Hyōhaku

by comehome

He lifts his head, soft breeze stroking his hair: the moon is full and bright, and the night is his and his alone. Always has been; it has belonged to him ever since he saw his mother choke on her own blood.

Uchiha Sasuke intends to leave the way he always does: quietly and into the dark.

He wants to vanish without parting words or goodbyes. He isn't good at those, but even if he was, they would serve no purpose: ever since he has returned to Konohagakure, he feels like leaving is the inevitable fate that awaits him, an aching thing everyone more or less expects. That is, perhaps, the reason he does not want to be seen; he would hate to prove the village right, to admit his weakness, to show them that all their assumptions were correct: he truly is unable to stay.

It's much better this way, he thinks, much better to leave unnoticed.

He lifts his head, soft breeze stroking his hair: the moon is full and bright, and the night is his and his alone. Always has been; it has belonged to him ever since he saw his mother choke on her own blood. In the shadows, he feels safe, he feels home, as if the night took pity on him and offered him back whatever it has stolen from him then.

As he takes off, he idly weighs the way Sakura's eyes will dull when she finds him missing. He does not linger on the thought, however, for his conscience has far worse things to worry about; bidding farewell is a mere courtesy, and to him, courtesies mean nothing. Although he agrees it would be kinder to say goodbye, he simply cannot bring himself to: even when hidden by the night, he doesn't feel strong enough to withstand her pained look, the way her hands will shake, the hugs she would pull him into. If he was to part properly, he would have to see Naruto, too - and if Sasuke can't handle Sakura, he definitely won't be able to withstand him. (Not again. Not like this.) Sasuke will miss Naruto terribly, but it cannot be helped. He misses him already, he is missing him now, and he has missed him always, even when he was by his side, with him, but Naruto was never his to miss. Naruto was never his, and Sasuke's feelings are not relevant, and that's why he checks the kunai in his holster for the last time and proceeds to move on.

Once he's outside the village, Sasuke hesitates. He passed through the gates undetected, of course - anything less would be nothing but an embarrassment - but he is still held back, somehow. It is a strange feeling, yet an understandable one; even though he always left with an admirable ease, this time feels unusual, way different from the others. He never went away like this. In the past, he always had intentions, desires, various motivations: now, he has nothing to run after anymore, and his journey will not be as clear and straightforward as it used to be. He has no direction and he doesn't know where will his path lead, or when will he come back, if he ever will at all. He sighs, idly contemplating whether he will miss the darned place or not; as he settles on a firm no, he turns back to give the village a last parting glance.

Then he freezes.

Because he is here.

Sasuke clenches his teeth; Naruto hid his presence perfectly, and he was startled to the core, almost reaching for a weapon. The culprit himself, however, doesn't do anything at all: Naruto's frame stays still and unbothered, back resting against the village entrance, head hung low in a sleepy daze. Sasuke lets out an annoyed huff, rubbing his forehead, frustrated - and as he forces his eyes to change from red to black, Naruto yawns, finally meets Sasuke's gaze, and grins.

"What are you doing here," Sasuke says flatly. His words come out as a statement, not a question. Perhaps that's why Naruto doesn't answer: he looks vaguely smug, his expression slightly impatient, as if he's waiting for something. Sasuke frowns and quickly scans their surroundings; he doesn't sense anyone else nearby, no ANBU to drag him back into the damned village, no Sakura to lock his gaze with, no Kakashi to slam his head into the ground. Whatever is it that Naruto is planning, it probably isn't an ambush. That is encouraging, but it doesn't have to mean anything, really - after all, Naruto has made himself clear not that long ago: if he wants Sasuke to stay, he'll force him to do so by himself.

"You know why I've come," Sasuke says finally, his voice sharp. Then he pauses. "Are you going to stop me?"

Naruto's eyes narrow a little, but his expression remains light. He shakes his head. "Nah," Naruto says. "Of course not. I'm not here to tell you to stay." He hesitates, his smile slightly faltering. "It's not like I can make you, anyway. You yourself proved all my efforts pointless."

Although his words have a bitter edge, Naruto doesn't seem upset or in a mood to fight: his scarred cheeks are dimpled, and his stance seems relaxed and sincere. Perhaps , Sasuke thinks, hope and dread tightening his throat at once, perhaps he really came to say goodbye . Perhaps he will, for the first time in their lives, let Sasuke go. What would that even feel like? It would be odd for sure, not necessarily bad, but definitely empty; it would free Sasuke from his past (mostly), of his mistakes (not all, but some), of his guilt (which would return back again), of the things that weigh him down. Most importantly, though, it would free him of Naruto along with all those heartwrenching things, and that is a thought that makes him more than a little uncomfortable.

