Chapter VI
Why!Why! Oh why here! It has been nearly ten days and I have realized a new aspect to our suffering twice that many times! The relentless stream of sorrow flooding my mind was suddenly broken by the sound of my nearest companion in this disaster calling to me from a few fire pits away. I have come to judge distance in that way for it is the heat and flames that are the only things that remain constant in this land of torture. very slowly I began to make my way towards him. Slow is the only speed I can manage because I am not used to the heaviness that this place inflicts on all of its inhabitants. The Weight is so much that my wings have been rendered useless. I have noticed that recently some of my brethren have managed to leave the ground only to the dire consequence of a devastatingly hot wind which had thrown them to the ground in agony; A fate I dare not chance. I am picking my way through the terrain and trying to dodge the sharp needles of obsidian which are sticking up out of the ground at such angles as to render them almost invisible.
despite my efforts I arrived at my intended location with many pains and bruises picked up along the way. "This had better be significant ryan!" I huffed at him all out of breath. He quickly replied, "This is! I dare not say it is good news because nothing is good in a place such as this but I will say it is better than it has been in the past few days." " you have caught my curiosity to some degree. I can not imagine what would be of any help in a place like this."
"That is exactly why i have called you over here. I know that nothing will help us. It is obvious that our father has abandoned us but few refuse to believe it". "I have come to this realization my self not more than a day ago, as far as days can be measured in this place of darkness. there must be more to your news because that was not any better than what everyone else have been ranting about in their rage and agony" I replied dryly. I am slowly beginning to lose interest as the pain is filling my head to the point of overflow.
"yes" he answered, "I have come to that dreadful conclusion some time ago. It was only after I was able to grapple my head around that concept that I began thinking about it. In fact it is the only thing I can possibly think of to the exclusion of everything else!" "what is is" I answered, reaching a concerned tone.
"Escape! Escape! Escape! it is like a drum beating in my head as well as my whole being! Every moment of pain, that one thought continues to buzz in my head to the point of drowning out all other noise!" Ryan exclaimed! "Yes, yes me and everyone else are suffering although some only have an abstract idea of what has been plaguing you because confusion clouds all judgement and thought." "This is not all I have to tell. I do in fact have more important things to tell you besides my own thoughts. I know how hard it is for you to come and listen to me. I would have come to you if only I had the strength to do so. What it is I need to tell you is that this escape just might be possible!" "what! you cant be serious! how?! how have you come upon this news?" Before he could respond I added, "This had better lead somewhere. I dont have the mental strength to get my hopes up only for them to be smashed to pieces!"
"It is true!" and in a more bitter tone he continued "He who still claims leadership over us and his pet have just left, and a few of us who had been watching him saw where he went and how he left". "Wow this is truly significant news! but I must ask how?" "He flew! What strength he must have still had to be able to lift his whole mass of flesh and bone off the ground and fly over the exploding mountains we have both seen and smelled to the south." A look of despair suddenly crossed ryans face. This is the first time that i've seen pure despair in any of my brother's face. The past few days their expressions have been mixed with fear or contorted with pain. Now, In ryan's face it is only despair that I see and it is truly horrible to behold. I had almost the courage to break the silence when he said "If only". After that he turned around and remained silent. I took my cue to leave and began the difficult task of dragging myself back to the rock that I have claimed for myself. "What does it all mean!" I said to myself as I made my way back. Why would he tell me this? Certainly he knows that we cannot travel over any mountains at this point. Even if they weren't spitting out fire over every inch of themselves. My bain looped back around to the question of why would he tell me this. After I reached my rock and sat down heavily upon it, I continued to rack my currently weakened mind for the answer. Tired and mad that I could not come to any logical conclusions, I fell asleep despite the blistering heat and sharp rocks in my side.
I awoke after a considerable amount of sleep, I don't know exactly how long, to find that my fallen brothers have congregated around my friend Ryan. Through the wind I am able to make out some of the words spoken; Which leads me to believe that he is telling them what he had just told me very recently ago. I can see that their faces are in a similar state of disbelief that I myself must have also worn when I had first heard the news. Already it seems like that conversation had happened a long time ago. I rolled over onto my side to shield my face from a sudden blast of oven like heat. By the time I was able to turn back to the group I saw that everyone was quiet and are walking away with similar expressions to the one that I had seen Ryan wearing after he had spoken to me. Ryan is nowhere to be seen.
Like a thorn in my side the question of Why still hovered just outside of my reach. I can see that People are beginning to look up to ryan. soon they may even begin to follow him. "Good" I could not help but say out loud. We need someone we can follow. my mind darted toward lucifer but I immediately shut out the thought. He could never lead us again; Not after what has happened!
A new thought creeped into my mind. One that I doubt even Ryan has thought of. What would we be escaping to? what is beyond hell. The thought was so new and unexpected that I almost staggered in the pacing that I had began. Where exactly are we? until recently I only knew of paradise, no other world existed in my perception of reality. So powerful our father really is! who was to know of this strength that he possesses? obviously not lucifer. Why then has he sent us all down here to suffer? certainly in all his power he must have seen what was happening. why did he not stop it before it even happened? I fell to my knee. The guilt that took over my body is too much to bare. It was my fault to follow him. I can't even remember why anymore. more and more questions are assaulting me than I can't even begin to solve. Even though I am surrounded by my brothers I cannot for an instant forget all of them who did not follow us to our fate. I do not hate them for it. They had done good to follow god and fight against us. If only I had realized that before the war.
like a bubble breaking the surface the question that has been pestering me burst into my head. why did Ryan go through all the trouble to tell me what he had said. this is not the largest nor most important question to pass by my brain. why then is it the most forceful? Ryan has reappeared into my field of vision. I could see him pointing in different directions and people starting tasks in the direction he had indicated. Without question he is becoming a leader in all this mess. Before now I had never thought of him as a leader. But now... now I cannot think of him as anything else but a leader. Like a punch in the face I finally realized the answer to the the question. The motives behind Ryan are now clear to me. the reason is Hope! It is hope that he is spreading to us. He may have been making up the story about lucifer leaving! But it is hope that he is relying on to ennoble his actions. All the more reason to follow him. No matter where he leads us as long as he can maintain the hope of me and his followers he will be successful. And hopefully with hope as our only tool, we may be able to carry on in this terrible place. It is hope that we cannot let go of or risk losing ourselves completely to the darkness. Relief spread across my body and I fell into the most restful sleep I've had since I've landed here.
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