GoT: Brienne's Reaction
A/N: I may go a little off cannon here. Their exchanges moved me, and the plot dragons would not let me be. Spoilers: Season 7.
Ch 1: Night
Brienne downed the last of her ale as Candlehearth Tavern quieted around her. The food was just cleared away, and Podrick had already gone up to his room. Locals had left for the night and travelers went up to their rooms to sleep or pass out from too much drink. The flames from the hearth reflected off the large wooden columns in golden tones, and the smell of ale and fresh bread filled the air. She was alone now in the great room.
Brienne peered into the fire and thought over the last week. She had made a truce with the Hound and was now off on an errand for the King of the North while he collected forces. They would all converge in a few days, so they could meet the Army of the Dead in The Great War. She knew who she would see in a few days, and she missed talking to him.
Brienne stood to her feet and headed to the stairs. She typically waited for the place to clear before she went to her room because idiot men seeing a blond woman headed to her room gave them the idea to try to follow her.
"Moron," she murmured to herself remembering the last one that nearly got a dagger in his gullet for the impotence. She shook her head as she reached for the rail.
"True," a male voice whispered next to her in the dark, "I did what you requested."
Brienne turned hand on her hilt.
The man stepped forward into the light.
Her heart sped up as she recognized him, "What are you doing here?"
"I hardly know," Jaime shrugged his shoulders as a feeling of relief overtook him at seeing her. When she didn't speak, he continued, "I was ridding and stopped to put on my glove," he held up his golden hand, "snow started to fall. I…I came looking for you."
Brienne stepped towards him and lowered her voice, "What's wrong?"
"You know what's wrong," Jaime looked up into her eyes and did nothing to hide the turmoil inside. With her, he knew he could be himself. No need for games.
A feeling of foreboding overcame Brienne. She didn't like the look of lost worry on his face and speculated, "You're not eating again are you?"
"What? No, I guess I'm not. Does that really matter?"
She stepped away from him, "Come over to the fire. Here sit. I'll get you something to eat." His expression reminded her of when he stopped eating after he lost his hand saving her from being raped by a group of Bolton's men. She went into the back room where the larder was, collected more ale, made a plate of food and returned to him.
When he didn't eat or talk, Brienne took a bit of cheese and motioned him to the plate. He blew out air but followed her lead.
Brienne took a sip of ale. "What's happening?"
He didn't answer.
"Why are you here alone? Where are your men?"
Jaime squinted at her as if in pain, "Can we talk about that in the morning?" He knew as soon as he mentions his sister's betrayal that she will bolt out of there honor bound to warn the Starks.
"You said I knew what was wrong, but I don't. Tell me."
Jaime set down the food and took a deep breath taking his time as the air left his lungs. "Fuck loyalty. That's what you said. That's what I've done."
Brienne watched him closely as he peered into the fire. She waited in silence for a few minutes knowing she needed to give him time to collect his thoughts before he spoke. She thought over their first few interactions and how they verbally spared. Her mind went over various interactions since then and how they have come to depend on each other. She pondered if the rumors she recently heard were true that Cersie has become increasingly harsh towards him.
Jaime stared down at his one good hand, "I was like you once you know? Honorable. Dedicated to my king. You know the story about what happened," he stopped and turned to look at her more fully, "The Mad King taught me those things mean nothing when faced with the death of everyone I hold dear. It broke me. She…she who shall not be named was the only constant in my life. My only purpose was her safety and her children's safety. My honor, my feelings, my guilt mattered not. It was only her. I killed for her. I hurt those innocent for her. It was all about what helped her. What she wanted. What would make her happy." He smiled but there was no mirth in it, "Nothing makes her happy."
Brienne continued to watch him even as he looked away again. She felt his words pull at her heart. For years, she had tried to make her lord and ladies happy and did their bidding. She rarely received anything in return but more orders. She was alone in life with no one she could tell her true feelings to…until she met Jaime. She felt defensive of him and wondered how she could save him from his turmoil as he had saved her so many times. Her hand reached up and touched the base of her neck where the faint scars still lingered where the bear he saved her from had almost took her head off. She hated his bitch of a sister and for the thousandth time in the last couple weeks wished for her death.
Jaime started speaking again while his eyes threatened to show signs of tears, "Do you remember me saying you don't get to choose who you love? I was thinking of her when I said that. Surely you have heard the rumors. They're all true you know? We have the most fucked up twisted relationship I have ever heard of. And, after our children died, she started letting servants see me in her bed. She has no shame, no remorse, no guilt and no kindness for me anymore. I'm broken all over again. There's no fixing me this time."
Jaime lowered his head as tears fell onto his lap. He couldn't look at Brienne. He didn't want to see the shock on her face. The weight of his confession threatened to pull him under as the truth of his words pierced his heart. All the shame of all his past deeds struck him as if a man beat him with his fists.