"Why are you here, then?" Sasuke asks quietly, preparing himself for the worst.

"Why," Naruto says, voice amused, "it's a beautiful, warm night, see? I've decided to take a nice walk with my best friend." Sasuke quirks his brow in wonder, but decides to go along with Naruto's humorous tone; he looks around once again, this time intentionally ostentatious. Naruto rolls his eyes, stifling a snort of laughter. "And yes, by my best friend I mean you."

"I was not aware you would like my company," Sasuke replies.

"Of course I'd like your company," Naruto says, frowning. "Don't say things like that, alright?" He doesn't wait for a response, though; instead, reaches down to his legs and throws a backpack over his shoulder. After he has run a few steps ahead, he turns back to Sasuke, eyes twinkling. "C'mon, Sasuke, don't dawdle! The stars look so pretty tonight."

A backpack. Sasuke stares at it with an alarming sense of suspicion, but keeps quiet for now, following Naruto's path instead of asking. As they walk, they are not speaking, but there is no silence either: Naruto is humming an odd, foreign melody in a completely off-key tone. Sasuke tries his best to wait, calm down, play along, but when Naruto's shrieking begins to rapidly increase in volume, Sasuke's patience runs out: he grabs Naruto by the shoulder, forces him to turn around, and slaps his hand on Naruto's mouth in an attempt to silence the unholy cacophony.

"Enough of this," he hisses. "Why are you putting on a show? If you want to talk, we can talk. Otherwise, I want to know what exactly are you doing."

Naruto pulls a face at that, wiggling his way out of Sasuke's touch. "Jeez, you're so mean, Sasuke," he complains, puffing his scarred cheeks like a child. When Sasuke remains stone-faced and unimpressed, he sighs. "I'm running away with you, dumbass! Thought you'd figure it out by now."

Sasuke freezes.

This is not the first time Naruto catches him completely off-guard, and definitely not the last, either. Sasuke takes his hand off Naruto's arm, lowering it in stunned silence, and when he collects himself enough to speak, not a single sound comes out. He's stuck in a state of solid shock: his first impulse is to defend - I am NOT running away - but when he sees how Naruto's expression slowly changes from mischievous to extremely concerned, he pulls himself out of his head, forcibly calms down, and reconsiders.

"How," he croaks and coughs. "How," he tries again, "did you know I was going to leave?"

Naruto lights up, his face proud. He is bouncing on the balls of his feet like an excited child who's about to go on a trip - and when he throws both of his hands towards Konoha in a playful gesture, he almost looks like he is twelve all over again. "I've been sittin' there every night for the past month," he replies merrily. "It took you too damn long to finally take off."

"A month?" Sasuke breathes. "A month?" Naruto chuckles, scratching his cheek with a smirk. "Naruto, how did you know?"

"Well, it was obvious," Naruto says, dropping both of his hands to the sides, his voice surprisingly somber. "You were restless and unhappy. Konoha..." He trails off, but quickly picks himself up. "You and Konoha don't really... click together anymore, so this was to be expected, really. You always solved your problems by leaving." He pokes Sasuke in the chest, his face back to a fox-like expression. "You're really predictable in general, y'know."

Sasuke just stares back, dumbfounded: when he assumed that the villagers expect him to go missing, he somehow didn't think Naruto would sense it, too. Naruto seems to know what exactly is going on in Sasuke's head, obviously reveling in Sasuke's confusion; he winks at him, turning away and resuming the walk, the horrid song back on his lips.

"Naruto, we're not done talking," Sasuke says flatly. "Stop." There is no reaction. "Naruto, I said stop."

He lashes out and grips Naruto by the elbow, his hold strong enough to snap a civilian's bone in half. Naruto glances at him after that, finally, and his eyes flash with something dark and dangerous. Sasuke recognizes a warning when he sees one, but he confidently holds Naruto's gaze anyway, refusing to give in. He knows the look all too well; he has seen it countless times.

"You didn't think this through," Sasuke barks and steps in closer, staring Naruto down.

Naruto fumes up in response. "Oh, don't you even dare! Let go." He snarls and shakes Sasuke's hand off easily. "I did think everything though, Sasuke, and I decided."

