A/N A special thanks to Nani for getting my muse up and running again and the name. T Traveller For letting me bounce ideas off her. And Diamondchild for being my beta. If you seen Jamie Dornans interviews during the last two years on the Graham Norton show then you know where the ideas come from.
Christian's POV
Fall my favorite time of the year; football, colder weather, bonfires, s'mores, chili, and spending time under the blanket with my beautiful girlfriend, Ana.
Ana and I are snuggled up under a blanket watching some movie called Fifty Shades Freed on Netflix. A movie about a dominate named Jamie and his wife Dakota. Something that we're clearly not supposed to be watching in the media room. Ana, Kate, and Mia are obsessed with that Jamie guy. I don't know what their obsession is with him. They were watching interviews about him on the computer the other day talking about how he had to wear a modesty pouch and that he ended up getting a used one from some inmate in jail. Not to mention glueing a wig on his pubic area to try and impress the girls. Clearly, the boy was late hitting puberty. My stomach rumbles thinking about the chili, Gretchen, our housekeeper is making. Which reminds me to take some Imodium as soon as I get finished eating.
I slowly sneak my hand in Ana's panties and pull them to the side to check to see if she has any wetness in her panties. I'm pleased when there's not a hint of arousal, because I'm a jealous bastard. I'm the only one that she should get wet for, not this Jamie dude on TV.
My dick twitches, thinking of all the things I plan on doing to Ana when I take her down to the boathouse dock. A nice, chilly night, and a blanket covering us up, while looking at the stars. If I have my way, she will be seeing stars and not the kind in the sky.
Elliot changes the movie to some Disney crap the second we hear the theater door open Even though Grace works at Seattle General, and sees all sorts of body parts and blood and guts, I'm sure she would have a heart attack from her three "virgin" kids and their partners watching a movie about BDSM, sex, and gasp, nudity.
"Dinners ready, go wash up." She says clapping her hands together.
Walking hand and hand with Ana to the kitchen, my mouth starts watering. I might not be able to stand Gretchen, but she makes a damn good chili. I pull out Ana's chair then take a seat beside her. I grab some Fritos and place them in my bowl before adding a big spoon full of chili, jalapeño peppers and cheese.
I glance over and see Ana is digging right into her chili, and I make a mental note to get her to take some Imodium too.
It never fails every time I eat chili no matter who cooks it I end up with diarrhea and the farts. I'm talking about the kind that will make you run out of the room and that burns your nose hair. I can't have that tonight if I plan on getting lucky.
I lean over and whisper, "baby, how's your chili?"
"It's really good Christian, maybe I can get you to sweet talk Gretchen into giving you the recipe. You know since you're her favorite and all." She rolls her eyes.
Is she trying to get me to spank her like they do in the movie? I wouldn't even know how hard to spark her. Do I just give her a little tap tap or a whack. Maybe we can discuss this tonight. If she wants a little tap tap then I'm all for it. But I can't see myself ever turning her beautiful pale skin pink.
"Did you get enough baby?" Her bowl is empty, so I'm assuming she did. But I'm always making sure she isn't hungry.
"I did and it was delicious". Maybe I'll ask mom or Mia to ask Gretchen for the recipe for. Seeing how she likes it so much, and I'll do anything to make her happy.
"Well I think I'll have another bowl." I lean over the table to dish out some more chili and that's when I feel it. My stomach grumbles, and my bowels tighten, and if I don't make a run for it, I'm gonna shit myself.
I drop the spoon back in the dish, and hold my noisy stomach. "Excuse me, I'll be right back."
"Christian, are you okay? Your face is all flushed."
"I'm fine mom." I push back the chair and squeeze my cheeks together and race to the bathroom. I open up the medicine cabinet to grab some Imodium. "Fuck!" The bottle is empty. I reach for the Lemon Idol scent poop spray on the shelf and read the directions. Elliot bought this as a gag gift last Christmas. Two squirts in the toilet before pooping. I have a feeling this is going to be like the scene from the movie Dumb and Dumber where Harry goes to the bathroom. I pull my pants along with my boxers down and let it go. Maybe if I get it all out now I won't have any mishaps later.
I walk back to the kitchen and see everything has been cleaned up. Was I in there that long? The kitchen door swings open and my beautiful girlfriend comes walking out. "What's this surprise you were telling me about you had planned?"
I grab her around the waist and pull her towards me and cup her ass cheeks. "Why don't you go change into your pajamas and meet me on the dock."
