Samantha wondered when her life suddenly started sounding like the summary of a bad movie. Woman has inappropriate feelings for a VI. Said VI turns out to be an AI. Meanwhile, the universe goes to war.
She let her head hit the wall of the women's shower with a clunk. "I am an idiot."
An AI. EDI was an AI. She had known there was something going on, that a simple VI shouldn't have been able to do everything that EDI did, but the news had still blindsided her.
And every single inappropriate comment she had made about EDI's voice since stepping onto the Normandy was now running through her head.
"Idiot," she muttered again, lightly banging her head against the wall. "I'm a complete and total fool."
"Specialist Traynor, do you believe the wall has some type of structural weakness that you are testing for?"
Samantha didn't shriek. She simply… let out a startled sound that might have resembled a shriek to an uninformed observer. Followed shortly after by a rather impressive expletive, if she had to say so herself, as she lost her balance and went sprawling onto the floor.
There was a long pause.
"I'm sorry, Specialist," EDI said, sounding apologetic. "I did not mean to startle you. Should I alert Doctor Chakwas that her assistance is needed?"
Samantha groaned.
Even after two months, Samantha still had trouble believing where she was and what she was doing. Not always, of course. Just, sometimes. On the bad days.
It was one of the bad days.
She took another sip of her tea before turning her attention back toward the datapad she had been studying. There was something odd about the distress signal she had picked up earlier; she just didn't know what. Everything seemed fine on the surface, but she couldn't quite shake the feeling that she was missing something. There was something there that just didn't quite add up, if she could just figure out what it was.
"Specialist Traynor?"
Samantha jumped a bit at the sound of EDI's voice, and she quickly looked up. It had only been a few days since EDI had installed herself into the synthetic body they had recovered from Cerberus, and she still wasn't used to having an actual physical representation to speak with. Especially not one that looked so, well, female.
EDI was standing over her, tilting her head somewhat in an eerily human way.
"EDI, you startled me," Samantha said, giving her a tired smile. "Can I help you?"
There was something a bit unnerving about the way EDI was staring at her, her gaze unblinking and not faltering in any way. "Should you not be asleep?" EDI asked curiously. "My observations have shown that you typically have an impressively consistent routine during your off hours. By this time, you have usually been asleep for at least two standard hours."
Samantha felt her face grow a bit warm. She felt a tiny flutter of attraction fluttering inside her at the sound of EDI's voice, but she did her best to ignore it. A dozen possible responses all rushed through her mind at once. Thanking EDI for her concern. Reassuring EDI that she was merely trying to get some extra work done.
What came out was: "You've watched me sleep?"
EDI tilted her head again. "I find it quite enlightening to watch the crew as they sleep."
Samantha opened her mouth. Then she closed it. She honestly had no idea how to respond to something like that. Especially since the thought of EDI watching her sleeping was giving her some very pleasurable but completely inappropriate feelings.
"That was a joke," EDI said matter-of-factly.
Samantha blinked at her. "Oh," she said faintly. "I mean, of course it was. It was a very funny joke, EDI."
"My experience with Cerberus suggests that you are not being entirely truthful."
Samantha opened her mouth to protest, even though technically EDI was right. Then her eyes widened as her brain suddenly made the connection she had been looking for. "Cerberus," she said, drawing in a breath. "Oh my—that's where I knew it from."
"Specialist?" EDI asked. Her voice sounded a bit puzzled. "Is something the matter?"
"EDI, I need your help," Samantha said, her mind racing. "Can you get me the files on that turian transmission that the Illusive Man used to lure Shepard to the Collector ship last year?"
"Joker and EDI bicker like an old married couple. I wouldn't be surprised in the least bit if there's something going on between them."
Samantha frowned as the comment Gabby had made in the mess hall earlier refused to leave her mind. Ken had replied with a rather obnoxious comment about EDI's new body and exactly what Joker could be doing with it, earning himself a swat on the head with Gabby's spoon in return, but the original comment didn't want to go away. It just kept running on repeat through her head, like a mantra.
The worst part was that Samantha didn't know why it was bothering her so much.
"Traynor? Do you need something?"
Samantha looked up, startled, only to find herself standing just inside the door to the cockpit. Joker was in his seat, staring at her with a raised eyebrow. Shepard was sprawled in the copilot's chair that EDI usually sat in, a somewhat concerned look on her face as she looked in Samantha's direction.
"I—" Samantha blinked a few times. "I have no idea how I ended up here. I'm sorry, Commander. I didn't mean to disturb you."
Shepard frowned, sitting up straight in her chair. "Samantha, are you okay?"
"I'm fine, Commander," Samantha said hurriedly, feeling her face flushing. Not for the first time, she thanked the genetics that meant her skin tone was dark enough to mostly hide it. "I was just lost in my thoughts and not paying enough attention to where I was going."
Joker snorted. "Why on earth would you end up here then?" he asked. "I can count on one hand the number of times you've been in the cockpit since we left Earth."
