Disclaimer: Only the plot (Sam's past) is mine.
A/N:Just a lil thing that came to me after watching Moving On. Please review.
I was waiting for her to come out of the therapists office after her
session. I had just finished writing up my report about today's case,
Lianna Sardo.
I didn't understand how she could pretend to be her daughter. To mess
with peoples feelings like that. But then again I didn't know what it
was like to lose a child. I guess when you find them again, thoughts of
a fake don't really cross your mind. You're just glad to see them
again, and have them back in your life.
I hadn't seen Samantha much during this case, I had spent most of my
time at the hospital. Vivian told me earlier she got the feeling
something was bugging Sam. So I thought I'd wait and see. I mean, what
are friends for.
I look up from where I'm sitting as I hear a door open and sure enough
Sam walks out. I glanced at her before standing up to greet her. She
looks so sad, eyes full of pain, full of tears. Vivian was right,
something was bugging her. Whatever it is, it looks bad.
"Hey Sam!" I call cheerfully.
She looks up sharply, surprised not having noticed me there. She
immediately wipes her hand under her eyes removing any traces of tears
and forces a smile on her face.
"Hey Danny. What are you still doing here?" she asked.
"Well in case you've forgotten I'll remind you. It's thursday, so that
means it's pizza night. There's one calling your name at my place. What
do you say?" I asked grinning.
She smiled back, a real smile. "Okay."
There you go, I knew I could get her to smile. I thought to myself.
"Well let's go. I'm driving." I said.
I looked over at Samantha several times during the car ride home.
Everytime she was staring out the window, completely in her own world.
If you looked close enough, you could see the sparkle of unshed tears
still in her eyes. I sighed. Wanting to know what was bothering her so
much.
"Right we're here." I said pulling up outside my block a few minutes
later.
"Thanks Danny." she said, grabbing my hand and giving it a squeeze
before I got out the car, a small sad smile playing across her face.
I smiled back, knowing that she didn't just mean thanks for the ride.
"So what pizza do you want?" I asked walking into my apartment and
dumping my stuff on a nearby chair.
"Umm I don't mind. You can chose." she replied, wandering over to the
window to gaze out at the New York sky.
I watched her sadly, almost seeing the grief radiating from her body.
It tore me apart, to see my best friend like that. I didn't know what I
could do to help, but I was going to try.
"How about chicken and sweetcorn with extra cheese?"
"Sure that sounds fine." she said in a distant voice, still staring out
the window.
I dialled the pizza place and quickly gave them the order and the
address before hanging up and walking over to where Sam was standing. I
put a hand on her shoulder, and hesitated, not quite knowing what to
say. She solved that problem by talking first.
"You know that out there, right now, there could be someone going
missing." she said gesturing towards the streets below.
I sighed to myself. I had often had this thought too.
"Then we'll hear about it and we'll find them." I said after a pause.
"That's the only thing we can do Sam." No matter how much we wanted it,
we couldn't predict what was going to happen.
"What if it's too late by then?" she asked, pulling away from me to go
sit on the couch.
"Sam we can't do anything about that. You know that." I said turning
round to look at her. She slumped wearily on the couch.
Now it was her turn to sigh. "I know. I just...sometimes I wish we
could do more."
I walked over to join her on the couch, taking her hand in mine trying
to offer her some comfort.
"We do all we can." was all I could offer. But it was the truth. "Today
was a hard case wasn't it. Poor Dr. Sardo, imagine the pain of being
lied to like that." I said carefully watching Samantha's face for any
reaction.
I saw her jaw tighten, as she ground her teeth, and a flicker of regret
and pain in her eyes.
"Sam, what's going on?" I said moving so I could look her in the face.
She opened her mouth to speak. "Nothing I-"
"The truth Sam. I'm your best friend. I know when something's up."
She sighed, and looked away. "It's a long story Danny." she said. There
was a tone of defeat and pure exhaustion in her voice. A tone I had
rarely heard. I had only heard it once before, after the Annie Miller
case.
"We've got all night." I replied.
"Okay. You've got to promise me that this doesn't get back to anyone."
"I promise Sam."
"It was a long time ago. I got pregnant when I was 16, the father
ditched as soon as he found out." she let out a bitter chuckle. "I was
so scared I didn't know what to do, I couldn't do it on my own. Anyway
I eventually decided to tell my mom and dad. They completely freaked.
