Because of You
Disclaimer:
I do not own House, M.D. or any of the characters involved (with the exception of original characters).
Author's Notes:
This fiction was inspired by the song "Because of You" sung by Kelly Clarkson. It is a story based around Dr. Robert Chase, how various people in his life tormented and broke his heart, and how some of those people will eventually help him put his life back on track.
This is my first House, M.D. fiction. I haven't followed the show all that closely until recently so forgive me if I get some of the details wrong.
This story starts off when Cameron decides to stop sleeping around with Chase. The rest of the story will NOT follow the actual storyline of the show.
I have absolutely NO medical knowledge. As such, I'm going to keep any medical references to a minimum in the story for fear of making a complete fool of myself. This story takes the perspective of character development and character interaction.
Feedback is always welcome! Please feel free to review the story or to e-mail me.
Chapter 1
Robert Chase stared blankly at the wall as the hours ticked by. He had forgotten how long he had been sitting on the sofa staring into nothingness, but that detail was irrelevant.
The young doctor was tormented by a mixture of emotions. On the one hand, his entire being felt enveloped by numbness; at the same time, feelings of loss, betrayal, anger, and hurt coursed through his body.
Why had he been so stupid and naïve, yet again? He knew what he was getting into when he decided to get involved in Allison Cameron's games, and yet he went along anyways. He knew that when the ride came to an end that there would be hell to pay, but of course, he had chosen to ignore those thoughts. Perhaps somewhere deep down, Chase was hoping that for once, his logic and his gut feeling would be wrong. He had hoped that for once, things would go his way.
Chase laughed bitterly as he stared out the window. You are one stupid moron. You set yourself up for this and now you're looking for sympathy?
The look on Cameron's face when she decided to end their so-called 'relationship' was unforgettable. Her calmness and nonchalance were remarkable. Did I really mean nothing to her? Of course, you idiot, you were her toy…her plaything. What were you expecting?
Finally deciding to get off the sofa, Chase walked towards the cabinet in the dining room. His hand reached for the unopened bottle of whiskey and he stared at it, although not quite sure what he was looking for. After another moment of contemplation, he shoved the bottle back into the cabinet.
I'm not going to do this. I'm not. She's not worth it, Robert Chase. You're not going down this road. This much you had sworn to yourself.
- Flashback -
"Mom?" A young Robert Chase asked in a small voice as he heard glass shattering yet again. Not hearing a response, the young boy walked into the kitchen to find glass all over the floor while his clearly drunk mother held a bottle of liquor in her hand.
"What are you doing in here, you worthless piece of shit?" the woman yelled with venom. "Who told you to come in?"
"Mom, just let me clean up the glass so you don't hurt yourself," the boy reasoned.
SMACK! That was the response he got for his reasoning. His cheek felt blazing hot from his mother's slap. "Don't you dare talk back to me, you piece of shit!!" SMACK! SMACK!
- Flashback ends -
Sighing, he trudged into his office and just fell into his leather chair. Opening his desk drawer, Chase pulled out a small key that was so familiar to him. Unlocking another drawer, he took out a small black notebook. For a minute, he stared at it and laughed.
Book 35. You really are pathetic, Chase. Dr. Alan told you to put your depressing thoughts into a journal when you were 15. He didn't expect you to still be doing it when you were 27. God, you really are a loser.
Having perfected his routine, Chase grabbed his favourite pen and started to write:
"God, I don't even know why I'm doing this. What's the point of keeping a record of my pathetic life. Everything that I write in these books are just examples of my sorry existence. Would I really want this to be my legacy when I die? Is this how I would want to be remembered?
I know I should hate Cameron. Hate her for doing this to me. How could she do this? It was like she didn't even care one bit. You know what? The sad part is that I can't even bring myself to hate her.
At least when we were sleeping together I had her attention, even if it was just for those brief moments. That's still better than being completed ignored…or being constantly ridiculed…or being the joke of the day. Why do I still care anyways? It's always been this way…shouldn't I be used to this by now?
How come my heart still feels like it's been trampled on? We both knew this wasn't love…so why is my heart still hurting? Doesn't she know that she means more to me than just a good fuck?"
Chase's body tensed as he felt the onset of a tear in the corner of his eye. He slammed his diary shut and shoved it back into the drawer. His face took on a look of resolve.
You will not cry, Robert Chase. No tears. You will NOT cry!
- Flashback -
"Stop it, Robert!" Rowan Chase yelled angrily. "You will NOT cry. No son of mine will cry like a pathetic weakling!"
Eight-year-old Robert struggled to hold back his tears, pain shooting up his bleeding leg. Despite his best efforts, a single tear slid down his face.
SMACK! "I said no crying!!" Rowan Chase glared at his son before slapping him once again, a look of disgust overtaking his stern face.
- Flashback ends -
Chase shut the door to his office firmly and walked into his bedroom. He laid on his bed, willing sleep to come and relieve him of his misery, if only for a few hours. Of course, luck was not with him and he found himself staring up at the ceiling. God, I can still smell her perfume. The young doctor turned to his side and looked at his clock. 3:45. Shit…tomorrow is going to be one fucking fine day.
…to be continued…