"Well, you decided for yourself, not for me," Sasuke growls. "Perhaps I don't want you to tag along."

Naruto snorts. "Yeah, sure. Liar."

Sasuke clenches his jaw at the truthful accusation. "You can't leave," he insists, his voice harsher than intended. "Did you think - what about Sakura?"

Naruto clicks his tongue, scoffing in response.

"Yeah, well, look who's acting all concerned now," he snaps. Sasuke jerks his head, almost as if hit, and Naruto immediately backs off, his eyes softening slightly. "Sasuke, she was the first person I told."

"You told her?"

"It's Sakura!" Naruto exclaims, clearly offended. "Of course she has to know. She was really against this - us leaving, I mean - but she gave in when I explained. And boy, I sure had to explain a lot, but it was all worth it! She eventually understood, just like I thought she would. She cried a lot, though, and she wanted to say goodbye to you real bad, but she decided it would be better if she wouldn't, and. Well. You know."

"I do." A pause. "The first person, huh. Then who was the second?"

Naruto's smile falters. "The Hokage."

Kakashi knows, then. "The Hokage," Sasuke repeats quietly, and then freezes, stilled by a sudden realization.

The Hokage.

"Naruto," Sasuke says flatly. Naruto gives him a questioning look. "Naruto, if you do this, you will never become the Nanadaime. We're not being sent away on a mission. When they find out, which will be very soon, we will both be declared missing-nin. You may try to come back, but even if Kakashi intercedes, you will never be a Konohagakure ninja again. You will always be perceived as a traitor."

"Yeah," Naruto says lightly, "I know."

"What do you mean you know?" It's alarmingly easy for Sasuke to remember, memories of a scarred blonde orphan flashing in the back of his head: all the prejudice, all the shunning, the ostracization; the cruel, hardened looks, twelve-year Sakura sneering - who cares about Naruto? Well, he doesn't have a normal childhood - and feels bile rise up in his throat. "Are you throwing your dream away for this ?"

Naruto sighs and looks up at the night sky. "Nah, I'm not," he replies, his voice thoughtful. "Ya know, Sasuke, I..." He trails off, his fingers fidgeting with the backpack strap. "The reason's pretty simple, actually. And boring. You see... I don't think I want to be the Hokage anymore."

Sasuke refuses to believe his ears. "Excuse me?"

"I don't want to be the Hokage," Naruto repeats, this time with more confidence, "not anymore."

When he takes a step closer to Sasuke, the latter backs off. The whole situation seems utterly surreal: of all the ways Sasuke expected this night to go, this was the one he definitely did not account for. He would have written it off as a bad joke, a very sick prank, but Naruto's eyes are clear and desperate and sincere, slightly glistering in the moonlight.

"I don't believe you," Sasuke says, his mouth dry. Naruto gives him a strange look. " I can't. The Hokage... becoming one... it was the thing that kept you going since you were a little child."

"And now it doesn't," Naruto smiles and playfully spins around. "Things change, Sasuke. I'm not a kid anymore."

Sasuke catches him, forcing him to stop. "What made you change your mind, though?"

Naruto hums at that, brings his face closer to Sasuke's, squints in thought. "That's a good question, actually," he says.

"The answer will be just as good, I hope."

There's a scoff, and then a weak punch that is easily evaded. "I dunno," Naruto shrugs, "I realized a lot of stuff lately, I guess. Konoha... Konohagakure isn't like I thought it was, and being the Hokage isn't what I thought it was, and I still can't forgive either of them for what it did to you and your clan." His eyes are glued on the road leading back to the village. "You know, I was always boasting about my own ninja way, yet I chose such an obvious path to strength and recognition it's almost embarrassing." He looks up at Sasuke, his gaze searching; when he finds what he was looking for, he smiles. As he begins to speak again, his voice softens to something akin to a whisper. "I'm glad it was my dream, but it's not meant to be. 'Cause at the end of the day, as I realized, it was never really about being Hokage, but about the road I took to becoming one, you know?"

Sasuke doesn't know what to say, so he remains silent. When he lifts his head, Naruto is still smiling, face gentle - and Sasuke drowns the strange feeling in his chest before it becomes too much.

"So you are doing this for me," he says quietly.

Naruto thinks. "No," he says. "I mean yeah, kinda, but it's also something I want, alright?"

