CHAPTER 1

Cookies.

A day filled with them. It was now eight o'clock and the smell of baking filled the whole house. They had had an early start of seven o'clock but time whipped by with their easy conversation.

She'd arrived in the evening and being jetlagged, they both decided it was best if she went to bed. Twelve hours later and she was left refreshed. Thus the early morning. Charlie joined her after his sunrise fishing session with Billy.

Some things never changed.

But then again, some things do.

Usually he'd stay in the living room and watch TV but the holidays had everyone spirited. It was a magical thing to see Charlie ignore baseball and offer to be in the kitchen. Sure, he had the job of simply cutting out the shapes but still a miracle.

They'd already made over a dozen batches. Half of which would be taken to the homeless shelter. Another portion for Charlie's police friends. Even though he'd retired, they were all really good friends. The rest would probably go to the Rez. Of course, she remembered to save some for the Weber-Cheney family. They were the last ones to go into the oven before Bella called it quits. Her father looked ready to collapse.

"Remember when I was six and mum tried to make Christmas pudding?"

Charlie nodded with recognition. "Got more on us than in the pan"

Both laughed at the memories.

"I can't believe you remember that?" her father shook his head while cleaning his floured hands.

"How could I forget? You hosed us down in the back garden" she replied in between her amused laughter and unladylike snorts. This only resulted in another round of laughter.

Once they settled, Bella began cleaning, humming an old Smiths song. Charlie studied his daughter with a sense of relief and joy. "You seem good" he found the thought being spoken out loud.

Thankfully, it was a comment met with an easy smile. "I am. I'm glad to be here - to be back" she clarified and turned back to her clearing. "It is good to have a break from work" she added absentmindedly.

"They're not working you too hard are they?" Charlie frowned.

Bella shook her head, now busy with wiping down the surfaces. "Actually it's a pretty good deal. And if I don't want to go to the office, I can just work at home" she explained.

"I just want you to be happy" her father, always the protective. "My daughter, VP for a fancy New York Publishing company" he added with a slight smug tone.

Embarrassed, Bella ducked her head, hiding her smile. "It's not as glamourous as it sounds"

Before the conversation could be furthered, there was a knock on the door.

"That must be Sue" Charlie said.

Bella threw the tablecloth over her shoulder and offered to answer. Still humming the song, she had a gait when sauntering towards the door.

She was happy.

Her father was too. And not just because of her. He had finally fallen in love again. Retirement was hard but he realised how much he enjoyed the free time. He'd always been a country man. Most days were spent fishing. Sue had been his nurse since the shooting and that was how their love blossomed. Between casseroles and late night visits.

It'd taken a while before Charlie told Bella, worried that she would go on one of her 'episodes'. However, the Clearwaters was already considered as part of their family so it was an easy feat. Now, six months later and they were still going steady. Charlie had been respectful, asking his daughter if it was okay if his 'lady friend' would move in. Of course Bella agreed, surprised that her father needed her permission.

Sue was the best person, she could imagine for her father.

Ex-army nurse, she was assertive and called out her father. By some miracle she had stopped Charlie from having sad diner dinners. Last Easter had been spent in Forks, studying the dynamic; watching how they both teased each other. They made each other smile and laugh. Sue was caring and generous and good.

It was no surprise that they had become fast friends.

Now as she opened the door, expecting to see the short-haired, wise-eyed woman, only to be stunned and lose her footing. Bella stumbled back, weighting herself against the wall. "Stefan?"

"Bella" he sighed heavily, his shoulders slumping with the visible relief.

A lengthy silence weighed the space between the two.

Emerald green locked onto coffee brown. His were silently pleading while she was battling emotions. Several warned her to shut the door in his face and move on with her life.

Meanwhile, Charlie stopped cleaning in realisation of the strange silence and sudden tension. "Bella who is it?"

"It's not Sue" she stuttered, giving her away. As a result her father appeared by the hallway entrance. An inquisitive eye as he craned his neck to see the figure at his doorway. Worry etched his features as he read Bella's pale face. Her dark eyes were wide and fear in her feeble stance. "Bella? What is it?"

She knew it was unavoidable so she composed a smile and opened the door further. "Dad, this is my..."

"I'm Stefan. I work with Bella at Carringtons"

He'd been listening in.

Bella frowned at the realisation and cast a discreet glare. His presence brought back the surfacing memories. She was still wondering why he was there. They weren't exactly close. She could count the times they'd spoken in one hand.

"Well nice to meet you" Charlie politely smiled but couldn't ignore the tension between the two. "We've been baking so if you'd like to sit, I can make some coffee" he offered.

However Bella knew this wasn't a normal drop in and she couldn't chance risking Charlie's life.

"Actually it's work stuff so I'll just deal with this and be back" Bella played her part, piling on the lies as she slipped into her peacoat. "Sue will be here soon anyway" she added to distract her father.

Her tactics worked as Charlie's eyes widened. "I should have a shower then" he murmured to himself. "It was nice meeting you"

"You too Mr. Swan" Stefan nodded.

As soon as Bella's dad had disappeared upstairs, she began to push her unwanted visitor outside the house. He stumbled onto the porch. When he turned to scold her, she placed her fingers to her lips and led him towards the forest.

Few minutes of complete silence and trudging through the snowed woods, she finally came to a stop.

"You want something. What is it?" she sniped, crossing her arms over her chest and jutting out her chin.

