A/N Just a little one shot that got stuck in my brain and demanded to be written. I know there are other versions of this out there, but I think mine is just different enough to be unique. Hope you enjoy it.
Oh, review blah blah blah
…
Bet On It
"Oh, no, he did not just say that," Mercedes said quietly as she stood outside the warehouse. She had come to surprise Kurt and support him, but an accident on the freeway had traffic backed up, and she had missed the performance. She had been about to enter when she heard Kurt and Blaine talking.
And that idiot Blaine had to go and tell her boy that his sexy faces looked like gas pains! Kurt was hella sexy! Half the girls on the cheerios wanted to be the one to turn him straight. Hell, Mercedes wanted to date the boy. He was H.O.T! How could that prep school poser say Kurt wasn't sexy?
She retreated to her car and drove away before the boys saw her. She had to do something to prove to that Blaine kid that he was blind as a bat, but what? As she drove back to Lima, a plan began to form in her mind.
…
Kurt glanced down at his cell phone once more, frowning at the text message from Mercedes saying there was an emergency in the McKinley auditorium, and to get there ASAP. He glanced around the seemingly empty auditorium. "Mercedes?" He called out.
"Kurt Hummel! I heard what that boy said to you yesterday at the warehouse!" The diva said, walking out on stage. "I'm here to tell you that idiot was completely wrong! You are sexy as all get out, and we're going to prove it to that moron!"
Kurt's jaw dropped in shock. "What do you mean, 'Cedes?"
The girl motioned off stage, and the rest of the New Directions girls came out. Santana smirked. "We've invited the Warblers to a little friendly get together on Friday night. We'll put on a little show for them, and you will be the grand finale. Once we're through with you, Preppy will be begging you to go out with him. As a matter of fact, I bet you'll even make the straight boys in that all boy choir come in their pants."
Kurt looked doubtful. "And just how do you propose to pull this off?"
All of the girls, including Lauren, just grinned wickedly at him.
…
Friday afternoon, Kurt still felt a little skeptical as he looked at himself in the mirror. He'd been rehearsing this all week, and knew he had the song and dance part in the bag, but the rest of it? Including this outfit the girls had forced him into? Okay, the top wasn't too bad. It was a black tank top reminiscent of the one he'd worn when they had done Empire State of Mind, minus the graphics. And Santana had done his hair in the same style as he'd worn it that day too.
But the black jeans were even tighter than he usually wore. So tight, actually, that he couldn't wear underwear beneath them. They also had been 'artfully' ripped in a few places to flash a little skin.
Was he really going to do this?
…
Blaine arrived at the McKinley high auditorium with the other Warblers Friday evening. They had been surprised when Rachel Berry had invited them over for a little show. She had said that they wanted to show the Warbler's that they appreciated how well they had taken care of Kurt after the boy had been forced to flee McKinley for his own safety. Kurt was going to be performing with his old Glee club tonight too.
The boys took their seats, and the show began. It started out with New Directions (minus Kurt) performing some of their biggest hits, including Sit Down, You're Rocking the Boat, Jump, Proud Mary, Don't Stop Believing, and Like a Prayer, among a few others.
The Warblers were fairly impressed with the other show choir, and applauded politely between songs.
"There will now be a short intermission before the finale." Rachel announced. Blaine was beginning to think Kurt had decided to opt out of performing tonight. He hoped the other boy wasn't sick, or injured.
"Hey, prep school, can we talk to you for a minute?" the Latina girl asked.
Blaine looked at her questioningly for a moment, before following her out into the hall, where the rest of the New Directions girls were waiting. Mercedes had a frown on her face. "Uh, what's up, girls? Where's Kurt? Is he okay?"
Mercedes glared at him. "Listen, white boy, I heard what you said to Kurt in the warehouse the other day. Where do you get off telling that boy he's not sexy?"
"Uh..." Blaine began, but was cut off by Santana.
"That boy is sex on a stick, and we're prepared to prove it to you."
Blaine frowned. Yeah, Kurt was good looking, but he wasn't all that sexy. "I don't think..." he started again, but this time he was interrupted by the blonde girl, Quinn, he thought her name was.
"That's right, you don't think. You just open your mouth and spout things that hurt people without even realizing what you are doing. Which is why we are willing to make a bet with you."
Rachel nodded. "We bet we can prove without a shadow of a doubt that Kurt is the sexiest thing you've ever laid eyes on, and that he can make even those straight preppies you call a show choir come in their pants."
Blaine smiled at them. There was no way Kurt would make Thad come in his pants. That boy was as straight as an arrow, and had never even been the least bi curious. Besides, he was sure these girls were just doing this to make their friend feel better. "So, what are we betting?"