Clenching his hand into a fist, Sasuke averts his gaze. He closes his eyes and thinks: he imagines, imagines their future - and he sees it as clearly as he sees the present; he sees it as a thing to share, as another bond, as a fulfilled promise. He thinks about the things they would see and things they might learn, all the good they could sow. They could change everything, not through force, but through kindness. They could build and nurture, repair and heal: at their fingertips, the world is soft and pliable like clay. They could do great things - and they could do them together, by each other's side, like they are meant to be. Sasuke rests his gaze at Naruto, at his gentle, expectant smile, at his fidgeting hands, one wrapped in bandages and plaster, and closes his eyes. I want that, he thinks dreadfully. I want him. That's exactly why I can't let this happen. That's exactly why I never had and why I never will.

And when Sasuke finally gathers the strength to look at Naruto again, he hurts.

"I'm not worth it, Naruto," he says, stepping away. He feels himself shivering, but he can not stop. "You don't have to be the Hokage if you don't want to, but this is not an option for you. You should go back home. Let's leave this. It will lead to no good." But that's not enough, and there is still hope in Naruto's eyes, so Sasuke presses more, more, more. "I don't know why you even thought this would be a good idea in the first place. I'd rather take Sakura than you."

It works. In a heartbeat, Naruto moves, so quick it's almost invisible, and then there is a kunai at Sasuke's throat. Sasuke slowly breathes in and tilts his head back, exposing his neck; he slips his fingers around Naruto's clenched fist and gently presses the blade closer to his own skin.

"You could kill me if you wanted to," he says, voice quiet, "you could beat me up and take me back. You could force me to stay in Konohagakure. But you wouldn't do that, would you? You're not selfish enough to take my life or to ruin it. You simply don't know how."

Naruto's head is hung low, and he stays silent.

"I'm not like you, though," Sasuke continues. "I tried to murder you, and Sakura, and Kakashi. I killed my brother. I planned to massacre your entire village. So may I ask - could you be not selfish enough once again, Naruto? Could you do this for me one more time? Could you let me go away? Alone?"

Naruto screams and throws the kunai away, nearly piercing a nearby tree.

"Why?" he groans. "Why are you like this? You're lying straight to my face! You're riling me up on purpose!"

"I'm not-"

"You are! Who do you think I am? I want to leave with you, and I know it's what you want, too! What are you doing? Why? Why would you - you're my - you're my-"

Sasuke grabs Naruto's shoulder in an attempt to gather the last bits of his self-control. "I can't give what you need, Naruto," Sasuke breathes. He won't take this. He can't. "You've got it all wrong. It's- you don't know. You don't know. I can't say anything. Just let me leave." An Uchiha never begs, he thinks desperately. "Please."

"But why?"

"I don't want - you wouldn't understand."

"Then try me, idiot!" Naruto screams, pushing his hands into Sasuke's chest. "Explain! You've been running away from me for your whole life and you never bothered to talk! Tell me, what is it? What is it that you're so damn afraid of?"

"I'm not scared of anything!" Sasuke barks back, holding onto the lie as if it can save him. Naruto flinches at the harshness of his tone, his eyes wet, and Sasuke feels dread fill him at the sight. This is him, now, this is Sasuke: this is what he always does - hurts, pains, ruins, abandons.

"Myself," he hears himself say then. His voice sounds strained. "The things I could do."

They both fall silent. When they finally look at each other again, Sasuke notes the odd tension filling the air. It's a strange one, truly - it does not seem hostile, surprisingly, but it's strong enough to set him on the edge nevertheless. He wonders if Naruto feels it as well: his chest is rising rapidly with every breath and his face is flushed, fists still clenched, lips slightly parted.

Naruto sniffs, his eyelashes fluttering, and the tension gets worse. When he looks up to meet Sasuke's gaze again, his eyes are shining wet.

"What things, Sasuke?" he whispers. His voice is hoarse; he seems dizzy and sleepy, even, as if he just woke up from a nap. "What things could you do? Tell me, Sasuke. I want to understand."

They are close, so close - but it's still not enough. When Sasuke leans in and kisses him instead of answering, his head feels blank; it's painfully quick, and before he realizes the extent of what he's done, he pulls himself away again. For few moments, he feels nothing, but then the realization finally sinks in: he almost chokes under its weight, cold horror running through his veins. As his insides turn to ice, he firmly locks his eyes with the ground and takes a few steps back, not brave enough to look at Naruto's face.

