Title: Shake It Out
Rating: T/PG-13
Pairing: Puck/Finn
Characters: Glee Ensemble
Warnings: Slut Shaming, Angst, Language, vulnerable!Puck, Injury, Not So Nice ND to Puck at First, Possible Happy Ending Read and Find Out
Summary: Puck had always thought - no, known - that when he and Finn went public with their relationship, they would have the support of Glee. Because they were a family. They supported each other. How could he get it so wrong?
Shake It Out
He was falling.
Falling faster than could be stopped into the blackness.
The deafening silence chokes out his screams for someone to stop him, but he can't. He can't stop.
There's only the fall.
Slow motion. Like something out of a dramatic trailer for an otherwise boring movie.
The fall.
The saddest part is he should have known better. Should have never let himself get tricked by the light. The blackness is the only real thing around him. Through the noise and uncontrolled movement.
The fall.
And he wishes he could say everything he's ever wanted to say. Like how lanky limbs and steamy summer sights definitely prolonged, if not, saved his life. He wishes he could tell everyone just how much those brown eyes that were soft and warm and comforting like the best chocolate you ever tasted, made him feel more alive than the blood in his veins.
But he can't.
Because he's falling.
And the fall is all there is.
So he lets himself fall.
~F&P~
Puck wakes with a start, sitting up and panting.
Looking around he sees he's in Finn's bedroom, just as he should be. Slowly breathing out and forcing his panic down, Puck bites his lip to hold in a sob.
This was reality.
Reality mostly sucked.
He feels the man beside him begin to stir and he looks over, seeing Finn's beautiful face. Finally the world begins to settle in for him. Finn's arms draped over his naked waist. Slowly he lays back down and lets his tears fall onto the pillow under his head.
Whispering hoarsely, Puck says, "I'm sorry. I'm sorry I'm the reason it's all gone to shit." Before he keeps going, he moves the few stray hairs off the other man's forehead, and gazes at his face. "Wasn't s'pose to go that way, but you knew. You knew it would and you warned me. I just - " what?
What did he want?
Finn stirs and Puck startles slightly, but allows the other man to draw him closer. He snuggles down into the warm embrace and sighs.
"I just...I just wanted a family again," he mumbles miserably. "I thought they loved us. They...They promised. We all promised to be there for each other, and they just - "
He stops talking. Choosing instead to continue this one sided self-deprecating conversation inside his head. Finn's subconscious didn't need to be filled with Puck's worries and upsets.
And it was his own worries and upsets.
They had been together since the end of Junior year. Puck will never forget the shock he had felt when their standard afternoon of pizza and Mario Kart, turned into a full blown date. And it's with startling clarity, he realizes that maybe he and Finn have been dating for a lot longer than he thought.
Just dancing around one another. Waiting for the points to match up and fit together like molecules or something.
He bites back another sob.
Finn really was perfect wasn't he? Always there looking out for him even when he didm;t know he needed it, or that he was there.
So why then did Puck want so bad to be public come senior year? Like Finn said it's not like it would have changed anything between them, positively or negatively. Well, probably negatively; because as they had seen the day before, people's cruel words and actions did more damage than one can measure.
*"Finn, you of all people should know what a whore he is."*
Puck shakes his head as the tears continue to fall. They were right.
How could somebody as perfect as Finn want someone as dirty as himself? It wasn't possible. Unimaginable. And everyone hurling insults at him had every right to, because he was everything they said he was.
He used to embrace it, now it's like scars or dirt that won't go away no matter how much he scrubs his skin.
Laying a few more minutes in silence, Puck finally rolls his head to the side and whispers, "I love you, Finn," before losing his fight again with sleep.
~F&P~
Turns out, the hardest part isn't the insults.
It's the stares.
The stares of those he used to call his friends, his family. They at least haven't blabbed to the whole school...yet, but he can feel their judgement like weighted bricks being thrown at his back. Walking the halls, seeing them quickly look away like it physically burns them to look at him. Like he's some kind of olfactory disease that spreads just from seeing him.
He's felt like poor, useless scum most of his life; but this? This is worse.
Walking past Mercedes on his way to Spanish, he catches her stare. Briefly. And he had enough pride to hold it until she looked away first.
*"He's slept with every girl in the school, Finn. I know him. I dated him. He's nothing but a jerk."*
Puck huffs to himself and keeps walking.
Mercedes didn't know shit.
~F&P~
He found Finn at lunchtime sitting at a table by himself out in the deserted part of the courtyard. Deserted because it's October and freaking cold. He was pushing the yucky cafeteria food around the tray.
For half a second he debates whether or not he should; but then just sits figuring if rumors swirl, they can't be worse then what he's imagined.
And the backlash won't hurt worse than what they are already dealing with.
Finn looks up with a soft smile as he straddles the picnic benches' seat and sits facing him. "Hey," he says. "You doin' okay?"
Puck snorts and runs a hand over his head. "Nobody's saying anything to me, if that's what you're asking."
Finn puts his spork down and crosses his arms on the table top. "Not what I'm asking no," he reaches out and runs a finger down the center of Puck's hand that splayed on the table. Puck bites his lip from the intense feeling just his mere touch can bring, and looks down at it. Mesmerized by the calming stroke. "How are you? You okay?"
Slowly he looks up into the liquid chocolate eyes that bring him to life, just by feeling them run their gaze down his body. "I'm fine, Finn. Really."
"No, you're not," Finn scoffs, almost affectionately and pulls back. Puck missed his touch immediately. "I heard you last night."
Puck's blood ran cold. He didn't want Finn to hear his insecurities. To see him that weak.
