I felt my own heart against my chest; I tried to calm myself down. Tight gasps escaped my lungs; I was clenching my fists so hard that it drew blood. I was shuddering; knowing that this was the worst of my panic attacks. "C'mon Stiles, stay calm.. Just take deep breaths." I told myself, trying to reassure my brain. Trying to take long breaths but failed at the task, because this was too much. My body felt like it was being pulled by an invisible force; it was making me feel surrounded. Beads of sweat dripped down my back. I was curled up into a ball, humming to myself hoping that it will calm me. It did for I hummed a song only I knew.

As I felt calmer, the corners of my mind started to clear; my body ached as I started to uncurl myself. I stretched feeling every muscle flex, and every joint creak. I tried to sit up, but felt to dizzy to do so. So I just laid there on my bed. Sleep was heavy on my eyes, I tried to stay awake but I couldn't. I stirred in my sleep, "No, Derek!..." "No, Derek.. Don't…. Hurt me ple-" I gasped, as I woke up, sitting up so fast that I was getting light headed. "It's only a dream, Stiles… Only a dream…" I said trying to calm myself. I fell back on my pillow, and noticed how sweaty I was. I couldn't go to sleep, so I got out of bed. I looked around; everything in the room was different.

Sometimes I miss my home back in Beacon Hills, I miss my room, posters on the wall, comics on my desk, and most of my clothes were probably still there. But I changed, I couldn't go back there.. It's been more than 3 years since I left. I never contacted anyone since. I don't know what it is, but it seemed better this way. I was living about two states over, from where Beacon Hills is located. I made sure; no one knew where I was. I was scared the first year, because I thought they followed me. I moved when I was only 18, it was on my birthday when I decided to move. My 18th birthday was one of the most terrifying days of my life.

I left on the night of my birthday; no one was expecting that except for my dad. He knew I planned this, but he stayed quite as he promised me he would. I cried so hard that day, leaving my dad was the hardest thing I ever did. I could still remember what he said. "Son, I know that you have to do this, but at least tell Scott where you are going." He said, trying change my mind. "No, dad. I can't have Scott know where I am. I have to get away from here, you understand that right?" I asked. "I understand son. I won't tell them where you are." He said, pulling me in a hug. He started to cry, I didn't know why. So, I just hugged him back. I said, my goodbye, and walked out the door. The air seemed eerie, I felt my chest tighten. I struggled for a bit, but kept my breathing under control. The night sky was clear, and it was a full moon.

The wind blew calmly against the swaying trees. I took everything in slowly, because I knew I'm not coming back. Tears were falling from my eyes, this was getting too much. I wouldn't see Scott, Allison, Lydia, Danny, Jackson again. I knew I should miss Derek, but my choice was his fault to begin with. I walked towards my jeep, and put my bags in the back seat. I hopped in the front, and started up the jeep. I was backing out, finally leaving once and for all.

I drove down the road, towards the edge of town. As I neared the exit, I started to hyperventilate. I knew what it meant if I crossed this. I was leaving my old life, and starting a new one. I was having second thoughts about this whole thing, but I couldn't take it anymore. I'm not strong enough, I'm useless. As I came to this conclusion, I drove through the exit, crying. The days seem to blur together as I drove. Flashes of my friends kept appearing in my mind, I tried to think of something else, but they kept coming back.

When I saw Scott, I felt regret and guilt. I couldn't face him, not after all we've been through, and he knew me too well. He would convince me to stay, and face my fears. I'm too much of a coward to actually face them, that's why I ran. I ran so far away so my past doesn't catch up with me, but I knew that was a dream that would never come true. After Scott I would see Allison, I was kind of mad at her at first for taking my best friend away from me, but in time we started to become best friends as well. I felt sadness and envy, I was sad that I don't get to see her and Scott again. I envied her because she was strong, even though she broke down and nearly killed Scott.

She was strong even though her mother had died, and held it together. Unlike me, I never got over my mother's death, I felt empty. I blamed myself for her death, even though she had a sickness I never knew about. I still blamed myself, if I wasn't as annoying to my father she would have stayed longer, if I listened to my mother, she would have died more peaceful. I'm nothing but a nuisance to everyone. It was better for me to leave, and not bother anybody.