"I only brought shorts and a T-shirt with me. I can't go out there in that, I'll freeze."
"You can borrow some of my jogging pants and a hoodie. I want to talk to you about something once we're out there though." I'm gonna bite the bullet and just flat out ask her about a little tap tap.
"So no making out while we're out looking at the stars?"
"Oh, there will be plenty of that going on." I thrust my hard cock into her core to let her know how much I mean it.
"Well it's better than the three G's you did the other night right", she giggles, but I'm glad she's finding it funny...now.
"I've apologized for that a many of times. It's all Elliot's fault for getting me drunk." Our parents went out of town and left us alone, so Elliot took it upon himself to pour tequila down my throat. I was feeling like a king, and took Ana to my bed fuck her, and then I ended up leaving her hanging. The next morning I felt like shit for it, along with my hangover.
"Well you took the definition of the three G's literally that night. Get in, get off, and get out. Except you didn't leave, you passed out on top of me." She's still laughing it up and I land a little tap tap on her ass and watch her eyes bulge out.
"Just go up to my room and change and meet me on the boathouse dock."
All the way to the boathouse my stomach feels fine, no asshole burning and no rumbling. Thank god.
I lay the blanket out on the dock, and Ana kicks off her shoes. "Look at all the stars out tonight." She says, admiring the night sky.
I take a seat on the blanket and motion for her to come to me. "Sit between my legs, baby." She obeys and I cover us up with the extra big blanket mom had in the closet.
"Look Christian, it's a shooting star, close your eyes and make a wish."
I close my eyes and wish that my stomach keeps feeling this good. When I open my eyes again, I wrap my arms tighter around Ana and she shivers from the cold. "What did you wish for baby?"
"That we will always be together and happy. You?"
I cross my toes when I answer. "Pretty much the same. That we will always be together and have lots and lots of babies." I pause, and kiss the back of her and take a deep breath before I ask the next question. "Listen, I wanna ask you something. Just tell me to shut up if it's a bad idea. Promise me okay?" She turns her head sideways to get a good look at my face and nods. "What is your idea of spankings, you know like Jamie did to Dakota in the movie?"
"I mean if you are thinking about beating the shit out of me then you can hang it up. But what you did in your mom's kitchen I think I'll be okay with it."
I spread her legs a little and reach my hand in her panties and feel she's a little wet. I slip two fingers in her moving in a circular motion. She leans her head black and moans. That's when I feel it. The pressure of the fart that's trying to rear its ugly head. I knew lying about my wish was going to come back and bite me in the ass. I shift and clamp my ass down hard on the dock stop it from escaping. Which still doesn't stop it from slipping out.
"Am I making you uncomfortable? I can move if you want me too."
"No, not at all. Look at all the stars out tonight." I try to go with changing the subject.
"Christian, what's that smell? It smells like death washed up. Or did you just fart?" She says while sniffing. No baby don't sniff. Not unless you want your nose hairs to burn off.
"It's just old seaweed that's washed up baby. Just concentrate on my hand between your legs." And stop sniffing!
"I can't concentrate with that pungent smell. I'm gagging over here. If you don't want me puking all over you, then I think it's best we head back inside. I'm cold and not turned on anymore."
Fuck she's right, "Okay, let's get you back inside. Maybe we can watch a movie. How about you head up and I'll gather everything up and meet you in the living room."
I watch Ana walk up the hill and make sure she's out of the way before I drop my pants and let it rip. I can't have the smell being trapped in my boxers, so I reach around and fan my ass to make sure the smell is all gone before I pull my pants back up. I can't have the "old seaweed smell" follow me inside.
Ana is sitting at the breakfast bar eating a bowl of ice cream when I walk in the kitchen. "Where's everyone?"
She licks the spoon clean before dipping it back in the bowl. "Ethan went home, Mia and Kate are in her room, Elliot is in his room and your parents went to bed."
This gives me an idea. "Do you wanna go up to my room and snuggle under the covers and watch a movie?" Please say yes.
"Can we watch Sweet Home Alabama. You know that's my favorite movie of all time."
"Sure." I grab Ana's bowl and put it in the sink then her hand and lead her upstairs to my room.
Ana steps in my bathroom to slip in her shorts she brought to sleep in. Which will give me better access for what I have in mind. While I take off my shirt and slip into some shorts. I pull the sheets down and climb into bed and find the movie she wants to watch.