My dad went ballistic, he couldn't stand that I had 'shamed the family'
and why couldn't I be more like my perfect sister." She sighed,
fiddling with a ring on her hand. "My sister, she just stopped talking
to me. She felt like I had let them down. My mom...she was angry,
disappointed, you name it she was it. I never really got on with my
family, depressing really." She stopped for a minute, tears coming to
her eyes.
I took her hand again, and held it, tracing patterns on the back.
"I always got the feeling that they would have been so much happier, if
I hadn't been born."
I started to protest. "I'm sure they didn't think that-"
She laughed again, not happy laugh. It sent chills up my spine.
"I was an accident. They didn't even want another child."
"You don't know that Sam."
"Yes I do. I heard them talking some nights, you know 'money problems
since she was born.' Hell, my dad even told me once."
I stared at her shocked. "God Sam...I don't know what to say." How
could someone say that to their own daughter.
"Don't worry. I've moved on. Anyways ummm. Well they tried to get me to
have an abortion, but I refused. I couldn't just kill my baby. Then
when they finally got that I wouldn't do that they tried to convince me
to give the baby up for adoption. But I couldn't do that. I told them I
was going to keep my baby. Make her feel wanted. I knew it would be a
struggle, but I wanted to keep her, make her feel loved. I wanted to
prove that I could be better than my parents were to me."
She took a deep breath, and I sensed worse was coming.
"Because I was so stressed with everything that was going on, something
went wrong. They had to induce labour when I was about 7 months
pregnant. There were some complications, and when I woke up I'd found
out that I'd been in a coma for a week. My sister was with me when I
woke up, she was pretty shaken up, she said I'd almost died. That made
her realise that family was more important than other things. Of course
the first thing I asked about was my baby. God, I remember every detail
of this day. She got this look on her face, and I could tell something
was wrong. I kept on at her to tell me what happened. She said that my
parents had given her up for adoption when I was unconcious. My dad
knew some pretty high up people, and pulled some strings to make it all
seem legal, even though I hadn't given consent. I think also because I
was a minor it was easier." Samantha was now unable to contain the
tears running down her face. I pulled her into a hug, in complete shock
from what she had just told me.
"I never even got to see my baby girl." she choked out between sobs.
A few moments later, after many tears had been shed Samantha sniffled
and pulled away. "There's more." she said quietly.
I looked at her expectantly, wondering how much worse it could get.
"I did everything I could to try and find out what had happened, where
she had gone to. If she had gone to a good home, with loving parents.
My relationship with my parents just got worse and worse, we wouldn't
talk. I couldn't believe they had done that. God, I was so mad at them.
I tried to get my sister to find out from them what had happened. They
hadn't realised that my sister and I were talking again, so they didn't
mind telling her. One day she came to me, and said she had some news. I
was so happy, you know, I was finally going to find out where my baby
girl was. She would have been about 8 months by then. My sister just
looked at me and shook her head. I felt like everything was crumbling,
falling around me, and there was nothing to hold on to. I just stared
at her in disbelief, before breaking down crying. My sister had found
out from my dad, who heard from his contacts that a couple who couldn't
have children adopted her. They only lived in the next town over. They
had been driving somewhere and they had been hit by a drunk driver, and
all died instantly."
Samantha stopped abruptly.
"There you go."
"Jesus, Samantha."
My mouth was opening and closing like a goldfish. I looked at my best
friend who was staring at her hands. My best friend who had been
through so much and still found the strength to carry on.
I placed my hand under her chin, making her look up at me. She looked
at me, her eyes showing all her feelings. The suffering, sorrow, anger.
I understood why they were all there now. She tried to smile, but
failed and ended up burying her face in my shoulder and crying again.
Each anguished sob breaking my heart more and more. I held her close,
whispering to her how proud I was of her for not giving up and how much
she means to me. Even if her family didn't want her, didn't love her, I
do.
"Thanks for telling me Sam." I whispered to her. "It means a lot."
"Thank you for listening, and not judging me." she replied, looking at
me. "I can't tell Lisa, it's just too hard telling a stranger about all
your personal problems. Having them judge you, and they don't even know
a thing about you. So thank you."
I smiled. Samantha's simple words of thanks and the look of graditude
in her eyes meant everything to me. That she would trust me enough to
tell me. Well that's what friends are for.