I stirred in my sleep, as the memory kept coming back from that day. After I woke from my dream, I got and made coffee and tried to stay awake, but I couldn't I felt so tired that I almost fell asleep on the kitchen table. I walked towards my room, and fell on my bed, instantly falling into a deep sleep. I felt the sun hit my face, and I knew it was a sign that I should get up. When I looked at the time, I panicked, it was 8:35, I was going to be late for class. I quickly took a shower and ate breakfast; I was in such a hurry that I didn't notice it was Saturday.

As I got to the door, I checked my phone and looked at the date. I gave myself a mental facepalm; I dropped my bag on the floor and slowly made my way into the kitchen. My apartment is not big, but it's enough for me. I looked in my fridge and saw there was nothing to eat. "Oh come, on.. I'm hungry and you do this to me?" I talked to fridge. I never got over talking to inanimate objects, thinking they will talk back. "Well I guess I have to go shopping for food, and fill you up." I patted the fridge. I turned on my heel, and started to walk over to the door. I walked out of the apartment and down the stairs to reach my Jeep. "Oh baby.. I'm sorry I didn't drive you yesterday. Daddy was busying have a stupid panic attack. I'm sorry baby.. I'm never going to do that to you again." I hugged the Jeep, and kissed it. "Now, let's drive you around." With that said I patted the hood.

I knew this was strange for me to do in public, but I never really made friends. It's my way to cope with the loneliness. Sometimes I think I should get a dog and name him sourwolf. I got in the Jeep and started it up, I started to drive towards the food market, and I stop and make a mental list of what I need. I got out of the Jeep and start to head towards the store. I used to look over my shoulder; feeling like someone would recognize me. But no one ever did, which made me feel at ease. I picked up a cart and made my way inside. I walked down the aisles and grabbed what I need to last me till next week. Everything seemed fine, until I noticed something in the corner of my eye. I noticed someone with broad shoulders and a lean back was standing a couple feet away from me. I tried to ignore it, but something told me to get the hell out of there. He stiffened and started to look around as if he smelled something familiar, I quickly turned and went straight for the checkout lane, and paid for my things and left.

I left the store, and as I was walking I saw a black Camaro parked near the entrance. I quickly walked away and almost ran for my Jeep as I was panicking. I dumped everything in the vehicle and jumped in. I didn't start the Jeep, for I was waiting to see who owned that Camaro. I waited until that same person walked out and started to walk towards the Camaro. My breath was caught in my throat, for I was staring at the all too familiar Derek Hale. He looked better, and I felt my heart start to pound against my chest. All the memories started to flood back. I tried not to cry, but I did. He was walking until he stopped cold, and started to look around again. He looked around until he found my Jeep, and locked his eyes with mine. As if he saw a ghost, he was shocked and then his eye flashed red. He started to walk to towards me; I was so scared that I started up my Jeep and drove out of there. I looked in the rear-view mirror; he stopped and ran for his Camaro. I drove as fast I can, I didn't want to get a speed ticket so I drove at the speed limit.

I kept checking my mirror to see if I would see his car following. I sighed in relief, when I didn't see him behind me. I drove all the way to my apartment, and quickly got everything out of the vehicle and made my way inside. I rushed towards my door, and fumbled with the keys, almost as if he's coming up the stairs. Once I opened the door, I stumbled inside and I quickly closed the door and locked it. I leaned against the door and slowly slid down, I was thinking of a way I can move. "Why is he here? I need to move.. Tonight. I need to move tonight…" I slowly got up and made a plan as I packed. After an hour of packing, there was a knock at the door.

I froze, and I slowly turned towards the door. I felt my heart beat faster, as I walked towards the door. I looked through the peep hole; and I saw nothing but the hallway. I slowly unlocked the door, and opened it very slowly. When I saw no one, I stepped out; I looked around "Uh… Hello? Is anyone there?" Hearing no response, I turned and walked back into the apartment, as I was about to close the door, someone stood in front of the door. I looked up and saw a pair of glowing red eyes. I froze up, and felt my body go cold. "D-Derek…" I breathed.