall to hang our clothes and armour. But when I look at the hooks, I realise that none of his clothes are there. He really has disappeared from existence. But still I can't cry. I walk around the room hoping to find some sign that he was ever here. Some proof that I hadn't made him up. Something…anything…I need to know so badly that he loved me, just to know he was ever here. I sit on the bed, defeated and kick the carpet. A slight pain rises in my foot.
Wait, that can't be right. The carpet isn't made of anything hard. So why does my foot hurt? I bend down and lift the corner of the carpet up. Underneath I spot an envelope, and a sphere picture. I pick them up and look at the picture.
It's a picture of him and me. I'm looking straight at the sphere and smiling. He has his arms around me and is kissing the side of my head, a mischievous look on his face. I don't know how long I stare at the picture. Hours, days, years…or is it just seconds?
I remember the envelope. My name is written on the front. Yuna. It's in his handwriting- the bold scrawling handwriting. Just four letters but a lifetime of memories. Yuna. Suddenly I'm scared to open it. What if it's a rejection of everything I believe? But I need to know. I need to know he wasn't just a figment of my imagination. I open the letter and read it slowly, drinking every word in.
Yuna,
If you are reading this then I am gone. I don't know where. I don't even know if this will stay around. I thought you would like to know what happened though. I am nothing but a dream. The dream of the Fayth. Not by myself though, oh no. My Zanarkand, the one I told you so many stories about is a dream. And when we defeat Sin, tomorrow I will cease to exist- the Fayth will wake up and stop the dream. I don't know what will happen. Maybe you will all forget about me and I'm writing this to no one. But I don't think so. Because there's something I need to tell you.
It doesn't matter that I am a dream; maybe people will say I never existed. But if I never existed then how did my old man cause so much havoc on Spira? Because he's a dream too.
That's not the point anyway. This is the point. Even if people say I never existed, what we had was real. Wherever I am, I love you more than there are stars or grains of sand. I love you more than the time that has passed or ever will pass. I even love you more than blitzball (although it was a close call- joke!) I love you.
So no matter what anyone says, never forget that I love you. And just remember- we defeated Sin. What's the life of one boy compared to the lives of Spira? I hope you remember me, but not so much that it ruins your life. I don't want you to die inside. I'm so scared that you will, but you mustn't. Because that would mean that you let the people like Seymour win. And it would be all my fault.
So just know this- wherever I am, I'm going to remember you and love you. Maybe one day we'll meet in the farplane. I don't know. I don't know if that's even where I'm headed for.
All my love,
T
A tear mark blots out the rest of his name. I read the letter again, trying to take in what he wrote.
But I still miss him.
There's a light knock at the door and Rikku comes in.
"There you are Yunie. We've all been worried about you. How are you feeling?" I merely shake my head in response. Rikku notices the letter and the picture.
"You miss him don't you?" I nod sadly. "Have you cried yet?" I'm taken by surprise. What does whether I've cried have to do with anything?
"Well, have you?" I shake my head no. Rikku puts her arm around me.
"You should cry you know. Don't look at me like I'm silly. It's better to let all your emotion out rather than bottle it inside forever."
"But I'm the summoner. I have to remain strong" I mumble unhappily. Rikku shakes her head.
"You were the summoner. It's over Yunie. We won. Do you want to know what my father told me when my mother passed away?" I nod, feeling just like a little child. "Sometimes you have to go into the darkness to emerge into the light again. Some people may stay in the dark but it's better than the Twilight. Because when you're in the Twilight, then you're dead inside forever. Do you know what I mean?" I think for a moment.
"It means…I have to cry before I can recover. But I shouldn't stay numb, right?" Rikku nods kindly.
"I'll leave you alone for a while." I watch her leave and then I look at the photo. A series of images flash through my mind- my first conversation with him, telling him my strategy for being happy, lying on the floor and watching the stars, kissing him.
I feel a tear slide down my cheek. Then more. And as I cry, I swear I can feel arms around my shoulders.
"That's right. Just let it all out. If only to know that we're real." I smile through my tears. He's still here.
My Tidus.