Desperate. Pitiful. Disgusting.

"I apologize," Sasuke whispers. "I don't know what I was thinking."

Naruto says nothing.

"I should go. Let's forget this. I am truly sorry. It didn't mean anything. It wasn't appropriate. I apologize. Once again, I don't know what-"

And before Sasuke can finish the sentence, Naruto grabs his face and kisses him back.

It's all teeth and tongue, and as Sasuke tilts his head, desparately trying to return the kiss, a trickle of blood dribbles down his chin. Naruto catches it with his mouth and pecks it off, smearing the crimson red all over their lips, licking, biting.

"Stupid," he hums into Sasuke's mouth then, gently nipping at his bloody lip. "You're so incredibly stupid, Sasuke." When he pulls away to look into Sasuke's eyes, he's crying. "I love you so so much."

Sasuke presses their foreheads together, gasping for air, stroking Naruto's cheek with his shaking fingers. "I never knew," he breathes. "I always thought I was like a brother to you. A best friend."

"You were," Naruto whispers. "You are. But you're... even more, okay? Oh, I can't believe this, wait a second... You were always more."

They kiss again and it tastes like salt. It's the tears, Sasuke thinks, his tears. I don't deserve them, yet here they are. He gently presses their foreheads together, breathing, touching. It feels good and and right - and for once, enough, too.

When Naruto pulls away, his expression is serious, although he is not crying anymore.

"Do you still want me to let you leave alone?" he asks, gaze worried. Sasuke pretends to think, and then he gently blows at Naruto's forehead, brushing his blonde bangs away.

"No," he answers, and Naruto laughs quietly, head slightly bowed.

"I'm glad," he says sotly. As he steps away, Sasuke grunts in disagreement and tries to pull him back in, but Naruto dodges his hand easily. "We should go, then. We can figure everything else later, okay? After all, we've got all the time in the world."

All the time in the world, Sasuke thinks dizzily, and runs his hand through his hair. "Alright. Where do we go, though?"

Naruto wrinkles his nose, thinking. "Eh, I dunno. Don't you have a road planned?"

"No, I don't," Sasuke admits. "I was going to… wander, I suppose."

Naruto hums in contemplation. Sasuke stares at him, his head light with affection and disbelief, blood still burning on his lips, Naruto's taste resting in his mouth. Later, he hears Naruto say, and pushes all undesirable thoughts away: instead, he concentrates on Naruto, watches him frown and think. Later.

When Naruto adjusts the strap of his backpack for the umpteenth time, Sasuke suddenly narrows his eyes in recognition.

"Is this the same thing you went to the Land of Waves with? Back then when we were still genin?"

Naruto blinks in surprise - and then he's grinning, eyes shining with mischief. "The backpack! Man, I didn't think you'd notice."

"It's quite ratty," Sasuke notes, "but I can't deny the sentimental value."

Naruto gasps. "Oh! The Land of Waves!" he yelps, bouncing with sudden excitement. When Sasuke quirks his brow quizzically, he rolls his eyes, impatiently stomping his feet. "Let's go there first, Sasuke! I want to see my bridge. And Tazuna, too!"

Sasuke considers the option and then shrugs. "Well, why not? It's not a bad idea, usuratonkachi."

Upon hearing the familiar insult, Naruto sticks his tongue out, his expression fox-like. He turns around then, ready to take off, but Sasuke quickly catches him by the arm, pulling him back. Naruto lets out a surprised yelp, stumbling slightly - and when he looks up at Sasuke, his expression is perplexed and confused.

"What is it?" he asks, wrinkling his nose. Sasuke feels himself flush, but he doesn't falter, his gaze firmly locked on Naruto's lips.

"One more time," he whispers, voice low. Naruto's eyes widen at the sound, flashing with blue; then he grins, a small happy noise coming out his mouth.

"One more time," he repeats tenderly and moves closer.

When Naruto finally pushes Sasuke away and runs off, Sasuke gives himself a moment to calm down. As he looks up at the starry sky, he can't help but smile; if he wasn't riddled with sins, he would consider himself in heaven. Real, he thinks, and closes his eyes, slowly allowing himself to believe.

Once he's ready, he follows Naruto's path, catching up with no effort whatsoever.

"The stars really are pretty tonight," he says, and Naruto laughs in response, the wind gently smothering the sound.

Suddenly, it's easy to breathe.