"It's okay, you know," Finn tells him kindly. Puck feels a blush of embarrassment rise to his cheeks. "Puck, it's okay. I - " he pauses and pushes his possibly mashed potatoes around, "I want you to be able to cry on me. Not just when you think I'm sleeping. And what a lot of them said...it's understandable. That you would need to."
"Finn, please," Puck says, not being able to stand to listen to the well intentioned speech much more. "Just drop it okay?"
The quarterback shook his head, "No, Noah, listen to me." Puck looked up at the sound of his given name. "I'm sorry."
Taken aback, Puck began to protest but Finn grabbed his hand completely stunning him into silence.
"No. I'm sorry. You were right. We should have just walked into this school, holding hands without caring about what anyone thought the first day of school," Finn told him, wrapping his larger hand around Noah's smaller calloused one. "I was trying..." Finn stops to catch his breath, "I was trying to protect us. You. And because of that I wound up causing something else. If we had just taken it head on from the start, we would have been fine. Because our friends - they would see how wonderful you are. How much you have changed. How much I - How much I love you."
Noah bit his lip and looked down at his hand clasped in Finn's.
"I could have prevented you that pain in the choir room yesterday if I had just listened to you from the start. And I'm sorry."
Puck sighed and let Finn rub circles on the top of his hand. "You couldn't have prevented anything, babe. Because the thing you're missing from what even you just said, and the thing that's become very apparent to me, is that it won't matter what I do. Nobody sees me as a person here. They see what I did. They see a punk, a kid who went to Juvie, a wh-" he stops and clear his throat.
"Don't," Finn tells him strongly. "Don't you ever call yourself that. If I didn't let them call you that, I won't let you call yourself that."
"It's what I am, Finn," Puck croaks out around building tears, drawing his hand back. "I am a whore. I sold my body for cash. That's a whore."
Finn huffed, "You are not a whore, Noah Elijah Puckerman. Okay? So stop it."
Puck just shook his head and looked away. "The point is I shouldn't have to prove to anyone anything. About me or...anything. But I'm always going to have to, because I'm always going to be treated like a second class citizen to the rest of them." He sighs. "That's not your fault, it's mine. I built a reputation and - "
"That was mostly a thing to - "
"It does't matter," he insists. "I thought they were my friends, but I was wrong. Because friends you shouldn't have to prove your worth to. They should have your back no matter what. And they have yours, Finn. Just not mine."
Finn gaped at his lover, trying to process this information. "No. Noah, no, they'll come around. They just need - "
"Need what?" the guitarist scoffed. "Time to accept we're together? It shouldn't matter to them. They should be happy we're happy. And if you were announcing you were suddenly sucking Artie's dick, they wouldn't bat an eye. But me?"
Finn scooted closer, "They're wrong. Of course they are. And when they realize that, they'll be sorry, just please, Noah. Don't give up on them."
Noah looked out over the football field and back up at Finn's pleading face.
~ F&P~
*"We're just trying to help you, Finn. Puck is trouble. Next thing we'll know you'll boozing it up at Stoner Brett's house and crashing into 7/11's."
"Help? You want to help me? Then shut up! Who are any of you to say what you...Noah is my boyfriend. You will treat him with respect."
"We're just saying - "
"Nothing. You're saying nothing, because you know nothing.*
Puck was sitting on the Hudmel's front porch when he heard the front screen door open and close. Thinking it was Finn he just sighs and wraps himself tighter up in his blanket on the porch swing. But he was wrong, it was Kurt. This made him slightly anxious as he looked up at the countertenor.
"I know you probably don't want to talk to me - "
"Damn straight."
Kurt hangs his head and nods, "What the others said, Blaine and I - "
"Didn't say anything," Puck cuts him off again, and looks up at him pissed off. "You know of everyone there Kurt, I expected you to back me and your brother up; because you have been around me and Finn. But you just sat there."
Kurt stared at Puck, pale. "I'm sorry. It happened so fast and...no. You're right I should have said something. And I am sorry, Puck. Blaine and I both are. Of course I know you're going to hurt, Finn. I just...I just wanted you to know I didn't feel the way they did."
Puck shakes his head and stands up. "Fat lot of good it does now," he says as walks into the house.
~F&P~
Puck was straddled across Finn's lap, running his fingers through the lighter brown locks and moaning as Finn's magical hands went up the back of his t-shirt, almost tickling his spine.
"OH, Finn," Puck groans when they pull apart to breathe, and tilting his head to the side to let the taller man pepper kisses down his neck. He arches his back and keens when those hands travel lower and get a good grip of his ass. "Oh, yeah, baby," he moans and sucks on the drummer's shoulder to leave a hickey.
"So beautiful," Finn whispers in his ear and shifts so Puck is laying on his back on the bed. "You're so fucking beautiful, Noah," he growls and pulls the Noah's shirt up over his head to begin kissing down his hairless chest.
Puck spread his legs to let Finn have room to settle in between them, and then rocked up into Finn's crouch. "Want you so bad, please," Noah begs. "Oh, god, please, Finny."
Finn makes quick work of his and Noah's pants then kissing the prone man often as he did so. "Never have to beg me, baby. It's always yours," he says kisses him wetly, sucking his tongue and fucking his mouth with his own. "I want you too. Just like this," He gasps out as he settles back between Noah's legs and reaches for the lube. "Just like this, baby."
Their love making is the perfect balance of slow and rough. It'll leave some bruises but it's a comfort to Noah. Because it's something to remind him tomorrow where he belongs. Which is right here underneath this man, joined and in complete ecstasy. And if they both are crying by the time their climax comes, they may not discuss it, but Noah doesn't wake up that night to cry alone.