"Hello to you to"

"Let's not pretend this is a friendly visit. What. Do. You. Want?" she pressed.

A sullen look overcame Stefan. The pit in her stomach hollowed further. One hand splayed over her torso as she bit her lip and kept her eyes onto his tired form.

"Is this about Damon?"

The words were timid and uncertain.

"Yes"

"What happened?" she whispered fearfully. "Is he alright?"

Stefan sighed and his features were guarded, protecting him from his feelings. "We - I don't know" he admitted brokenly and slumped down to a boulder.

"Did Elena...?" she paused and a rage was flickered. "Did she leave him?" Bella snapped, curling her fingers into balled up fists.

"No - n-no" he shook his hands profusely and sighed again. Each one heavier than the last. His head now lay in his hands as he muttered something incoherently.

When he looked up, he was more broken than before. This time she saw it. Past the mask he wore, she could finally see.

Dead eyes filled with grief.

No...

She shook her head in denial. Arms tightening around her waist as she stumbled back onto the tree. Eyes crystalled with unshed tears. "No..." she breathed but it disappeared into the wind. "Stefan, don't say it" she pleaded, turning her back to him. Darkness seemed to reveal itself, slowly encasing her as the familiar crippling sadness returned. Only this time it doubled, causing her to crash to the ground. Knees buried into the freezing snow and her hands now on the ground, steadying her. Breaths racked through heavy gasps.

A hand fell onto her shoulder. "I'm so sorry"

She realised her selfishness and stopped. One lone tear strolled down her cheek as she turned to face him. Arms circled his and her head lay on his chest. "No - no I'm sorry"

She wanted to cry it out but nothing came. Maybe it was the cold but she was back to feeling numb. Her body rigid against his as both were lost in comfort. "I'm sorry" She repeated, trying to search for an explanation. It didn't make sense.

Damon.

Damon was gone. He was dead.

The sentence was ridiculous - laughable.

"When did he..."

Another silence.

"Four months"

Her moment of shock was gone. Replaced by a blinding fury that overcame her grief. She revelled in the rage, welcoming it as she met the shameful eyes.

"W-what?" she pulled away from him. Kneeling as she still didn't trust her footing.

Stefan gulped, nervous and filed with guilt. "it's been four months"

"F-four" her voice broke and she hated it. Fists pushed up on the ground and she stood, towering over him before he scrambled back up. "Four months?" she gritted. "He's been gone for four months and now you decide to tell me?"

Stefan was silent.

"So I can what? Abracadabra him back to life? Wave my wand and fix your mess?" she ranted, each word piercing them both. "All to your convenience?" she shouted.

"Bella"

"I can't help you"

With that, she turned away from him. Heading back up the trail to her house. She needed to be away from this. This was exactly why she had left their world. Being human was who she was. It was what she knew and it was easy.

Stefan was smart enough not to follow. If he did, he'd end up as his brother. He stood there wallowing in his shame and mentally cursing himself. It was a bad idea. It had been a bad idea. He didn't understand why he kept trying when there was obviously no answer. His brother was gone and he needed to move on.

When Bella arrived home, she felt as if the world had been turned upside down. The house felt cold and different. Her world was not her own and she seemed to be having an out of body experience. A ghost watching as she fell back against the door. Studying her as she waited for the tears.

"He's gone. Damon's gone" she whispered to herself.

"Who?"

Charlie materialized by the staircase. Towel in hand as he dried his dampened graying curls. He noticed how she had tracked mud into the house. But the perplexed state she was in, he knew better than to ask.

"Nothing" Bella shook her head and forced another grin. "No one" she pushed up and hang up her coat. "I'll get started on dinner"

"Bells? It's only four o'clock" Charlie grimaced and stepped down beside her.

"Oh"

"Are you alright?"

"You know what? I'm not feeling too well – I think I'll get some sleep"

"Do you need anything?"

She was already halfway up the stairs when she emptily called back. "Im' fine Charlie"

Her head was spinning but other than. That she remained numb. She lay on the bed, closed her eyes to fight the nausea. All the while counting back from 100 and wishing for sleep.

She felt like she was handling it wrong. Failing at feeling her grief but that was the thing - she couldn't feel anything.

Ten minutes of tossing and turning and she growled into her pillow.

Damon wasnt dead.

He couldnt be.

He was...

Damon Salvatore.

Survivor. Sadist.

And her... Her friend.

As her thoughts trailed to his face. Those blue eyes now imbedded into her mind, she knew what was happening. A need to feel his sleek tresses had her up from her bed.

There were too many questions and gaps into the story.

Within seconds she was out from her bedroom and running the steps. "Change of plans" she called out with a note of urgency.

"What do you mean?"

The coat was back on and her feet were clad in white tennis shoes. "I need to go to Virginia"

"What?" Charlies brows furrowed in confusion.

"I wish I could stay but there's a crisis and they need me. Two books were not foolproofed but they've still been printed"

The lies rolled off with ease.

Charlie could see nothing would stop her but he still tried. "We were going to decorate the tree"

"And I'll be back" she stopped and turned to him. Sorrowful eyes and a false smile. "I promise"

"Will you be here for Christmas?"

"Of course"

She was lying.

They both knew it but neither of them admitted it.

"Be careful Bells"

He kissed her forehead and solemnly leaned by the staircase. She watched him for a minute before offering a sad goodbye.

Happy holidays!