I wrap my arm around Ana and pull her close and slip my hand under her shirt to fondle her tits. "Christian, you're distracting me when we're supposed to be watching the movie." All while her hand creeps down my stomach and in my boxers. I can't help it, my hips thrust up when she wraps her delicate hand around my cock pumping up and down. Then the unthinkable happens. No warning no anything I fart. Not a cute little toot like a baby, no it's more like an eighty year old man fart. And loud!
Ana rips her hand away from my cock and stands up in the bed. "Christian Grey, you just farted on me. YOU FUCKING FARTED ON MY HAND."
I do like any sixteen year old boy would do and try and play it off. "Ana, don't be so coy i just whispered in my boxers. Or think of it as a little poot."
"Christian, THAT wasn't you whispering in your boxers. That was you screaming in your boxers, not to mention it was so damn bad it vibrated my damn hand. Now if you would excuse me I need to go into your bathroom and wash my hands. With bleach!
"I farted okay, it was Gretchen's chili. It does it every time I eat chili. My stomach gets upset if I don't take Imodium after. And we were out." I don't know why she's acting like she never farts before. Everyone farts.
"You may wanna check your boxers just to make sure you didn't blow a hole in them, or better yet, shit yourself." She says before she bolts to the bathroom.
That was a pretty bad one, so I do just what Ana says to do and I check my boxers for holes. I reach under my bed and spray some air freshener to help with the smell.
"I think I'm gonna go back to Mia's room. Goodnight Christian." Crap, I have to fix this.
"I promise I think I'm done Ana and I'm sorry that happened. But I just couldn't help it I had no warning. Please don't leave and go back to Mia's room. We can watch another movie if you want." I stick my lip out and give her my pout that she can't resist.
"If I stay Christian, you have to promise me if you feel it coming then you go to the bathroom and open a window and fart outside."
"I promise. Now come back to bed please and pick a movie for us to watch." She slowly creeps back into the bed looking like a bomb is fixing to go off and lays on top the covers.
I'm flipping through the movies trying to find something to watch when I feel Ana tucking the sheets under my ass and legs. "What are you doing and why aren't you under the covers with me?"
"Christian, I love you, but there is no way in hell I'm getting under the covers with you. And tucking them in makes sure the smell doesn't escape." She pinches her nose for the added effect.
I'm so relaxed, I close my eyes for a second while Ana rubs small circles on my chest.
My eyes peel back open and see Ana still in the same spot. The tv screen is black, letting me know that we've fell asleep, and have been sleeping for a while. I turn my head to the side to see the time, but to my surprise I see Carrick standing over my bed.
"Good morning, Christian." Fuck he's going to think we were up here having sex when that's clearly not the case.
"Good morning, dad." I try and act like it's not a big deal having my girlfriend sleeping next to me.
"You have anything to tell me?"
"No not really, other than I slept well." And I farted on my girlfriends hand while she was jacking me off, and we fell asleep while watching a movie.
"Do you think you slept walked again last night?" How the hell am I supposed to know. I was sleeping for fuck sake. I shrug and shake my head. "Well someone's done a poo in the bathtub. Elliot came running in our bedroom this morning, yelling about someone pooping in the tub. " Don't tell me Elliot has been drinking again and took a shit in the tub rather than the toilet. And pointing the blame on someone else.
"Christian, your mother and I done a process of elimination and all the turd droppings were left from your bedroom on your way to the bathroom points to you. Unless it was Ana that done it. And that's something else we will be discussing. Her sleeping in your bed. You know we don't allow it son." I'm mortified. I can't believe I done this and he is discussing it with Ana here.
About that time Ana pops her head up. " I'm sorry Carrick, but Christian and I were watching a movie and we fell asleep. Gretchen's chili last night gave Christian massive gas. And you can see nothing was going on last night. Christian is under the covers with them tucked under him and I'm on top." Way to throw me under the bus Ana.
"Son, your mother has the cleaning supplies in the bathroom. I suggest you get your butt up and go clean up your mess from last night. Oh, and be downstairs in twenty minutes, breakfast will be ready.
"Ana." Maybe if I can sweet talk my girlfriend into helping me.
"Oh, don't Ana me, I'm not the one who shit in the bathtub." I throw the covers back and make my way to the bathroom.
Not the way I wanted to wake up on this Saturday morning. Shitting in a bathtub and being caught doing absolutely nothing in bed with my girlfriend. I guess karma truly came back and bit me in the ass last night!
The end!
Thanks for reading!