Hippy snotter and the philosopher's pizza

CHARACTERS

HIPPY SNOTTER-THE MAIN CHARACTER WHO LOVES PARTYING AND PIZZA

PROFFESOR BUMBLEBORE-THE HEADMASTER OF BOGWARTS,HE IS VERY OLD AND THIN

PROFFESOR MINNY MOUSE-THE DEPUTY HEAD WHO IS HAVING A SECRET AFFAIR WITH BUMBLEBORE

RIBENA HIRBIRD-A HAIRY GIANT WHO NICKS STUFF

DON SNEASLEY-HIPPY'S BEST FRIEND WHO IS PRETTY DUMB

HERMONINNY GREENGARAGE-THE BOFFIN WHO IS SNOBBY

DRUNGER MIFFY-THE EVIL BOY

LORD VOLDDUMBSHIT-THE SUPER SCARY VILLIAN

UNCLE VINCY WINCY DUNGLYNESS-HIPPY'S VERY FAT UNCLE

AUNT LESBIANPOLLY DUNGLYNESS-HIPPY'S VERY THIN AUNT

DASTARDLY DIGGINS DUNGLYNESS-HIPPY'S VERY FAT COUSIN

HEADLESS NICK-A GHOST THAT LIVES IN BOGWARTS

PROFFESOR QUEERALL-THE WEIRD TEACHER WHO WEARS A VERY BIG PURPLE TURBAN

MADWOMAN POOCH-A TEACHER AT BOGWARTS,SHES NOT IMPORTANT

NOW TO THE MAIN STORY

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It was a very dark and stormy night in private giggins soilder of the war in germany drive. A very old and thin man came walking into view and was looking extremely pissed off.

"Bloody weather. If i could control the weather i could change it,wait a minute i'm a wizard and i will change the weather.axerydy bastardly,change this goddamn weather"and the rain quickly changed to a hot summer night and the beach was burning.

The old man,who's name was proffessor Bumblebore was one thousand years old. Unfortunatly,Bumblebore's first name was actually Proffesor because when he was born,his parents couldn't be arsed to give him a decent name so they just named him proffesor. The very old man felt something on his leg. He looked down and saw a tabby cat humping his leg.

"Arrrghhhhhhhhh get off me you godamn animal" he shrieked. The cat let go and changed into a very strict looking woman.

"Oh Proffesor Minny Mouse,i had no idea it was you. I do apologize" Bumblebore said in embarassament. Professer Minny Mouse walked away with her nose up in the air.

"I hope you haven't told anyone about our secret affair" she said stiffly.

"No,i haven't. I want to keep it a secret just as much as you" he explained looking round to make sure that no one was listening.

" Good,so i suppose you know all about what's happened to the snotters" Minny mouse said evenly with her nose still stuck in the air.

"Hell no,i was far too busy getting pissed up to notice" he bellowed waving a vodka botle in front off her face. She grabbed it and slung it aside.

"You bitch" he said in utter shock "that was the best godamn vodka i ever had".

"Will you forget about your fricken vodka" she shrieked "the snotters have been killed by you-know-his-name-so-well" she whispered not wanting to wake the neighbourhood up.

"Who the crap is you-know-his-name-so-well?" Bumblebore demanded to know.

"Voldumbshit,the most evil wizard in the world" she said in a sinister vocie. Thunder began clappin,doom music was playing and frightened children could be heard wailing in fear.

"Oh right. I thought he was dead. I read in the newspaper the other day that he got ran over by a bus" he uttered in shock.

"But that wasn't Volddumbshit,that was a muggle with a slaphead. You've been reading a muggle's newspaper" she shrieked. Bumblebore slapped his head in shame.

"Oops my bad" he tookout a lighter and a cigarette.

"I thought you said you were gonna stop smocking" she screamed snatching the fag and lighter from his hand.

"Godammit woman,stop trying to spoil my fun" he yelled back.Professer Minny mouse slapped him hard on the face.

"If we can get back to the subject. Voldumbshit, went to the snotters. He broke into their house and killed them both by stuffing them in the freezer. And heres the worst it. He actually tried to kill thier baby son Hippy by flushing him down the toilet but somehow Hippy blew up the toilet,so Volddumbshit got scared and ranaway so now Hippy's going to live with a family known as the dunglyness family and they are pure evil" she finished with a smug look on her face. Bumblebore looked at her gobsmacked.

"So who's bringing him here then you sexy bitch". He growled and moved his eyesbrows up and down.

"Ribena Hirbird" she explained.

"You are not serious. He's a giant and he could eat the kid alive" Bumblebore shrieked but Miny mouse slapped him again.

"He's only half ginat you nitwit. Oh shit,he's arrived". They watched as a Tractor cmae driving into view,astride it was a big man with wild black hair.

"Yo Bumblebore,Minny Mouse" the man said happily climbing down from the tractor clutching a bundle that stank of piss and shit.

"Oh Ribena,where did you get that ugly thing?" Minny mpuse demnaded in disguist nodding at the Tractor.

"Oh that,i nicked it just after i found Hippy. Poor kid was covered in piss and shit, not surprised after Volddumbshit tried stuffing him down the toilet". Bumbledore and Minny Mouse quickly applied peggs to their noses because of the awful stench that was coming from the baby,plus to make matters worst,he took a shit in his nappy.

"I am not changing that" Minny Mouse said in disguist. The Boy had a scar on his forehead which looked like the letter z.

"He got hit in the face by a piece of the toilet when it exsploded" Ribena Explained "i fear he will have it forever,that toilet was cursed".

Bumblebore tossed the baby on the doorstep but it wasn't hurt because it bounced safetly.

"I bid you farewell Hippy Snotter. May you find a good girlfriend that will love you and have sex with you" and with that Bumblebore,Minny Mouse and Ribena all vanished. Baby Hippy slept peacefully unaware of the abuse he'll be suffering for the rest of his life and the viloint car chase that was taking place.

SO WHAT DO YOU THINK,WELLTHIS IS ONLY THE BEGGINING BUT I PROMISE YOU THAT THERE WILL BE MORE MUHAHAHAHAHAHA.IF YOU FIND IT AMUSING THEN PLEASE LEAVE A REVIEW BUT IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT THEN YOU DON'T HAVE TO LEAVE A REVIEW.I MUST ADVISE THAT IF THERE IS GOING TO BE ANY REVIEWS THEN PLEASE DON'T PUT IN ANY FLAMES BECAUSE I CAN'T STAND THEM. CHAPTER TWO WILL BE UP SOON. UNTIL THEN HOPE YOU ENJOY THE STORY SO FAR.