"I expect that she was preoccupied with the conversation that Engineers Daniels and Donnelly were having in the mess hall earlier," EDI said, her voice coming from the speakers above them.
Sometimes it was difficult to remember that EDI was still there even when her body wasn't.
Samantha brought her hand up to cover her face. "Kill me now."
Shepard didn't say anything, but there was a very muffled sound coming from her direction that sounded suspiciously like a suppressed laugh.
"What type of conversation are we talking about, EDI?" Joker asked, the amusement in his voice obvious even without Samantha looking at him.
"Specialist Traynor asked them if they knew anything about the relationship between you and myself. Engineer Daniels then explained her theory that you are I were involved in a romantic relationship," EDI said, a hint of what sounded suspiciously like amusement in her voice. "Engineer Donnelly then proceeded to speculate about the possibility of sexual intercourse between the two of us involving the use of—"
"Please stop talking," Samantha cut in, pointedly not uncovering her face.
It overlapped with Shepard's somewhat strangled: "EDI, I think that's enough."
Joker made a noise that sounded suspiciously like a whimper. "Yeah, yeah, we get it, EDI. There's no need to draw us a picture."
After a moment or two of awkward silence, Samantha reluctantly uncovered her face. If nothing else, she couldn't make a mad dash out of cockpit if she couldn't see where she was going.
Shepard let out a laugh that she didn't quite succeed in covering as a cough. "So, Joker, are you having an affair with my ship?"
"Hey, the Normandy is my ship!" Joker protested. "I just let you think she's yours."
"That's not an answer," Shepard said teasingly.
Joker let out a theatrical sigh and looked up at the speakers. "EDI, don't take this the wrong way. It's not you, it's me. We just aren't meant to be."
EDI's voice was dry as she replied. "I will attempt to persevere."
Samantha took a step backward. "I'm going to leave now," she said, her tongue almost tripping over the words.
Joker turned toward her suddenly, an unreadable look on his face. "Don't get me wrong, I'm flattered," he said slowly, holding up his hands, "but I have a rule about dating crewmembers."
Samantha stared at him for a second, so surprised that she forgot to keep moving. Then she blanched. "What? No! I'm not trying to—believe me, you are not even remotely my type."
Joker stared at her blankly. "What?"
EDI's voice came out of nowhere. "I believe, Jeff, that Specialist Traynor is in fact attempting to solicit information regarding—"
Samantha took that as an excuse to flee as quickly as possible, the door shutting behind her cutting off the sound of Shepard not even attempting to hide her laughter.
It was nice to hear Commander Shepard laughing again. She just wished it could have happened under slightly different circumstances.
"Specialist Traynor?"
Samantha ignored EDI's quiet voice coming from the speakers. She brought her legs a little closer to her chest, leaning forward a bit so that her back wasn't quite resting against the wall. She wasn't certain how long she had been hiding in far corner of the lounge, sitting on the floor with her arms wrapped around her legs like she used to do as a child.
Too long, probably, if the ache in her back was an indicator.
"Specialist?"
EDI's voice sounded almost hesitant. Samantha kept ignoring her.
The door suddenly opened with a whoosh. Samantha didn't look up at the sound, nor did she pay any attention when it closed again a moment later.
"Samantha?"
This time EDI's voice wasn't coming from the speakers.
Samantha reluctantly looked up. EDI was standing over her, an expression on her face that almost seemed worried.
"Can I help you, EDI?" Samantha asked. Her voice sounded odd, almost distant. Like it was coming from someone else, not her own mouth.
There was a moment's pause before EDI lowered herself to the floor, sitting down beside Samantha in the cramped space. "The crew does not seem to be taking today's events on Thessia well," EDI said. "My knowledge of human behavior is not complete, but it did not seem wise to leave you here by yourself."
Samantha gave her a weak smile. "Worried about me, EDI?"
The look that EDI gave her was surprisingly seriously. "Always, Samantha."
The world felt as if it was spinning around her, although that might have just been the impressive amount of alcohol running through her system. Samantha had to give Shepard that much, the woman knew how to throw a party.
"Samantha?"
It took longer than it should have for Samantha to find EDI and get her gaze to focus on her. Then she grinned at her, taking a few steps forward so that she could throw her arms around her in a hug. "EDI! I wondered where you were."
Samantha suspected that the placating look on EDI's face meant she was probably a bit more intoxicated than she had realized.
EDI opened her mouth, presumably to reply to Samantha's comment. Before she could say anything, though, Samantha leaned in and pressed her lips against EDI's.
She wasn't certain what surprised her more. That she had gotten up the nerve to kiss EDI, or that EDI kissed her back.
Was still kissing her back.
Kissing her back quite spectacularly, even.
The Reapers were still out there. The universe was still burning around them. Civilization as they knew it was still at risk.
But for just a moment, Samantha didn't care about any of it.