Beowulf: The Fourth Fight
Beowulf meets Grendel's second cousin,
Named Harsh. Harsh has a pet sword
That he named "Badass" because he's a
badass warrior with it.
Beowulf, we'll call him Bae, has a flamboyant personality
With lovely epiphany.
The fight shall take place underwater,
In a different sea than the fight with
Grendel's mother. So Beowulf takes his troops
And climbs over hoops and loops
Of monstrous mountains to get to the underworld.
Stubbornly, he insists on diving in alone.
They say kings are fairest of them all, but
Beowulf can be the stupidest of them all
Because he forgot that he can't hold his
Breath for more than 2 minutes.
The fight was supposed to last 3 days.
He wished his mom took him to swimming lessons,
His sanity may not be the only
Thing that drowned today at this fight.
So Bae meets Harsh
And puts him in a headlock
But Harsh's head is slippery and
Beowulf forgot he had scales on it
Since he's technically a fish.
Harsh was all black
And had one eye that was yellow and one
That was green. He was as big
As a whale.
Beowulf tried to speak whale, but
Harsh couldn't hear him. Bae
Chopped Harsh's dick off
Because for some reason, body parts
Are a symbol of victory.
Well that was fun, thought Beowulf.
He got Grendel's arm, and Grendel's
Mother's head, and finally, Grendel's
Second cousin's dick.
Grendel seems to have a big family,
What's next an evil step sister?
So Beowulf is then traveling up
To the sanctuary that is land
But he forgets to finish killing Harsh
And Harsh attacks Beowulf.
He dies instead of lives.
The end.