Canada hated meetings, he hated the fighting, he hated all the yelling, and most of all he hated the incivility of it all. Because Canada was a gentleman, he was polite and civil unlike any other country that was going to be at this meeting; well, everyone except Russia. Russia was also a gentleman; he understood Canada's frustration at these stupid meetings. Russia was polite like Canada, although for very different reasons; Canada imagined that Russia was just trying to appear innocent so none of the other countries would suspect what horrifyingly evil plans Russia had in store for them. Canada wanted that too, just secretly; just thinking about that kind of thing made Canada smile gleefully and he had no doubt people would cower to that smile if they could see it. But Canada would not allow himself to think those thoughts until the time was right, then the world would be his, and so would Russia. Canada slipped into the meeting; being invisible as usual he took his seat. Canada yawned as America spoke, spewing chunks of hamburger all over the table. He almost didn't notice Russia staring right at him with an expression that could only be labeled as a 'You would be much more comfortable out of those clothes and on my lap' face. Canada blushed ferociously and swallowed the urge to do exactly that. Britain had finally had enough, he was up and shouting as America like he always did. Canada sighed heavily; he could predict the way these meetings went almost exactly. Britain would shout America a bit more and America would laugh like an idiot. Then France would stand up and make some comment about Britain's hair or his food, which would cause Britain to begin strangling France. America would then join in the fight just for the heck of it and it would become a three-way brawl between them. China would offer some food which they would ignore, and Russia would sit there smiling until America, Britain, and France would collapse and they would all go home. This exact thing happened up until China stood to offer the three battling countries some food. When he did he tripped over Canada's foot and was sent face first into the other countries. They all fell over each other and wound up in a ridiculous heap. Britain had somehow gotten one of his arms into America's jacket sleeve and Frances face was currently being sat on by a very unhappy looking China. Canada couldn't help but burst out laughing, he clutched his sides and rocked back and forth; tears of laughter streaming down his face. This turned out to be the wrong thing to do as all four countries currently on the ground turned and glared at him. Canada noticed this a moment too late as they had already untangled themselves and were coming towards him in a manner that clearly stated that he would not be living much longer. Canada paled and tried to back up but tripped over his chair. He was promptly picked up by the collar of his uniform by America. The countries were not pleased, Canada gulped as America drew back his fist for what would no doubt be a very painful punch. Then all of a sudden Canada saw movement out of the corner of his eye, America reacted just quick enough to step out of the way as a long led pipe smashed into the ground where he had been standing a moment ago. Canada was pretty sure America peed his pants when he looked at the smoldering crater Russia's lead pipe had left. Had he not moved, that crater would have had little bits of America pancake in it. France chose that moment to run for dear life and Russia stood protectively in front of Canada and uttered five words.
"Don't fuck with my Canada." Canada was pretty sure if he weren't lying on the ground he would have swooned. All America Britain and China could do was nod, Russia's 'disobey me and die' face disappeared and went back to that smile he always wore. He placed the pipe on his back and offered a hand to Canada with a wink. Canada took the hand and gave Russia a brief smile he usually reserved for imagining means of torture, but this was much more satisfying.
After the meeting the countries all went home to change their underwear and Canada was walking down the hall feeling much happier than he had in a while when he saw a familiar movement out of the corner of his eye. This time instead of a lead pipe to America's face Russia grabbed Canada by the shoulders and shoved him up against the wall. He pinned Canada there and stared fiercely into Canada's eyes.
"You owe me a favor." He said with a mischievous smile. His deep Russian accent mad Canada tremble, but not with fear, with… something else. The Canada of impending doom within timid Canada came out to play and returned the smile.
"What did you have in mind?" Canada looked into Russia's dark purple eyes and had just enough time to take a breath before Russia grabbed his face and pulled him into a kiss. No time was wasted and Russia pushed his tongue right into Canada's mouth and began to bite at Canada's lower lip. Canada moaned and grabbed Russia's scarf, pulling him down and against Canada. Everything went dark for a moment and they were in Russia's bedroom, apparently having teleported. Russia gave one last smile that made Canada shiver with anticipation and Russia began to tear off Canada's clothes. They fell onto the bed, ripping at each other's uniforms and kissing passionately as though it were December 21st 2012 and the world was really going to end.
Some undisclosed amount of time later Canada was lying with his head resting on Russia's bare chest; it was warm and muscular and smelled faintly of vodka. Russia and Canada were wrapped up in the sheets and Russia was running his fingers through Canada's hair lovingly.
"Canada? If you were to torture America for information, how would you do it?" Russia asked, flashing Canada another spine-chilling smile. Canada gave him the same smile back.
"Well to start off with, I would take a hamburger and…" And they spent the rest of the day in each other's arms on the bed discussing how they would torture the countries they hated, control the countries they liked, and conquer the world together.