Lauren grinned. "When we win, you have to get down on your knees in front of everyone, Warblers and New Directions, and beg Kurt to be your boyfriend."
"And if I win?"
Tina smirked. "In the unlikely event Kurt fails to have every Warbler in that auditorium lusting after him, Kurt will be your personal servant for a week. He's already agreed to these terms. The ball is in your court."
Blaine thought about it for a moment. He didn't really want Kurt to embarrass himself in front of the Warblers, but these girls seemed pretty insistent of going through with this. And Kurt had already agreed. "Okay, fine, as long as Kurt agrees and won't hate me afterwards."
The girls all laughed evilly as Blaine returned to the auditorium, but he thought he heard the other blonde girl, Brittany say something about her Dolphin and Unicorns, but it didn't make any sense to him.
…
"And now for our finale," Rachel announced. "Kurt Hummel will perform a song from a classic children's movie."
Blaine smiled to himself. Of course Kurt would do something sweet and innocent, probably from a Disney movie. Maybe something from Aladdin?
The music started, and Blaine frowned. What the hell? That didn't sound like something from Disney. He didn't recognize the music from anywhere. And then he heard Kurt begin to sing, and he realized he was so screwed.
Mmm... sludge...
Mmm... filth!
Aah!.. fumes...
Oooh.. cack!
Oil and grime... poison sludge
Kurt seemed to ooze out of the darkness, his body moving with the grace of a stalking jaguar.
Diesel clouds and noxious muck
Slime beneath me... slime up above
Ooh you'll love my (ah-ah-ah) toxic love
Toxic love
Kurt's body swayed, as he moved, and the way his pelvic thrust forward when he sang the line about toxic love had Blaine squirming uncomfortably in his seat. He knew the boy could dance, but he'd never seen him do these kinds of moves before.
I see the world and all the creatures in it
I suck 'em dry and spit 'em out like spinach
Did Kurt really just suck his thumb while looking at Blaine like he wished it was something else he was sucking? Sweet, innocent, baby penguin Kurt?
I feel the power - it's growing by the minute
And pretty soon you're gonna see me wallow in it
I feel good - a special kind of horny
Oh Gaga, did Kurt just wink at him with that knowing grin on his face? Blaine squirmed again, and realized he wasn't the only one. He'd never heard Kurt sing in the lower range before, and the vibrations were doing things to Blaine's body he couldn't even describe, and the other boys seemed to be affected by it as well.
Flowers and trees depress and frankly bore me
I think I'll spew them all with cyanide salive
Pour me a puke cocktail and take me to the driver!
Filthy brown acid rain
Pouring down like egg chow mein
All that's foul - all that's stained
Breeding in my toxic brain
More of the boys around Blaine were beginning to squirm and adjust themselves as Kurt continued to dance and sing on stage. A spike of jealous anger had Blaine gripping the arm rests on his seat to keep himself from storming the stage and dragging Kurt off to some secluded corner.
And after dinner I could go for something sweet
REVENGE! for all those years locked in a tree!
I'll crush and grind all creatures great and small
And put up parking lots and shiny shopping malls
'Cause greedy human beings will always lend a hand
With the destruction of this worthless jungle land
And what a beautiful machine they have provided
To slice a path of doom with my foul breath to guide it
Kurt hurdled himself forward, sliding to the edge of the stage on his knees, stopping with his legs spread obscenely wide, one hand thrown back over his head, the other moving slowly down his stomach towards his crotch.
Hit me one time!
Kurt thrust his hips up once.
Hit me twice!
He thrust them up twice, while grabbing himself between the legs.
Aaah - that's rather nice!
Blaine heard several boys moan lewdly, as he felt himself growing closer and closer to the precipice. Kurt rose gracefully to his feet as he sang the last part of the song, turning his back on the audience and walking away, only to spin back and face them with one last pelvic thrust on the last word.
Oil and grime...poison sludge
Diesel clouds and noxious muck
Slime beneath me...slime up above
Ooh you'll love my (ah-ah-ah) toxic love.
Blaine groaned as he felt himself come. It was the only sound as the music faded away.
…
"And that, boys and girls, is how your grandpas got together," Mercedes said as she sat in the Hummel-Anderson home, celebrating her best friends' sixtieth wedding anniversary.
"And that is also why our Dad is named Tim! After Tim Curry, who sang the song in the movie, right?" One of the twins asked.
Blaine smiled at his husband and whispered, "who knew a kids' movie could be so filthy?"