Jaime gasped at the feel of a strong hand gripping his jaw lifting his head up. He opened his eyes to peer into pools of unwavering blue. His heart started to beat again as he took in yet another breath. He didn't know what to expect – a slap in the face or harsh words. His words came out in almost a whimper, "Are you going to tell me I sound like a bloody woman again?"
Brianne's voice whispered softly from inches away, "All my life I've wanted men I couldn't have. They were always out of reach. At least, you were able to be with her even though it went so badly. No, we can't help who we love. If all you did was for love, then there was honor in that."
Jaime stopped focusing on his own pain and saw in her eyes that life had been equally cruel to her. He remembered she had loved a man she was sworn to protect then he died on her watch. He thought about how he would have felt if Cersie had been murdered when they were young and he was tasked with defending her. He also remembered the way he felt when his daughter died in his arms of poison when he was trying to protect her. Yes, he thought, we have both suffered in the hands of the cruel bitch that is fate.
Jaime became aware she was kneeled next to his chair and her hand still held onto his jaw but she was using less pressure than before, "What are we to do?"
Brienne realized she was still touching him, so she removed her hand and stood, "We'll figure that out tomorrow. It's late."
Jaime wiped the tears off his face and nodded. He found it strange that talking with her about his true thoughts engulfed him in emotions then left him feeling empty like he was free of them for a while.
Brienne nodded at him and left for the stairs again. She heard him walking and looked over her shoulder to see him following her to the stairs, "And where are you going?"
"To bed," Jaime gestured to the stairs with a half smile, "I'm sure you won't mind if we share."
"I most certainly do."
Jaime lifted his hand, "Fine. Shall I call for the inn keep and explain to him I'm a Lannister, so he'll throw the person out that has the largest room so I can have it." Jaime had no intention of doing that, but knew in the past he would have.
Brienne saw he was joking, "Why don't you just go to your men? They've no doubt set up your comfy tent for you near their encampment."
Jaime's wicked grin dimmed, "No encampment. No men. No comfy tent."
Brienne stepped into his personal space, "She's going back on her word. Isn't she?"
Jaime nodded. "But, I gave my word I was riding north, and I am."
"Against her wishes?"
"She called it treason. Almost had the Mountain kill me for walking away from her. But I did. I walked away."
Brienne took a moment to let the words sink in. She purposefully avoided commenting on their relationship, "We have to warn the Starks."
"I had a raven sent when I came looking for you," Jaime stared into Brienne's eyes knowing she still felt the impulse to leave immediately but he also watched her face seeing that she trusted that he did as he said. It sparked feelings he had for her before, and they grew back to life. She truly trusted him as if he were a man of his word. It made him feel as if he wanted to be that man again. A man whose word was his bond.
"Why did you come looking for me?" She wanted the answer and didn't at the same time.
"There are several," he saw she was going to wait for the answer if it took all night, "complicated reasons. One of which is that she will try to have you killed. I'm not going to let that happen."
"You're here to protect me?" Brienne questioned trying not to feel insulted.
"Like I said, it's complicated. From what I saw the other day of the dead man who tried to kill us, it's also probably the end of the world. If it's my time to die, I'll bloody well do it fighting beside the one I…" Jaime stopped himself knowing he went too far. He looked away unable to stand the intensity of her direct gaze. He hadn't realized his heart was beating faster and that he was speaking louder. He had almost confessed something that the last time he did had enslaved him to another's will.
Jaime looked back up at her, but was unable to speak the words as he thought them. I love you.
Brienne saw on his face what he had held back, and she had felt the same but was unable to speak it.
As far as she was concerned, it didn't need to be spoken. Actions were what mattered not pretty words that could not hope to convey the depth of what they had become to each other. She knew how he felt for her the moment he pushed her behind him as the bear charged them.
Jaime watched her thoughts on her face knowing she was not trying to manipulate him or play some game with him. He knew they cared for each other, had saved each other, and it wasn't based on something as tawdry as sexual attraction. In a world filled with deception and masks, they truly saw one another. He knew from experience that no amount of sexual pleasure could possibly provide the intimacy they had with each other. He understood she knew his flaws and instead of twisting them to her purpose she saw the man within that wanted to be honorable the way he had been before his father and sister ripped it out of him, and she sought to bring that honorable man to the surface.
Jaime swayed on his feet from the exhaustion he felt and the hope he was scared to allow himself to feel.
Brienne gripped his arm, "You're tired. Come on to bed."
It took Jaime a moment to understand she meant her bed. He followed her up the stairs.
A/N: I'm seriously loving shipping them. Please review…it keeps the plot dragons growling out more material.