So here I am, the King of procrastination, finally facing up to the chores I had to do today. That chore was cleaning out my storage place. The man who owned my flat building had been going on at me for weeks. I headed down to the basement, dreading every step. For the past two months I had thrown things randomly down there, I only imagined the mayhem in that one osmall room. I chucked things that I didn't need or basically just didn't want to remember down there.

I unlocked the door to the small room and stepped in, standing still on the one spot of ground that was completely submerged in weird clutter and so I began.

After around an hour of poking around and finding cool old nostalgic items, I finally found something worth looking at. I found my old laptop, I hadn't used this laptop since last year – back when I lived in London. I decided an hour of cleaning earned me a break and I took my old laptop up to my flat.

I sat down with a cup of tea and searched around for a charger to charge my old friend. It turned on and I signed in, still remembering my old password. My desktop appeared on the screen, as much as I tried to shrug it off – my heart broke. In front of me sat a picture of myself, my two friends Chris and PJ and Phil. A shiver went down my spine. My stomach fell as I looked through old photo albums, our trip to Italy, vidcon pictures and just random ones from nights out. I felt torn, you know the feeling when you're missing something yet you don't want to miss it.

I remembered back to almost this time last year, I was living with Phil, having movie nights with Chris and PJ and was just generally content with my life. A lot had changed since then. I still constantly kicked myself about the way things went down, no matter how much I tried to convince myself I didn't care. It's hard not to care about losing someone who was so much more than a best friend.

It started last February, I can't pin point exactly where it started. Things started becoming stressful, between working for BBC and YouTube – well that wasn't everything. I felt stupid even thinking about it, I started having feelings for Phil. Feelings that I guess were always there, but I knew weren't reciprocated. Maybe it was the shipping or maybe it was just him in general, but it changed things. Things began to get tense between us, an awkward silence always seemed to loom over us. It was like he knew I loved him and he hated me for it.

The night I left is still fresh in my memory, a stupid argument that began with loading the dishwasher wrong and ended with the words "maybe we shouldn't live together any more". Along with some other pretty harsh words in between, I never realized we could be like that with each other. Everyone tried to fix things, Chris and PJ, our families and even our fans.

Not long after, I moved out, it wasn't a cold goodbye - it was just scary. I didn't want to move out, but I had too much pride to beg him to let me stay. For a second I thought he was going to change his mind, as said good bye to me at the door. I moved back to Reading and lived with my parents again for a month or so until I found a new flat. It was weird moving without Phil, he was always there to help me carry the boxes, whether it was to university dorms or into our own new flat.

I still kept up contact with Chris and PJ, they were two of my best friends, I couldn't just forget them. Of course I barely ever seen them, we were all two busy to take hour long train rides to see each other. I didn't hear from Phil, I presumed he didn't care. Chris and PJ tried to convince me he was down about me leaving, but I as much as I wanted to believe that I couldn't.

Obviously we had to address the fact to the phans, we told them I was having family problems and was moving back home for a while. As the months went on they didn't believe it, I usually avoided the question but if I was forced to answer I would tell them it was just easier to stay here. I missed living with Phil, as much as I hated to admit it. It was the small things really: like when he'd make me a cup of tea in the mornings or when he'd force me to watch reality TV.

Things had changed a lot in a year.

So this is the start of my new phanfic, I was missing writing! I don't really care if this isn't popular, I just missed writing phanfic. :)