The Rugrats vs. Boohbah
A Love Story
"I swear to God, Drew, I'm going to kill her. I'm going to rip her fucking pigtails out and gag her with them." Charlotte Pickles paced back and forth in her kitchen, venting out frustration to her husband, Drew. "We have put up with all sorts of shit from her, but she has crossed the line this time, and Angelica damn well knows it...ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME???" She glared at Drew, who sat on the floor, a cold expression frozen on his face, gazing up at the ceiling. The ceiling, coated in pentagrams, served as Angelica's canvas for her most recent imaginative exploit. The family cat, Fluffy, lay mutilated on the kitchen table, eyes missing, torn with a knife from her throat to her anus, her body drained of blood. The pentagrams were painted with her blood, but no one knew where her eyes were. Drew Pickles, a devout Christian man, could not comprehend that his darling little girl was capable of such an act.
Drew went to have a talk with Angelica in her room. She sat on her bed, arms crossed.
"Now, honey, I want you to tell daddy EXACTLY how and why you did what you did." She peered out the window and saw her mother on the curb of the street, smoking a cigarette. "Well I grabbed a knife and I held Fluffy down and I-"
"Okay, I know how, just tell me why. Why would you do such a thing, Angelica???"
"It all started at Tommy's house, yesterday," Angelica quivered. "The babies were watching some dumb baby show and wouldn't talk to me, so I got bored and I went to find something to do, you know, to play a game or with some toys or something. But the only toys they had were of the dumb things on the TV, these five colored fat furry baby things called Boohbahs, when you squeezed their hands, they danced and had some dumb song play. I really just wanted the babies to pay attention to me, that's all, so I took one of the Boohbahs to the bathroom 'cuz I had to go to the bathroom and I didn't know I still had the toy in my hand and I accidentally dropped it in the toilet. It started acting weird and was really loud and I got scared and saw these little lights flashing from its head and I called for help but no one heard me, oh daddy I was so scared. And...and then it got out of the toilet and told me its name was Jingbah."
Drew stopped her. "Hang on, are you trying to tell me that the doll was alive?" He stood up walked to the door. "You know what, I just don't care anymore. I'm sick of your excuses. I don't care about your stupid fucking story, I don't care about the fucking cat, I don't even care about your bitch mother. And I absolutely, positively don't care about you. You've been a burden to me since you screamed and clawed your way out your mom's rotten hole. I wish I never even squirted your spoiled ass INTO that rotten hole. Goodbye, and don't bother looking for me."
He slammed the door shut. Angelica's body rattled with fear and confusion, her eyes wider than goatse. She looked out the window and watched her father storm out of the house. Drew got into the sedan, backed out of the driveway, and sped off.
That night, Angelica explained to Charlotte why Drew had not returned. Charlotte hit Angelica a few times in the head and began sobbing. She walked out of the house when she was too tired to continue beating up her daughter, leaving Angelica in her room. "Stupid Boohbah," she said. "Oh I wish I never listened to that no-good dumb baby toy..." She wailed and pounded her fists on her pillow, but stopped when she heard a loud shuffling sound from the corner of her room. Nervously, she turned her head to see what caused it. On her desk sat a peculiar figure, the size of a man but with the shape of a bizarre snowman. It was Jingbah. "Why do you not love meee?" His whisper had an ethereal feeling, as if it were a voice in her head. She froze. What could she do? "You...YOU'VE RUINED MY LIFE!" she cried. He slowly shook his head. "Angelica, I only bring happiness, comfort, warmth, and love to all the little boys and girls, do you not rememberrr?"
He promised her all she ever wanted, things even she knew were out of her grasp. All he wanted in return was the sacrifice of Fluffy and pentagrams painted on walls with her blood. "You gave me what I wanted, so now you get what you wanted. You'll like not having your daaaddy and mooommy around. You now have total freedom, no more curfew, no more vegetables, no more teeeethbrushing, no more rules. Do as you pleeease, take what is rightfully yours." Suddenly, Angelica's sorrow vanished. This is what she wanted. To her, this was happiness.
Two weeks later, Stu Pickles came to the house, planning to leave Tommy there for the afternoon. After a few unanswered knocks and rings, he opened the door and discovered Angelica's bloated corpse on the couch. The TV was still on, and the floor was covered in junk food wrappers and toys. Tommy began to cry. Stu, rattled in shock, approached the body, feeling as though he were in a dream. Her skin had turned gray, maggots nested in her eye sockets, the teeth in her gaping mouth had rotted down to jagged little brown pebbles. Suddenly, her stomach moved. Stu gasped, dropped Tommy, and fell on his back. Angelica's stomach exploded, blood and guts showered the room. Jingbah leaped out, his fangs bared and his eyes glowing red. He jumped on Stu's face, and he was the last thing Stu ever saw. Jingbah, soaked in Stu's blood, turned to Tommy. "We meet agaaaain..."
Tommy didn't respond, because the fall had caused Tommy's skull to split open and his brains pour out. "I'm disappointed in you, Toooommy. I was hoping I'd get the pleasure of killing you, but I'll take your brains as a consolaaaation prize." He waddled over to the body and started nibbling on the brains. "Mhmmmm."
Hours later, police received calls from the Pickles's neighbors, complaints of a horrible smell from the house. When the cops went in the house, some of them vomited. The case was never solved, Drew and Charlotte were never found, and everything in the house was auctioned off. Phil and Lil's mother bought Angelica's toy box, and Phil and Lil were very excited to see that there was a Boohbah in it.